Guardian Rising
by Eilwynn
Summary: Ichigo enters Soul Society thinking he has the Shinigami figured out. But he's about to encounter a whole new world, and that's never so simple. Caught between his disgust with their hypocrisy and their strange sense of honor, he struggles to remind himself the only thing he knows: these people want Rukia dead. Then he realizes he doesn't even know that. Sequel to Guardian.
1. Title Page

**_Guardian Rising_**

**Book Two: Everything You Can't Control**

_"Do what you, what you want_

_If you have a dream for better._

_Do what you, what you want_

_Till you don't want it anymore._

_(And remember who you really are.)_

_Do what you, what you want,_

_Your world's closing in on you now._

_(It isn't over.)_

_Stand and face the unknown._

_(You've got to remember who you really are...)_

_Hello, Hello,_

_Remember me?_

_I'm everything you can't control._

_Somewhere beyond the pain, _

_There must be a way to believe_

_We can break through._

_Do what you, what you want,_

_Though you don't have to lay your life down._

_(It isn't over.)_

_Do what you, what you want_

_Till you find what you're looking for._

_(You've got to remember who you really are...)_

_Hello, Hello,_

_Remember me?_

_I'm everything you can't control._

_Somewhere beyond the pain,_

_There must be a way to believe."_

_- "What You Want" by Evanescence_


	2. Why Do We Want?

Author's Notes: This is a canonical representation of the thoughts behind Ichigo's actions during the Soul Society arc. Reading its prequel first is recommended.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

* * *

_"Why do we want_

_What we know we can't have?_

_And why don't we want_

_What's in the palm of our hands?_

_And why are we always looking_

_At what's just out of our grasp?_

_Why do we want_

_What we know we can't have?"_

_- "Why Do We Want What We Know We Can't Have?" by Reba McEntire_

* * *

_Chapter One: Why Do We Want?_

Inoue reacted to the underground training chamber exactly like Urahara had been hoping I would.

"Whoa! What is this place?! I had no idea there was such a huge chamber beneath this shop!" she exclaimed in awe, gazing around herself at the vast, psuedo-outside space. "It's... it's like a secret base!" She beamed at the thought. "Cool!" she added.

I blinked over at her. "Really?" I asked questioningly, raising my eyebrows in frank surprise. Maybe she liked the imaginativeness of the idea of a secret base, or maybe my standards were a hell of a lot higher than hers, because I just thought that, no matter how impressive it was to make, it kind of looked like a dying wasteland.

Tessai, who had brought us down to the training chamber along with Urahara, hurried over to her and grasped her hand. I tensed up slightly, but all he said was, "Your reaction... It's so perfect. I, Tessai, am touched." He half-bowed to her, shaking her hand fervently.

As Inoue chirped to him that it was no problem, smiling in slight embarrassment at how pleased he seemed, I couldn't help but reflect that at least _one _of my friends got along with new people. Not like the other two. I turned to them with half a sigh. Both Chad and Ishida were standing stoically back from the whole thing, looking like a couple of particularly tough statues for all the life they showed.

... It wasn't like I'd trade them for anything... but why were my socially retarded friends almost always the strongest ones?

Ishida twitched as he felt my gaze, and looked over at me. "What?" he said, sounding tense and slightly uncomfortable, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. Chad made no reaction at all, just blinked quietly at me from underneath his mop of hair, slightly repressed as usual.

"Okay, everyone!" Urahara's voice suddenly called from the other side of the chamber, and all our heads snapped around in his direction. He was waving his fan around in the air, standing in the middle of an empty, ordinary-looking space. "Pay attention, please!" he said cheerfully, blank-eyed. "We're going to go now!"

And with that, he cut his hand through the air sharply, and there was a huge, trembling rumble of noise. Pieces of rock began to fly out from the walls of the chamber around us, building up and up behind Urahara, who was smirking proudly... Until they formed a huge square structure, three times as long or as wide as any of use, even Tessai. Then there was a spark of noise, and though nothing within the arch of the square stone structure changed... all of a sudden, the air within it seemed to be shimmering. As if there was an invisible barrier of sorts there.

As we all stood there, staring in surprise, Urahara spoke smoothly once more. "This is your door to the Soul Society," he announced, waving to the structure behind him. "The Senkaimon. Now listen carefully, because it is a risky business, what you're about to do, and there is only one way to get through this portal to the Soul Society safely. But first..."

He came around behind me, reached up Benihime's cane sheath, and poked it into the back of my head. There was that brief, uncomfortable, pushing sensation, and then out popped my soul. It was already in its Shinigami form, Zangetsu strapped to my back.

Behind me, my corpse collapsed. Damn, it was still uncomfortable to think like that.

Ishida, Inoue, and Chad oohed and aahed in impressment - I'm only slightly exaggerating here - and then, before I could say anything, they rushed over to lift up my body and poke at it eagerly. To my mixed relief and worry, they didn't seem to notice the form they were holding was dead.

"He's completely separated," Ishida spoke up, sounding both surprised and thoughtful toward my unmoving body.

"Kurosaki-kun, can you enter this Kurosaki-kun here?" Inoue asked with her typical cheerful lack of fazed reaction, her eyes big as they looked up at me.

"Of course," I assured her in mild exasperation. "And everyone stop poking at my body like that; it looks weird from here."

_"Yeah, that body's going to be mine, so you guys had better not mess with it!" _And, before my stunned eyes, Kon popped out of the night bag lying beside my body and struggled to his little stuffed lion feet, his button eyes stubborn and indignant.

"Kon! What are you doing here?!" _I wondered where he was last night..._

Kon ran over, bounced up onto my shoulder, and said in annoyance to my incredulous gaze, "I've decided I'm coming with you guys! You can't leave me behind! I'll go through anything, all the hardships; I can fight -!"

To my mild embarrassment, Ishida and Inoue were gaping at the walking, talking stuffed animal. Chad, on the other hand, with his predilection for small, fluffy, cute things, walked over with a strange expression on his face, picked Kon up by the head (Kon started yelling louder and flailing around, wondering what the hell was going on), and stared at him for a long moment. Then he walked over, seeming somewhat sheepish at his own action, and silently handed Kon to Inoue, who took him uncertainly, blinking. (Kon stopped yelling, but that was because his head was squished between Inoue's breasts; the little perv was probably happy there.)

"Hm. Well, that was interesting!" Urahara said with blank brightness where he'd been standing back, observing the whole scene. "Alright then, let's get started! Now I'll explain the door." He walked over to stand back beside the archway. "This portal is usually made by having the reishihin-kankon moved to sit on top of the sankaimon, and then having the ketsugoufu cover it up to make it stick together."

Clearly understanding all this mumbo-jumbo, Ishida walked forward quietly to examine the archway with curiosity, touching the stones. But I was still lost, and the others looked even more bewildered than me. "What do you mean by the reishi-whatsits and the goufu-thingy and the -?"

"Well, I'm sure you know that Soul Society is the world of the souls," Urahara began, shrugging. The name was fairly self-explanatory. "Which means that ordinarily, in order to get there, you'd have to be a soul. More specifically, a registered, Shinigami Academy trained Shinigami. But the only one here who can even move around as a pure soul is Kurosaki-san. As for the rest of you, even if your souls were separated from your bodies, you would be held to your bodies by your still-connected Chains of Fate. And it would be hard for you to even move, let alone go to the Soul Society or fight there; a living soul is not meant to exist outside the body, after all. That's why there's a need for me to build up the reishi-whatsits-goufu-thingy." I was slightly sheepish at my former wording. "In summary, its makeup is meant to translate. Anything that steps through it is automatically converted into soul particles, or reishi... and then anything stepping back through it is converted back to whatever it was before." I noticed he didn't brag, as he had when he was alone with me. Perhaps because of the seriousness of the moment, his face and tone were even.

"So we don't have to separate from our souls," Ishida realized shrewdly. I looked at him sideways. "We just do through the door."

"Correct!" Urahara said, nodding, in full teacher mode. (I had become _very _familiar with that over the past several days.) "So whatever form you're in now, that's how you'll look and feel in the Soul Society."

I straightened - that was good enough for me. "Okay," I said, stepping forward and staring up at the archway with determination. "So let's go."

"Not yet, Impatience," Urahara said evenly, whacking me in the side with his cane to prevent me from going any farther. (I'd become familiar with _that_ in the past few days, too.) "Now comes the important part.

"You're right that there's no problem going through this door. You just have to get through, it doesn't hurt, and boom, you're there. You don't even have to think about the science behind it. But there is something that you do need to think about: there's a reason why I'm warning you about this portal. The problem is time. The time allotted to you to get through the Senkaimon and into the Soul Society is only four minutes."

Considering the gravity of his face when he said this, I took it he meant we'd have to travel some distance to make it through the portal. Which meant that... "Four _minutes_?" That didn't sound like a hell of a lot of time to me. I saw surprise and alarm pass across the others' faces, too.

"Yes. And once the time is up, the doors on both sides will close. You will be trapped in the in-between tunnel, the Dangai. Also, the Dangai tunnel itself is lined with a dark-colored, sticky spiritual substance called kouryuu. It's put there in order to deter enemies trying to enter, such as Hollows, and if so much as your foot gets stuck in it, it will severely deter your movements and you will have much less chance of making it before the portal closes."

"So what do we do?" Inoue spoke up quietly, and I noticed she sounded rather nervous, for all her brave speech earlier and her determination to come.

But then a voice sounded from behind us, "Just keep moving."

We looked around to see a small, sleek black cat with big golden eyes moving toward us. It opened its mouth slightly, and out came a deep human's voice. This must be that soul-cat, Yoruichi, of Urahara's. "Did I not tell you earlier, Orihime, that the heart and soul are connected?" Yoruichi asked Inoue, tilting his head slightly. "What matters is what your heart believes you can do, and wills your soul to do in return. You must strongly will your soul to keep moving as fast as possible toward the other door."

Yoruichi walked around us and stood before the portal. Despite his unassuming demeanor, I could feel reiatsu power fluctuating in the air around him - similar to how Urahara's cane wasn't really a cane, or his kids weren't really kids, his cat probably wasn't really a cat. "I have chosen to be your guide through the Soul Society," Yoruichi offered. "But only those who can put their heart into moving as fast as possible and getting through the Dangai in time... only those can follow me on into the Soul Society." The unblinking golden eyes gazed at us challengingly from their small height.

There was a moment of silence. I gazed around at my friends, to be sure of myself... then I stepped forward, staring down at Yoruichi, calmly, flatly. "What are you talking about?" I snapped. "All those here have already made their decision and are determined to follow it through!"

My friends' faces firmed, and each of them straightened up, nodding once.

Yoruichi gazed at us for a moment - and then focused specifically on me, the leader, the one who had started all this mess in the first place and was the deciding factor in how it would be finished. It wasn't arrogance, but simple truth. "You should know very well, kid," he said, "that if you lose, you will never be able to come back."

They thought that after all this, I was going to change my mind? _I know, _I answered mentally. _If I win, I might not be able to come back either. _I hoped Urahara had warned my friends of the same thing he had warned me - but coming with me on this whole insane trip had been their decision. A touching decision, an incredible decision, but still simply their decision.

Outwardly, I sneered slightly, older, darker instincts coming to the forefront for a moment. "Of course we have to win," I drawled, tilting my head up and glaring, icy without, fiery within.

Yoruichi gazed at me piercingly for a moment... and then, slowly, he nodded. "Well said," he said respectfully, and stepped back to allow us to continue on to the portal with him.

* * *

It took us a couple of minutes, as Urahara used his reiatsu alongside Tessai and Yoruichi to prepare the portal for takeoff, to convince Kon not to come.

"Kon, you're obviously a mod soul, and they'll arrest you, even more so for looking like me," I said in slight exasperation. "I appreciate the thought, but -"

"They'll want to arrest all of you anyway, and I can fight!" He jumped around stubbornly there on the ground below us. "I can use Ichigo's body to -"

"Kick them? Kon-san, they're _Shinigami_. That's not going to do much on them; they have trained ways of blocking things like that." This was Ishida's voice, and his condescension didn't exactly help matters.

"I know what they are! But I have to try something! And I'm not doing it for _you_, Ichigo, I'm doing it for Rukia-nee-chan!"

"Then I'll tell her you're thinking of her. But it's too dangerous and you still can't come," I said sternly.

"BUT -!"

"Kon-chan, it's okay, come here," said Inoue gently, pulling him into a hug against her impressive rack. Kon relaxed reflexively... and then Chad snatched in and used his belt to tie and gag him. Clearly, the two had been plotting.

"Got him!" Inoue cheered, lifting her hands in the air like she was trying to land a plane.

I was impressed. "Wow," I admitted. "Nice."

She giggled and blushed. "Oh, it was nothing." She waved a hand.

Kon was wiggling around, making muffled noises and glaring up at us all from the ground.

I sighed. "Sorry," I told his big eyes. "But you're safer this way. I highly doubt Rukia would want you to risk your destruction - part of why she put herself on the line was so they didn't destroy you, after all." We both sobered up slightly at the memory, and I tried to ignore my friends shooting me sharp, surprised looks at this realization from the corners of their eyes.

"Alright," Urahara called out, "it's ready!"

The four of us ran back over in front of the portal, Yoruichi cantering over to stand quietly beside us. Tessai and Urahara still had their hands on either side of the square stone archway... slowly, a swirl of wind started blowing from its center, a light growing within the whirlwind...

"Are you ready?" Urahara muttered. "The moment it's open, you guys run right in."

"Got it," I called back, my group standing around me. The light grew brighter and brighter within the portal, Urahara and Tessai tensing themselves tighter and tighter, the corners of their eyes screwed up...

I could still hear Kon squirming around and grumbling irritably from behind us, and I felt a surge of surreality and amusement. "Kon!" I called back to him, thinking of it at the last moment. The sounds behind me stopped, which meant he had to be listening. "... Take care of everyone. Take care of my family," I ordered him softly.

... If push came to shove, I realized, Urahara could always find Kon a human gigai. In his own way, by Karakura's standards, Kon had strength too.

There was silence from behind me. I hoped it meant he was taking this in. But I couldn't be sure. The wind was blowing faster, rushing through my hair, the light growing brighter and brighter, reiatsu building in the air - I felt Zangetsu stir slightly in response -

"NOW!" Urahara shouted, his eyes sharp.

I, Inoue, Ishida, Chad, and Yoruichi sprinted through the tingling wall of reiatsu... and beyond.

* * *

We came to standing at the beginning of the single freakiest-looking tunnel I had ever been in. I thought that ghetto one I'd broken my jaw in against that asshole Shiatsu was bad... nope. This one took the cake, easily.

It was a long, narrow stone pathway, with dark nothingness all around it. There were walls of sorts lining the pathway - walls higher than us, dripping with black, tarry substance (_Kouryuu, _I registered) and rimmed every so often with huge, crucified skeletons, like the ones guarding the gates of Hell.

The four of us stared around ourselves for a moment. There was a hush sort of silence around the place, beyond the steady dripping of kouryuu down the walls, that was eerie. "So this is the...?" Inoue whispered, and her voice echoed strangely.

I nodded, vaguely disturbed. "The Dangai," I murmured back, gazing around myself. Somehow, I had expected the entrance to Soul Society to look more... different... from the entrance to Hell.

"Come on!" Yoruichi's voice barked out with sharp urgency from before us. He was already streaking off up the tunnel. "Some of your time has already passed! Let's go, before it gets you!"

Sharply, I noticed that, eerily sentient, the sludgy kouryuu was starting to inch and slick its way down the walls toward the pathway we were standing on.

Putting my entire soul and heart and conviction for what I was about to do, for what I wanted to do, into the action, I sprinted as fast as I could down the tunnel after Yoruichi's shadowy black form. After the slightest of pauses, I heard my friends follow me quickly.

We weren't running very long down the tunnel before the sludgy, disgusting noises began to get louder behind us. The four of us glanced back once, panicked to see a huge wall of sludge moving on faster and faster toward us, destroying and sucking up everything in its wake.

"It... it really caught up to us!" Ishida exclaimed, sounding almost comically stunned. Then again, the sludge _did _seem a lot less huge and threatening when it was stuck to a wall.

"Hurry up!" I barked to everyone. "Everything behind us is collapsing! If we don't make it through before the door to Soul Society closes, there's only one place to go, and it's into the kouryuu!"

I didn't even _want _to know what the kouryuu would to us - eat us, probably. (Even their back doors, whose portals appeared to be almost impossible to create, had defense mechanisms.)

"If you have time to look back,_ move faster_!" Yoruichi shouted to us. We sprinted faster - but as we got faster, so did the kouryuu. Suddenly, a tendril managed to reach out and snatch at Ishida's long, billowing clothes, yanking him backward. He shouted and struggled, and we all half-paused and looked back.

"Idiot!" I snarled, fearful and angry, reaching for Zangetsu. "It's because you wear that bizarre outfit!"

"NO! Don't use that zanpakutoh!" We stared around at Yoruichi, whose expression was as urgent as a cat's can be - and that's actually pretty damn urgent. "Kouryuu traps stronger souls quicker! If you use your zanpakutoh, it will sense you at your fullest and we will not be able to escape it at all!"

"Well then what the hell do I -?!" I began heatedly, not about to leave him behind, but Chad solved all our problems for us.

He used his long arm reach and supernatural strength to leap forward, grab Ishida, yank him with incredible force from the grasp of the kouryuu, jump back quickly, throw him over his shoulder, and turn to me. "Let's go!" he barked.

"Uh, wow," I announced to the universe in general, as the kouryuu sludge started to move down the in-between tunnel and close in on us again, the cat spirit began barking orders to hurry once more, and Ishida's ass was shoved into my face as he was hoisted, protesting, into Chad's iron-like grasp.

Because, really, a few months ago I'd been complaining that my life was boring.

We all began running again - when Ishida's loud protests suddenly stopped. He was staring from his perch over Chad's shoulder. "Uh, guys..." he finally said in a stunned, dreading tone. "I think something's coming..."

We all glanced quickly over our shoulders, even Yoruichi, to see that something seemed to be bursting out from the depths of the sludge... a train-like something with a light in its center...

And it was fucking huge.

_"What the hell is that?!"_ I heard Ishida yell in an extremely high-pitched tone, voicing all of our thoughts, and when he answered even Yoruichi sounded grim.

"Damnit! That's Semichio, the 'janitor'! It cleans everything in the tunnel out completely and recomposts it as new stuff, and it only runs through once a week! Why today, of all -?! Anyway, hurry, the thing's really fast!"

Which meant impossibly fast by our standards, considering how much faster Yoruichi could streak down the tunnel than we could. _ Great._

So we stared running even faster, panting and panting, putting everything we had into it - we could see a square patch of light down at the end of the tunnel -

"We're almost to the exit!" someone shouted incoherently.

"And that fucking thing's almost caught up!" someone yelled back.

Suddenly, looking more frightened and determined than I had ever seen her, Inoue whirled back around in the tunnel, touched her hands to her hair clips, and began chanting with everything she had.

"Ino, Himusaku, Umeigen, Riri! Santenyuitate! _I summon thee_!"

And suddenly there appeared before us, holding the Semichio back, a huge golden shield, strong and pure and warm... This was part of Inoue's power, I had time to realize...

Just before the Semichio pushed it inward toward us; we were propelled backward by the hard force of the shield -

And fell right through the other side of the portal, into the Soul Society.

* * *

So, the Senkaimon Urahara had made chose a rather inconvenient place to "come out on the other side."

We fell from the sky. Literally.

And fell really long and hard, with an impact that shook all of our reiatsu signatures, into solid earth. I opened my eyes.

The first thing I registered was hot, bright sunlight. Immediately following that, a street swam into view above me. I got a glimpse of neat little wooden houses with thatched roofs, and tall, thick green trees planted here and there in the distance - as if we were in a village from hundreds of years in the past - but it was all obscured by the huge cloud of smoke and dust that had flown up around our impact. I sat up slowly and realized we were all okay because Inoue's glowing golden shield was now below us, transparent. We were sitting on it, and it had broken our fall.

"Wow, that was a long fall! Is everyone okay?" Inoue called out to the other four of us in breathless excitement, as if we were on a particularly long vacation. "By the way, your landing pose was so artistic and gymnast-like, Kurosaki-kun," she added admiringly. "You were all curled up like a crescent moon, and your feet were higher than your head, and -!"

"Please," I moaned quietly, putting my aching head in my hands. "_Please _stop talking for a minute."

There was a moment of silence as everyone sat there, rubbing their various bruises.

"You know," Ishida finally muttered. "I didn't think our entrance would be so... pathetic." I gave him a flat, sideways sort of glare. "Just saying. I didn't," he added matter of factly.

"Well," Inoue spoke up, deciding the time for silence had ended, "I'm glad no one was hur - OW!" She pouted as Yoruichi reached out and clawed her irritably.

"You're lucky your shield was only touching the Semichio for a brief moment or you'd be dead now! Do you listen to nothing I tell you?!" he scolded.

"Sorry..." Inoue murmured, looking downcast.

Feeling a tug at this - geez, the girl had been really brave and saved our lives and we were treating her like crap - I spoke up heatedly, "Hey! We're all okay because of Inoue! You don't have to be so angry!" Inoue brightened quietly as I spoke, finally getting to my feet.

Yoruichi scowled up at me. "Do _any_ of you understand the current situation -?!" he snapped at us in frustration, but just then Chad called out from where he'd been standing on the edge of the shield, gazing outward.

"Guys!" We looked around, and he pointed silently.

The smoke was clearing. Long dirt streets neatly lined with small, one-story wooden houses with thatched roofs and stone foundations greeted us. They all had rice-paper screens for windows, and for doors. The windows were the vertical kind that slanted outward so you could keep them open even when it rained, proving the village didn't have air conditioning. Occasionally there would be something like a bucket for water or a pair of shoes sitting sloppily outside a building. A few houses had porches. Several of them looked vaguely like shops, though they had no signs to prove it - judging by the fact that this looked like a peasant village, not enough people here would probably be able to read a sign anyway. Arching over the village, tall green trees swayed gently in the wind. I thought I could hear a river somewhere nearby. In the distance were the shapes of mountains, set underneath a clear, sunny blue sky.

All the streets were silent. Empty.

... Where were all the people?

"So this is the Soul Society?" I murmured, still confused, staring around me. I wasn't sure what I'd expected, but it wasn't this almost peaceful, but more preternatural silence.

"Yes," Yoruichi said quietly back. "The peasant districts of this place, the Rukongai, circle the inner sanctum of the Seireitei - where the nobility and the Shinigami live, and where the ruling court of Central 46, made up of nobility and former Shinigami, resides. We are on the outskirts here, the Rukongai - this would be the first western district, I believe. Despite being the poorest area, the Rukongai holds the most souls."

_Because this is where dead people go, _I registered, _and on top of that, many new souls have got to be born here all the time. You have to be born into the nobility, and you have to become a Shinigami. _It also didn't escape me that, despite this place actually being the majority, it was called the "outskirts." That was an... interesting way of avoiding looking at things, wasn't it?

"But there isn't anyone here," Ishida was saying uncertainly. "Why isn't there anyone here?" We stared around ourselves for a moment...

I was the first to spot it. "Hey, look!" I exclaimed, pointing. Across from us, just a short distance away, were tall, wealthy-looking white buildings with lovely rice-paper screening, pointed roofs, charms hanging outside their doors, and wide, neatly paved avenues. "That looks wealthier to me! So we're getting closer, right? Come on!" I charged toward the next district and the other three hurried after me.

"Wait!" Yoruichi called after us, sounding alarmed. "Damnit, they're expecting us -!" We realized what he meant just in time. We skidded to a halt as huge white walls suddenly exploded out from the ground, engulfing the rich districts on all sides, making their way slowly, slowly up... coming to rest hundreds of feet above us with a thundering boom.

And then we were just staring at a blank, mockingly pristine white wall that encircled the wealthy center of the Soul Society completely, blocking the poorer districts from its view.

"It's usually up like that all the time, you idiots!" we heard Yoruichi call in exasperation as he hurried after us. "That's why all the streets are so silent, too; they sensed us coming, they're expecting us! You can't just charge in like tha -!"

BOOM!

"And that would be the guard," Yoruichi deadpanned.

BOOM!

The ground shook and a shadow fell over us. We looked up slowly to see that a giant of a man, hundreds of feet high and wide, in a Shinigami's uniform, had come through the wall's gate. He sat down in front of the gate with a thud that shook the whole district around us, put his hands on his knees, and looked at us thoughtfully. His face was broad (and _really_ high up, damn) and he wore a little tasseled hat on top of his bald head.

"Well," he said in a huge, deep voice that matched his enormous size. "It's been a while since anyone's tried to get through my gate without a pass. Finally, I have _something _to do." He gave me a mildly friendly sort of look and shrugged. "So I'll treat you nice, kid."

Maybe I was prejudiced, but he didn't exactly seem like your average Shinigami. Then again, he was here guarding the "outskirts." He wouldn't be, would he?

It also took me a moment to figure out why he ignored everyone but me. It was because I was wearing that magic black uniform that meant people took you seriously. I raised my eyebrows in frank bewilderment.

"My name is Jidanbou," the giant greeted me, smiling slightly.

Then he unsheathed a giant, geometrical mallet three times my size and swung it at me.

* * *

Everyone skidded backward quickly, away from our fight, and I jumped back, swearing tightly, trying to dodge the blow and telling myself to focus. This was going to be... interesting. (And, unbidden, Zangetsu stirred again, a familiar, settling presence at my back.)

I unsheathed him quickly, and Jidanbou chuckled, dark and echoing. "Attack from whatever angle you want, kiddo. It won't make a difference," he admitted bluntly, his tone sympathetic but even. I narrowed my eyes - no, this wouldn't be easy. But Shinigami had a thing for overestimating themselves.

"Who _is_ that?" I heard Ishida mutter disbelievingly from where everyone else was standing off to the side of the fight, eyeing the situation cautiously. "He's gigantic..."

Yoruichi sighed slightly, his voice deep. "His name is Jidanbou," the cat form replied. "He guards one of the Four Gates - the West Gate, here in the first western Rukongai district - into the Seireitei. He is a good Shinigami."

And that was all Yoruichi had to say about him. So, good - challenging, like my other fights. But not impossible. That was a good sign, I assessed carefully, eyeing the huge man above me. He stared back matter-of-factly.

"The guardian, huh?" Ishida was replying. "So in order to enter the Seireitei, we _must _defeat this monster." He said it like a fact that needed to be verified, instead of a question. Ishida never wanted to fight unless he felt he had to. (Although "monster" sounded a little harsh to me. Then again - Ishida was even more prejudiced than I was.)

"Him or one of the three others like him," Yoruichi said calculatingly. "He's as good as any. But it won't be simple. Jidanbou has guarded this gate for three hundred years," that made Jidanbou our rough equivalent of in his fifties, I calculated, though his vast, smooth face seemed strangely ageless, "and until now, nobody has ever passed and made it through his gate unless he let them."

"Is he that strong?" Ishida asked sharply.

"A single swing from that ax will kill you," Yoruichi said. I eyed the sharp, geometrical, mallet-shaped zanpakutoh. "He is like your legends of Hercules."

"So how do we cope with him?" Ishida was the first to ask.

I heard Yoruichi begin to reply, "With mental strate -" but it was hard to hear him because Chad and Inoue, petrified and silent, had shot forward at the last bit reflexively, scared for me and wanting to help fight "the great Hercules." Yoruichi shouted out in angry panic, and I looked around suddenly, opening my mouth to warn them sharply not to come any closer, but Jidanbou swung his ax down into the ground before him and the two of them skidded to a halt just before it, wide-eyed and pale. The ground had shaken and created a surge of upturned earth where the ax had struck it. The ripples of rock surrounding Inoue and Chad were as high as them. I heard Ishida shout out in exclaimed alarm, and then the wall of rock grew high enough to block my view of my friends completely.

I waited, tensed for a moment, but counseling myself to remain calm in the middle of a fight - after a moment, I saw the towering Jidanbou look over beyond the wall and begin speaking sternly to Inoue and Chad, which at least meant they were still conscious. I relaxed slightly in relief.

"Your behavior sickens me!" he boomed down to them, hot emotion in his voice. Then, seeming to calm himself slightly, he lifted his finger in the air and began reciting something resembling a speech, "We are civilized people, and there are rules to things. And it's our job to teach them to people who don't understand them. Like you," he finished proudly. Then he became stern again and began ticking them off on his tree-trunk-sized fingers. "First, always wash your hands before you come back into the house. Second, never eat food that's already fallen to the ground." I blinked up at him bemusedly, somewhat amused despite myself. What did he have, a list of social graces they'd told him to memorize? There was an interesting story somewhere behind this... "Third," he finished, his tone becoming fierce, "a fight is between the two people involved, and those two people _only_.

"I'll fight the kid with the messy orange hair and the triangle eyes first. The rest of you should stand back and wait for me to be done. Then I'll fight the rest of you. Since you're visitors here in our city," he added importantly, "you should follow our rules. We _have_ rules, you know."

Then, suddenly, he eyed them more sharply. "What are you two doing? Planning a sneak attack?" I heard a sudden 'eep' from behind the wall. I'd been wondering why it was so quiet over there...

"Guys!" I suddenly shouted, not knowing what was going on. I heard more than one body shift around in my direction from behind the wall of earth.

"Kurosaki-kun, are you okay?" Inoue called back, sounding tensed and concerned. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine! But..." I paused briefly. What Jidanbou had said made sense, actually, from what little I'd seen of Soul Society culture - in other words, from people like Rukia and the Urahara Shouten. Maybe it was just a cultural thing. If fights were one on one... if we followed those rules, it would appeal to their sense of honor to do the same thing for us.

Which meant only one Shinigami would be able to fight each of us at a time. Then, if we got too exhausted from that, we could always find a way to pull out, retreat, and sneak back in later. Playing this game would actually be hugely advantageous to us - and it would keep Jidanbou and his giant hammer of doom from focusing on any of my friends while I beat him.

"Hold on a second, we're almost there, Kurosaki-kun!" Inoue called to me, sounding both slightly worried and unwaveringly loyal.

"No, wait!" I called back. Jidanbou was eyeing me assessingly. "That - that's just what I wanted to talk to you about. You guys - Chad, Inoue - _everyone_, stay back. Don't do anything to help me fight, alright? This is one on one," I added, glancing sideways at my opponent - who seemed less angry at this admittance, focusing on me with the calm patience of the sought-after once more.

"What? But Kurosaki-kun, what if -!" Inoue sounded even more concerned.

"Don't worry! Just wait there!" I called more firmly.

_"Are you an idiot?"_

"Oh," I deadpanned. "There you are, Ishida."

"I've been here the entire time!" he snapped indignantly, sharper as always when he was under stress.

"Christ, you're loud," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"You've seen for yourself how strong Jidanbou is, Kurosaki!" Ishida called to me stubbornly. "I don't care what you've learned in the past ten days; he's not the type you can handle by yourself!"

Touching, but he was a pessimist and he worried too much. "Hey, lay off, it's alright," I muttered, because I noticed Jidanbou was listening in on our conversation with interest.

There was silence on the other side of the wall for a moment. "Ichigo," Chad finally murmured quietly, and his tone was one of acceptance, saying he would do whatever I decided was best. "Can you win this?"

I thought about it for a moment. No one could know that for sure, but... "Eh," I decided, shrugging. "Possibly."

A moment of silence. Then: _"... What the hell does 'possibly' mean?!" _Ishida burst out, as if he couldn't contain himself, sounding exasperated. _"We can't afford 'possibly'; we haven't even gotten inside the Seireitei ye - MMph!"_

"Thanks, whoever just restrained him," I sighed.

More than one voice on the other side of the wall replied, deadpan, "You're welcome."

And, once more with amusement, I reflected that fight beginnings in the Soul Society were kind of weird.

"Ishida," I called to the other side of the wall, and there was a sudden quiet. "You wanted to know what I've learned in the past ten days?" I smirked. "Watch me win this."

* * *

I stepped up to Jidanbou, smirking fully up into his face with all the steady strength and defiance I had inside of me.

"Are you finished?" he asked after a moment, eyeing me quietly.

"Yeah. But I don't remember asking you to wait for me," I pointed out humorously, honestly curious.

Jidanbou eyed me for a moment. "Hmph," he finally said. "Well, you are better than them. But it seems you are still one of the uncivilized people. I waited for you to be ready. It appears it was_ wasted time_!" His face twisted in temperamental, childish anger, and he lifted up the ax and swung sharply at me, steel glinting above as long as my body - Testing Zangetsu, who was eager as usual, I ignored the surreal impossibility of the moment and swung my own smaller sword up to meet his -

Steel met with a clash of steel, I threw my will and reiatsu behind my blade, and it stayed steady... It was almost embarrassingly easy to hold back Jidanbou's zanpakutoh.

Jidanbou stopped, the temper falling from his face. He looked suddenly stunned. "Well, geez," I said dubiously, eyeing him, "don't get angry with me because you did something of your own accord." Touchy, wasn't he? Just because everyone wasn't like him didn't make them "uncivilized."

He was still staring at me incredulously. Then, all of a sudden, he burst out into laughter. Laughter that shook the wall behind him, echoed toward the skies above, emanated from everywhere. As he lifted his ax from me, I lowered Zangetsu slightly, staring up at him.

"Hey, you're not bad!" he chuckled, gazing down at me gleefully. "This is great! It's been so long since someone was actually able to block my attack! Now I can finally use all of my strength!"

_... All of it? _That might not be good. Then again, his first attack had been weaker than I'd thought it would be, and Zangetsu was still fairly confident...

Jidanbou was sharpening his ax and raising it up for another strike. The reiatsu in the air fluctuated. "Good luck, kiddo," he said, grinning, looking a lot more vicious than he had a few minutes ago. "Including you, only three people I've ever met have been able to block my first attack. But not a single person has been able to block my second!"

He swung down at me again - I steeled myself, put all the strength and will and reiatsu I had into Zangetsu, and swung my sword upward to meet him -

* * *

I stopped his second assault, but this only seemed to energize him further. He began railing down a whole hail of blows on me, shouting and grunting incoherently, rock spewing everywhere around us, my friends shouting in the distance...

And I felt fine.

Confident and wry at this, but slightly bemused, I lifted Zangetsu up above me and moved him around slightly, blocking each and every single blow. It was so... easy.

_Zangetsu...? _I thought inwardly, with some amount of questioning.

_"Just keep waiting, Ichigo." _I could practically hear his quiet, razor-sharp grin.

... _Okay, _I thought easily after a couple of moments, and we waited, waited, until the rain of blows finally slowed down and came to a halt. There was dust and broken earth all around us, Jidanbou was panting and gaping down at me, and I... was still fine.

Straightening and telling myself this was still a fight and it was still serious, I lowered Zangetsu and looked up at Jidanbou evenly.

"How... how... can you still be standing...?" he asked in some amount of shock, breathing harshly. He had accidentally broken the rock wall separating me from my friends, and they were all standing, watching me from a distance. I heard a couple of them call out in relief when they saw I was alright.

I continued gazing up at Jidanbou, my face dark and intimidating, some of my old confidence returning for the first time in my Shinigami form, but I was strong and steady. "Are you done yet?" I asked him simply.

He stared uncertainly.

"Good," I said, taking a ready stance to leap upward. My eyes flashed. "Then it's my turn."

A look of such open fear came over his face then, I had to remind myself not to feel bad for him, because he seemed like a somewhat simple guy. But quickly, he reached into the robes of his Shinigami uniform. "N-no, wait!" he said hurriedly. "I'm not done yet!"

And out he pulled...

"_Another _ax?!" I heard one of my friends exclaim disbelievingly, and behind my impassive mask, I was briefly amused. Indeed, an identical ax gleamed in the sunlight as Jidanbou held it up. Did his zanpakutoh have a dual form?

He clashed the two axes together and let out a great, long groan of effort, obviously putting everything he could into charging up the two against each other for a final assault. Ignoring his constipated expression, I checked the air with my senses conscientiously, getting fairly good at judging that sort of thing against my own power by now.

... The attack was more powerful. But it still wouldn't be enough.

I didn't let him know this as he raised the two axes, one in each hand. "Here it is!" he thundered, his face screwed up in fiery determination. "My final assault! Banzai Jidan Damatsuri!"

He swung down at me.

"... Sorry," I said quietly, tensed and gazing upward. "I'm going to have to destroy those axes."

Hey, they were nifty pieces of equipment, and probably older than the name of my hometown.

Then I swung.

* * *

I pushed outward with my reiatsu, as I had against the Menos Grande. Reiatsu shot straight from the thrill of my core, through my inner world, through my arm, and up through Zangetsu, pushing out against the two axes as they came smashing out to meet me with an enormous impact. There was a hot, burning explosion for a moment...

And then I brought my arm up with a hard expression, defending my face and neck, as little pieces of metal exploded outward from what once had been two perfectly made axes. The resulting explosion of reiatsu smashed into a shocked Jidanbou and bowled him over with a CRASH that shook the very earth underneath our feet.

I kept myself steady, and after a moment dust and silence had fallen.

I had just won. (What exactly did that mean? I realized belatedly that I probably should have figured that out before I'd started.)

My friends finally spoke up tentatively. "Wha... what the hell did Kurosaki do to him?" Ishida muttered, sounding stunned and impressed despite himself. Also kind of freaked out. I wasn't sure if that last one was a good thing or a bad thing.

"He just blasted away that huge body," said Chad, also sounding surprised, also despite himself (though for different reasons).

Suddenly, Jidanbou pushed himself quickly to his feet and we all backed up a few steps. (Watching a form that huge move that quickly was no small deal.)

... But Jidanbou was grinning. And in a weirdly friendly kind of way.

"Whoo! That was dangerous!" he laughed easily, with a distinctly nervous edge to his voice. "I get distracted for just one second and I find myself completely knocked down!" I stared at him. "What?" he chuckled, his huge fingers twitching anxiously. "You didn't really think you'd won, did you? Of course not! How could someone like me be defeated by someone like you?!"

I mentally catalogued it in my mind that I should get used to that last line. If I survived this as long as I planned on surviving, I was going to start hearing it a _lot_. "You uncivilized people, you just don't -! Now hold on, let me get my axe!" Jidanbou boomed with that same nervous cheerfulness. He reached down to the handles of his axes... and looked down with a start, staring.

They were, of course, broken. Handles with no axes. Despite myself, I felt slightly uncomfortable, because I knew what that felt like, and Jidanbou was just sort of sitting there now, staring wide-eyed at his broken weapons.

But even I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

Jidanbou burst into tears. Very loud, emotional tears.

As I stood there, slumped, gaping, he began wailing, beating his huge fists into the ground with giant, thundering jolts. "It's all your fault! It's all your fault! My axes! My axes!" he sobbed, his face screwed up. Great tears leaked down his open face as he clutched his broken axes.

I turned slowly to my staring friends, my eyes widening and panic starting to engulf my face. ... _What do I do when my enemy starts crying? _I mouthed desperately. Seriously, it was about the only thing Urahara hadn't prepared me for.

My friends shook their heads slowly, looking as lost and bewildered as I was.

We turned slowly back to Jidanbou. Who was still crying. And suddenly, I was reminded of my suspicions that he wasn't exactly your average Shinigami - that there was a reason he had been placed all the way out here all the time. That he was... kind of... "simple."

And then I actually felt a little guilty.

"Uhh..." I approached him hesitantly, my hands up before me. "I am... strangely sorry," I admitted slowly, aware of how bizarre this sounded. "Those axes... were probably very important to you... Maybe I should have left you with one?" I tried, not sure what to say. _I _was the _enemy!_

As I was standing there, somewhat lost and bewildered, Jidanbou finally looked up at me... with huge, watery eyes of surprised gratefulness. "... You... you are such a great person!" he wailed, throwing out his arms, and before I could even think _What the hell?! _he continued, "I am your foe and I have lost to you in battle, yet you still care enough about me to make sure I'm alright! You have shown such a strong, generous personality, and here I am crying over a broken ax!"

As I opened my mouth to assure him, incredibly red-faced, never to mention it (no, seriously, knowing my friends were staring at this was bad enough) Jidanbou lifted himself up with an expression on his face like I was the first person to apologize to him in at least a century. "I have lost!" he called to the skies. "As a fighter and as a man!"

I was actually worried for a second, but no panicked Shinigami burst out from any crevices in alarm when their gatekeeper announced this.

Jidanbou stood there, wiping his eyes and sniffling like a little boy, for a second. "I have never lost a battle before," he muttered to me in explanation. I must still be gaping, but I had little control over it at this point. "You are the first..."

Then he lifted himself up and told me with firm resignation, "I, Jidanbou, will allow you to pass through my gate." He nodded evenly. "You seem worthy."

"A... are you serious?!" I half-laughed, brightening in amazement. This was incredible... nothing like I had expected.

"Can you really do that?" I heard Inoue ask with innocent curiosity, as my friends came up behind me cautiously at this.

Jidanbou looked to her and nodded, smiling slightly. "Why not? Your boss defeated me. I would not be able to stand in your way anyway," he reasoned, shrugging. (_Interesting reasoning,_ I thought.)

Ishida spluttered at Jidanbou's automatic assumption. "O-our leader?! Kurosaki's not our leader!" he insisted indignantly. Jidanbou blinked at him.

"Don't get so angry; it's not that big of a deal," I told Ishida dryly, smirking as he turned and glared at me.

Jidanbou then turned to me. "Kurosaki? Is that your name?" he asked slowly.

I nodded. "Kurosaki Ichigo," I told him, looking up (and up) into his face. "Nice to meet you."

"Ichigo - what a lovely name," Jidanbou rumbled, smiling.

"I... I do not have a lovely name!" I protested, suddenly indignant, my face heating up again as Chad's lips twitched and he looked sideways at me, seeming slightly amused.

One meaning of my name was Guardian, or Protector... the other possible meaning was "strawberry." Knowing my parents, they'd probably thought it was funny. It had gotten me a fair amount of teasing in school. See, kids, and even particularly obnoxious and fight-happy teenagers later on, had never liked the fact that I looked different, that I looked like a "delinquent" with my strange-colored hair. And back before I'd learned how to stand up for myself... well, I used to get picked on by older boys in school because of my hair color. The way they'd done it was creative, I'll admit. The only modern thing "strawberry" was usually associated with were those stupid little girl dolls, Strawberry Shortcake... and, well, between that and the fact that our hair colors were somewhat similar...

I scowled in embarrassment. I did _not _have a pretty name! I didn't!

... Okay, so it was a bit of a sore subject for me.

I cleared my throat, looking away gruffly at Ishida and Inoue's surprised expressions, as Jidanbou turned around determinedly and began to lift his gate. "Take care of yourself, Ichigo," he added solemnly, pausing and I looked up, slightly surprised. "I don't know why you want to go through this gate," said Jidanbou, looking back at me seriously, actually seeming slightly worried, "but the people within are _very_ strong. And they won't like you being there."

Reminded of my resolve, I steeled myself and nodded. "I know," I told him quietly, my eyes dark. "... I know."

He assessed me for a moment, unusually discerning... then he nodded, as if confirming for himself that I seemed to understand what lay ahead of us. "Alright then," he said. "Prepare yourself. I'm about to open the gate." I felt my friends tense beside me as he he reached down and began to crane up the section of white gate behind him with a huge whine of noise. "Don't hesitate," he told us, panting, as he pushed with great effort. "Just take a deep breath and rush right in once you can..." I readied myself in preparation to run, my eyes zeroed in with deadly focus on the opening gate in front of me, my hand behind myself on Zangetsu's hilt...

All of the muscles across Jidanbou's huge body were flexing with enormous effort; he made a great rumble of noise as he pushed the huge gate further and further upward; his face was fierce with concentration and effort. I found myself impressed, in spite of my seriousness. "Whoa," I muttered to my friends. "Look at that."

"How heavy is that gate?" Inoue wondered in agreement, her eyebrows raised.

Finally, the gate clashed to a halt at the top of the walls surrounding Seireitei. "Go in -" Jidanbou began. Then he stopped, seeing what was standing on the other side of the gate... and he swallowed hard, his eyes widening in clear panic. But even Jidanbou, loud, strong, childish Jidanbou, was suddenly silent.

"What's wrong?" I called up toward him in tense confusion. I looked around him...

Standing there was not an army, not even a squadron, but one Shinigami. One lone Shinigami, standing straight with easy, deceptive casualness. His hand rested calmly on the hilt of his sword. His skin was a pale white, his features both broad and sharp, and his shiny mop of silver hair - strange in so young a face - fell straight and messy down into his eyes, which were narrowed to the point where their glinting amber color was barely visible, so that you could not make out the emotions within them. He was smiling at us, but it seemed blank. Fixed. Like he was thinking something else entirely inside.

What really caught my eye, though, was that this man wore the same kind of white cloak Rukia's brother had. Was he a "Captain" too? What did that mean?

... I realized that, in all the things I'd learned from Urahara, I'd stupidly forgotten to ask him how I figured out a Shinigami's rank. So I thought, _Well, fuck it, I guess that's another thing I'll have to learn empirically as I go along, _and stood straight, looking him right in the eye. "Who are you?" I asked directly. His aura did not seem precisely threatening, in spite of the fact that he was clearly capable of being so, and that confused me a little.

The man just continued to stand there watching me, smiling with careful blankness. Weird. I'd come across more disconcerting things in my life, but still kind of weird.

"Who is he?" I finally asked Jidanbou sharply, not taking my eyes away from where I'd been assessing the man up and down.

Jidanbou swallowed. "The Third Division Captain," he whispered. "Ichimaru Gin."

At this, Ichimaru Gin seemed to straighten ever-so-slightly. He finally took a deep breath and opened his mouth. "This is not allowed," he said quietly, gazing at me, as if stating a fact.

What he was watching seemed completely disconnected from what he was actually saying. Wondering vaguely what it was about _me_ that just left these people staring, I opened my mouth, but all of a sudden he was gone.

My friends gasped, but I had thrown up a reiatsu barrier, sensing wildly for where he was, sharp and slightly alarmed - He appeared a second later, all the way behind Jidanbou's back.

Just as my blade had fallen to the ground before Kuchiki Byakuya, so did Jidanbou's entire arm fall to the ground before Ichimaru Gin. And suddenly, Ichimaru's sword was in his hand, dripping blood from his cut.

The smell of blood filled the air as the arm thundered to the ground with a crash. I heard someone gasp behind me, and as I stared - silent and wide-eyed - at the scene, Jidanbou's whole frame trembled once before me. Yet he kept kneeling, holding the gate open, his face desperately pained and screwed up, panting and sweating, but his eyes fixed on the ground in quiet punishment.

I felt bad for him, guilty despite myself for getting him in trouble with his superiors when he actually didn't seem like such a bad guy. Also despite myself - despite the fact that I knew reiatsu worked differently to help numb and stifle wounds like that, despite the fact that I knew Shinigami could heal someone having a hole ripped through most of their vital organs and therefore would probably be able to do something to give their freaking _gatekeeper _back his _arm_ - the idea that this was their idea of casual punishment disturbed me on some level. As I stared, I thought, _Is this... _**_normal_**_?_

If so, how did people like Rukia and Jidanbou remain so sane in this kind of environment?

Ichimaru Gin was still smiling, purposefully blank and unrevealing, up at Jidanbou, this time from behind the man, his voice soft and intimidating to Jidanbou's large, silent frame. There was an anger hidden inside his narrow, glinting amber eyes, a furious kind of anger that said "how dare you let this boy in" and yet, nonetheless, it did not seem to be based in indignation... And this, also, confused me.

These higher-level Shinigami may be fucked up as all Hell, but I could admit to myself, they were morbidly interesting.

"You are the gatekeeper," Ichimaru Gin said intensely, blank and smiling, as he stared at Jidanbou's shaking back. "Opening the door for people without permission is _not _your jurisdiction." I could detect hints of drawling slang hidden in his soft, politely spoken tone, similar to Abarai Renji's rough, more broadly unrefined accent. Did that mean they were from an unrefined place - the Rukongai? Well, the Seireitei _did _seem to have a specialization in brainwashing people to think elitist, so I guessed it was still possible in either case...

Ichimaru Gin was walking slowly toward Jidanbou. I tensed, having half a mind to intervene, staring between one and the other with quiet anxiety... But Ichimaru Gin passed Jidanbou again and silently left him standing there, holding up the gate. On his way by, I thought I saw him, very quickly, pat the man's leg once lightly.

Then, all of a sudden, blood spurted out of Jidanbou's wound, like something had come unblocked, and he started _screaming_.

"What the hell?!" I burst out, my face twisting into a fearful snarl. "What did he just _do_?!" My friends seemed to pull themselves out of the stunned stupor they'd each fallen into behind me.

Ichimaru stood there, smiling mechanically, as blood rained to the ground before him. He stared at it narrowly, unreadable.

* * *

Jidanbou stopped screaming after a few moments, attempting to gain control of himself, the gate shaking above him as he heaved in deep breaths, his eyes rolling and glassy as they stared up at the sky. I wanted to move forward and help him, but I'd only met him half an hour ago and I had no idea what I would _do_. Did I want to just charge toward Ichimaru Gin? Was I being cowardly, to have that thought in the first place?

Thoughts spun through my mind as I stared from one to the other in frustration.

"Wow, you can still keep the gate up one-handed. No wonder you were chosen as the guardian of one of Seireitei's gates," Ichimaru finally commented, almost absently, gazing up toward the pained Jidanbou. "But you still fail in your duties as gatekeeper, I'm afraid."

Jidanbou was standing there, trembling, panting. Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke. "When one loses, he concedes to and respects a good winner," he whispered firmly, as if reciting another one of his learned Rules. "I lost. Therefore it is only natural that I open the gate." He swallowed, shaking again briefly at the end of this short speech, but he held steady, staring firmly down at the ground.

"What idiotic rules are you talking about?" Ichimaru Gin asked calmly, his blank smile slightly smaller but his eyes still calm. "The first rules you memorize are the laws of Soul Society. Then you worry about other kinds of rules. Even when the gatekeeper loses, he may still not open the door against intruders. Perhaps you misunderstood. But besides that," Ichimaru Gin tilted his head thoughtfully, "if the gatekeeper lost, wouldn't that mean he has proven himself inferior to the job he was assigned? And wouldn't _that_, in turn, mean he was worthy of," the blank smile widened, "_death_?"

And he flashed toward a suddenly frightened-looking Jidanbou with his sword... slow enough for me to catch it... in front of us. I could not believe it was entirely undeliberate. Especially with how - distracted, almost - Ichimaru Gin still seemed.

Nonetheless, my decision on what to do was made for me. I was _not_ going to let Jidanbou die for helping me.

I sped forward, pushing as much reiatsu into myself and going as fast as I could - and I just made it in time to block Captain Ichimaru before he could kill Jidanbou. I glared at him furiously, angry and cautious at what I was sure was going to be a difficult fight, hyperaware of the people I had to protect behind me. Ichimaru Gin paused (despite his slim stature, he was pushing with deceptive strength back against my blade) and gazed at me with unreadable blankness for a moment, his eyes still narrowed intensely as if taking me in, but his blank smile finally gone.

"Ah," he finally said, taking the pressure off of my blade and separating our swords with a quiet _shink_. We pushed away from each other quickly, staring at each other.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I finally pushed out in a loud, strident voice, glaring at the bastard, trying to ignore the way my voice fell strangely flat in the silence around us. It was almost a purposeful atmosphere Ichimaru Gin was trying to create.

I pointed Zangetsu at him with steady accusation. "We won fair and square," I said, testing out this whole cultural theory I had. "Laws or not, you've come where you don't belong and you're not wanted." He stared at me silently, head tilted, but said nothing in refute. Interesting. Deciding to take this into my own hands, a little more sure of myself than I had been a few seconds ago, I ordered over my shoulder without taking my eyes off my opponent, "Inoue, take care of Jidanbou's arm." It registered, later than it should have if I'd been more used to fighting with this group, that Inoue had said she had healing abilities. Maybe she could do something for Jidanbou since Ichimaru Gin had clearly made it so that Jidanbou's own reiatsu couldn't.

"Hai!" Inoue said immediately, sounding only slightly startled, to her credit, and she hurried over with scuttling, nervous steps to take care of the silent, frightened Jidanbou.

I steadied my stance and looked to Ichimaru, knowing what I was probably courting but deciding carefully that I couldn't walk away from this and I might as well start somewhere. "Come at me," I told him seriously, my eyes hard. "If you're so eager to fight, _I'll_ be your opponent. For an asshole like you who would attack an unarmed person so easily, I'll do you the honor of not only defeating you, but actually ripping you apart." Despite my deadly words, I smirked slightly.

Gin stared at me for a moment - and then that blank smile slowly grew over his face again, but this time I thought I could detect actual amusement in it, which really just made it look more unstable. "Well," he marveled, "_you're_ interesting." He chuckled. "Aren't you afraid of me?" There was a bit of disbelief in his tone.

If he was their attack dog, maybe it was something he wasn't exactly used to. Or maybe he'd just expected a "mere human intruder" to be more easily intimidated.

I lifted my chin. "Hell no I'm not afraid of thi -!" I began with firm heatedness, but suddenly a voice behind me interrupted me.

"Ichigo!" Yoruichi suddenly barked from where he'd been skulking by Ishida's ankles, watching everything in such silence, it was easy to forget he was there and watching. Now, however, he chose to speak up urgently. "Ichigo, stop messing around! We should retreat for now!" Ichimaru had perked up to listen interestedly.

Torn, I frowned and addressed Yoruichi behind me, "What do you mean? I started this fight, and we have to get in someho -!"

"_You're _Kurosaki Ichigo? The boy everyone's talking about, what with the upcoming execution?" I froze slightly, despite myself. I turned to look at Ichimaru Gin, who was smiling blankly, peering at me almost closely.

"You know about me?" I asked, frowning deeper, slightly nervous at this idea. Did _everyone_ in the Seireitei already know who I was, what I had "stolen" from Rukia?

Ichimaru Gin chose not to answer. Instead, to my blinking surprise, he straightened and sheathed his sword. "Well then," he said, beginning to turn away from me, "you _definitely_ can't come in here." His tone was almost mocking.

"Then why are you moving so far away from me?" I called after him, eyeing the distance. "Knife throwing?" I guessed. It was the only kind of weapon that made sense to me that didn't involve blowing up the gate into Seireitei.

Ichimaru unsheathed his sword once more and held it out to his side. "Oh, it's not called knife," he said with pleasant blankness, his voice strangely empty and absent, as if his mind was still elsewhere, dark and distracted. I tensed in preparation for a zanpakutoh release, nevertheless. "Shoot, Shinsou."

And there it was. He whirled around and aimed out toward me, I tensed and brought the broad, flat side of Zangetsu's blade up on instinct, and suddenly the longest, sharpest, quickest-reaching blade I'd ever seen shot out toward me, changing lengths in a moment, sniper-like. It knocked into Zangetsu, pushed me back off my feet even with my stance as strong as it was, flew me into Jidanbou, and then pushed both me and Jidanbou away, leaving the gate hanging there in the air. I had never felt a zanpakutoh release that strong before.

My friends were crying out in panic, Ichimaru Gin retracted Shinsou quickly, and the gate started to come down, with him on Seireitei's side and the rest of us still in Rukongai. "Bye bye, Ichi!" Ichimaru Gin called out, smiling blankly and waving cheerfully. The gate hit the ground with a thud and a crash, and after the moment there was the thick sound of a lock. _Click._

_... Well, _I thought, blinking. _Fuck. That was weird._

* * *

My friends hurried over to me as I sat up and started swearing loudly, angry with myself and bruised, but unharmed. (He hadn't hurt me.) They seemed relieved at what Inoue chose to call my "liveliness."

We all finally turned to Jidanbou, lying there on his back and panting through his bloody stump of an arm. "Safety first, Ichigo," Yoruichi scolded me firmly as Inoue began healing Jidanbou once more with the strange golden light her barrettes could turn into, trying to make sure he would at least be okay until someone from the Seireitei could come and heal him. He seemed to have fallen into a stupor. "What you did was really dangerous. Captain Ichimaru Gin isn't exactly the kind of opponent you want to_ start out with_."

Somehow, even through all the weirdness of the encounter and the strange lack of hostility toward me coming from the man, I had gotten that feeling. "Sorry I couldn't get us in there and stop the door from closing," I began awkwardly, still frowning at the fact that we hadn't managed to get in, but Yoruichi shook his head.

"Forget it. There's no point in crying over spilled milk, as the saying goes. At the level you four are at right now, we could never have gotten past Ichimaru anyway. Just be thankful we're all okay."

I nodded slowly, wondering what to do now, and stood - suddenly, something caught at the edge of my gaze. I turned around, and my eyes widened.

Now that the fighting had stopped, people had started to creep out of their still, silent houses in the first western district behind us. They'd been here the entire time - either ordered to hide, or afraid of all the commotion we had caused... But now here they were, dressed in simple but clean patterned robes, or shirts and pants, of all different colors and shapes and sizes, but sharing the same thin, wary look about them, eyeing us from a distance with curiosity. The staring crowd growing and growing carefully with each passing moment, as if they found courage in each other's presence.

I stared back at them, surprised. "Hey, guys," I muttered. Everyone else turned around, and I heard them start and stand too, suddenly silent.

The two groups gazed at one another for a few moments.

"So there _are_ people here," I heard Ishida murmur.

My thoughts were the same. "Were they hiding all along?" I muttered to the rest of them.

"I suppose they must have been. But why would they...?" Inoue trailed off in curious confusion.

"You can't blame them," Yoruichi piped up matter-of-factly from near our feet. "Not only do you have powers they don't, rather like the Shinigami, we're all unfamiliar - we are the intruders. We were not guided here by the Shinigami, and people have been taught that things not regulated by the Shinigami are troublemaking.

"They were hiding because they were afraid of you - with or without the Shinigamis' warning, I cannot say."

I stared at them for a moment. _Great, _I thought with exasperated dubiousness. _Will we be able to approach them at all while we figure out a way to get into the Seireitei? _They couldn't enjoy such absolute mastery... But people were strange creatures when we were scared, so that might not necessarily mean anything.

"Will they hurt us?" I murmured to Yoruichi, the expert on Soul Society protocol. "What do you think? Can we approach them?"

"Well..." Yoruichi assessed critically. "If they are showing themselves to us... they may be willing to give us a chance..."

As my friends and I exchanged glances, trying to figure out what the hell to approach these people and_ say_, suddenly it proved to be a non-issue. A little boy's voice perked up cheerfully from within the Rukongai crowd, and abruptly surprised people were being shoved out of the way as the little voice tried to get to the front of the crowd. It was a familiar little voice, too, now that I thought about it... Chad was also frowning, straightening up in recognition from where he had been observing silently from off to the side.

Then a round face framed by crumpled brown curls burst out into the dirt street in front of us. "Mister!" he said joyfully, grinning at Chad. "It's me, it's me! Yuuichi Shibata! The _parakeet _you two helped!" he added, grinning at me too, as we stared at him in confusion.

Then, suddenly, it clicked. The little boy whose mother had been killed by that serial killer. The parakeet who had really been a boy.

Of course he was here. Almost all of these people - they had once been alive, like us.

And suddenly everything just seemed so much more _manageable_ than it had a moment ago.

"Shibata!" Chad and I chorused in infinite surprise and pleasure. Shibata beamed, and behind him, the crowd relaxed slightly. Seeing _us_ as more human, too.

* * *

A few minutes later, Shibata had introduced the two groups - apparently, there was a real sense of community among the Rukongai, so in a sense all of these people were like his new adopted family - and claimed two of our group had saved him from being eaten by a Hollow in the world of the living, and that we were "really neat." (I was actually more honored than I probably should have been that he spoke up in our defense so readily, though I didn't really let this show.) Then, once we announced that we only had a beef with the Shinigami, not with the Soul Society itself, everyone relaxed and treated us with wide grins, like long-lost cousins. If I could summarize the general reaction in one action, it would be a back slap and a "Hey, man, we hate 'em too!"

It surprised my friends, but it actually kind of amused me. This was... a hell of a lot better than I'd thought it would be. Added to that, nobody from the Seireitei came out after these people for taking us in, which meant that the Shinigami were arrogant enough to believe intruders into the Soul Society in general weren't a problem - as long as we hadn't pierced the Seireitei itself, immediate reaction seemed to be unnecessary. Lovely policy, that one.

Chad was pulled off by Shibata to "meet all his friends", Ishida, Yoruichi, and I were pulled into the curious group of citizens, which seemed to be out in full force, and then suddenly we were in a street full of friendly people, like this little bit of excitement was an impromptu fair of sorts. I even saw a few people bring out bottles of alcohol in celebration, and remembered how casually they took drinking here. Considering I didn't drink and had problems with addiction, I'd probably have to keep an eye on that.

A group of citizens had offered to assist Inoue, who announced to everyone's surprise that she could probably actually heal Jidanbou's arm back onto the stump if it was dragged over and placed correctly - Shinigami intervention might not be necessary. So people had tied ropes around Jidanbou's giant arm, dragged it over to his unconscious form and placed it correctly - it took about ten people to manage, in all, because the thing was the relative height and width of a large alley. But finally, Inoue did her chant, began glowing her golden magic over the arm and, to my mildly impressed surprise, actually proceeded to sew the arm back onto Jidanbou, muscles and all.

Vaguely, I wondered why girls so far seemed a hell of a lot more talented at healing than men, even the ones who could fight too. Maybe it was just a female thing?

Anyway, I had my hands folded into the long black sleeves of my Shinigami robes, and was leaning against a nearby wall on the edge of the crowded, chattering street, talking with a Rukongai man about Jidanbou. "Yeah, a lot of the Shinigami are complete jerks," he said casually, shrugging in a 'what can you do?' kind of way. "But Jidanbou's from the first western district too, so he's always been really nice to us."

I politely refrained from asking who the hell had managed the incredible feat of giving birth to someone the size of Jidanbou - because seriously, if he wasn't the victim of some sort of Shinigami experiment, that woman deserved a medal or something. I instead wondered with quiet curiosity, "Are Shinigami from the Rukongai always nicer to Rukongai citizens?"

"They usually are," the man agreed, nodding. "Even the kind of nasty ones." I thought of Abarai Renji, who definitely shared these people's broad, unrefined drawl. I still wondered a little about Ichimaru, too. "I mean, there are always those few exceptions who get caught up in the glamor and forget their roots, but." The man waved his hand. "We don't like those coming back around here and bullying people," he said bluntly. "They do sometimes, you know. Shinigami always think they're such big-shots." He sighed and shook his head, more openly discontent than I had expected a Rukongai citizen to be considering the Shinigamis' apparent absolute control over the realm of the dead. Once more, I wondered if they really felt so much camaraderie with us because we were powerful, but friendly with them and against the institution of the Shinigami. It was an... interesting concept. Sort of sad, in a way, though.

"Anyway." The man suddenly grinned and clapped me on the shoulder, surprising me. "Seeing you go up against a Captain for Jidanbou, especially after you defeated him! Wow!" he said, shaking his head. "You're alright!"

"Uh - thanks," I said, blinking in surprise, my face confusingly warm.

* * *

I had learned other things, moving through the citizens and asking different ones discreet questions. Despite myself, I had looked for Enzeru, or one of the other ghosts I had known, but I had learned that altogether in the Rukongai, there were eighty western districts, eighty northern districts, eighty southern districts, and eighty eastern districts. The chances of my finding anyone I knew were... slim. The thought was saddening, and also slightly worrying, considering what I'd learned of district hierarchy.

The districts closest to the Seireitei got the best materials, because the Shinigami and nobility wanted to be able to access whatever they needed close at hand. But the farther out the districts got, the less they had, until finally out in the farthest districts, things tended to be poor, desperate, and barren - and criminal and violent as a result. Even the Shinigami rarely patrolled out in the last districts. Added to that, where you were assigned was all a matter of chance. You stood in line and got a _ticket_, of all the things, after you had passed on. Shinigami were waiting up at the front to give you tickets, the randomly assigned numbers which determined what district they teleported you into in the Soul Society. Then they went home for the night, and any souls who passed on during the night had to stand around at the mouth of Soul Society's visitor's entrance tunnel, confused and most likely distraught, and wait until morning for the Shinigami to show back up.

I found the whole thing... distasteful.

Surprisingly, however, there were things like kerosene lamps, better (if humble) clothes and housing environments, wells, rare and expensive food resources, certain simplistic kinds of herbal medicine and tea, and some amount of clean surroundings in the upper districts, like the first western district. I really, really hoped my ghost friends, especially Enzeru, had ended up more in a place like this, but the land was so vast, I had no way of being able to find her quickly - one person amid the whole _world_. Besides, Enzeru wasn't, as far as I knew, in immediate danger of dying; Rukia was. I had to concentrate on that. We_ had _to find a way to get from the Rukongai and into the Seireitei.

* * *

In the early evening, after everyone had begun to retreat into their houses and the excitement of the afternoon was dying down, I was standing on a Rukongai roof quietly in the early evening, taking in the dusk around me. The starry sky was beautiful, the air was peaceful, I could hear insects chirping in the dimly lit grass nearby, trees whispering in the wind. I stared at the tall, smooth white walls of the Seireitei and just tried to breathe all this in. It was strange - this was so different from the city I grew up in, where you stood on a fiftieth-story balcony, watching the lights of the metal buildings beyond you, hearing cars going by, knowing that beyond the rich, warm confines of your home the night never stopped.

So I kept feeling like the Soul Society should feel unfamiliar, strange and alien, as a country land might be expected to feel for a city boy... Yet I was strangely at home here, in the middle of a hostile place, no less. I breathed in, let my reiatsu flex out around me, and breathed back out. My reiatsu fluttered outward in response, commingling with the reiatsu that seemed to exist in the land around me, mixing deep within the soil, as if I felt a strange connection there that I couldn't quite understand. My power felt free, at home, but more than that, it felt strangely... empowered... by my surroundings. The sounds of people chatting in the brightly lit bar below me, the sight of Rukongai in twilight out around me, the towering white of Seireitei center, were the most natural views in the world.

As I stood there, mixed and confused, trying to understand this, I felt Yoruichi land quietly beside me atop the roof. He took in my reiatsu's strange melding and ease in the atmosphere of Soul Society, like it belonged here. Then he said expectantly, "It's better here, isn't it?" His big golden eyes glanced up at me.

I blinked down at him for a moment, then gazed absently outward once more. "Yeah," I agreed quietly after a few moments. "It is." I frowned in confusion at this. "It's strange..."

There was a pause. Then Yoruichi suddenly cleared his throat and said, "I've asked the district leader for help, an old man in that big building across the way." He indicated with his paw. "The man has agreed to answer our questions, and wants to meet with us. Ishida and I are already there. If you could...?"

"Yeah," I said immediately, shaking myself from my reverie and jumping down. "I'll get the other two."

In the end, finding Chad was relatively easy. I was just walking down a street when he came around a corner, looking unusually troubled and distracted, for him. "Hey," I said, stopping immediately and frowning slightly in concern. "I was just coming to look for you. What's up?"

Chad opened his mouth, and then closed it again. "Shibata... we had a good time today," he said quietly, hunching his shoulders in and gazing to the buildings around him. "But I kept thinking of -"

"Who else might be out there." I realized suddenly what he was saying. "Yeah." Enzeru and Soki and Chad's family members would all be out there somewhere - my Mom, Ishida's grandfather, and Inoue's brother, of course, were long gone.

It was funny, in a not-funny, ironic sort of way. I had wondered if The Great Beyond was a lot of things, but a Russian Roulette table simulation had never crossed my mind.

"By the way," I suddenly asked as I thought about it, "you remember Shibata -?"

"Yeah. Inoue has all her memories back from before the memory wipe too. The more people's reiatsu grows, the less likely it is to work on them," Chad said matter-of-factly, dully, still staring down at the ground with creased eyebrows. He was obviously feeling something very hard.

"... Oh," I said quietly, and then there was silence.

We stood there for a moment, looking at the ground in pained, understanding calm, not meeting each other's gaze. Finally, Chad admitted quietly, "Shibata can't find his Mom." I shot my head up, my eyes widening. "Because of the numbers thing," Chad muttered. "They were probably assigned to completely different districts. One of the people he's living with here told me that people are assigned to all these different places, and there's no set system in place for finding each other again... so most people just never find each other unless they pass on at the same time and get assigned a number jointly in line. Most of the families around here are made up of groups of people who aren't related by blood, but have stuck together and gotten a place to live together anyway. Only people who start families here, or the nobles, get to know about things like their relatives. Some of the people who died really young in the living world and then were transported here don't even remember their own _birthdays_."

It was the longest speech I'd heard him give in ages. He actually seemed... stoically, really upset. I gazed at the ground, scowling, my hands clenched helplessly, as I reflected on just how _horrible _this whole situation was.

"What did you tell Shibata?" I asked him after a few moments.

"I told him I was sure he'd find his Mom someday, I played with him, and then I sent him back home with his 'brother.' What else could I do?"

"... Yeah," I murmured, understanding. And then I said nothing. Because really, what could you say to that? "The old man in the building across from us is the leader of the district," I finally told Chad quietly, eyeing him understandingly and nodding toward the building. He pulled himself out of his stupor and gazed across to it. "He wants to talk to us about helping us get into the Soul Society. You should go in there; I still need to find Inoue and tell her. Do you know where...?"

"She's still healing Jidanbou," Chad informed me with raised eyebrows.

I started and gaped. "_Still_?" I asked disbelievingly. Chad pointed behind me.

Sure enough, Inoue was kneeling there determinedly, looking very tired but keeping her golden light steady. Jidanbou now looked like he'd only gotten a very deep wound on his shoulder blade; his arm didn't look like it had been separated from his body at all. I reminded myself how new these powers were to her, and was impressed again despite myself.

Hurrying down the street, I came up to a group of men who were watching her from nearby, talking to each other and staring in something like awe at her continued, conscientious work. I recognized them as the ones who had pulled the arm back over for her this afternoon.

"Hey, do you have anything I can give her?" I asked quickly, and one of them, who had some nearby supplies that seemed to label him as some sort of construction worker, leaned down and pulled up a tin cup full of water. He shrugged and handed it to me.

I padded up quietly behind Inoue. She was murmuring to herself determinedly, "Keep it up, me; Keep it up, me," looking very emotional and fierce, much to my amused, respectful bemusement.

I leaned over and placed the cup before her eyes. "Here," I said, kneeling down slightly, and she jumped badly, looking over at me with widened eyes.

"Oh... Kurosaki-kun! You startled me!" she said cheerfully, pausing in her work and flushing sheepishly. As she took the cup, I leaned a little closer to gaze at her in concern. Her face was pretty red... was she straining herself?

"Sorry; I didn't mean to scare you," I said absently. I shook my head, leaning back. "You should take a rest," I added firmly, crossing my arms, slightly worried.

"Oh. It's okay," she waved casually. "I'm almost done."

It was the exact same face she'd made that time she'd told me a car had hit her last night while she was crossing the street. I wasn't convinced.

"You've been working for a while now," I said, polite stubbornness creeping into my voice to match hers. "Anyway, you should come inside; we have a meeting..."

"Oh, but I'm almost done!" she said brightly, pointing, despite her obvious tiredness. "Shinigami healing isn't something I've ever really done before, but even so, he's almost cured!" She sounded eager and enthusiastic to finish her great project. Typical Inoue.

"Almost cured? How far away is 'almost'?" I asked suspiciously, concerned.

"About five hours!" She smiled airily.

I stared. And people accused _me_ of being masochistic. "F-five hours?! Three soccer games can finish in five hours!" I exclaimed, throwing up my hands in exasperation, reminded of Inoue's penchant for forcing people's protective instincts into overdrive. Inoue blinked at my expression, her hands hovering where she'd been waving them. "You are going to make yourself collapse; it is time to take a break!" I didn't know how I could say it any clearer.

As I stared at her in exasperation, the Rukongai men behind me decided to take pity on me and intervene on my behalf. "You know, miss, he's right, you really should rest," one man said, and the others sidled up behind me as well. "We wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." He smiled with eager, ingratiating politeness.

"Yeah," another said, waving his hand. "Just leave the rest to us! Jidanbou's tough; with our help, he can definitely heal from that!"

"B-but -" Inoue began, looking around at them all, startled.

"You've already done enough," a third added, grinning and nodding. "We formally thank you on Jidanbou's behalf. It is incredible that you would use such power simply to help him when it is not your duty to."

That sentence was kind of sad, too, I reflected. Nevertheless, I looked over their shoulders and mouthed at Inoue, 'We haven't even reached the Seireitei yet', raising my eyebrows, as a final bid to get her inside.

Finally, she stood up, smiling sheepishly and thanking the men, claiming it was nothing. They shouted admiring thanks back to us as I led her safely all the way back down the street and to rest in the Big House down the road.

* * *

The inside was wide, polished, and the floor was completely cleared and flat. Yoruichi, Chad, and the old man leader (who was dressed in unusually long, nice robes for a Rukongai commoner, with a beard and long, scraggly hair shaved in the center to give him a bald head) were already sitting on simple tatami kneeling mats around a lamp set into the center of the circle to light up the floor, throwing warm shadows onto the walls. There were other empty mats around the circle for us to be kneeling on.

Ishida seemed to be standing, waiting for us, inside the door. I wondered why, until he brightened slightly when Inoue walked in behind me. "Ah, Inoue," he said with more of a semblance of bright politeness than was usually in his voice. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to," he added matter-of-factly.

"Hello, Ishida-kun," Inoue greeted him, smiling with warm encouragement at this bout of friendliness. He flushed slightly and adjusted his glasses, seeming a little embarrassed, but not in his usual indignant way. I raised my eyebrow a little at this exchange...

"Good, everyone's here," Yoruichi said, energetic, calm, and brisk at the same time, and the three of us looked over to see him watching us in the lamp light. "Please sit down you three; we have much to discuss. I want to finalize our plans for tonight and tomorrow." His tone was serious. We all came and knelt down in the circle - it was a strange position to be holding, but though I had seen low kneeling tables, I hadn't seen a single chair in this place yet.

Asian history was so dominant. Vaguely, I wondered if that was because Asian civilized culture seemed to have established itself historically before culture really had in the west. Had Asian influences just won out all those thousands of years ago, and we were lucky we knew what all this was?

Yoruichi cleared his throat, picked up a stick that had obviously been prepared for him in his cleverly dextrous tail, and began to draw a diagram in the circle of dirt around the lamp which had been cut into the wood flooring to allow for a sort of fire pit. The diagram seemed to be of the Seireitei, the wall around it, and particularly the western gate where we were. Then, sharply, he made an X through the gate.

"We won't be able to get back in there," he said simply. "Now that the gate has been penetrated, security around it will increase tenfold. Around the other gates, too, probably. The Seireitei will have been surprised and shaken by the fact that they were almost penetrated by a bunch of intruders - or _ryoka_, as they will probably call you. Such a thing will be so rare as to have seemed almost impossible, and the Shinigami will likely get much more paranoid in guarding the gates as a result."

"So fighting a guardian for passage will no longer be wise?" Ishida asked thoughtfully.

"It was never wise in the first place," Yoruichi said dryly. "This idiot is why we got involved in a fray so quickly." He pointed his tail at me.

"Hey!" I frowned defensively, giving a mild glare.

Yoruichi rolled his eyes, but I swore he had a very cat-like smirk across his face. "Anyway, no, we won't be able to get in through that gate, and even if by some miracle the others were less heavily guarded, it would be a ten-day travel through several Rukongai districts in order to get there. This land is... vast," he added, shrugging, in response to our surprised looks.

"So how do we...?" Chad began slowly, from beside the frowning, quietly uncertain Inoue.

"So how do we get inside?!" Ishida finished sharply, somehow fretting and frowning icily at the same time, as usual much less shy about what he was thinking.

"Don't worry." Yoruichi lifted his head. "We'll just have to get there without using a gate entrance.

We stared. "Without using a gate entrance?" I asked finally. "Is that even possible?"

Yoruichi turned to the district leader, who had been sitting and listening quietly. "Elder-dono," he addressed the man, and I was reminded of just how old and formal these people spoke, "do you know where Shiba Kuukaku is?"

The man straightened, his eyes widening briefly through his reserve. "I know they're drifters, but they usually settle somewhere around the Seireitei," Yoruichi continued heedlessly, pushing on with a polite kind of steel. "Is there a chance that they're around here...?" He trailed off, staring discerningly with his piercing golden eyes.

The man was now looking nervous, when he hadn't even batted an eyelash at the idea that we had planned to infiltrate the Seireitei in the first place. "Shiba Kuukaku?" he rumbled quietly. "You cannot plan to get in with That...?" He leaned back slightly, away from the idea.

I was frowning from one to the other with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked after a moment, but suddenly the middle of my sentence was interrupted by a rumbling and shaking coming from outside, like a mild stampede was thundering down the street beyond the Big House.

Everyone looked around. "What the -?!"

CRASH! A man suddenly flew through the door so hard it was knocked off its hinges, and he lay there flat on the floor for a moment, groaning. I realized belatedly that the rest of us had stood up, tense, unconsciously.

We blinked at the man. "Who_ is_ that?" Ishida finally burst out in unusually loud, indignant bewilderment at the interruption. "And what on Earth was he doing -?"

Our surprise was suddenly eclipsed by utter shock as some gigantic species of wild pig suddenly poked its head through the door opening. "Holy shit, that's -!"

"A giant pig with a saddle on it," I finished incredulously for whoever had just shouted.

The wild boar snorted.

"Aah... damn..." the man finally groaned, getting to his feet. "I got thrown off my boar again..." We looked over to stare at him. He was dressed in a vest, loose pants, and a haphazard scarf and bandana that rested over his shoulder-length dark hair. Nonetheless, he was grinning slightly, shrugging it off easily. He gave off the distinct appearance of being travel-worn; he had a thin face, a broad forehead, high cheekbones, a square chin, and, I noticed, unusually long, soft eyelashes. All in all, he was... peculiarly out of place.

He also didn't seem to care, something I could at least respect. "Hey, old man," he said irreverently, turning to the village elder and saluting. He seemed slightly tipsy, like he'd been spending time at the bar and then tried to get up onto his boar tied up outback afterward. "Long time, no see."

The man's face twisted in reserved indignation, but he actually seemed slightly nervous. "Ganjyuu," he barked, "what are you doing here? Go back home; all you cause is trouble!"

"Hey, hey, I just got here and you're already kicking me out?!" Ganjyuu was grinning. "Well, you're scaring the guests, don't be impolite!"

He looked around to us, still grinning emptily. And then he frowned thunderously at the sight of us, all the cheer leaving him at once. I tensed in preparation as his eyes swept me over. But he didn't attack.

Nevertheless, the first thing out of his mouth was an angry: "What the hell's a fuckin' Shinigami doing here?"

And then I steeled my face, annoyed leaning toward pissed off, as he staggered toward me, slurring at me. I knew this routine. Goodie.

And I wasn't even an actual Shinigami to justify it.


	3. Any Day Could Be the Last, So

_"The good life is what I need._

_Too many people stepping over me._

_The only thing that's been on my mind_

_Is the one thing I need before I die._

_All I want is a little of the good life._

_All I need is to have a good time._

_Oh, the good life._

_I don't really know who I am._

_It's time for me to take a stand._

_I need a change and I need it fast._

_I know that any day could be the last, so..._

_All I want is a little of the good life._

_All I need is to have a good time._

_Oh, that's the good life."_

_- "The Good Life" by Three Days Grace_

* * *

_Chapter Two: Any Day Could Be the Last, So..._

Ganjyuu staggered up and stuck his face right in my scowling, glaring, unmoving own. "Hey! I asked you a question!" he shouted. His breath reeked. Oh, yeah - he'd definitely been drinking. I glared harder in silence.

"I said what the hell -" He grabbed my face and stuck it right up into his, and I tensed, my eyes widening furiously, resisting the automatic urge to break both of his wrists, "is a_ fuckin' Shinigami doing here_?" he spat.

I swept through both of his hands, knocked them away from my face, and punched him across the jaw with a sharp, angry spurt of reiatsu that sent him flying away across the floor, blood coming from his mouth.

You_ really _didn't want to grab me and threaten me. It was like heaping a steaming load of horse crap onto the already-giant pile of shit you were getting yourself in.

I snarled slightly at Ganjyuu as he sat up dizzily from his place on the floor, pointing and starting to yell at the general spot I was standing in. "What the hell did you punch me for, Dandelion Head?!" he yelled.

I paused and blinked, some of the anger leaving me at the sheer absurdity of the nickname. _Dandelion Head? _I resisted the urge to reach up and feel my head of short, messy, brightly colored hair.

Ganjyuu was still shouting threats at me slightly incoherently, demanding if I wanted to pick a fight "or somethin'." I straightened myself up, shook free of my reverie, and took a deep breath, yelling suddenly at Ganjyuu at the top of my lungs, "_Will you shut the fuck up, you pig-riding barbarian! What the hell are you even _**_doing_**_?!"_

Sure enough, he went silent, gaping at me. Whether it was because he'd probably never heard a Shinigami talk like that before, because people like him were never used to someone hollering back at them, or because he didn't actually know what the hell he was doing, I couldn't tell.

"Now, everyone," said Inoue with cautious nervousness, smiling and stepping forward between us hesitantly. "Let's not fight..."

I saw him turn his stare to her. If this asshole hurt Inoue, I didn't care how much I wanted to endear myself with the Rukongai, I was tossing his ass halfway to the northern districts.

The village leader had stood and retreated cautiously, along with Yoruichi and Ishida, eyeing the scene dubiously. Chad was standing behind me slightly, much to my slight surprise and gratification. Suddenly, the elder let out a deep, exasperated breath and shook his head. "It's always like this when he comes around. I knew it..." he muttered under his breath in frustration.

"He's_ always_ like this?" Ishida asked incredulously, sounding almost as irritated by the man's intrusion as I was pissed off. "Elder-dono, who_ is _he?"

"Che. You ignorant Shinigami really don't know who I am?" Ganjyuu spoke up loudly, staring at us. He actually seemed surprised and doubtful, like he really wasn't bluffing this time and everyone knew who he was. Well, didn't that just say so much for his glowing reputation, then?

He stood up, lifted himself with psuedo-confidence, red-faced, and shouted proudly, "My name is Ganjyuu! Self-proclaimed fighter of Western Rukongai, self-proclaimed leader of Western Rukongai, _and_ -!" His face suddenly darkened. "Self-proclaimed_ hater _of Shinigami," he hissed, glaring at me and my uniform.

"... They're all self-proclaimed," I heard Chad mutter doubtfully behind me as we stared at him. I was busy thinking about the sheer number of people I'd already met who hated Shinigami. Didn't those people ever... I dunno... notice any of this?

_They don't notice living world progresses and they come into contact with _**_them_**_ on a daily basis. They also name their swords, _the sarcastic little voice in the back of my mind pointed out flatly. For some reason, now it sounded a lot like Zangetsu.

Then I didn't have any more time to think because Ganyuu was suddenly flying at me with surprising poise, reiatsu presence, and speed, for all his intoxication. I managed to erect a wall of reiatsu around my surprised form so he didn't hurt me as he slammed into my mid-section and pushed me out into the street before the Big House. (He still stank of alcohol.) Behind us, I heard my friends run out to try and help me, but some punk-looking guys who seemed to be associates of Ganyuu and had been waiting around for him outside stopped all three and growled not to interfere while their "boss" was "teaching somebody a lesson." (To my relief, my friends seemed to decide not to push them unless it was needed, and stopped back away, watching me warily.)

Well, wasn't this reminiscent. It really _was_ just like home.

Ganjyuu stood quickly above me. "I won't let a fuckin' Shinigami reside in the western district, ya hear m -!" he began, swaying, but I reached up from my position on the ground, kicked him in the nose, and his head flew back. He stumbled away and I shot to my feet, pissed off.

"Boss!" I heard the Smaller Punks shout in alarm. I looked over at them and snorted.

They were all riding wild boars.

"Hey!" I shouted toward Ganjyuu, lifting myself up and glaring at him. "You don't the know the situation, so don't go around hitting people! Anyway, you're too pathetic to be my opponent!" At least intoxicated. There was only so much even a really powerful drunk person could do.

"You keep mutilating my handsome face,_ Shinigami_!" the guy shouted back at me bitingly, angry himself. I was surprised, vaguely, that some indignant Shinigami hadn't killed this guy yet.

Suddenly, Yoruichi tensed, darted around the wild boars, and scampered up next to me. "Ichigo!" he scolded urgently in his deep voice, sounding annoyed. "Don't waste your energy on this stupid fight!"

"What the hell are you yelling at me for?" I muttered irritably. "This dick started it."

Yoruichi gave me an annoyed, deeply unimpressed look. But it was true.

"Well, Shinigami," Ganjyuu growled at me, attracting our double attention, "if you won't leave, it seems that you and I are destined to fight, doesn't it?" He smirked and pulled out a sword from the thread-worn belt of his loose pants. I tensed in preparation for an attack.

We weren't leaving until we needed to, and if beating the shit out of one drunken idiot was what it took to achieve that, I was perfectly willing to oblige.

"Ganjyuu, stop this at once!" the Elder finally called out openly from the doorway, sounding indignant and mortified. "He is not like that! He is not a bad Shinigami!"

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING -" All sound in the air halted at Ganjyuu's furious shout... "As a good Shinigami," he finished in a low tone, turning to glare at the Elder, and at the quiet people who seemed to have gathered, staring, on either side of Rukongai's street. "And you should know that."

There was silence. People were considering these words, their faces quiet.

Well. Now I definitely had to fight. And I definitely shouldn't seriously injure him.

Ganjyuu turned toward me and charged, angry for past offenses done to him by the Shinigami Corps that I actually had to nothing to do with. I was pretty sure I'd been through this routine before, come to think of it.

"Here I come, Shinigami!" Ganjyuu yelled at me, like his wild moves weren't broadcasting it enough. I had left Zangetsu standing upright with eerie, perfect balance next to my tatami kneeling mat inside the Big House, so I was about to just duck under Ganjyuu's dull sword, knock it away, and beat the shit out of him with my bare hands, but then -

"Kurosaki doesn't have his zanpakutoh," Ishida bit out suddenly, hurriedly, urgently.

"Hold on, I'll make a shield -!" Inoue began.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing -" a Smaller Punk said to her suspiciously.

And then Chad - I'd been wondering why he was so quiet and reticent - overcame all of them. He rushed out from where he'd been sitting, waiting, inside the Big House, feeling for when this moment was about to arrive. Then he sprinted in, strong-armed his way past the surprised Smaller Punks, and hefted my giant fucking zanpakutoh toward me. "Ichigo! Figured you might need this!"

My lips twitched toward a reluctant grin at my own recklessness. "Thanks!" I called back, catching it smoothly, and I swung it out before me just in time to meet Ganjyuu's blade with a sharp, hard _clang_.

"That's a huge sword," Ganjyuu panted out as we pushed against each other, grinning at me angrily, "but don't think that means you'll be able to beat me!"

In a flash, he had stomped the ground with a spurt of reiatsu, reached out with one hand, and shoved my blade down into the earth. I was just about to pull it back out, wondering what the hell he thought he was doing - when it started sinking further and further into the earth between us with alarming speed! "What the hell?!" I pushed out, staring and pulling.

Ganjyuu was grinning harder than ever. "Indeed," he sneered. "Why would a blade be sinking?"

"Kurosaki," Ishida was the first to warn me sharply, "it's quicksand!" But that warning was all the distraction I needed for Ganjyuu to come up from the side and deliver a vicious uppercut edged with reiatsu toward my head, sending me flying backward. I skidded on the ground, catching myself on instinct, Zangetsu's blade still sinking deeper and deeper into the ground before Ganjyuu, like he had indeed made that patch of ground turn into quick sand.

Now tense and actually kind of panicky deep inside, I stood myself upright, ignoring the pain in my jaw, as Ganjyuu rushed up toward me to kick me in the stomach. I caught his foot, and enjoyed the way his eyes widened in surprise as I lifted him up bodily from the ground and punched him hard enough that his head and torso snapped off to the side. But I held him there by the collar of his shirt and the bottom hem of his pant-leg, he uncoordinated and imbalanced.

"Aww, what's wrong? That didn't hurt, did it?" I sneered into his glaring, surprised, less confident face. I was enjoying the adrenaline of this more than I probably should. "What? You thought swordsmanship was all I could do?" I smirked. "I can fight without a zanpakutoh, dumbass."

He growled and tugged himself away, trying to punch every inch of me he could reach. I blocked every single blow. His hits were wild and sloppy, uncoordinated. He'd had training, but he'd never fought a tough opponent. Had Mr. Bigshot here ever actually gotten drunk enough to do something stupid like pick a fight around a Shinigami before?

Finally, after a couple of minutes of realizing how easy this was, that my jaw was throbbing, and that this was kind of irritating and I wanted to hurry up and get treatment for it, I blocked Ganjyuu, went in past his guard, ignored his alarm, pushed him to the ground, and punched him in the face hard enough to cold-cock even his thick skull.

To my surprise, after I got up off of him in exasperation, he was still conscious enough to scramble away on his hands and knees and sway bobbingly to his feet at a "safe" distance from me.

"Damn," I said, raising my eyebrows, mildly impressed. "You're actually pretty tough."

He glared at me with a sulky, wounded sort of pride, bleeding heavily from his face. "Fuck you," he slurred out.

Suddenly a timer began to ring from somewhere off to the side. We both snapped our heads around, Ganyuu with growing alarm, to see an alarmed clock of sorts strapped to one of Smaller Punks' pigs beginning to ring shrilly. "Shit!" the guy sitting on the pig shouted, turning to stare at it. "Boss, we have to go!"

And Ganjyuu, of all people, suddenly looked so frightened of who or what they were late for that he agreed nervously. "R-right!" he called back, forgetting about me completely, to my bemusement. "Pig, let's go!" He let out a whistle from between his fingers and the giant boar thing barreled past me from off to the side, nearly knocking me over, and came to a glaring, bad-tempered stop right in front of Ganjyuu. "Geez, look at me like that later, Pig, alright?! We need to go!" shouted Ganjyuu, leaping up into the saddle.

"Hey!" I shouted to him, raising my arms, honestly bewildered. "What the hell?!" Was he really going to just leave me standing here with a mostly-sunk zanpakutoh hilt poking out of the ground and a bruise on my chin? After all this?

"We'll sort this out later, Dandelion Head!" he called spitefully over his shoulder at me. "Don't blow away or anything until I get back!"

As they rode away with the alarm's shrieks still ringing in their ears, I shouted into the night, "You've - _you've got to be fucking kidding me_!" I was about ready to rip my hair out in frustration.

My friends had come up behind me.

"Wow," Chad stated simply, eyebrows raised.

"What a disaster," Inoue said bemusedly.

"If it's any consolation, Kurosaki," Ishida said honestly, putting a hand on my shoulder, "I'm speechless, too."

Yoruichi still appeared too deeply disgusted by such a worthless brawl to speak.

The citizens of Rukongai stared at the empty street for a moment... then seemed to shrug, think 'Well, that was interesting', and went back inside their houses, chattering cheerfully. I wondered if life was always this chaotic in the Rukongai. Well, at least I didn't have to worry about any villages holding grudges.

* * *

The next morning, after a night's sleep in the spare rooms decorated sparsely with sleeping mats above the Big House, the sun was shining cheerfully, the birds were chirping, everyone had gotten up a couple of hours ago, we'd managed to pull Zangetsu out of the muck and he was sitting quietly beside me...

And I was still kind of pissed off.

"Kurosaki, we _have to go_," Ishida emphasized in clear frustration. We were standing there arguing in the front room of the Big House after breakfast (someone had managed to scrounge up a few measly bowls of porridge for us; Yoruichi had told us to get used to feeling slightly hungry all the time, because this was unusual unless you lived in the Seireitei). Everyone else was already waiting outside, but I wasn't ready to leave yet.

"I'm waiting here for a few more hours," I insisted stubbornly. "I have to be here when that asshole gets back, or he'll think I ran away. Look, if you really have to go, just come back and tell me if Yoruichi's alternate route is going to work for us, will you?"

"You're not coming?!" he shouted, gaping at me disbelievingly.

"Well, it can't be that far away," I argued, frowning.

Ishida huffed out a frustrated breath and grabbed me by the arm. "Kurosaki, you have to come with us!" he snapped. "This is your goddamn mission!"

He acted like I was abandoning the rescue plan or something. "Oh, for the love of -!" I exploded, but just then the door opened and Inoue came in, smiling hesitantly. We both looked around in irritation, falling silent.

"Umm, everyone's waiting outside," she said quietly. And just like that, I felt guilty. Damn nice people. Especially the female ones.

I sighed, relaxing my grip slightly, a scowl still etched onto my face. "Inoue," Ishida said, looking over at me sharply, "_please_ help me convince this idiot to leave." I sneered at him slightly, but didn't say anything, and he smirked icily back.

"What?!" I threw back, glaring defensively. "This is not as stupid as you're making i -!"

A black blur flew at me and slashed me across the face with sharp claws.

"Yes, it is," Yoruichi said in a hard voice, landing on the ground and glaring at me coolly. "Whether or not you have to come with us, this is what you came here for. We are here to save Rukia; not ingratiate ourselves with the Rukongai or prove ourselves to random citizens. You should not forget this. We are here on a rescue mission. This is not a place to stay.

"Do you understand?"

I was silent for a moment, wrestling with myself. _You should be more mature, _a relatively new voice of stability spoke up calmly. _He's right; waiting for some dick who just pisses you off is meaningless. You should be helping your friends explore new avenues to infiltrate the Seireitei._

I wasn't sure I liked this new voice too much. But it had a point.

Suddenly Yoruichi leaped up and knocked into me again. "Answer me!" he barked, pulling me out of my moody reverie.

"Alright, fine!" I turned to him and he paused. I took a deep breath, straightened up... and let the anger go. "You're right," I admitted; there was a new one. "I'm sorry." My eyes hardened with calmer determination. "Let's go."

* * *

We walked. And walked. And walked. The Elder had given us a map and told us the Shiba had currently set up house out in the middle of a field on the outskirts of a district a few towns away. So now we were walking through the countryside wilderness that seemed to border the outskirts of the Rukongai compass sections. Ishida had the map and was taking the lead, but we were moving so slowly I wondered if he was having trouble reading it.

I walked behind the group with Yoruichi for a while, who'd calmed down enough to answer me when I asked him who these Shiba people were that we were going to meet.

"They used to be a proud, noble Shinigami family," he said, unusually grave and serious. "But they were thrown out of the Seireitei in exile for shaming their title. Now they want nothing to do with the Seireitei or the Shinigami. That's why they're drifters, around the earlier districts of the Rukongai, especially the western section. But their members often specialized in a certain kind of weapon, one which may be able to help our ryoka group."

"So, like with the Rukongai, we'll be using the resentment they have of the Shinigami," I guessed.

"Hopefully," Yoruichi nodded. Then he almost seemed to smirk. "It helps that I know one of them personally." He wouldn't say anything more after that, scolding me gently not to jinx it and shooing me up to walk with my friends while he decided what to say.

Now we'd been walking in silence for quite a while. It was getting hot, and Ishida was still uncertain of himself enough that I wondered privately if we weren't actually just bumbling around aimlessly. That would be stupid and embarrassing. "Is it really this way?" I asked after the fifth time we'd stopped, staring around the fields about ourselves to the mountains beyond aimlessly. Ishida stood, staring at the map for a moment. "Hey, Ishida, do you know where the hell we're going?" I asked in a slightly louder voice.

"Shut up while I concentrate, Kurosaki!"

"You've _been_ concentrating! Are we going in the right direction or aren't we?"

I pointedly ignored the way I distinctly saw the others rolling their eyes at our bickering out of the corner of my eye.

"Look," Ishida sighed out in bewildered frustration, glancing up at me, "according to the map, they should be somewhere around here! If you think you know so much, you take the lead!"

"I never said I had better map-reading skills than you! I just said -!" It was hot, and this was getting infuriating.

"Well, does it even make any sense that they would live out here?" Inoue spoke up quickly, concerned and cutting through our bickering. We turned to look at her. "I mean, no matter who they are, aren't they still bigger and more powerful than anyone in Rukongai? Why not live in the center of everything and soak up all the praise? You said the dishonored noble leader's name was Shiba Kuukaku, right? Why would he live out here instead of becoming powerful in some group of people?"

We turned uncertainly to Yoruichi, who sighed. "Trust me, this information is probably correct. Kuukaku would probably like this place better," he explained. "It's quiet, not too many people. Kuukaku's never really been one to enjoy being around tons of people, especially people who don't understand the Shibas' powers and their... unique... position.

"Don't worry," he added at our bewildered, helpless stares, seeming strangely like he was suppressing a smile. "I'd be able to find the Shiba anywhere. Look." He turned directly around, and so did we... and I gaped. I couldn't help myself.

Standing randomly far out in the field was the gaudiest-looking one-story house I had ever seen. It was painted bright red, it had a smoke-stack-looking-thing coming out of its backyard that was roughly the size and height of a rocket-ship, and a giant pair of carved stone arms held up a banner above the roof. The banner proclaimed, "THIS IS SHIBA KUUKAKU'S HOUSE."

... Did they not like living around people because they tended to piss off their neighbors? I suddenly wondered.

"See?" Yoruichi said easily. "You could pick them out anywhere; what'd I tell you?"

"Oh, yeah," Ishida muttered, staring. "They're definitely... noticeable."

* * *

We had just made it toward the entryway around the front door when two huge, hulking men appeared out of the shadows around it. They were twins, heavily muscled, with neat pencil mustaches and even more immaculate work clothes. They stood in front of us firmly, crossing their arms.

"Who are you?" one asked.

"And why is one of you a Shinigami?" the other finished, glaring at us with reserved suspicion.

_I really should think about seeing if I can change these clothes,_ I thought distantly. Outwardly, I frowned slightly, rolled my eyes in exasperation, and put my hand up to rest easily on Zangetsu, making sure I looked slow, casual, and non-threatening. "Not very welcoming, people around Soul Society, are they?" I muttered with dry, slightly amused sarcasm to Yoruichi. He sighed and sauntered forward in front of me.

Their eyes widened at once at the sight of the diminutive black cat.

"Yo-Yoruichi-dono!" one of them said in deeply honored surprise, both of them standing back. "Our deepest apologies; we had no idea! Guard the door," he muttered to his twin, and then stood to the side, sliding the rice-paper door to the inside to let us through. "Please come in," he said in much airier tones, looking at all of us, even me.

We all glanced at the unsurprised Yoruichi, our eyebrows raised, but followed him willingly enough through the door and down a dark set of stairs. Apparently, the upper level was all for show and their real house was actually underground. It struck me that these shamed nobles seemed kind of... paranoid.

"Our apologies," the twin who was leading us repeated from up ahead, farther down the dark recesses of the stairs. "I had no idea you were among the group, Yoruichi-dono. Please forgive my rudeness."

"It's alright. I didn't notice either of you at first, either. It's partially my fault," Yoruichi allowed easily, staring around the dark stairwell with the casualness of long experience.

"You are very kind, Yoruichi-dono," the man murmured, respectfully deferential, and then he was silent. Vaguely, once more, I wondered what Yoruichi was. Animal spirits didn't seem to be normal around here, especially ones with reiatsu presence - and former nobles, or at least their servants, were acting so deferential toward him...

We came out onto the landing, and in front of us the man paused in a long wooden hallway, brightly lit and lined on either side with rice paper screens. "Wait here," he said quietly, and approached one of the doors almost carefully.

He started as a voice suddenly spoke up loudly from within - a female voice. "Is that you, Kogane?" it asked sharply, like it hadn't already sensed his reiatsu.

"Er, yes, ma'am!" Kogane replied quickly, sounding nervous. "There is -"

"A rare guest waiting outside. I know." A moment's pause as Kogane stared at the door, waiting for her to extend an invitation. Then suddenly, the voice snapped out from within, "Well, what are you waiting for?! Send them in!"

Kogane started ever so slightly. "Yes, sorry, excuse me," he immediately said, and stepped aside to slide open the door to let us through, his expression uncomfortable and awkward. Wondering about the person we were going to meet, we entered the door...

And_ she_ was the last thing I expected. Tall, curvy, dark-haired, and beautiful, her face thin and high-cheekboned with a broad forehead and long, soft eyelashes. But she was thin and pale, with shadowed bags under her eyes and a stump for a right arm. There was a warrior-like kanji tattoo on her other shoulder, but her clothes were casual and threadbare, worn and loose and revealing to allow for freedom of movement. She was arranged almost purposefully and artistically, curled up against a pile of pillows in the center of the room. She clearly had the muscle to show she worked out regularly, but just as clearly kept to the house and nursed her disability and her fallen pride outside of that. She gave off a hard, invisible aura of someone you didn't want to mess with, but her coarse grin was somewhat worn.

"Long time, no see, Yoruichi," she greeted the cat casually, with what seemed like genuine pleasure and friendliness. She ignored Kogane, letting him bow silently out of the room once more.

My friends and I all stared at her for a moment. "Shiba Kuukaku is...?" Yoruichi looked behind himself and raised a furry brow in amusement and hard questioning. Ishida reddened. "W-well, it's just that I didn't expect... I didn't expect her to be so... She's a _woman_," he finally ended on awkwardly. For once, I couldn't exactly blame him for not being sure what to say. Kuukaku was an unusual image - it was just hard to define why we were probably all gaping at her in surprise.

Kuukaku raised an eyebrow and looked us over, standing in a line behind Yoruichi. She didn't seem impressed - that might not be a good sign. I tried to stand tall and wipe the awkward, gobsmacked look off my face. "Who are these people?" she finally asked Yoruichi in blunt bewilderment.

"Well," Yoruichi said slowly, cautiously, friendly and respectful, "that's the thing, Kuukaku. This isn't really a social call." He looked sideways at her. "I... have a favor to ask of you, I'm afraid."

Kuukaku stared at him for a moment. Then, to our surprise, her lips quirked into an ironic smirk and she chuckled humorlessly. "I should have known," she said, her eyes sparking with a muffled sort of amusement. "Isn't it the same every time you show up here? _Social call_; when exactly have you ever paid a social call, I'd like to ask?"

Yoruichi eyed Kuukaku for a moment, and then snorted and nodded his head in reluctantly amused agreement. There was a moment of silence as they gazed at each other, some sort of silent understanding passing between them. I felt like I was intruding on something private, somehow, and the other threes' awkward expressions looked as if they felt the same way.

Finally, Kuukaku let out a thoughtful breath and asked seriously, "... Is it pretty big? Worse than usual, I mean?"

Her gaze swept over us briefly in a restless line, discerning and piercing. For some reason, they seemed to linger on me for a moment, staring and yet hard to read.

"... I'm afraid so," Yoruichi said honestly.

Kuukaku looked back at him - then she grinned, some life sparking into her. "Well," she said, "that sounds interesting. And we haven't done something interesting together in a good while, have we?"

Her eyes sharpened, and I suddenly saw her as dangerous in a way she hadn't looked before.

* * *

Kuukaku finally invited us to sit on a line of tatami mats she had Kogane bring in for her (he retreated just outside the door to guard her and do more bidding afterward). But Yoruichi, seated like a cat before us, was the one who did the talking. I listened in mildly impressed silence as he smoothly, flawlessly, and dramatically explained our situation. He'd done this before, I could tell - pitched crazy plans to people.

When he was finished, Kuukaku considered his proposal for a while. She sat back and lit a long, thin wooden pipe between her fingers, so that its thick scent filled the room. It didn't smell like cigarettes at all, but more like incense and wood, and the scent was automatically calming, almost mind-fogging if you weren't careful, and somewhere I wondered if that was why she was doing it. If, despite her demeanor, the idea of helping us into the Seireitei that had already exiled her made _her_ nervous and on-edge, too.

"I see," she said after a while, consideringly. "Yes, I think I understand... I'll help," she accepted bluntly, looking us in the eye.

Yoruichi perked up. "Really? Thanks," he said, suddenly sounding much less calm and in-control and a lot more relieved.

"Sure. If Urahara Kisuke is a part of this, too, I don't think I could really have refused anyway," said Kuukaku, shrugging. Before I could wonder too much what she meant by that, she suddenly pointed at me, her eyes hard, and added, "But just because I trust you and him doesn't mean I trust those four." I raised my eyebrows, unfazed, as she looked back to Yoruichi and mandated, "I'm sending one of my men with all of you to make sure nothing happens with them. Any objections?"

"No," Yoruichi said quickly. "Of course not."

But just because he didn't have any objections didn't mean I was comfortable with the idea of some random guy from Soul Society I didn't know going with us on a mission like this. "Hey," I started, sitting up straighter and frowning, "what exactly do you mean by 'your man'?"

To my surprise, as she stood up and turned to the rice paper screen door behind her - there must be further inner precincts in this maze-like underground house - she answered me courteously. "I'm sending my younger brother with you," she said matter-of-factly, putting her hand on the door handle. "He's not as good as I'd like him to be for something like this, but he's the best I can send. You ready?" she called suddenly through the screen door.

"Uh, r-right now?" a male voice called back nervously. I raised my eyebrows even higher (they seemed to have taken up permanent residence somewhere near my hairline ever since I'd first caught sight of the Shiba family). He'd been sitting behind the door the entire time instead of just sitting in the room with her? Was that some sort of bizarre noble tradition, or were they really just that paranoid?

"Yes!" Kuukaku barked to him. "I'm opening the door, so be polite!"

"A-alright, got it!" He still sounded nervous - and familiar, now I came to think of it. Kuukaku slid the door open...

And my jaw dropped.

Kneeling there, smiling uncomfortably, on a tatami mat was Ganjyuu.

* * *

There was a long silence as both parties slowly stopped looking curious and started gaping at one another.

Then the explosion of noise.

"YOU!" Ganjyuu exploded, standing up steadily, his face twisting furiously.

"_You_," I growled in frustration, glaring back at him heatedly.

"What's this? You two know each other?" Kuukaku asked in confused curiosity, looking between us.

Ganjyuu ignored her. Glaring, he charged forward, his chin thrust out aggressively. I ducked around him, shot to my feet, and aimed for his solar plexus -

Suddenly, without warning, a pair of hard, razor-fast hands came out and smashed our heads together with an explosion of pain. "_Fuck,_" I hissed, my eyes watering, and Ganjyuu staggered backward, clutching his own skull, as Kuukaku stood between us, her expression slowly becoming angry herself.

"Both of you, stop this, _now_," she said forcefully, glaring from one to the other. Her dark eyes were dangerous. There was a moment of tense silence; not even Yoruichi said anything, staring at the scene cautiously. "Well?! What on earth has gotten into you two?!" she finally snapped at us.

"Bu - but Onee-sama, you don't understand; he_ deserved_ it! He -" Ganjyuu began in protest, but Kuukaku aimed a lazy slap at the back of his head that she clearly expected him to duck.

"No, he didn't! He is a guest! Don't you talk that way to me!" Her eyes flashed. Ganjyuu cringed and fell silent, glaring at the floor instead. Well, this explained who he'd been so afraid to come home late, drunk, and beaten-up to last night.

I sighed and sat back, the pain in my skull fading. "Like brother, like sister," I muttered to him wryly, sitting back. "Just like you, she attacks out of nowhere with incredible force."

But at the sound of my voice, Kuukaku suddenly flashed her hand out. I forced myself to tense up but do nothing as she grabbed my hair and put her face right into mine, our forms nearly connecting. She smelled like her heavy pipe smoke. "_You_," she growled. "He's coming with you. Those are _my_ rules and this is _my _home. If you don't like the way I run it, you can get the hell _out_." Her tone was defensive and possessive.

I stared at her cautiously for a moment, still strangely thrown off-balance. "Alright," I finally said. "Alright..."

At my curious stare, her eyes widened briefly, and then her expression seemed to close off. She shrugged, let go of me, and stood up. "Good," she said casually. "Just as long as you get the point." Then she turned to everyone else, who were staring at the scene with big eyes. "Alright, everyone follow me outside, let's get this show on the road." She walked briskly to the door without another word.

I looked sideways at Ganjyuu, who was significantly more downtrodden - less angry and more sullen. Considering he was apparently going to be traveling with us, I put behind my anger with difficulty and dared to offer cautiously, "Hey. You know that you're sister's terrifying, right?"

Ganjyuu blinked at the floor for a moment. Then he looked up at me sideways and grinned wryly. "You have no idea," he admitted sheepishly.

The atmosphere relaxed a little.

* * *

We all followed Kuukaku down countless maze-like, twisting, polished wooden hallways dotted with lovely rice paper screen doors. After a while, Ishida finally commented with quiet curiosity, "It's so bright even though we're underground."

"And with no electrical lighting," I agreed idly, something I'd noticed. There were kerosene lamps set every few feet along the walls, but a lot of the interior's brightly lit atmosphere seemed to be coming from the walls and ceiling themselves.

"Yeah, I planted some light vines between the walls and ceiling." Kuukaku spoke of a complex-sounding project with the idle kind of casualness that hinted at someone with a green thumb.

"Light vine? Is that a type of Soul Society plant?" Ishida asked interestedly.

"Hmm? Well, it's - Oh hey, here we are," she suddenly interrupted herself brightly as we arrived in front of a wooden sliding door a bit different from the rest. "Open it, Ganjyuu," she ordered firmly, and Ganjyuu hurried forward.

Ishida's expression was disappointed and slightly irritated. "Her house, her rules," I muttered to him dryly, and we shared a look.

"Opening the door!" Ganjyuu announced loudly, drawing everyone's attention. "Aaand...!" He squared his expression and shoved the door back to reveal the sight beyond.

"Wow..." I murmured before I could stop myself, and I heard Inoue gasp slightly. All four of us were staring once more.

Up close, the tall rocket-ship-looking tube out back could be seen as a hundreds of feet tall cylinder sticking up out of the ground and surrounded for a great length upward by round concrete walling, similar to that which seemed to exist in the Seireitei. It was an impressive, and intimidating, sight. "What _is_ it?" I finally asked.

"_This_ is what I'm using to catapult you into the Seireitei," Kuukaku said smirkingly, walking forward to stand beside her work proudly. Her voice echoed strangely in the empty, walled space.

"Wait...

"_Catapult us_?" Ishida and I demanded at the same time, stepping forward in front of Inoue and Chad reflexively, as we realized what she had just said.

"Of course. Didn't Yoruichi tell you?" Kuukaku glanced at us and smirked. "This is my specialty. I chemically mix and enhance sky-high fireworks.

"Fireworks tall enough to get you over Seireitei's walls."

* * *

"Yoruichi's putting our safety into the hands of a_ fireworks technician_?" My slight intimidation of Kuukaku had finally been overriden by my overly blunt, disbelieving mouth.

"Yup," Kuukaku answered with equal bluntness, and then whirled around and commanded to the top high above, "Kogane! Sirogane! Hoist us up!"

There was a huge cranking noise from the two guards above, and all of a sudden the very ground beneath us started to move. "What the -?!" I heard Ishida gasp, and all four of us had to steady ourselves quickly in surprise as we were raised slowly, slowly upward with a rumble, the platform around us being pushed slowly up as a giant metal cylinder was pushed even higher, out of the top of the tube to point proudly toward the skies, the tube itself receding slowly back into the Earth...

Finally, we were standing on a raised wooden platform that led to a small, door-like entrance in the metal rocket-cylinder. "So, what do you think? My fireworks base," Kuukaku bragged proudly, waving a hand behind her.

"It's the Kuukaku Cannon," Ganjyuu added enthusiastically from behind her.

"Hey!" she frowned, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm showing off to them! Who said you could come up here?"

"Well, I just wanted to -!"

The siblings' bickering was interrupted by Ishida, who was once again mildly and forcefully panicking from all the unexpectedness and danger. I was really hoping he'd acclimate to this. It was probably going to happen a lot.

"Hey, this is no time to joke around! I don't care how good a technician you are," he mandated, crossing his arms. "Shooting us out of a fireworks cannon is too dangerous to be feasi - Ow!" He glared.

Looking mildly irritated by his tone, Kuukaku had reached behind herself for a pack and then bounced a ball off his head, shooting it neatly straight into my hands. I stared at it. It looked simple enough: just a clear, round ball. But spiritually, it felt... odd. "What is it?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at it after a couple of moments.

"It's a Spirit Ball," she said matter-of-factly, which told me absolutely nothing. Then, at my expression, she grinned slightly and said, "Look, kid, just channel some reiatsu into it."

I looked down at it and concentrated for a moment... But my reiatsu didn't want to go inside the orb. It skittered around the surface, stubborn, and I didn't have enough control to force it tightly into such a compact space. Finally, slightly embarrassed and irritated, I asked reluctantly, "... How do I channel reiatsu into it?"

I looked determinedly at the ball, my face a bit warm, as I felt everyone turn to stare at me. "Uh, like with kidou spells," Kuukaku finally explained, sounding slightly nonplussed. "Do the beginning step for learning kidou spells."

_... Uh-oh._

Yoruichi, who apparently had been informed of the extent of my training, chose that moment to save me. "Ichigo is not an officially trained Shinigami," he explained, sounding sheepish himself. "This is a bit last-minute, so he... actually doesn't know any kidou spells."

"_He doesn't know kidou?_ You're kidding me?!" Kuukaku actually sounded somewhat indignant. Then she scoffed. "Ganjyuu!" she ordered. "Show him how it's done!"

Ganjyuu puffed himself up and smirked. "Of course, Onee-sama." He turned to me, his smirk widened, and he made a grab for the ball to snatch it purposefully out of my hands. My face deadpan and even more irritated, I evaded him just to be perverse. He glared at me and grabbed for it again; I evaded again. "Give me the ball!" he snapped in frustration, practically stomping his foot like a five-year-old.

"No," I sneered. "I'd rather kill myself than take _you _for a teacher."

All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kuukaku storming forward, her face thunderous once more. We had to duck another blow and she snatched the ball from my hands.

"We're doing the lesson," she mandated, glaring from one to the other. "_Now_."

* * *

Five minutes later, we were doing the lesson.

Ganjyuu stood there before my row of curious friends and a vaguely bored and amused looking Yoruichi, Kuukaku standing there with her arms folded off to the side. Ganjyuu's face screwed up like he was constipated, as he stood there holding the Spirit Ball in his hands, and then I felt a huge fluctuation of reiatsu around him. It narrowed and narrowed toward the strange feeling ball, being controlled and wound tighter and tighter... and then all of a sudden a round sphere of reiatsu expanded inside the little transparent ball, zoomed out past its parameters, and engulfed Ganjyuu in a perfectly round orb of glowing blue reiatsu.

I heard my friends jump backward in shock at its suddenness. "What the hell is _that_?" I asked fervently, raising my eyebrows.

"The cannon ball," Kuukaku explained, walking forward to stand next to a smug-looking Ganjyuu, standing inside his 'cannon ball.' "Let me explain. If you thought the wall around the Seireitei is its only defense, you're dead wrong. Just inside the walls' parameters is an invisible barrier of energy emanating from the special stones the walls are created from. It covers Sereitei entirely, even its top and its underground, and it completely holds back people who come in without permission, as well as all reiatsu penetrations. If we just try to fly in from above with no help, we'll all be turned to dust. That," she added quickly, "is why we need this." She pointed behind herself at Ganjyuu within his cannon ball. He wasn't looking so smug anymore.

"Onee-sama," he whined, panting and sweating. "This is hard. Can I let it go, or...?"

"Keep it up!" she barked, in a tone I recognized as similar to my childhood karate teacher's. "Now," she turned back to us, leaving Ganjyuu to look downcast, "this 'cannon ball' is actually a mixture of reiatsu's attacking power and a special chemical I have mixed and made the ball out of, something that can front the attack that the Seireitei can't keep out. It's a very... uh, _private_... invention, and the two forces together create a force made out of particles called spiritrons. If you provide enough reiatsu to the Spirit Ball's core, you will be able to create a force strong enough to break through Seireitei's protection shield in an aerial attack. It should also protect you from the force below when I blast you upward from the thing behind me and in a certain direction, the way I usually would a firework. You put everything you can into your Spirit Ball cannon and you should be able to break into the Seireitei in one clean strike. This may sound a little ridiculous," she then sighed, running a hand through her hair, "but I'm afraid it's all we can do. Now, move; all four of you to the training room inside to figure out how to help the Spirit Ball make as big a force as possible," she ordered suddenly. "Now."

"Uh, well -" I said, startled, but she was already turning away. Goodie. Didn't listen well, did she?

"Kogane, Sirogane! Take them to the training room!"

I turned to my three stunned and bewildered-looking friends as we were all led away. Well, that was... _interesting_.

"You'd better learn that exercise by tomorrow!" she yelled hotly after us. "Or you'll all be blown to bits!"

I sighed. "Cheerful!" I growled backward, and to my relief, she didn't answer.

* * *

The training room was simply a long, empty, wood-floored room, again reminiscent of my karate class days. We were all set to practicing with Kurogane and Sirogane, them coming around to us in our separate parts of the room, obscenely polite and deferential as they told us what to do and then left us to do it with separate prototypes of the Spirit Ball. The thing was, either I was dumb, the other three learned through mitosis, or the twins told me something different than what they told everybody else, because I couldn't make sense of any of it. "Make sounds like uuwaah, and stand like this, and make your reiatsu flow through your arms like a tiny stream," what the fuck did that mean?

So I was standing there in frustration, my reiatsu scattering and dissipating around me, as my three friends were getting it by the evening, to various degrees (Inoue had great control and made a perfect circle; Ishida's was too narrow and tightly controlled, and Chad's was powerful but unstable) and I was miles behind all of them. Which didn't exactly bring up great memories, what with my current surroundings. So I was frustrated, and the twins were starting to wonder smilingly through their politeness if I simply lacked talent. I responded to this by pushing my reiatsu into the area around the spirit ball as I threw it at the nearest twin's head, making it contact so hard that their nose started bleeding; when they protested I reminded them in a hard voice that I was their _student_ and therefore _they _were supposed to be the more mature ones.

They stopped commenting after that.

Okay, so I was being really temperamental. But it was starting to sink in that we were going to be wasting two of our precious days in the Rukongai now. I _had_ to figure this out, to save Rukia from being axed. _And I wasn't getting it._

Finally, after all of my friends were standing off to the side, watching me snap at the twins' confusing metaphors with uncomfortable uncertainty - after it was nighttime and I was about ready to explode, I was so frustrated - Ganjyuu and a cook slid the rice paper screen door open and came in. "I am sorry to interrupt, but dinner is ready," the male cook murmured.

Ganjyuu ruined the effect by yelling out from behind him, "Yeah, get out there! You all must be hungry after all this work!"

My friends stared at his insistence. "Umm...?" said Ishida, voicing their mutual thoughts.

"Look," Ganjyuu sighed, "this might be the last time you get to eat in the next two weeks. You should get a big, hot meal while you can. We can afford it."

"But we _should_ wait until Kurosaki isn't..." Ishida trailed off quietly, as if not sure what to say.

I was touched when neither of the others protested this thought, not even Chad with his huge appetite. I could feel them watching me carefully.

"You guys go on," I said, wiping the sweat of effort from my forehead and looking away, ashamed of myself. "I'll catch up."

"If you say so," Ishida said uncertainly after a few moments, and I heard two pairs of footsteps walk toward the door. Then stop after a certain distance.

"Inoue," Chad finally spoke up, his voice unreadable as he watched her standing silently in the corner, as if she'd been hoping she wouldn't be noticed. "Are you coming?"

"Oh, thank you, but I'm not hungry," Inoue insisted politely but cheerfully - just as her stomach gave a huge growl. Despite myself, my lips almost twitched during the slight, embarrassed pause. "Ah, well, I'm only a little hungry," she began, but I spoke up.

"Inoue." I felt her turn slowly to look at me. "You should go with them," I told her quietly. "I don't mind."

"Oh, no, Kurosaki-kun, it's just that I'm not hungry -!" Inoue told me immediately, her voice so falsely cheerful, so worried, so painful reminiscent of Yuzu in the months of my recovery that I clenched the ball tighter in my hands, a strange tightening around my eyes.

"Inoue," I spoke up heavily, halting her denials. I swallowed and continued looking ahead of me. "Please."

I'm not sure what she heard in my tone, but there was a split second as I felt her staring at me discerningly. Then, suddenly, she said, "Alright! Everyone, let's eat!" Smiling in that polite but insistent way of hers, she began shooing a surprised Chad and Ishida out of the room. "Let's go! Time to eat! Let's go!" she chirped. The door to the room shut, and then there was silence.

A moment's pause. I could still feel someone watching me. Reluctantly, I finally turned around, my eyes carefully shuttered and flat... and there sat Ganjyuu, cross-legged, watching me with his head in his palm mockingly.

Suddenly feeling a prick of angry indignation, determined to ignore the asshole, I went back to my exercise. It wasn't any easier without any distractions, and to make it even more flustering and frustrating, despite all my motivation and willpower I was now making mistakes in front of Ganjyuu, of all people.

Finally, I turned to him and scowled. "Go eat," I spat heavily, panting. "Stop fucking staring at me."

Ganjyuu stared back, unimpressed, and I hadn't felt so pathetic in a good while. "I'll stare wherever I want to."

"Get lost!" I snapped back defensively, somewhat aware of how lame I sounded.

"No," said Ganjyuu, his eyes widening purposefully.

I stood there for a moment, panting, wondering whether I could beat the shit out of Shiba Kuukaku's little brother and still get her to help us. Somehow, I doubted it.

Finally, with a well of self-control I hadn't been aware I possessed, I growled out, _"Fine," _and went back to training irritably. I tried to concentrate once more... and Ganjyuu sighed, shifted, and started whistling.

I snapped.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ROOM OR I'LL SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH FOR YOU!" I thundered, turning around and throwing the Spirit Ball at him as hard as I could, my temper boiling over into the snarl on my face. Anger: my best default.

Ganjyuu dodged the ball, caught it as it bounced back off with impressive resilience, and stood, examining it thoughtfully in his hand for a moment. "This means a lot to you, doesn't it?" he finally asked out of the blue, catching me completely off-guard and sounding, for once, serious.

I paused, deflating, and stared at him with cautious, wide eyes.

He looked at me piercingly, as much as he could, as if trying to judge something. I remembered, then, that Ganjyuu hated the Shinigami for what they had done to his family - and that he still didn't know if I was the same as them. "This Shinigami you're trying to save," he finally continued, in a hypothetical sort of tone. "Is she important to you? On a personal level, I mean?"

He sounded, reservedly, genuinely curious. We gazed at one another cautiously for a moment.

"You could say that," I finally replied slowly, wondering what he was searching for here.

Ganjyuu frowned in confusion. "What does that mean?" he finally asked bluntly, equally unwilling to show his hand. I suddenly got the feeling that we disagreed because I was dealing with someone who was too much like me, and I didn't like it.

I walked forward, my face suddenly neutral, and grabbed the ball back. "It means give me that," I said firmly, eyeing him sarcastically. "That's what it means."

"Hey!" he protested. "You don't get off that easy! What did you mean?"

And that was when I realized, opening my mouth and then closing it again, why I was so uncomfortable: what _did_ I mean? It was ridiculous, but... This girl I was risking everything for. What was she to me? We'd only known each other a few months. The thought was as startling as it had been in previous times.

Why was I doing this? Past all the self-realization, the defiance, the hero complex, the guilt if I didn't... why was I saving Rukia?

At my sudden silence, Ganjyuu prompted guessingly, "Did you... make a promise to save her?"

"No," I said honestly after a moment.

"... Has someone offered you a lot of money for it?" he supposed pessimistically.

I sighed. "We use different money in our world, genius," I reminded him in irritation. There wasn't exactly an inter-universal currency transfer system, either - or, at least, none that I had ever heard of. Maybe the Shinigami had one. Not that they'd be offering it to me.

"Well, then I don't get it," Ganjyuu finally said in frustration. "_Why..._ do you want to save this girl?"

Why did I want to save this girl?

And, abruptly, I thought of Rukia.

* * *

_I stared directly into a pair of glowing, eerie, hungry eyes as they dipped closer and closer..._

_And then, abruptly, my vision was covered in black cloth. _

_At first I thought that the person who had suddenly appeared in front of me, blocking the Thing from killing me, was a samurai._

* * *

_At that moment, the warrior girl finally looked up and saw me. Our eyes met, and she really _**_looked_**_ at me for the first time, instead of looking through me as she had this afternoon. Her wide dark eyes got impossibly huge._

* * *

_She was even smaller and more delicate than I'd initially realized. The subtle curves just visible under her robes and the thin, almost starved, mature cast to her face were the only things that kept her from giving off the appearance of a girl around my sisters' age. But she was very straight-backed, and the dignity and grace she used as she moved were carefully crafted and refined, almost as refined as her softly, sharply enunciated, proper-sounding speech. Her white face was heart-shaped, with high cheekbones, hollow cheeks sloping down below them, arched eyebrows, and a sharp chin. Her mouth was small and firmly set, her nose was delicate - one of those noses that could very easily wrinkle, in disdain or in amusement - and her black eyes looked wide in her face. They were also very deep. Unlike Dad's or Karin's black eyes, where everything showed and sparked on the surface, hers were a bit like watching a pool of water that was so still, it was easy to forget how deep it was unless you really looked. Her thick, shiny black hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves, and her warm, delicate, almost bird-like, but deceptively callused white hands were still gripping my chin._

_I blinked and tried to tug my face away from her, but her grip just hardened. Her gaze never wavered as she stared unblinkingly at me._

_"... How odd," she finally said, after all her great examining. "You don't _**_look_**_ mutated or deformed."_

_I would have said '... uh, thanks?' but she still had my jaw in her iron grip. So I settled for staring at her in bewilderment, still bent at an uncomfortable half-angle._

* * *

_She made a somewhat amusing attempt to puff up her petite form, hissing in indignation. "Do you have _**_no_**_ sense of propriety?"_

_"Do you have _**_no_**_ sense of normality?"_

_"I have no reason to learn _**_your world's _**_sense of what's normal!"_

_"Then don't expect _**_me_**_ to show _**_you _**_any propriety!" I shot back, angry and unthinking. Something about this girl just set me off._

* * *

_"I'm not short! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! I live ten years for every one of yours! I may look small, but I'm over _**_a hundred and fifty years old_**_! Ya got that? _**_A hundred and fifty_**_! _**_And_**_ I'm an all-powerful Shinigami who can do magic kidou spells like this one to paralyze you, making you_**_ completely at my mercy_**_! I am not a midget! I am not short! I am a perfectly acceptable size, and it does not detract at all from _**_my amazing presence_**_!"_

_I would have been laughing hysterically at the idea that the dramatic, proper, delicate young Shinigami had issues about her height (and, apparently, a hidden wild, improper side capable of contesting even _**_my_**_ lungs)... but she was _**_still jumping on my freaking spinal cord_**_!_

_"OW! Get the hell off of me, you crazy woman!"_

_"Shut up! I'd kill you if it wasn't against Soul Society law!"_

* * *

_The ghost of the man (I realized distantly in the back of my mind that I'd never even learned his name) trembled, tears of fear and awe in his eyes, as he gazed at the Shinigami girl sheathing her sword again in front of him. And as I took in her calm, even, almost emotionless expression, which looked so at home with her samurai clothing... as she glowed faintly with spirit power, her white skin seeming almost translucent and pearly in the homely light... For a moment, as I took her in, with him glowing blue, slowly fading away into nothingness before her, I could understand his fear and awe._

_"P-please," he whispered pleadingly to her, his voice echoing oddly as his connection to the living world faded away. "I don't want to go to Hell."_

_She gazed at him silently, her deep black eyes calm pools of consideration, for a moment. Finally, she said simply, "You are not going to Hell. You are going to the Soul Society. Unlike Hell, you may find happiness there."_

* * *

_Once you'd felt the cold, mangled presence of a Hollow spirit, I didn't understand how you could lose it. It wasn't exactly subtle. Maybe that was why she sounded so embarrassed. By Shinigami standards, I wondered... how powerful _**_was_**_ this girl?_

_Suddenly, her unexpected self-consciousness over little things like her height and her artistic abilities was put in a different light. The realization softened my anger._

* * *

_Finally, the Hollow realized it really was dealing with a suicidal nutcase. Roaring, it charged, coming straight at me, a huge looming shadow with a white mask and glowing eyes and sharp teeth. I took a good look at my end... and then I closed my eyes. Waiting for the impact..._

_... It never came... Instead, I heard the Hollow's roar stop abruptly... but I couldn't feel anything... I opened my eyes. And shock turned my whole body to ice._

_The Shinigami girl wasn't as gone as I had believed. She had woken up, seen what was about to happen... and run between us, taking my attack herself._

* * *

_"I'm sorry," I whispered, something I almost never said, especially in such humbled tones. I was frustrated too, along with feeling extremely guilty and stupid. "I'm sorry, I-I was just trying to -"_

_"I know what you were trying to do," she whispered, cutting across me, but her words were not angry this time. Then she opened her eyes hazily and looked up at me with such gentle, unexpected, exasperated understanding that my throat closed up. _

* * *

_Her inscrutable dark eyes staring searchingly up into mine were the last thing I saw before the sword pierced through my chest._

* * *

_"So," I said, clearing my throat, "so, I'll help you out with this Shinigami mission crap, at least for a while, all right? I'll go out and help you fight these... Hollow monsters. But I'm not promising anything more than that." There. That was honest. And morally sound. And not completely giving in to her terms. And satisfying the basis of what she wanted._

_I could live with that._

_So I held out my hand to her, completely serious._

_She was still smiling - not in triumph, but in something equally as odd - as she reached out and shook it, her small, slim white hand firm. "Very well," she said. "I look forward to watching your finest efforts."_

* * *

_Unfortunately, I learned that this meant a day and a half's worth of a hell of a lot of crappy drawings. Rukia loved "illustrating" to give me a picture of the different Hollow classifications and types as she explained them and their basic strengths and weaknesses. But even this wasn't so bad, because I learned a lot of information... The lessons were also surprisingly tolerable for another reason. I learned that, once you learned to dodge out of the way immediately afterward, teasing Rukia to make her lose her cool was actually pretty funny - and fairly easy once you figured out the few subjects that really did the the job. Then she'd spring up and charge after me, her face all red, aiming in my direction and screaming profanities. It was more entertaining than it probably should have been._

* * *

_So she started asking questions about things she'd read about. Surprising, perfectly normal things, like food variety, fantasy books, religion, movies, pop music, and the horror genre. Mildly curious, I answered her queries, one after the other, explaining a lot of aspects of modern life. I was particularly fervent when we got to horror: she wanted example recommendations, and I warned her away from the crappy, cheesy horror that you _**_didn't _**_want to read. One of my favorite genres was horror, so I was kind of picky and only read and watched the really good stuff._

_She listened to all of my information with big eyes, seeming fascinated for reasons I couldn't fathom._

* * *

_But in the end, I did leap away to return to my body in my bedroom at home. Because I realized, to my faint surprise, that after all this, I actually trusted Rukia with my friends' safety._

_Who'd have thought?_

* * *

_I was inwardly caught off-guard and amazed sometimes with the way Rukia could live so easily with me in close quarters. A lot of people found me kind of intimidating and hard to get close to, and in some ways I preferred that; but Rukia took everything in stride. When I exploded into temper she'd yell right back, when I made fun of her she just tried to hit me and then forgot about it, when I was sarcastic or blunt or abrasive she just blinked at me and then dismissed it and accepted what I was, and in the mornings as I was putting my school jacket on she'd open up the closet door calmly, fully dressed in our school uniform, and ask me nonchalantly about the homework for that day because she hadn't done it till the last minute. I'd roll my eyes slightly but give her some information. Then she'd sneak out to go to school through my bedroom window, because apparently Rukia was small and nimble enough to be able to climb up or down just about anything. It was all so... casual. And in turn, I thought I could see that surprise her too, though I couldn't be sure. She'd look over sideways at me in veiled surprise at times, like when I brought breakfast and dinner up to her hidden in my jacket after I broke away from the table at meals, or when I distracted my family so she could sneak down to the half-bath across the hall, or when she'd had a nightmare across the room from me one night and I'd walked over, staring at the closet door uncertainly for a moment, before knocking to wake her up. The fearful noises in the room had stopped abruptly. "... Are you okay?" I'd asked in a low tone, uncertain but trying not to show too much of it. There was a pause. Then she'd opened the closet door slightly and looked up at me through the crack, her expression surprised and a bit uncertain itself. Like she wasn't accustomed to people asking her that in all the formality of where she had come from._

_"... I'm fine," she'd said quietly after a moment. "Thank you."_

_Then the next day she was right back to normal, grabbing my arm and dragging me along fearlessly whenever she wanted us to go somewhere in particular even though she was only half my height. People stared as we passed, and I was secretly amused, though I'd never say so._

_Other times at school together were frustrating. I was pretty sure part of the reason why Rukia was doing so poorly in her classes was because she never paid attention in them, and she seemed hell-bent on pulling me in with her. Claiming these lessons were useless to her in the long-run, she instead took to annoying me in class, something that seemed to give her enormous entertainment. She pelted me with things when the teacher wasn't looking until I turned and glared at her innocent-looking face, she passed me notes and horrible drawings in the middle of lessons, she tried to bother me into helping her learn how to make paper airplanes during freelance activities. Once I tried to tell her that, unlike with her, doing well in this actually _**_was _**_important to my future, and she'd smirkingly shown off her learning of living world colloquialisms by calling me a teacher's pet._

_And _**_she_**_ was supposed to be the one who was a hundred and fifty years old._

* * *

_It was interesting, once I asked with slight curiosity, learning about her own world as well..._

_Rukia explained._

* * *

_"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"_

_We both looked up at the sudden voice behind us. Approaching our place on the roof, smiling his most polite and most blank smile, was Mizuiro with his own lunch..._

_"Together again, eh?" Mizuiro said pleasantly, sitting down beside us. "You two sure get along well, don't you?" Apparently he'd decided to take the Asshole suggestive route this period._

_"Oh, yeah," I said sarcastically, "sure. Does this look like happy fun times and flowers to you, smart ass?" I pointed at Rukia, oblivious and attached to my side clingily as usual, sitting there with her juice box and seeming empty-headedly engrossed in trying to get the straw through the hole. Then I gave him a deadpan sort of look._

_"Hm. If you say so," he said with pleasant disbelief. "But just so you know, to most everyone else it looks _**_very _**_suspicious." Then, ignoring my mild glare, he chipperly started in on his food._

* * *

_I nodded and bent down to pick up my sister from the ground, but as she turned to leave, I said quietly, "Rukia." She paused. "Your reiatsu still hasn't returned enough for this, has it?" She was silent. I frowned, torn, somehow not used to thinking of Rukia as weak. Yet I knew it would do no good to argue with her, and we were wasting time. Rukia was like me - she had to do this. She was a fighter. "Just be careful," I said, not looking at her._

_"... Idiot," she said after a moment, but her voice was surprisingly warm. "Shinigami take no unnecessary risks."_

_As we ran our separate ways, me back toward home and her after Chad and the Hollow, I snorted._

_'Shinigami take no unnecessary risks.' What a load of bullcrap._

* * *

_"You said it's okay to retaliate, right?" Rukia was saying coolly. "Well, in that case -" She looked back over her shoulder icily as I came down on his head. "I'll take your advice!" she finished triumphantly._

_I pushed as much reiatsu as I could into making a huge impact on his head, and the Hollow crumpled to the ground below me, unconscious._

_"... Right, Ichigo?" Rukia finished, smiling. She was looking at me with surprising calmness for someone who was bleeding in several different places._

* * *

_"Those are the gates of Hell," she said. "And don't worry. They tend to have that effect on people."_

_I felt something in my stomach drop as I looked back at them, swinging open slowly._

_She couldn't know how right she was. I realized slowly, my head clearing, that for a minute there... _**_my_**_ morals had been disturbingly ambiguous, too._

_"The zanpakutoh does cleanse the soul particles of the Hollow soul, allowing them a final sort of peace, followed by an eventual rebirth. But the zanpakutoh can only cleanse those sins that were committed after death," Rukia was explaining, her voice quiet, almost soothing, grounding. I stared up at the gates, hanging onto that sound._

* * *

_And just for a while, Rukia stood back and let the world have this moment._

* * *

_"Well, th-there weren't exactly a lot of options for design!" Rukia flashed defensively. "Of course I wanted the much cuter bunny!"_

_I blinked up at her vehemence... and then smirked. She liked the bunny shaped candies, too, didn't she?_

_"You wanted the bunny," I repeated matter-of-factly, my lips twitching. "Of_**_ course_**_ you wanted the bunny."_

_Rukia blushed dark red... and then she lost her temper and came at me, swinging._

_"Do not mock me! Do not mock me! There is nothing wrong with liking bunnies!"_

_I ducked around her, laughing. "I was just confirming! I didn't understand! I was confirming! Confirming!" By that point, she had her foot on my head in one of those movements only she could pull off while looking coordinated._

* * *

_"There is no need," she said with dignity, turning away. "I am satisfied with the product. Besides," she added, smiling slightly, as Urahara frowned dubiously, "you guys are working outside the law, right? What's forcing you to recover this?" She held up the little mod soul pill._

_"Hm. We're not responsible, then?" He eyed her piercingly. "If trouble comes, we'll play dumb," he warned._

_She paused, thinking about this. Then, to everyone's surprise, she smiled again. "That's alright," she said, that familiar mixture of sadness and determined defiance on her face. "I have gotten used to trouble lately."_

_She looked past him, staring me right in the eye, and I felt my stomach jolt._

* * *

_We sat on a random busy street a block from my house for an entire three hours one Saturday afternoon, eating popsicles and talking and arguing irritably as we tried to watch for a cat that might get run over by a passing car. I'm not even kidding._

* * *

_The house fell into a quiet after dinner that night, unusual so early in the evening. Dad retreated into his study again to conserve his strength once more. Karin and Yuzu slept together in the same bed for once, like they hadn't since they were little girls. I stood in the shower for a while - just sort of standing there, thinking - and eventually got out before someone could think I was trying to drown myself or something._

_When I got back to my bedroom in my pajamas, Rukia was waiting for me in there, already in hers. She had her bright, optimistic face firmly in place, and had even put Kon away into the closet for bed. She seemed to be making an extra effort to cheer me up._

* * *

_"It wasn't a Hollow that killed my Mom!" I forced out, squeezing my eyes shut, bent over as if kneeling for some sort of apology from the dead Shinigami. "The one who killed my mother was me!"_

_Rukia stared down at me, stunned - or maybe horrified - into silence. _

_I kept kneeling there, breathing hard, staring into the dirt. Shaking. Chained by memories._

_I'd drawn a lot of pictures of chains... after I had started again._

_Why I thought of that in that moment, I wasn't sure._

_"I - I highly doubt you deliberately ended the life of your mother," Rukia finally stammered out, sounding dignified and stunned and amazingly unjudging all at the same time. "And... whatever you were seeing behind me before - it wasn't really there. And... I am going to go with my bag and Kon to hide away in the trees and watch over your family now. And... and there is nothing more I can say," she forced out, sounding bitter and frustrated all at the same time. _

_She paused before me for a moment - and then she turned and walked away._

* * *

_"... You're not going to ask anything?" I asked after a while, my humor fading._

_Still, she didn't look at me, but kept running determinedly. "If I did ask, would you answer?" She said it as if she already knew my reply._

_I was silent. Because I didn't think my answer was yes. Didn't know for sure. _

_"It's your problem," Rukia said, in the tone of one who was forcing themselves to accept this. "It is a very deep-seated problem. But it is your problem. No one can solve it but you. I have no right to know. And I have no way of forcing you to tell me that wouldn't hurt you. So I will wait. When you're ready..." She looked over at me and smiled, for a moment gentle, understanding, forgiving. "Just talk to me. Okay?"_

_I gave her a glance back that could never have conveyed all the silent... gratefulness... that speech had brought. Somehow, she had made me feel better without even knowing the problem. _

_I looked ahead of myself and the path moving before me again, my expression slightly easier. "... Okay."_

* * *

_I leaped forward, and as I did so, everything reoriented themselves in the flash that I stepped forward. I saw the rainy clearing in the middle of the graveyard that Dad had driven us to. I saw the forms before me, the blood on my shirt, the zanpakutoh representing the Shinigami power that I'd taken up in my hand. I saw Rukia, a pale white face framed by inky dark air, creeping alone to the edge of the clearing, staring at me from where she was clutching a nearby tree - not interfering, as I'd asked, but for once looking genuinely torn and frightened for me. Watching out for me. Watching out for me for my family: Yuzu. Karin. And Dad._

_And in a moment it was like I was aware again. Aware of the pain and aware of the rain and the scent of the earth beneath my feet and the cold heaviness of the sword in my hand._

_Like all of a sudden, in the middle of a memory of the past, I'd been catapulted forward back into the present. And I realized just how far my entrancement had gone. Just how much the present was where I truly belonged. _

_All this in a moment._

* * *

_"Ichigo!" I realized my knees were already bent to try to go after it when Rukia finally reached out and grabbed firmly at my sleeve. "Stop!" I struggled, staring after the monster, not sure why, not sure of anything anymore, but moving forward - "Stop!' Rukia had run around me, was trying to block me, had grabbed my front lapels, was thumping on them, had lost it completely. She sounded tearful, I registered, pausing at this briefly. Scared. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! It's over! Stop it!" she cried over and over again, pained, desperate, pleading..._

_"Not yet," I pleaded back, still struggling feebly. Because by God, I wanted to do this. I'd waited years for this, for this feeling, for this strength and peace and righteous anger and determination and _**_being here_**_. "Not yet. He's still alive. I can still fight. It's not over," I growled out desperately. _

_But somewhere inside, Rukia's sobbing, clutching at me, told me it was._

_There was no longer any sight of Grand Fisher in the sky above me. He would have time to heal back and re-morph somewhere else, I knew._

_But my strength finally left me, and everything went black._

* * *

_When I re-awakened, I knew immediately that something was different._

_Well, first, if I were being honest with myself, I hadn't really expected to wake up at all. I blinked curiously around myself for a moment, feeling unusually free and at peace... and then the pain hit me and I winced. _

_Oh yeah. I was definitely still alive._

_It took me a few moments to realize I was back in my body. Rukia was kneeling above me. Her expression broke in relief. "Oh, good," she said, sounding weaker for a moment than I think she'd meant to. "I was afraid I hadn't healed your soul enough before putting it back in your body."_

_She'd healed all of that? I realized with distant surprise that we were still in that muddy clearing. Rain was falling gently on my face. It seemed a lot more serene and a lot less threatening now._

_... Huh, I thought in extremely coherent wonderment, not used to feeling so... okay. Unfettered. Peaceful. Unweighted. Free._

* * *

_And he was gone._

_It was probably the most meaningful conversation I'd ever had with my father._

_I stood there in the rain with that soggy, useless umbrella, and I thought. I thought back to my original question: What now?_

_And I realized, in that moment, that my guilt... my memories... my chains... Somehow, impossibly, I'd let go of all of it today. Set it right down and begun walking forward without it. To where, I didn't know yet. But I knew - I suddenly _**_knew_**_ - that there was no reason to keep holding onto it all anymore. In a moment of brutal, matter-of-fact honesty and freedom, I knew it wouldn't have been healthy to keep on carrying it all anyway. _

_I had moved on. It felt _**_great_**_._

_And I finally understood what Rukia meant. This moment, in itself, was a victory._

_But I was also right in that I didn't feel like my journey was over. I wanted to grow a strong, free, kind, proud heart. And I wanted it to grow strong enough, firm enough, supported enough, that when I faced that monster again someday, it would be in a way my mother would have been proud of._

_There was only one way I could think of to achieve that._

_I reached my senses out, and there she was. I nearly smiled, nearly smirked, and did a little of both. "Are you listening to this, Rukia?" I said suddenly, firmly, to the outer fringes of the trees, where she had crept and was hiding, watching over me carefully. Listening._

_"How quickly are your Shinigami powers returning?" There was silence from within the trees. "Well," I said purposefully, lifting my head a little, "however much you have back by now, I would ask you to please, let me be a Shinigami a little while longer. I want to become strong," I said with conviction. "I want to fight Hollow souls. I want to defend people who cannot defend themselves. And I want to become strong enough - strong enough in spirit - that I will one day be able to defeat him, with a clear heart and a clear head! Otherwise..." I turned in her direction, my face strong, determined. "Otherwise, I'd never be able to face my Mom anyway!" _

_And, after a moment, Rukia peered back out at me from around a tree. _

_She smiled through the shadows. Gentle. Almost... proud._

* * *

_"What's wrong, Ichigo? You're looking down!" I turned around just in time to see Rukia leap in front of me, cross her arms over her chest, and shout enthusiastically, "BWAHAHAHAHA!" Then she beamed, looking proud of herself._

_"Aww, geez, cut it out," I complained, putting down the manga and rolling my eyes as I looked away. "Come on!"_

_"Oh, lighten up!" she huffed, coming to stand beside me. "You came, you might as well have fun!" I remained unconvinced, and let my expression show it to her. "What?" she said, tossing her gleaming hair. "I mean, you must be tired from balancing schoolwork with Shinigami work all the time! Aren't times like these for relaxing for you?" She looked over at me sideways, smiling._

_I blinked and softened a little, somewhat surprised that she'd noticed._

_"By the way," she said, frowning in thought and turning away, "I never could get it out of Keigo. What's this festival all about, anyway?"_

_I slumped. "You came without even knowing what it's about?" I asked in exasperation._

_"I told you, it seemed fun and important." She blinked, nonplussed. Then she frowned slightly and pushed my shoulder. "But come on, what is it?"_

_I sighed and tried to explain in a way that someone who had never watched TV before would actually understand. I wasn't sure if it worked._

_"Ah, I see," she said, nodding wisely, when I'd finished. "So you are celebrating Tee Vee. Yes. Very wise."_

_She didn't see. But at least she was kind of endearing in her misunderstanding._

* * *

_After that, though, as Kon and I started arguing and she watched us, her eyebrows raised in amusement, Rukia slowly returned back to her normal, argumentative, somewhat bossy self. She quickly moved past her days of uncertainty on what I would think of the Quincy story and her own connections to it, brushing it aside and seeming to be purposefully trying to forget about it all. I didn't really know, looking back, what that whole moment of hers had been about, and I was pretty sure she didn't either. Occasionally, I wondered in surprised bemusement if she'd really grown to care about this life and my opinion that much._

_And then I'd look sideways at her and wonder if some of her uncertainty was ever over the fact that she probably hadn't really meant to do that._

* * *

_"Wh-what are you doing?" Kon asked quickly, his voice trembling._

_"Well, what do you think I'm doing?" I said, looking at him like he was an idiot. "I'm going after her!"_

_"B-but... but she said..."_

_"Look," I sighed, turning to him, "she can't walk around Tokyo by herself late at night! She's still not very familiar here, and this isn't Soul Society! She hasn't got any powers to defend herself with and there's a reason for the song 'the freaks come out at night'! Besides..." I added, quieter, to myself, thinking of Rukia and her strange reluctance to admit she was okay here, her incredible self consciousness about her own worth and acceptance underneath it all, her ever running away and the pain she usually never let anyone see, the pain that I was just beginning to understand ran deep, "... whether she wants to believe it or not," I said fiercely, "here _**_is _**_where she belongs."_

* * *

_"It's over," Abarai Renji was saying casually. "You die. Rukia gets her powers back. Just before being executed by the Soul Society for fraternizing with you and hiding information."_

**_That_**_ got my attention._

_Rukia was going to get executed by the Soul Society for giving her powers to me?! It was that big of an offense?! ... Rukia had never told me she'd get _**_killed _**_for what she'd done. I whirled my head up to look at her, completely stunned and caught off-guard for a moment. She looked away, forcibly stoic._

_And it hit me, then, that they were going to kill her for saving me - in both the literal and metaphorical sense._

* * *

_Renji raised his zanpakutoh above me, the executioner once more._

_But then, all of a sudden, there was a scream. Rukia. _

_Rukia had suddenly sprinted forward, past Kuchiki-taicho, who stilled momentarily in something like surprise. She leaped onto Renji's arm and yanked back his sword, her face desperate and determined. "Ichigo!" she screamed. "Run! Run now!"_

_"Rukia, you idiot, let go! Do you want to make a bigger criminal of yourself?!" Renji was growling._

_And that was it. The key point. It registered, stupidly slow, in the back of my sluggish mind. That was it. My own state... it didn't matter. How well I thought I could do, whether I lived or died, didn't matter. If I allowed it to, Rukia will have died for me anyway, just like she meant to that day in front of my house, and none of it will have mattered much in the end._

_I... _**_hated _**_that thought._

_And, as if I'd realized that was all it took all along, I used my remaining willpower, and crushed the barrier to my second, true well of reiatsu. _

* * *

_"Let go, Renji! Ichigo! Ichigo!" She was trying to get past him. To me._

_"What the hell is wrong with you, Rukia?! Look, the rookie's dead!" She stopped, stunned. "Okay?! There's no point in getting into more trouble over a dead guy! You get it?! You go near him after we've arrested you and you add another twenty years onto your sentence! In fact, forget that - you go near him now and not even your family name may be able to stop you from _**_actually being executed_**_!" _

_He was still shaking her. Looking like he actually cared. Huh. _

_"So what?!" Rukia suddenly shouted, pushing away from him, and Renji was the one who stopped suddenly. "Don't you get it?! I was incompetent! I dragged him into this! It's my fault he's dead in the first place, _**_can you fault me for going to him_**_?!" _

* * *

_"... Nii-sama," Rukia murmured uncertainly, staring at him with big eyes._

_"It's alright. I see now, Rukia," Byakuya said softly, and it would have sounded understanding if it weren't for the complete and utter lack of emotion in his voice. "This boy - he resembles Him a lot. And so you invested the boy with powers, to try to save Him this time. I... should not have let you go off on a mission alone this soon."_

_Still no emotion. Rukia had flinched away, her face paling at the mention._

_Her brother was kind of an asshole, wasn't he?_

_Abruptly, though, in the back of my mind, a memory swam before me._

She sighed, lying there covered in blood, and this time the anger was clearly directed at herself. "I cannot fight it now. I should have... but I _couldn't _let you die... not like _him_..." Her tone was distressed, and then it was like I wasn't even there anymore. She was fading away, her thoughts directed inward, becoming lost within herself.

_Then more memories came._

_The way her eyes had widened that night in my room, the first time she had really deigned to notice me - the utter shock in her expression for a split second as she had first taken me in. The same way Renji's eyes had widened briefly, the way my appearance had thrown him off enough that for about a whole minute he hadn't known I wasn't on his side. Byakuya either, unless I was much mistaken._

_I looked like someone, my mind - no longer grounded by pain - suddenly connected. Someone important. Someone... dead._

_Well, I wasn't dead. That was the difference. I was still thinking, wasn't I? I wasn't dead!_

* * *

_"You are a mere human. How dare you grab at my brother's robe in that disgraceful manner! Know your place, rookie!" she ordered me, the perfect noble, but with such pained forcedness that it made me sick._

_This was what they wanted from her, I realized, we both realized, catching each other's gaze for a single moment. This was what they wanted to finally leave me alone._

* * *

_"Rukia, this is sick and wrong and you know it! Look at me!"_

_"Don't move!" I heard her shout, stopping suddenly. I paused on reflex, stunned. "Do not even try to move! If you attempt to follow me, human, I will...!" But she trailed off, her voice suddenly breaking at the end, betraying her. _

_Then, suddenly, she whirled back to me, and it was so obvious she was trying not to cry, the great pools of her dark eyes spilling over, that I slumped. Unable to even breathe. "I'll hate you, Ichigo, if you try to do that!" she said desperately. "Every moment that you can live, even like this, I want you to live! Be normal! Breathe in! And _**_live_**_!" She broke off, looking upward, trying very hard for the tears not to start falling._

_There was a moment of silence. "... Very well," Byakuya said softly - since she'd put in such a fucking good effort, apparently. "I'll leave him where he is. His chest and collarbone are thoroughly injured and his heart has been sliced; he should be dead within half an hour. Even if he lives, not a drop of your Shinigami powers will be left in him." His assessment was clinical. He turned away; Renji followed him._

_Renji put his zanpakutoh into the air before him and ordered, "Open!" Into the air around his slashed sword spilled the reiatsu-based image of a door - it was an old-style rice paper screen, and a few more of those jet-black swallowtail butterflies fluttered gently around it. The only peaceful image on the scene, and a false one at that, because I knew where that door had to lead to._

_The Soul Society._

_And I watched, pushed beyond the edge, pushed beyond pain, pushed beyond movement, pushed beyond silence into some no-man's-land of complete isolation. I watched as all three of them opened the doors to the portal, went through, and closed them behind with a soft hiss. I watched as the portal faded away into nothingness._

* * *

_And the final memory. The final memory I had of her before everything had finally gone wrong, our brief time together shattered by a timer she hadn't even told me had been ticking on her life:_

_We looked around for her and found her lurking in a corner by herself, gazing around surreptitiously and holding her bag over one bare shoulder, her thick black hair curled softly onto it and over the strapped sleeves of her summer dress. We called out to her and waved her over, trying to pull her into our circle - she certainly belonged there by this point, all involved could agree with varying degrees of enthusiasm; she had even been our friend longer than Ishida, and he was here - but although Rukia came over, she seemed strangely distant, as if purposefully trying to pull herself back, preoccupied and worried. At first I wondered in some amount of exasperation what was wrong this time... until I examined her more closely for a couple of minutes and noticed the thing that seemed to alarm her was the way she was pulled so unconsciously and effortlessly by now into my circle of family and friends._

* * *

Slowly, I came back to myself, standing before Ganjyuu in the training room at Rukongai. With the question: why was I saving Rukia?

"... Because I owe her one," I realized softly, pained. _I owe her everything._

Ganjyuu stared at me, caught off-guard. "What?"

I took a deep breath, and looked away. "She saved my life," I admitted, the first time I had done so. "She saved the lives of my family. And she saved _me_. She is the reason I have my power in the first place. She is the reason I am a Shinigami, and the reason I am strong. And... she was arrested, for saving me. For following her heart instead of cold Shinigami logic. Now, they are going to execute her." I looked up to Ganjyuu's stunned face and said, with all the calm depth of emotion I had inside me, "... I refuse to allow that."

Ganjyuu stared at me for a long moment, honestly surprised... and then he walked forward quietly and took the ball from my hands. "Give me that," he said in a hard voice, glaring at me, and walked away to another part of the training room.

I blinked, pulled out of my reverie. "H... hey!" I finally exclaimed indignantly, ridiculously late. "Hey, what the hell, give it back! I need that!"

"Well, I want to practice too! You got a problem with that!" Ganjyuu shot back aggressively. "Now buzz off and go do something else while I practice my _secret shortcut_!"

He said the last part extra loud. And then his jaw jutted out stoically, he turned away, and he began practicing aloud without another word.

I stared at him, realizing that - in his own weird way - he was trying to help me.

"First," he recited firmly, "picture a circle in your mind. Fill it with deep, dark color. Then, imagine yourself moving toward the center of the circle." He closed his eyes, the Spirit Ball in his hands, clearly picturing the image in his mind. And, more slowly than last time, the cannon ball expanded out around him.

"This," he finished reciting, "is the basis of all kidou."

He opened his eyes and looked at me, and the cannon ball faded. "_Phew!_" he finally said exaggeratedly, tossing the ball to me and rolling his eyes. "Man, with that shortcut, it was so easy I don't even need to practice! Here, you can have it back! Any idiot could figure out the starting point for kidou after that!

"By the way, Kurosaki," he added back over his shoulder as he slid the door open to go to dinner, "you'd better find a way to figure out this cannon ball thing! After a big speech like that, and what with me risking my life with you guys on this insane trip and all, you had better fucking save that girl, hadn't you?"

He slammed the door shut behind him, and I was alone in the practice room with the secret. My friends would think I had figured it out on my own.

After a moment, I scoffed after Ganjyuu's forced drama, but I'm glad there was no one else in the room, because I honestly think my expression was too grateful for me to really have fooled anyone.

* * *

And so I began again. I set my feet firmly apart and held the Spirit Ball out before myself. As I began to channel up my reiatsu, I didn't strain myself by trying to force control manually. Instead, I closed my eyes and did as Ganjyuu had told me. I imagined a full, black circle, filling it with more and more color, with me moving in a slow, constant motion, drifting toward it...

It took me a moment to realize a strange sensation in my reiatsu. A floating, focused sensation. I opened my eyes.

The spirit ball was glowing brightly before me, the cannon ball expanding out around me. But more than that, more than the incredible feeling that I had actually succeeded... was the feeling of a spark within my hands, huge and wild, like a flame, but cupped between my palms, swirling around and around...

"Kurosaki!" I was brought back to myself with a start by the sound of distant shouts. Looking up, vision and hearing flooding back to me, I saw Kuukaku standing behind a stunned-looking Ganjyuu and my wide-eyed friends in the doorway. The very foundations of the house around us were trembling and rumbling, like we were in the middle of an earthquake. There was a certain pressure in the air... it took a moment to realize it was coming from_ me_.

_"Kurosaki, shut off the flow of reiatsu and fucking stabilize your energy, _**_now_**_!" _Kuukaku shouted at me, wide-eyed and snarling. Looking around us, ridiculously late, I saw that my cannon ball was thin and fluctuating, the size of the entire _room_.

And it was growing larger.

I could feel Zangetsu and my reiatsu leaping around within my chest, the city of my soul world on an intense razor wire. I shoved down on them with a brief jump of surprise and panic. _Okay, okay, control, control, like with sensing... _Slowly, achingly slowly, with enormous effort, I shoved down on the shaped power, bringing it closer and closer in toward myself, visualizing what I wanted...

Until it was a perfect circle around me, the flame neat, even, and powerful within my hands. I had it.

"Hey," I said, startled, staring around myself in pleased surprise. "... I did it!"

"Good job, Kurosaki-kun!" Inoue said in surprise and delight, ducking around Ishida and Sado, who were looking relieved.

"Yeah," I replied, grinning reluctantly, "thanks..." Me having enough control to be able to form the basis for kidou at all was probably some sort of minor miracle. We really were going to be able to get into the Seireitei tomorrow.

Then, of course, I'd lost my concentration, Chad had to pull Inoue and Ishida to duck out of the doorway as the whole orb exploded suddenly in a pressurized wave, and Kuukaku spent the next fifteen minutes yelling at me and Ganjyuu for being so reckless as to do the high-powered alternative exercise. But we were both unable to hide our smirks.

We'd still gotten it, after all.

* * *

I was woken with a start from a weird dream about Rukia telling me we should run away together to Africa to look at rhinos - _rhinos, _you know? - by a loud tapping noise on wood. Sitting up, I blinked around myself groggily... It was morning. Ganjyuu was sitting cross-legged nearby on the Shibas' training room floor, reading a scroll.

"Ugh. What the hell?" I muttered to the world at large, running a hand over my face. The last thing I could remember was training to perfect the time I could hold the kidou exercise...

"How should I know?" Ganjyuu muttered, smirking at me sideways, and I gave him a sarcastic look.

"Hey, why'd I fall asleep here?" I asked with a jaw-cracking yawn as I got slowly to my feet and stretched. It wasn't like I _cared_. I'd found myself passed out in weirder places, and probably a lot less hygienic than I was right now. But I was vaguely curious...

"How the hell would I know that?" Ganjyuu asked me in exasperation. "I just woke up and you were in here. Now go away, I'm trying to concentrate."

"Hey," I said with mild indignation. "After last night, you've got a lot of nerve -"

We were saved from an impending argument by Ishida, who slid the door open and called out, "Kurosaki? Oh, there you are. Yoruichi's back from wherever he disappeared off to yesterday afternoon. He wants you up on the surface.

"We're leaving."

Ganjyuu stilled, and I tried to suppress the vague leap of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. _A few months too late to back out now, _I reminded myself.

* * *

Ishida led me up to the Cannon in back of the Shibas' house. Kuukaku and the Twins stood respectfully off to the side as Yoruichi sat in front of us and addressed the four of us.

"Good," he assessed matter-of-factly, looking us over. "You all seem fed and well-rested. Everything's ready."

"Let's go," Ishida confirmed, nodding once.

"Hey," I spoke up after a moment with a frown, blinking at Yoruichi's backside. "Why does your tail look all... bent... from wherever you were last night?" Too late, I saw my friends shaking their heads frantically, like they'd already asked that question and gotten a bad response.

"Why? Have you got a problem with it?" Yoruichi suddenly growled with narrowed eyes, sounding surprisingly intimidating for something about a foot high.

"Uh, no," I said quickly, bemused. I used to believe that Yoruichi was the only normal assistant Urahara Sandal-Hat had. I was starting to think not. Maybe he was just the best at masking it.

Yoruichi harrumphed and stalked off. "_You _did that, idiot," Ishida hissed in my ear.

I frowned. "... What?" I whispered.

"Yoruichi came back and went in to check on you. You... passed out on top of him. It took all of us to get you off. Now he's trying to be all stoic and Yoruichi with his tail looking like a really tall corkscrew. I would suggest not mentioning it again," Ishida whispered back, raising his eyebrows frankly.

"Oh," I muttered, reddening in something like embarrassment. "Okay." Ishida just shook his head, his lips twitching.

"Hey!" Kuukaku shouted in my direction suddenly. I looked over. "What's Ganjyuu doing?" she called in idle curiosity. "He's taking a long time to get his ass up here!"

"I dunno," I shrugged, looking around. "He was just reading something, and -"

"Hold on! Hold on! I'm coming!" All of a sudden, Ganjyuu shot from the inner depths of the house, wearing a strange assortment of dusty boots, billowing black trousers decorated with white symbols, and a surprisingly neat white vest over a formal-looking wrap shirt. He had some sort of black gauntlets on over his wrists. He looked stronger and more impressive that way, with a broad, square figure, but the only thing he seemed to actually have on him was a short sword... plus whatever that quicksand-trap kidou spell had been.

"The heroes always arrive a little later than everyone else," he bragged smirkingly, swaggering forward into the circle. "You can all stop worrying now. I've arrived."

"What the hell are you wearing?" I asked him, deadpan, irritated as always by his obnoxiousness.

"My battle suit," Ganjyuu said mockingly. "And no, I won't tell you its secrets."

I frowned, looking him up and down. "You're still coming with us, then?" I asked in a hard voice.

Ganjyuu quieted and eyed me glaringly for a moment, that surprising depth of hatred I had seen on my first night flaring in his eyes again. Then he walked forward and thrust his face into mine. "My older brother was killed by a Shinigami," he spat, aggressive to mask what he was saying, and my eyes widened.

I heard soft, sharp intakes of breath behind me, and there was a very pregnant pause.

"Ganjyuu, I told you not to talk about th -" Kuukaku spoke up heatedly, frowning worriedly as she looked between the two parties, but for once Ganjyuu overrode her, his hard dark eyes still glaring into mine.

"No!" he said. "You're giving me to them, I'm fighting with them. I want to say this!" For once, Kuukaku quieted.

"My brother was a Shinigami himself," Ganjyuu told me quietly, his face twisting. "Amazingly talented. They let him into the Shinigami Academy the very first time he applied. He passed the Exit Exam for the Shinigami Academy only two years after entering, instead of the typical six. With a reiatsu level of six, he had to be destined to become Captain or even Vice-Captain level, and indeed in a mere five years he became the Thirteenth Division's Vice-Captain, right under the division's commander. He was dedicated to the Shinigami Corps, in spite of what they'd done to our family.

"And then one day during an emotionally unstable period in his life, he became a liability to the corps, and the Shinigami directly underneath him killed him."

I felt a wash of cold, and the old anger. There was a pause. Ganjyuu took a deep breath. "I was young and I may not have understood what was going on," he forced out heatedly. "But I will _never _forget the cold expression in the Shinigami's eyes as she dumped our brother's body on our doorstep and related what she'd done, as she thanked us and said our brother had been a _good soldier_! And I will never forget that's all the contact the Shinigami ever had with us again.

"Yet, despite the fact that he was perceptive enough to have seen their worst side, despite the fact that he wasn't like that at all... my brother _genuinely loved_ being a Shinigami! And I've never been able to understand why. I thought I never would." Ganjyuu grabbed me by the lapels and shook me slightly; I forced myself not to react, worried that he was losing his head. Yet when he spoke, his voice was calmer than it had been. "But then you came along," he said quietly, and through all the anger, I could see abrupt consideration. "And you're... not like the rest. So I want to see, Kurosaki Ichigo. I want to see if there are more Shinigami like you - Shinigami I can see my brother respecting. In fighting them, I hope to understand why my brother never did."

As he let go of me and stood back, firming his expression, I was... strangely honored. Even though I wasn't sure I had any more answer to that question than Ganjyuu did.

"You want to know about me, and why I'm really fighting with you," Ganjyuu told us. "It's not just because my sister ordered me to. I'm doing this because I want to fight our common enemy... and to learn more about my brother's supposed friends. So, I'll lend you a hand on this one. I will stop talking about them and finally discover with my own eyes what Shinigami are like!" he declared, pointing a thumb at himself determinedly.

Once, I nodded with acceptance, silent and respectful. I... could appreciate those motivations. Finally, in the pregnant pause that followed, Kuukaku got to her feet. "Well, it seems like everyone's made up their minds," she smirked quietly. Then she turned to her brother and murmured firmly, "Just don't give up midway on something you start." She grinned. "Give it everything you've got, understand?"

"Yeah!" Ganjyuu exclaimed immediately, fired up.

On my way by to move toward the cannon, I returned the favor and grabbed him by the shirt lapels. "Oh yeah," I said with raised eyebrows to his surprised face. "And watch my back." I let go of him and kept walking, smirkingly ignoring the way he swore after me and my friends and then began to move forward behind me.

* * *

Yoruichi got back at me for screwing up his tail by taunting me, with surprising immaturity, that making a cannon ball was as natural as breathing for him... and then demonstrating by springing up to stand on top of the Spirit Ball Kuukaku had set nearby on the platform. Meanwhile, Ganjyuu and Kuukaku were muttering to each other in front of the cannon, doing last-minute preparations. I kept an eye on them, so I saw it when Kuukaku suddenly slammed a hand full of reiatsu against the round door at the bottom of the metal chute and it slid open. "Everyone inside, all six of you!" she bellowed, turning around to us. "I'm about to start her up!"

Tensing up in preparation, I hurried inside with the others. The interior of the chute was long and dark, surprisingly spacious. We could stand in it in a tightly packed circle, all of our hands on the center of the circle, Yoruichi's protective "cannon ball" emanating out from around him and us adding to it by feeding our reiatsu in the way we'd been taught. It was strange... feeling Inoue's, Ishida's, Yoruichi's, Chad's, and Ganjyuu's powers all mingling with mine. Empowering, and also worrying.

The last thing we saw was Kuukaku's frowning, determined face, her pipe ready for later at her belt, before she slammed the door shut, and then there was nothing but our tense breathing in the dimly blue-lit, claustrophobic darkness. From outside, we heard distant shouting and the sounds of things being fitted around the exterior of the chute.

"Everyone," Yoruichi said quietly after a moment, staring around at us all seriously, his cat's eyes glowing, "listen up. Don't wander off by yourselves after we're in. If you encounter a captain-class enemy, there's no shame in it: you get away from there as fast as you possibly can. Understand? There are thirteen division captains, and they're all extremely dangerous. I don't want anyone taking unnecessary risks.

"Our objective is to find and rescue the girl, Rukia, who has recently been imprisoned and sentenced to execution in several days' time. And that, in the end, is _all_ our objective is." His eyes swept around the circle piercingly, looking straight through each one of us.

Suddenly, in the silence, we could hear Kuukaku's voice chanting outside. Yoruichi started slightly. "That's it!" he barked in a hard voice. "Everyone start pushing your reiatsu actively into the Spirit Ball, hard, now!"

_Hard? _Well, she'd asked for hard. I could feel my reiatsu push out, cutting a sea into the others' efforts. Then the chaos began.

There was a huge rumbling sound around us, shuttling us around and jolting us inside the tight metal crate. A fire swooshed into life in the floor below us - it got hotter and hotter - the cannon ball rushed out to engulf and protect us - we were about to be rocketed up -

Then there was an explosion of light and fire and noise and all of our expanding reiatsu, we were pushed upward, and gone.

* * *

All of a sudden there was blue sky and sunlight all around us. We looked below, our tiny orb shuddering in the vast space, to see the cannon, the ground, the trees, the Shibas, everything, getting smaller and smaller below us. "That... wasn't as bad as I though it would be," I finally called to the rest of them in surprise over the sound of the wind out beyond our orb.

But Ganjyuu scoffed. "I wouldn't say that yet," he called in warning to us. "It's only just begun!"

And then, all of a sudden, I saw the other threes' eyes widen along with mine as the orb gave a great shudder once more... then abruptly, it started gathering speed in a straight horizontal line, its ascent finished. I heard Inoue shout out in fear, and I and Chad had to brace ourselves in shock, Ishida bending forward instinctively over the center with Yoruichi, as it pushed forward faster and faster and faster. It felt like we were out of control - everything was a blur and howling wind around us -

And, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the trembling form of Ganjyuu, being rattled around inside the energy cannon like all of us, nonetheless reach desperately into a pocket of his shirt and unfurl the scroll I'd seen him working on that morning.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled, incredulous.

"Shut up! I have to do the second part to my sister's incantation to actually aim us properly and get us -!" Ganjyuu began defensively.

"Fine, fine, do it!" I interrupted him quickly. I didn't know what exactly the chant would finish, but it sounded too important to be worrying much about it right now.

"Okay, but everyone listen!" With effort, everyone turned to him, trying to brace themselves, wide-eyed and pale, being hurtled with speed through the air hundreds of feet above the ground. "You must keep the cannon ball's energy levels stable in order for us to pass through the barrier safely! That means I need you guys to concentrate on the center Yoruichi's standing on again! Adjust the energy until it's level; while touching it, you should _all _be able to feel it as long as you concentrate! This depends on you!"

As he began chanting with effort from the scroll, we all tried to focus on the center inward, and _not _on the shaking, claustrophobic, transparent, speeding energy pod around us. I could feel all our energies consciously mingle once more. Inoue went in and adjusted, then Ishida, then Chad with a little more effort - finally, I tried to clamp as tight a lid as I could on my reiatsu and lowered myself into the mix.

Pouring such a tiny, steady amount of reiatsu in was hard, and I concentrating on keeping it up with all my might, when suddenly I heard Inoue murmur, "Kurosaki-kun, lower... you're a little strong."

I started. They wanted it _lower_? "Umm... okay," I said in nervous frustration, trying to push it down even further. Fuck, that kind of _hurt_ -!

"Kurosaki, this century please," Ishida was hissing tightly. I could feel, dimly, their reiatsu signatures beginning to retreat, and they were all so small, and -

"I know!" I bit out, concentrating on the center hard. "I'm trying!"

I pushed harder and harder, and goddamnit it wasn't working, I could feel trembling waves of instability echoing around the pod.

"Ichigo!" Chad suddenly barked out warningly, the first time I'd ever heard him speak up in an important moment like this. Even he sounded alarmed.

"I know!" I yelled, my voice stretching in anger and panic.

"Damnit, shut up, Kurosaki! Try quieter; you're breaking my incantation concentration!" Ganjyuu finally snapped, his head shooting up.

"Everyone stop yelling at me!" I sounded angry and pathetic and I didn't care, and -

"Both of you, this isn't the time to fight!" Ishida and Inoue echoed as one, frowning in tight, worried concern -

"Everyone," Chad finally spoke up. "Look." He was glancing behind him. We all looked as well.

Through our orb, through a huge, rounded blue shield we could suddenly see echoing up above the white walls, a whole neat white city was coming into view below us. Its buildings were tiny from our height, but Ganjyuu had gotten far enough in his chant that we had begun a vague downward descent toward it. "The Seireitei," Yoruichi finally spoke up, his voice unreadable. "Our final destination."

There was a slight, awed, stunned pause. We were actually here. To the fight. No turning back. A well of dark and iron determination rose within me, calm and undefeatable and singularly dangerous. They could rip my arms and legs off, but goddamnit I was getting to Rukia. She was going to hear that I was still alive, and then I was going to save her.

As though my thought, or my rising reiatsu, had been some sort of catalyst, the pregnant pause was suddenly broken. "We're going to crash!" Ishida shouted in realization, as we began speeding in our cannon ball toward the shield below us.

"What do we do?!" Inoue shouted.

"Everyone!" Somehow, my new tone managed to create pause in the sudden shift of panic within the orb. _Fuck it. _"Just push as much reiatsu as you can into the walls around the cannon ball, _now_!" I yelled out ringingly, my face twisting into a determined snarl as I shoved as much reiatsu as was possible to give into the cannon ball and the barrier beyond, letting my power swell and swell within me, the air inside the cannon getting tighter and tighter and tighter -

My friends gasped and stumbled a little as they pushed their reiatsu behind mine and propelled my power along further. I barely even noticed.

We hit the shield with an explosion of blue and electricity that blinded me, deafened sound, deafened everything.

I shoved my force out before me, and felt the barrier around the Seireitei give way.

* * *

I blinked and blinked, water stinging my eyes, realizing I could see once more. The cannon ball was gone. I was falling, my friends falling around me.

Below us was a vast white city, growing larger and larger. Its outer parts, neat and uniform and sparsely decorated - the parts I could see best - were covered in little regiments of dark color, staring cautiously upward at the disturbance. Altogether, with all their gathered forces... it looked like I was about to dive into a sea of lethal beings.

_Holy shit, _was my first thought, with a jump in the pit of my stomach and more of a reluctant grin than should probably have been there. _That is a hell of a lot of black. _This was going to be interesting.

"Hey!" I finally called out as I realized belatedly that we had stopped falling and were all just hovering in one tight, compact group below Seireitei's shield. I could feel a vague, weak force around us, holding us back. "Why aren't we falling?!"

"The shield is melting; the force holding us is very temporary!" Yoruichi called out, his wide golden eyes spinning almost frantically at the sight below us, all of us floating and vulnerable above it. "Everyone, we cannot separate! A tornado of buffeting wind may separate us as soon as the last vestiges of the shield's protection drops us! We must stay together, and use our reiatsu to shield ourselves from a hard landing!"

But as soon as he had spoken, it seemed, it had begun. There was an odd ringing noise in our ears, and then, abruptly, a force broke. A huge blast of air gusted up to meet us, whirling us into the air and pitching us back and forth against our will, meeting the crackling energy of the barrier above us. We were thrown apart, and I threw my reiatsu out around me on reflex, Zangetsu rustling impatiently, the both of us trying to find purchase in the wind -

Suddenly someone grabbed the back of my shirt. "We have to stick together!" Ganjyuu yelled, flailing around in a panic with his other arm, pulling at me with his weight and the light chaos of his reiatsu.

"Stop yanking at me!" I yelled automatically, both at him and at the larger controlling force around us, but suddenly I heard a voice over the wind.

"Everyone, grab the person nearest you! Don't let go!" It was Yoruichi's voice, his tiny cat form seeming impossibly small and helpless being tossed around in the air eddies nearby.

"Damnit," I swore, holding on to Ganjyuu reluctantly. He was pretty much the last partner I wanted to be stuck with on my trip through the Seireitei, but I supposed it was best if it was me, in a way. Ganjyuu gave me a sideways glare at my curse, but said nothing.

"Ichigo!" Chad was bellowing to me over the wind. I whipped my head around to look. "What we do once we're down there?!"

"Beat the shit out of people until you find someone willing to tell you where Rukia's being kept!" I bellowed back to them. It wasn't the most refined tactic. But really, what else were we going to do?

"Deal!"

Yoruichi finally managed to hook his claws into my shirt's shoulder and grab me by there; across from me, my friends flailed around for a moment before Chad heroically pushed Ishida and Inoue safely into each other... thereby pushing himself too far out of the wind and falling away toward the ground far below.

"Chad!" I bellowed, suddenly fearful, but it was too late. Chad was already gone somewhere within the Seireitei.

"He has trained for this! He will have to find a way to survive!" Yoruichi called firmly into my ear as I stared after him, torn and inexplicably guilty. "Concentrate on _you_!"

Then, before I could ask him what the hell he was doing, he suddenly pushed off and away from me, falling back on the wind alone himself. "Yoruichi-san, wha -?! Inoue!" I suddenly called, as I noticed her and Ishida, clutching at each other, falling close toward me. She called back to me, reaching out her hand with a firm kind of desperation. Our fingers brushed each other's...

But then there was a huge explosion of wind and we were gone. Four groups separated at the entrance to the Seireitei: me and Ganjyuu, Inoue and Ishida, Yoruichi, and Chad.

* * *

Ganjyuu and I were falling, falling, speeding toward the ground, the buildings getting closer, falling past the neat white buildings toward the pavement below. Ganjyuu reached out his hand -

"What are you doing?!" I called, angry and panicked.

"Turn into sand!" Ganjyuu yelled. "SEBBA!"

We landed in a pit full of his sand, instead of on the hard pavement. I supposed we were lucky it wasn't quicksand this time.

I spat out sand and heaved myself to my hands and knees, then sat up and tried to swipe some of the gold dust off of myself, my face distasteful. _Again with the lame entrances... _I thought distantly. I looked over to where Ganjyuu was leaning over, coughing up sand. He seemed to have gotten a mouthful of it.

"Your magic may be weird, but it just saved our lives," I admitted, eyeing him sideways. "Thanks."

Ganjyuu nodded, but he was still coughing.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, slapping him on the back. I was mildly exasperated. "This is your magic in the first place. Haven't you learned to close your mouth by now?"

Ganjyuu pushed away my hand, spat out the last of the sand, and sat up. "Ah, shut up," he muttered, looking a little embarrassed. "And stop hitting your savior, eh?"

"What?! Oh, come on, that wasn't even a hit. That was, like, a_ tap_ -"

Two pairs of sudden, purposefully loud footsteps sounded on the pointed, neatly tiled roof above us. We both froze and tensed, our reiatsu signatures tightening. The pair felt... strong.

"Ho!" one said, sounding like he was grinning. "Well, aren't we lucky today?"

Instead of jumping in from behind - true to some mysterious code of honor these people seemed to have when it came to battles - they leaped down in front of our sand pit. Sure enough, both men were dressed like Shinigami.

"I wander off from guard duty and two ryoka land right in front of me, ready to be beaten! I am so lucky today!" The speaker grinned, eager and merciless. Then he took his sheathed sword from his belt and pointed it at me casually. "And you," he said, quieter. "You are very unlucky." He was tall and completely bald, with tattoos around his eyes and the looks of a Pacific Islander, and I realized after a moment of cautious, frowning assessment that his demeanor was familiar.

I'd encountered it in the streets. That calm, merciless eagerness to fight - _I'd _had it, too.

Well, that was definitely the one I was fighting. He'd annihilate Ganjyuu.

Ganjyuu and I stood up, eyeing the other two cautiously. The one behind the bald guy didn't look too safe, either - he had short, neat dark hair, calm Korean eyes, and an almost girlishly pretty face, but he was sort of eyeing us like the proverbial cat did the canary and he had a bigger reiatsu signature than Rukia'd ever had, so I decided not to judge based on appearances. The bald one, though... he looked and felt stronger.

Then, in the tense silence, the bald one did the weirdest thing... He started _dancing_.

No, seriously. The guy got up on his fucking tiptoes and started doing some weird, dorky dance, singing about how lucky he was today. He ended by putting his sheathed sword out sideways in front of him and shouting, "HA!" enthusiastically, and judging from the amused way the pretty one was glancing between him and our bewildered expressions, I gathered (with some amount of relief) that this wasn't normal.

There was a _long _silence when he had finished. We just sort of stared at him. He stared back, still with his sword out before him, and didn't seem fazed or ashamed; I decided to admire that, because most people did when I looked at them like they were complete idiots.

"Well, what the hell is wrong with you?!" he finally growled, drawlingly Rukongai in accent. "I did the Lucky dance to give you guys some time to climb out, and you're still in there!" He looked at us like this should be obvious and _we _were the idiots. It was actually kind of irritating.

"Ichigo," Ganjyuu distracted me by whispering, "we have to run_ now._"

And they were, what, just going to let us go? "Are you an idiot?" I whispered back, still keeping half an eye on the two before us.

"But - but their reiatsu is -"

"Heeey. Whatcha aaarguin' about?" The bald one kneeled down before us, grinning brightly, looking smugly like he knew what we'd just been discussing. My irritation level rose just a tiny bit, but I told myself to keep a fucking lid on things. This wasn't exactly the time to just recklessly lose my temper. "Oh well," the bald guy shrugged, smirking. "Keep arguing. Do whatever. We're still gonna kill you at the end of the day." Well, we'd gotten a philosopher. Goodie.

"But wait," the other guy spoke up. He was completely the opposite, neat and polite (still with that trademark drawl; were _all_ the strong warriors from Rukongai?), but his voice was smilingly cold as he pointed out, "If we just let them hang around, somebody else might try to steal _our_ kill." Like they were on a casual little Hollow hunting party or something.

"Hmm. Fine! I'll do one more Lucky dance!" the bald guy decided, standing up once more. "Then we'll start!"

Ganjyuu was pulling at my sleeve. This was getting ridiculous. "No, Ganjyuu, we are not running!" I hissed under my breath to him. "You're going to have to fight these people eventually!"

"Fine, if you want to be suicidal and start out here, be my guest! _ I'm_ running!" Ganjyuu whispered, scowling furiously. Then, before I could even open my mouth hurriedly and tell him not to be a dumbass, he leaped out of the sand pit and sprinted away in the opposite direction from where the Shinigami were standing.

The three of us stared after him for a moment, somewhat dumbfounded. "What the hell?" the bald guy finally said bluntly. He turned to me and demanded, "So, are you two breaking up, or what?"

I sighed in irritation, but there was nothing I could do for Ganjyuu with two of them behind only me now. "More or less," I told him deadpan, shrugging, and the bald guy swore coarsely in irritation.

"Yumichika. After him," he ordered, and the pretty face, Yumichika, sped past me after Ganjyuu. I let him. It was better than this one having his sights on the guy, and this way it was one-on-one for each of us... well, in theory. For all he knew, Ganjyuu could have just run into a courtyard full of Shinigami. _Dumbass. You're going to have to fight anyway. _I got up out of the sandpit and dusted myself off, Zangetsu preparing himself for the fight behind me.

"Hey," the bald guy said casually, sounding curious. It seemed to be his style, and I couldn't say I minded. I looked up, raising an eyebrow slightly at the civil tone. It was still weird for me before a fight. "I have a question," he explained, slinging his sheathed sword behind one shoulder now, like a jacket. "Why didn't you run? That guy. He probably noticed we were stronger, so he ran off. Pretty smart move, if you ask me; no point in facing inevitable death if there's a chance you don't have to, right?"

Scare tactic. I'd used those. Shrugging, I replied with equal honesty, "If you really are stronger than me, what's the point in running? You'd catch me and I'd fight more tired. But if it turns out I _can _win this, I'll just kick your ass and keep going." I knew this drill. Kinesthetic fight learning.

The bald guy eyed me thoughtfully, a spark of interest showing in almond-shaped dark eyes. "... Huh," he finally said. "Maybe you're not so dumb, after all." Then he shot at me like a fucking cannon, a crazy grin over his face, unsheathed his sword, and cut at my head with it. All in one movement.

My eyes widened and I barely had time to dodge; the sword hit air and then ground instead. I unsheathed Zangetsu and sliced him downward as quickly as I could; the other shot his opposite side forward and guarded with his sheath. Improvising, I kicked off the sheath, shot into the air, and sliced downward for an aerial attack; still grinning, he switched sides again and met my blade with his. A tiny echo of reiatsu burst out from the impact, and neither of us had even consciously been using any. Getting into it now, I pushed, he pushed back, and with an awful_ shhiik_ of sound our blades slid past each other's, slicing across the sides of our faces.

I leaped away, wiping the crimson from my vision so I could see, and we stood there, breathing a bit harder, our swords poised in a ready stance. We stared at each other for a moment.

This guy really liked fighting. I could see his furious excitement mounting that he'd found an opponent who had lasted past the fifteen second mark against him. I knew that feeling, too. "What's your name?" he finally asked quietly, an undercurrent of viciousness to his voice, still grinning away.

My lips twitching and my own adrenaline beginning to kick in, I obliged him. "Kurosaki Ichigo," I smirked.

"Ichigo..." He tested it. "Good name," he decided. "Strong."

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "You," I declared, "are the first person ever to call it that."

"It has the Ichi symbol in it," the bald guy grinned. "Men with the Ichi symbol in their names tend to be strong people. I am Third Seat, Eleventh Division, Madarame Ikkaku. I have the same symbol in my name. As such, let's make this a great fight." Despite his grin, his voice was formal.

I snorted, purposefully casual. "Let's make this a great fight _anyway_," I emphasized.

And it had begun.


	4. Until We Close Our Eyes For Good

_"We can't slow down,_

_We can't hold back,_

_Though you know we wish we could._

_Oh no, there ain't no rest for the wicked_

_Until we close our eyes for good."_

_- "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" by Cage the Elephant_

* * *

_Chapter Three: Until We Close Our Eyes For Good_

Careful breathing. Tensed forms. Watchful eyes. Dripping blood.

_Fucking blood, _I thought as it got into my line of vision again. Keeping one hand on my sword in its ready stance, I reached up to wipe at my face again, ignoring the slight sting this brought to the cut there.

Ikkaku was staring at me, looking surprisingly confused. "I don't get you," he finally offered, staring me up and down. "You seem strong," he admitted reluctantly. "But no matter what the distance between us right now, only a rookie would take a hand from his sword in a fight." There was amused disbelief coloring his tone, and below that, muffled but genuine incredulousness.

Frowning defensively, I immediately brought my hand back down to my blade, taking a mental note of it. "Fuck off, what do you know?" I shot back to cover it. "I don't suppose being unable to see is much better."

"So find a way to stop the bleeding," Ikkaku stated, as though this were extremely obvious. The cut on the side of his own face was no longer bleeding, I suddenly realized. Far from his reiatsu helping the wound, he seemed to have found a way to make his reiatsu consciously stop the bleeding completely. Probably something else they taught you in the Academy I'd never gone to.

"That's cheating," I complained loudly, broadly, glaring at him.

"It is not; it's called being intelligent! You should be in awe of my experience right now!"

_"Wow, I'm so in awe of your experience right now."_

"Oh, you know what, just -! Just fuck you!" Ikkaku swore, scowling, finally losing his eager, merciless formality for a moment. (Fights in the Soul Society were still weird.)

He gazed discerningly into my expression for a moment, and then snorted in distaste at how unfazed it was. "What a weirdo. Your actions have had training, but they're so novice I'd hesitate to call you a warrior. Yet your reactions are fast, your attacks are strong, and your technique itself is almost on par with _mine_. Hey, that's a compliment," he added honestly at my slight glare. "Who was your master?" he finally added, lifting his chin and staring at me.

I debated with myself for a moment - should I say anything? - but finally curiosity at his reaction got the better of me. "Well, he only taught me for ten days, so I don't know if I'd call him my master, but he did show me some things about fighting... His name's Urahara Kisuke," I said testingly - and watched his eyes get as big as quarters. His face was openly reactionary - stunned with something like horror or terror mixed in for a moment.

"The ex-Captain?" I heard him mutter under his breath, and something inside me was confirmed. I could see Urahara Sandal-Hat being a dangerous ex-Captain who had left some... interesting stories behind him. Finally, Ikkaku seemed to realize he'd given something out and recovered quickly, forcing his face into stony, cautious neutrality. "I see," he said. "That explains a lot."

I realized, too late, how much it explained when Ikkaku suddenly sheathed his sword, put it out sideways before him, and boomed quickly, "Grow, Houzukimaru!" I tensed and resisted the urge to take a step back, cursing myself inwardly, as he pulled his blade back out with a huge shoot of higher reiatsu, and all of a sudden it - wasn't a blade.

It was a kikuchi yari, a long wooden spear with a razor-sharp blade on its end and a simple red horsehair tassel on its pommel. He took a different stance with it, smoothly, with expert training, holding it out and long before him. Despite himself, he was grinning slightly at the sudden increase in reiatsu in the very air around us. I felt Zangetsu stir, slightly, in response from where I was holding his huge, wide length outward in the typical katana stance.

"Careful, Ichigo, here I come," Ikkaku called out mockingly, his grin widening to its previous unstable, enjoying depths. Then he pounced.

"Shut up!" I shot back on reflex, frowning tightly and tensing as the blade came toward me, wicked fast - on instinct, I ducked sideways and blocked Houzukimaru coming at my head with Zangetsu's flat side - Ikkaku flipped over and aimed at my head over and over with the other end of the spear instead - I ducked, dodged, and blocked, being pushed backward but unharmed - this wasn't so bad and I started to get into it again -

"It takes longer to aim with a spear; it's too long!" I finally called out between blows. "Did you really think I wouldn't miss that?!"

"Don't get cocky," Ikkaku warned in a low tone, and all of a sudden the end of the spear made a snapping sound next to my hear. "Split, Houzukimaru!" Ikkaku abruptly called out, grinning fiercely, and the flat end of the spear unfolded into chained subsections around my head - he pulled the chained wooden pieces forward, intending to cleave them through my neck or head and snap it - (Shit, zanpakutoh had special abilities; I should probably make note of _that_ in the future, too) - I ducked and chained spear and blade sliced through my shoulder and down my arm in a spurt of white hot pain and blood that nearly made me lose my grip on my sword and tore at my muscles - I hissed and jumped back -

He did too, coming to rest with Houzukimaru wrapped around his neck like some weird sort of python. "When I warned you to be careful," he said, deadpan, through the ringing in my ears and the pain in my arm, quickly muffled by a rush of reiatsu that I nonetheless wasn't sure I could afford, "_that _would be what I was referring to. Houzukimaru isn't really a kikcuhi yari spear - it's a sansetsukon, a three piece nunchuk. I doubt you'll be able to use your sword arm anymore," he added smirkingly.

I had to agree, so I switched Zangetsu to my _other_ sword arm and his eyes narrowed. I fell back on old instincts once more - I forced myself to say inwardly it was good I was getting an early taste of an opponent who was craftier than he was outright brutely strong, and followed his example by pulling a length of white cloth from Zangetsu's end and using it to wrap up my bad arm. Ikkaku was still going on about how he was going to show me greater respect by killing me because none other would count as an achievement to him, so I used a little Living World fight morality, and took advantage of this to finish what I needed to do to continue the fight before finally looking up and interrupting him.

"Hey," I said bluntly. "I'm ready." Then I jumped forward as fast as I could, pitching toward the head and chest like he did and aiming for the same general places he had.

... I could absorb information. In fact, I was rather good at it. (_Hands on blade at all times, be crafty as well as strong, don't broadcast information about yourself, memorize this new method of attacking the head and neck with a broadside guard from above or the front, keep in mind their moral code, keep in mind that some zanpakutoh have special abilities, use any temporary healing to your advantage._ So far, so manageable.)

"An - what?" Ikkaku had stopped, genuinely started, and then tensed furiously. I half expected him to be able to block in time, but he chose to dodge instead and I made an impact in the building wall behind him before yanking my sword back out.

"It seemed like you had for a minute there," I told him seriously, my reiatsu levels pushing me higher as they pounded through my skull. "But you still haven't figured me out, Ikkaku. You make me unable to hold my sword and I'll do the same for you. This fight has just begun."

Ikkaku snarled and swore at me, before pausing and then starting to chuckle. I raised an eyebrow cautiously. "You talk a big game, Ichigo," he said quietly, furious and yet excited. "But I still don't see where all this confidence is coming from!"

His spear's blade had shot out toward me again, I blocked with Zangetsu and pushed Houzukimaru away, but Ikkaku shouted incoherently and pushed the other end of Houzukimaru in toward my chest while I was distracted (_dangerous not to keep all sides of you blocked in a zanpakutoh fight, _another mental note) and I flipped sideways and dodged just in time. We began an intricate sort of dance, me mostly blocking his superior speed and experience, still unfamiliar with the fucking headache of trying to keep track of all of Houzukimaru's pieces at once, he attacking with focused viciousness, his grin getting wider and wider. Finally, he slipped in through my guard and managed to push me back with a ping of echoing pain that ran all up and down the good arm I'd just managed to hoist up in time. I staggered backward, gaining traction and balance against the ground once more. Houzukimaru's force, deceptive though it was, was nothing to sneeze at either.

"Is bluffing the only thing you can do, then?" Ikkaku bragged with smugness that irritated me. I was beginning to realize one of Madarame Ikkaku's flaws was that he only ever focused on how he was _winning _or how he was _losing_ - nothing else about the fight. Surprising for one so crafty. "Houzukimaru's form is forever changing," which was incorrect, it was simply a vast piece of craftsmanship, "and a rookie like you couldn't possibly keep up with it."

Well, at least I wasn't being dismissed as "just" a ryoka or human anymore. "Just" a rookie was more familiar, and a nice change. I stood straight, opening my palm to reveal the red horse hair I'd accidentally torn off of Houzukimaru's end during my reflexive block of it with my arm. I smirked slightly at his almost comically stunned expression. "You're wrong. I'm already adapting to it. You want to try something else?"

I tried, on an experiment, to push my reiatsu more toward the speed I was starting to think of as Ikkaku's. It obliged with a shift that managed not to overwhelm me this time, but was still pretty damn heady, and I shot up onto the rooftop, kicking off of it to come slamming down toward Ikkaku once more. He held up Houzukimaru just in time, a slight panic showing in his dark eyes at my new speed, but I cut down at him with Zangetsu, who roared and pushed at the zanpakutoh defying us in an echo of my building frustration... but Ikkaku and Houzukimaru's reaction to our sudden, angry show of reiatsu surprised even us.

Houzukimaru shattered, snapping in half.

I felt myself shove through the weapon, straight into flesh, and by the time I'd landed a huge rip had been carved through one side of Ikkaku's chest, bone breaking underneath Zangetsu's eager force, which was my own surprised force and yet wasn't.

One of the last things I learned in my first fight in the Seireitei: _When in doubt, just push your power past what you think its limits are. The laws of physics don't always apply to you._

"I told you, Ikkaku," I panted, my head spinning, toward his stunned, blank face in the silence that followed. "You make me unable to hold my sword, and I'll just do the same for you."

I stepped back, uncomfortable and cautious, as he staggered, spurting blood. "What?" he spat at my expression, defensive. "What, you think I've _lost_?" He threw away one piece of his soul weapon in a way that couldn't be entirely healthy, and raised the end with the blade steadily, staggering once more, but on his feet in a feat of pure will not unlike Jidanbou's determination to keep holding up his gate. "The only way you'll make me unable to lose my sword is if I've lost my hands!" he spat, his voice gurgling faintly. His eyes were glazed, and still eager for the fight.

I knew that look.

"Put it away," I said suddenly, not knowing why I was bothering worrying about him. Maybe he just reminded of guys I'd fought for and against out in the streets... a lot of whom weren't alive anymore. Could have been.

"_No_." He seemed to take perverse pleasure out of managing to force this out. "We're still fighting. A fight's over... when one of them's dead!" he gasped out. Cheerful. "I, Madarame Ikkaku, _will never run from a fight like a coward_!" He ran at me, staggeringly, low to the ground with the blade out before him... Urahara's default charge with Benihime's short-blade in our training... Ikkaku's grin was crazy, desperate, but blood was spilling everywhere and he was...

"You're too slow!" I forced out, almost angry with him for this, and I swung Zangetsu out toward Houzukimaru's dying remnants with all the combined force we had. (Which was a great deal, all things considered.) Houzukimaru shattered completely and I purposefully made a great rip up Madarame Ikkaku's arm, trying to send him the message: _I'm not just decapitating you or something. And it's over._

The sound of slicing skin and the staggering, slow fall of his expression told me he'd gotten the message at last. "Damn," he muttered hazily. "You're too strong... Tough luck..."

He collapsed.

I sighed at his back, blood leaking out onto the pavement around him. "You stole my line," I muttered softly to his fallen form, uncomfortable at the crimson pooling around my feet.

_Tough luck._

* * *

I couldn't just turn my back on a man and let him die.

Was I a wimp for that, in this situation? Probably. Did I care? Fuck no. I'd just beaten this son of a bitch, who, unless I was much mistaken, was right under a Vice-Captain in rank. I could do whatever the hell I wanted to.

So I saved him. It was probably a really dumbass thing to do. I could feel Zangetsu getting exasperated with me through our link.

I did it anyway. I wasn't going to be That Man.

It turned out, looking through the remnants of his zanpakutoh that littered the ground around us - _zanpakutoh heal as their wielders do, _I could hear Urahara teaching in my mind - that he hadn't used his reiatsu to heal his face-wound after all. Somehow, he'd snuck some ordinary ointment out of a hidden compartment in the hilt of his weapon when I wasn't looking. Forcing my Dad's childhood scoldings that I was useless at healing to the back of my mind, I tried to put Madarame Ikkaku over onto his back as carefully as possible and began applying the ointment as gently and surely as I could, copying what I had seen at home thousands of times before. I didn't know what the hell this ointment was, but clearly it was made from some sort of fucking useful herb they didn't have in the Living World, or someone would have made a million dollars off of the stuff by now. It stopped the bleeding and... you know... kept everything inside... with impressive and formidable consistency. Dad and Yuzu would have been having a field day with this. (I forced that thought away with a slight pang that surprised even me.)

As I sat back and eyed my work, I suddenly reached my senses out and discovered that nearby Shinigami seemed to be keeping away from this area where they could feel the strong fighting, possibly not wanting to interfere. The only Shinigami I could feel around was Yumichika, who had finally cornered Ganjyuu - the two were still alone - and started fighting him. Ganjyuu didn't seem seriously injured yet, so maybe he wasn't a completely useless layabout. I decided to reserve judgment.

I also decided to wait around and make sure Ikkaku woke up, even though I probably couldn't afford to. And not even I was quite sure why I did that.

I sat back on a nearby crate outside a building, Zangetsu's tall, life-sized knife form beside me. The crate didn't explode when I sat on it, which made it "okay to sit on" in my book. To Ikkaku's credit, he had remarkable endurance, and I could feel his extremely low reiatsu levels stabilize themselves in the space of a few minutes, which meant he'd probably survive. Finally, he groaned and his eyes fluttered open, squinting against the sun and the pain. "I'm... still alive...?" I heard him mutter to himself vaguely, in a surprise that was also familiar to me.

"You're finally awake," I spoke up, straightening and tensing slightly, my face careful and serious as I eyed him sideways.

Blinking, he looked over at me, and his eyes widened. "Hey," I said, nodding over at him, slightly amused despite myself at his dumbfounded expression.

"I... Ichigo, you idiot, what are you still doing here?!" he snapped out, switching to a more casual and almost worried tone before he could stop himself.

"Eh, no reason," I replied honestly, shrugging. Then I noticed - his zanpakutoh had put itself back together. I was probably happier about that than I was about the guy who'd survived. Wasn't sure why that was, either. I kind of just went on instinct in unfamiliar territory. "Hey, your zanpakutoh's okay," I said, leaning over, picking it up, and showing it to him helpfully. It had gone back to its sheathed, unreleased form in its reformation.

"You - you give that back, right now!" He sounded defensive, nervous, and aggressive.

I shrugged. "Kay," I said, and tossed it away. He flinched and then studied me in silence as if I were an alien from another planet. "What?!" I snapped, getting a little irritated. "What the hell would_ I_ do with your goddamn zanpakutoh?! I was just getting some ointment out of it, geez...

"I used some on me too," I informed him - which I had, because I wasn't completely stupid - as he gaped down at his chest, seemingly struck speechless_ and_ dumbfounded. "But between the two of us, it's all gone." _Borrow stuff and use it responsibly,_ I remembered one of Mom's lessons in dry, surreal amusement.

Ikkaku just stared at his own chest for a moment... and then all of a sudden he started swearing loudly. "Damnit! Damnit! Shit! Fuck!"

"What? It was used for its intended purpose," I dared to joke.

"It's not that! I'm not dead! Fuck! Damnit!" Ikkaku bellowed, his wounds stretching out of sheer recklessness and anger. "How shameful, getting saved by the enemy. If I could move, I'd kill you right now," he grumbled in embarrassment, looking away.

Prickly, wasn't he? "How ungrateful," I sighed, unconcerned with his annoyance. "And I took all this trouble saving your life. What a waste. Anyway, I don't really care what you think of the fact that I saved you," I told him bluntly, getting to my feet. "But I do have a question for you." Might as well try to get something useful out of him, while I was here and he was immobile.

"I thought you would. Damn, my luck is awful today," Ikkaku muttered to himself. He looked up at me sarcastically. "What do you want to know? My zodiac sign?"

"I want to know where Kuchiki Rukia is," I told him with deadly seriousness, refusing to be drawn in on this matter.

"Kuckiki. That girl on death row?" Ikkaku looked puzzled and uncaring. "Why?"

My jaw tightened. "Because I'm here to save her," I said fiercely. "That's why."

"Rescue her?!" Ikkaku yelped disbelievingly, his face slackening in shock as he stared up at me like I was crazy. "How the hell many of you are there?! Seven, _eight_?!"

"Five people," I corrected him. "And a cat."

"... You're really going to fight all of Soul Society... with five people... and a cat."

A bit slow on the uptake, wasn't he? "Yeah," I said seriously. "I am."

Ikkaku stared at me for a moment... and then he started laughing. Hysterically. He laughed so hard he had to gasp and put his hand to his ribs. "You... you're _retarded_," he finally said desperately. "You _have_ to be."

"Tch. Says the guy who just laughed so hard he hurt himself when he already can't move," I pointed out, with flawless logic. I raised a questioning eyebrow. "So?"

"Fine," Ikkaku panted out. "You'd never manage to get there anyway. And you did beat me... Okay, look. Go straight south from here and you'll eventually come to the main offices and grounds of the various thirteen divisions."

"Wait, you're really going to tell me, just like that?" I blurted out in surprise before I could stop myself.

"Shut up or I _won't_," Ikkaku sighed, rolling his eyes slightly. "Listen to me. Just west of those offices is a tall white tower. That's where the capitol offenses are kept before execution at the scaffold on the grounds nearby."

It was so... easy. "Really?" I asked dubiously, eyeing him.

"Look, I don't _care_ what you want to do with that girl!" Ikkaku puffed out in frustration. "Just get out of here before someone finds you already!"

Interesting priorities. But I was grateful, nonetheless. "I'll repay you, Ikkaku," I told him as I stood up and turned away with Zangetsu. "Thanks."

"Don't repay me, damnit!" Ikkaku swore after me, prickly to the end. Then, "No, wait!"

I paused, turning back to him cautiously. "Who's the strongest in your group? Is it you?" Ikkaku suddenly asked intensely, which would seem a lot more suspicious if his demeanor wasn't so... genuinely, repressedly worried.

"More or less," I answered vaguely, trying not to reveal too much and frowning at him in confusion.

Ikkaku eyed me for a moment, as if wrestling with himself. "Watch out for my captain," he finally warned me. "He has no interest in the weak, and he loves a fight. If what you say is true, you'll probably be the one he seeks out. Trust me," Ikkaku said gravely, "when I say you _don't _want that."

"Is he that strong?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Ikkaku laughed humorlessly. "If you survive meeting him," he said pessimistically, like he doubted it, "you'll know _exactly_ who I'm talking about."

"... What's his name?" I frowned, deciding to try to actually commit this one to memory.

"The guy you definitely don't want to meet: Eleventh Division Captain, Zaraki Kenpachi."

* * *

Five minutes later, I was running down paved side alleys, trying to muffle my reiatsu as best I could, trying to sense out Ganjyuu and Ikkaku's cold, pretty-faced partner, Yumichika. They were somewhere around the area, but getting to them in this maze of vague-looking, neat white official buildings was something of a trick. He was so close, though -! "Ganjyuu!" I finally dared to yell out in frustration.

And of course, I realized too late that there were a bunch of other tiny reiatsu signatures nearby as well. Instead of Ganjyuu coming for me, they all poured over the top of a nearby building into the alley I was at and started chasing me, yelling battle cries. Swearing in slight irritation, I led them through tiny back alleys, trying to keep around the area and yelling for Ganjyuu. He and Yumichika were around here somewhere, fighting off and on. Ganjyuu felt like he was still trying to run away from the fight whenever possible, and the temper in Yumichika's reiatsu was beginning to fight. "Ganjyuu, you idiot, conserve energy!" I finally yelled out to wherever the fuck they were.

I was rewarded by a pause from the two nearby reiatsu signatures... and then the vague sounds of explosions and the feeling of fighting. Well, that was something.

I was also rewarded by the cries and speed from the group of low-level Shinigami chasing me speeding up slightly. Unless I was much mistaken, I could feel that a couple more had joined the chase. I puffed out a frustrated breath, ran them into a wide alley with a dead end, jumped above them, waited for them to run in like retards, and then jumped in and knocked them all unconscious with Zangetsu's giant-ass metal blade.

Somewhere beyond me, I saw a huge explosion of something like a firework and then "Yumichika's" reiatsu signature beeped out of existence. I sighed. "Took him long enough," I grumbled, and started jumping over fences and low rooftops toward that firework. (Me and probably every other Shinigami in the goddamn Seireitei.) Out in the city beyond, stretching my senses out briefly, I could feel Ishida fighting a mid-level Shinigami on a high rooftop a far distance away, Inoue injured - not badly, I realized in relief - behind him. Ishida felt ice-cold as always when he was pushed into a serious fight, and the Shinigami felt brutely strong. Even as I reached out, though, the Shinigami blipped out of existence. Ishida and Inoue moved on quickly. Only Chad and Yoruichi were still hiding and lurking, sensible only because they were familiar to me, and they were having to hide right near hordes of searching Shinigami, at that.

Well, I guess we'd never agreed to be subtle.

* * *

By the time I'd gotten to Ganjyuu, in spite of my efforts to be careful, another horde of what I'd started to think of collectively as Target Practice Shinigami had started chasing me. I ran down into an alley, having led them calmly on a speedy chase in search of Ganjyuu, and there was Ganjyuu getting chased by another horde. "Hey!" I called out, waving to him, trying to make a motion with my hand that said, 'let's fight back to back and just start wiping them out.'

Any of the other members of my _nakama_ group would have gotten it. Ganjyuu was too busy freaking out. I suppressed another sigh, something I seemed to be doing a lot today. _Great._

Trusting him to get the message - his fight instincts couldn't completely suck; he'd managed to take out Yumichika and he'd been taught by Kuukaku - I just jumped over him, left him to take care of my horde, and used hand to hand combat to knock a few people out in one move before I realized these people really were useless and saw a more efficient way to handle things. "Hey, Ganjyuu!" I shouted to him behind me, where he was frantically punching the shit out of anyone within arm's reach. "DUCK!"

"What the - FUCK!" He swore, ducking down in fear, as I "unsheathed" Zangetsu and swiped his giant-ass blade in a straight circle over my head. I took out about ten of them in one go. The ones left were at least smart enough to back away and eye us, muttering to each other, leaving Ganjyuu and I standing in the middle of the circle with a wide berth around us. (Zangetsu felt smug.)

"You idiot! You nearly killed me!" Ganjyuu hissed to me.

I snorted, too busy beginning to enjoy this to listen to his whining. "I told you to duck," I muttered, smirking.

"You didn't give me any_ time_!" I scoffed.

"Anyway, what now?" We gazed around the circle at the staring, cautious Shinigami, who stared back.

"We took down some of them and they have a general idea of how strong we are, but they're not retreating," Ganjyuu murmured back. "But why aren't any of them attacking?"

There was a moment of tense silence... And then it was suddenly broken by a high, weirdly earnest male voice from the back of the crowd.

"Sorry, everyone! My shoelaces got untied and I stopped to tie them and my Fourth Division squadron was gone! Could anyone tell me where the two ryoka are?"

... I almost laughed. Almost.

The Shinigami in front of me bristled in embarrassment and reacted angrily. The ones in back turning around frantically, I heard muffled yelps and a mix of angry and confused yells, and Ganjyuu and I stared in that direction in bemusement, still half-tensed. It would have been a great opportunity for someone to attack us, actually, but everyone was too busy focusing on The Kid. Finally, The Kid - a short, skinny young guy with chin-length black hair who looked kind of like the Shinigami version of your local high school nerd - was pushed to the front of the crowd. In his frantic attempt to get away from the abuse, he shoved himself away, tripped, and fell right into the middle of the circle in front of us.

There were a few sharp intakes of breath, everyone backed away from us hurriedly once more, and there was a sudden, tense silence.

"... Hey, Ichigo," Ganjyuu whispered, staring at The Kid hesitantly with his eyes alit, like this was almost too good to be true, "you want to try finding another way out of here?"

I considered this - and nodded. "That's kind of what I was thinking," I whispered back thoughtfully.

Our possible victim stared up at us hesitantly, seeming frozen with fear on the ground.

He'd just realized he'd found the two ryoka.

* * *

With reflexive speed, and some amount of experience with grabbing onto people before they could block me, I snatched out my hand, grabbed Nerdy Kid by the collar, and hauled him off his feet, pulling his back into my chest. Ganjyuu had relieved him of his sword in about half a second, and as I felt the kid slacken in shock, I whipped Zangetsu around and stopped the blade (he flinched) right at his neck, symbolic of a beheading.

I didn't know whether I would actually do it, but I was really goddamn good at bluffing.

"Get out of the fucking way," I snarled, darkening my face, my eyes widening crazily.

"Or the kid dies!" Ganjyuu crowed, the perfect arrogant-sounding accomplice.

I could feel The Kid freeze up and then start trembling slightly in fear. Was I that good, was he a new recruit, or was he just kind of a wimp? Hell if I knew.

But even I wasn't prepared for what happened next. The Shinigami around us just stood there, staring at the boy in our grasp. Not in shock, or fear, or even assessing caution... but in blank confusion. Uncaring. Like we were stupid. _ That_ kind of staring. I tried not to let it show how much this confused me, and I dared not glance sideways at Ganjyuu to see if he was getting the same sort of vibe.

There was a moment of tense silence. Finally, one of them dared to speak. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked in complete bewilderment.

I stared at him like he was the idiot. Which he was. "Taking one of your comrades hostage," I finally said in a very slow, purposeful voice, raising my eyebrows fervently and nodding slightly.

"What do we look like, his friends?" another one dared to speak up, and there was an outbreak of indignant muttering. They were actually growing _indignant_. What did they mean "what do we look like, his friends"? What, were they separated by hair color or something? They were all Shinigami; they were comrades by default.

"What's he talking about?" I hissed in Nerdy Kid's ear, staring around me.

The boy licked his lips and took a shaky breath before he spoke. "I... I'm from the fourth division and they're from the eleventh," he said in a small voice, before hunching his shoulders up and going still and silent in the instinctive "prey" position.

I blinked at him, and then glared slightly. Because Christ, _that_ just explained _everything_, didn't it?

"We are the eleventh division!" one finally boomed, and the others straightened instinctively, as if rallying behind the words. I looked up to the tall, fierce-looking bearded man. "The fourth division, on the other hand," he sneered at the boy, who shied away and looked down, swallowing, "is pathetically weak. All they can do is _heal_!" Which was actually incredibly important when you made a career out of fighting weaponized, soul-sucking monsters, but whatever. Okay... "Therefore, the division we hate the most is the fourth division! Kill him if you want!" the guy cheered, raising a fist into the air, and all the people around us started cheering.

The Nerdy Kid gasped, let out an incoherent cry, and then started shaking like crazy in my grasp, shaking his head frantically, his mouth opening and closing silently. Ganjyuu's eyes widened; he shouted into the midst of the cheering, "You're all horrible!" his reaction fervent and disgusted and stunned.

"No kidding," I said flatly, my face twisting slightly, but my voice calm. I knew people like this - people who didn't care as long as you were strong, who bragged about how strong they were and had no use for your very life if you weren't useful to them in a fight. I supposed I should have expected to find Soul Society rampant with them. I grasped that this kid was like Jidanbou, a Different One kept out of the way and barely tolerated. The fact that they recognized him specifically seemed to imply he was a bit of a scapegoat even amongst his division. We had grabbed the wrong person as a hostage. Still, in an official military environment... offering up your own comrade to the enemy just because they weren't talented enough for you was downright cruel, and the lack of loyalty that seemed to exist among the Shinigami was fucking weird. Did it really all depend on that - how much your attitude resembled or pretended to resemble theirs, and simple usefulness? Closeness in personal connection? Was it just that they really hadn't been seriously challenged by someone with more morals than _them_ before?

I thought of Rukia and her self-consciousness over her abilities, and my heart clenched. _We have to get her out of here._

"Come on, let's just kill them! Let's go!" someone yelled before me, pumped up, and they all cheered and charged, red-faced and shouting, swords raised.

"Shit! Well, that didn't work," I called to Ganjyuu, dropping the kid beside me and poising Zangetus to fight...

Then, all of a sudden, the wall beside our enemies exploded.

As we put our arms up to cover our faces and they were all buried by a mountain of spiritual rubble, Ganjyuu shouted, "What was that?!"

I squinted and saw that nothing was moving within the smoke. "I don't know!" I shouted hurriedly. "Just run like hell while we've got the chance!" Sacrificing dignity in the face of intelligence seemed like a good option at this point.

It wasn't until we'd jumped three blocks away that I registered, ridiculously late, the reiatsu of who was now fighting them - and winning by a landslide. _Chad. _He'd distracted them so I could move on.

Despite myself, I smirked. We were all helping each other out and doing alright here after all.

* * *

It wasn't until we found an abandoned wooden storage house of sorts a good distance away, and stopped to catch our breath, that we realized Ganjyuu was still holding onto Nerdy Kid. Ganjyuu blinked down at him in surprise, not having realized this in our mad dash to get away, and I was exasperated. Going still and silent seemed to be what Nerdy Kid was good at. With our luck, he'd turn out to be a spy.

Hey, he wasn't good at combat, was very quiet, and was basically the most assuming-looking person ever. It was what I'd have made him. Then again, with their usual fighting fare, did Soul Society even need spies? More to the point, were they too dismissive to be that _smart_?

Nerdy Kid stood there timidly before us, clutching his zanpakutoh to him in a distinctly uncombative gesture, and stared from underneath his curtain of black hair until I finally stopped bickering with Ganjyuu about paying attention to who he was holding onto whilst running long enough to turn in frustration and ask him what the hell his name was. He flinched slightly, and then bowed quickly, very deferential, his face cautious before these two fight-talented enemies. He didn't leave his neck exposed to us, though, so he wasn't completely stupid.

"My name is Hanatarou Yamada," he spoke quietly. He had a naturally soft, polite voice.

"That's a really complicated, confusing name," I commented with raised eyebrows, and Ganjyuu gave a flat grunt of agreement, still looking surly and embarrassed from off to the side. Between Nerdy Kid's appearance, demeanor, and name, I could see why he might get picked on a lot.

"Really? Everyone always says my name is easy to remember," Hanatarou stammered out, blinking up at us hesitantly and taking a couple of careful steps back.

That probably wasn't because it was an easy name, but I didn't say that out loud. Maybe it was the naturally naive look about... Hanatarou, I guessed? Calling your hostage by first name would be kind of weird... But I didn't feel like being too cruel to him. "That's not an easy name at all," I informed him decisively. "Tarou or Hanako are both perfectly normal names. Fusing them together into Hanatarou is - well, it's kind of weird." No one could accuse me of being tactful, however.

"By the way, aren't you the enemy?" Ganjyuu finally spoke up in confusion from off to the side. "Why are you being so... polite?"

"Uh. I dunno," Hanatarou said slowly, fidgeting, and I resisted a sigh. Because he was scared and he didn't know what else to do. Goddamn, we'd managed to kidnap the Shinigami version of a _kid_ during an invasion mission.

"Why did you take him with us?" I snapped at Ganjyuu again.

"I told you, I wasn't thinking! Besides, they'd just have killed him!" Ganjyuu defended himself.

Hanatarou retreated into the shadows again, his reiatsu low and intimidated and harmless, staring and staring.

* * *

What seemed an age later, we'd finally given up on our pointless argument and had taken out a rough map Ganjyuu drew of what we'd managed to catch of the Seireitei during our time suspended above it. It was his idea to map out a route to the white tower I told him I'd learned about, where we needed to go.

"So, where do we go? Got any bright ideas?" I asked him flatly, with only slight sarcasm, staring down at the pathetic map we'd managed to cobble together. I'd thought of asking Hanatarou, sitting in the corner and attempting to seem inconspicuous, but I figured we'd probably have to torture detailed information on the Seireitei from him or defeat him in a battle to get him to help us - it seemed like an honor thing - and I _really _didn't want to go there unless we absolutely fucking had to. There was just something about the kid. Protective instincts. (I hated those sometimes.)

Still, our odds of 'planning a route' weren't great. I glanced sideways at Ganjyuu, who looked just as stumped as I was. "Well... I really don't want to meet any Captains," he said slowly, squinting at the map and muttering to himself, "I wish we knew where they were..." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

So that was his motivation.

"We don't even know where any of the roads are, you idiot," I sighed, too tired to put any normal amount of bite into it. It struck me that I was getting used to Ganjyuu. I wasn't even sure what to think of that one. "How are we going to get to Rukia any faster like this?"

"Rukia?" came an infinitely startled voice suddenly from the corner, almost as if Hanatarou couldn't stop himself.

_Yes, yes, _**_that _**_prisoner and I'm _**_that _**_guy, _I resisted the urge to snap. Instead, I took a deep breath and said in a calmer, but comparatively harsh tone, "We're strategizing; don't interrupt." I didn't look away from the paper.

"Yeah! Just leave, we don't need you," Ganjyuu told him, turning to him and sneering slightly in leftover annoyance. Before I could open my mouth to protest cautiously that this wasn't such a good idea, however, Hanatarou shook his head - he seemed used to people being irritated by him, which was actually kind of sad - and spoke.

"You meant Kuchiki Rukia, right?" I turned and stared at him silently, but something in my expression seemed to tip him off. I thought of my Dad with patients and wondered if it was a doctor thing.

"I was right," he said quietly, sitting up straighter, his wide dark eyes lighting up with some sort of opportunity. "Kuchiki-taicho's younger sister, being held for capitol punishment. So that would mean your 'white tower'... it's Senzaikyuu, isn't it?" he asked with a strange amount of calm, certain sagacity. For a moment, he didn't seem so timid anymore. Thrived on knowledge, perhaps. Hanatarou took a deep breath. "I know a shortcut to that tower," he suggested with forced bravery, eyeing us carefully.

Ganjyuu jumped at the chance, but I put a hand on his arm, forcing down the leap in my own stomach. I was careful. "Why would you help us?" I asked him bluntly, gazing at him with my head tilted slightly. For once, my voice was quiet in return.

Hanatarou flinched and ducked his head a little once more. "... Because I don't want to die," he said finally, honestly. "And... because out of all the prisoners I have to feed and tend to... before she was transferred to the Senzaikyuu after her trial, Kuchiki Rukia-san was nice to me. I really don't want to see her die," he muttered, his shoulders slumping a little. He seemed honest.

I felt a pang somewhere inside me. _Rukia. You were never as elitist as you made yourself act, were you?_

"Okay," I finally agreed. "We'll follow you, Hanatarou. Lead the way."

* * *

He led us to, of all places, a ground hole behind some piled boxes.

Five minutes later, we were walking along the balconied edges that ran along both sides of a filthy, stinking sewer. All awfulness aside, it didn't escape me that the _Seireitei _clearly had plumbing and running water. Luxuries, maybe?

"I never would have guessed that the shortcut to the high-security tower was through a sewage system," I said with fervent honesty, eyeing our surroundings.

"Yes," Hanatarou agreed from where he was picking his way up head. "This system covers the entire city. In fact, you can get to pretty much anywhere from here." Even the reiatsu from above-ground was muffled. I gathered that to the people above, our own signatures were the same.

This kid was clever. I told myself to keep an eye on him.

"Do most other Shinigami know about the secret to this sewage system, too?" Ganjyuu asked Hanatarou from behind me, his loud voice echoing curiously off the walls.

"Yes," said Hanatarou, glancing backward, "but I don't think they'll come after us." He shrugged, for once unconcerned. "Only the healers of the fourth division really know how to navigate the complexities of this sewage system."

"Oh, so it doubles as a route for carrying supplies and a shortcut for bringing in and out patients," Ganjyuu realized thoughtfully. "Makes sense." I nodded.

"Oh, no! Umm..." For the first time, Hanatarou seemed almost amused, if in a pained sort of way. "Cleaning the sewers is just one of the duties the falls to the fourth division. You know, since we're the weakest division and all..." He looked away and trailed off into silence.

"... Damn," Ganjyuu finally stated matter-of-factly. "Shinigami or not, I think I actually pity you guys."

I knew what he was talking about. I stared at Hanatarou's back, actually starting to get a little disturbed by the way he said so matter-of-factly, 'We're the weakest division.' Because really, strength was very much up to interpretation. I'd been too fight happy once; I wouldn't call myself in that period strong at all.

"No, it's actually not as bad as you'd think," Hanatarou laughed, nervously, sheepish and looking away.

"Hanatarou," I said suddenly, pausing, and Ganjyuu almost ran into me. Hanatarou looked behind himself, wide-eyed and hesitant. "Why are you really trying to help us?" Was he really as loyal to the Soul Society as I'd tried to make myself believe? After being treated like that all the time? I gazed at him discerningly.

"Actually," Hanatarou said slowly, but he didn't end on what I'd thought he would. "You're Kurosaki Ichigo, aren't you?" I was somewhat startled and confused that he recognized me by my full name. That didn't seem to be normal. Hanatarou smiled slightly, sadly. "While I was taking food to Rukia-san and cleaning her cell each day, I learned a lot about you, Kurosaki Ichigo-san. I've wondered if you were him.

"You see, before she was transferred to the Senzaikyuu, Rukia-san was in being held in the brig of the sixth division, her brother's division. Usually she'd have been kept with the thirteenth, her own, but... you know... The sixth belongs to her brother... Anyway, I was assigned to food-bringing and janitorial duties, like I said. The fourth division also does a lot of that. I was nervous at first, because she was a noble, but..." He trailed off, his face surprised even in reminiscence.

"But what?" Ganjyuu finally prompted, as I stood there on tenterhooks, unable to ask. More emotional deep inside than I'd have believed.

Hanatarou shook his head and gave another sad, gentle smile. "The first time I ever met her, I called her 'Rukia-sama.' She told me she wasn't Rukia-sama, at least not anymore - she was just Rukia. She talked to me a lot when I was there. I think she was lonely. But she was actually... really nice to talk to. So many nobles are stuffy, but she was easygoing. She was fairly reserved, but she just talked like I was a friend. She... she mostly talked about you, Kurosaki Ichigo-san. I think - I think she missed you." He stopped and eyed me tentatively as my face suddenly contracted. Not like I was about to cry, but like I had just been hit with something. There was a strange weight inside me, terrible and yet... not entirely bad.

"She said," Hanatarou finally continued slowly, "that she'd like to believe you'd lived. Even though she'd only known you for a couple of months or so, she had unbelievably high faith in you. She also said that it was her fault you had gotten into more than you had bargained for. That it was her fault you had suffered a lot of pain. And she could never make that up to you. She seemed... very sad. Then she was transferred to the Senzaikyuu for execution, and I couldn't see her anymore." Hanatarou looked down at the floor, genuinely downcast, his story done. Ganjyuu was eyeing me silently.

She didn't know. I was frozen for a moment, processing. She didn't know. Didn't know she'd saved me. Didn't understand that it had been _my_ choice to get into this as much as hers. And she could die - thinking that... that she'd made my life _worse_.

She'd missed me.

"It seems," Ganjyuu finally joked quietly, "that she's another _different _one, like you."

I swallowed, an iron, furious, dangerously calm determination filling me. "Yes," I said quietly, clenching my fists. "She _is_ different. That's why I have to save her."

It was all I knew, and so I charged forward down the sewer, leaving a surprised Hanatarou and Ganjyuu to hurry after me.

* * *

Author's Note: Yes, I will eventually deal with all the other stuff that's going on in Soul Society he can't see. Have faith in me.


	5. Empty Dreams and Changing Perceptions

_"No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man,_

_To be the sad man,_

_Behind blue eyes._

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be hated,_

_To be fated_

_To telling only lies._

_But my dreams, _

_They aren't as empty_

_As my conscience seems to be."_

_- "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who_

* * *

_Chapter Four: Empty Dreams and Changing Perceptions_

We emerged behind Hanatarou into a large walled courtyard, gasping for fresh air after the rotten smell of the sewers. The first thing I registered was a barrage of suddenly sharp reiatsu - the forces they had put out to search were increasing, though my friends, on the fringes, still seemed to be doing alright. After all these hours, and presumably finding people unconscious or in casualties, the Seireitei was getting worried. How many had my friends taken care of? Had they felt my reiatsu muffle itself as I went underground; were they guessing I had a plan and trying to provide a distraction for me? I couldn't tell, and it was frustrating. Whether they had been trying to provide a distraction or not, they seemed to have succeeded. The only people I could feel this far within the Seireitei's Shinigami precincts by this point were us.

I was shaken from my thoughts by Hanatarou speaking from off to the side. "There is no route directly underneath the Tower, so this is as far as I can take you." He seemed almost apologetic, but I nodded to him in thanks. He brightened slightly. "That's the Senzaikyuu," he added, pointing behind us, and Ganjyuu and I turned around.

"Whoa," I heard him mutter beside me, and I nodded, staring myself. Even I could admit, it was... impressive.

Rising up before us in the courtyard was not just a tower, but a set of steep stairs that went under a magnificent archway and up to a huge, lifted set of square white buildings beyond, a tall pointed white tower piercing the sky at the center of the arrangement. "It's huge. Must have tons of security," Ganjyuu said in impressment, staring up at it. "I can't believe we're this close already..." He made to step forward.

But all of a sudden, I caught out of the corner of my eye a dim, shadowy figure slide from the shadows of the archway and toward our position in the courtyard. I knew the reiatsu immediately, though I'd only felt it once before: Abarai Renji. I could sense him only vaguely, his reiatsu well-hidden in a way that seemed almost impossible for the arrogant, fight-happy man I'd met last time. But now that he was making his move, there was no doubt it was him. Sure enough, the sun gleamed dimly off a shock of red hair. I saw the figure pause briefly underneath Seireitei's arch, far on the other side of the courtyard. He realized I'd seen him.

I put out a hand quickly to stop Ganjyuu, tensing immediately. "Ichi...?" He looked over at me in confusion, and I didn't even have any time to wonder when I'd gotten a nickname. Ganjyuu hadn't felt him, because Renji was better than Ganjyuu, even in masking his presence and lying in wait - if Ganjyuu was no match for a Third Seat, I doubted he'd be any match for a Vice Captain class. Even if it didn't feel like Zabimaru had been released yet.

"There's someone here," I muttered shortly, stepping forward carefully in front of Ganjyuu and Hanatarou, who suddenly became quiet and serious as the figure across from us moved once more and they, finally, noticed him as well.

Abarai Renji slowly walked forward, his feet silent despite the echoing, pregnant quiet of the courtyard. Soon, we were standing across from each other, close enough to see each other in detail, and here he stopped. He was exactly as I remembered him: long red hair done up at the back of his head in a complicated arrangement, his eyebrows done up in intricate black tattoos that made his face appear harsh, glaring seriously, his expression done up in a very ugly look.

"It's been a while," he told me, the statement almost threatening instead of welcoming. "Remember me?"

Still acting like he had something to prove. "Clearly," I bit out, on edge and already in a ready stance. "Abarai Renji."

"I'm flattered." He smirked, clearly unsurprised. "Nice memory."

"Thanks," I replied with flat sarcasm, glaring slightly. _Asshole._

"Who the hell is that? His reiatsu is unreal," I heard Ganjyuu whisper behind me to Hanatarou, _very _loudly, and I nearly flinched. This could be bad. But Abarai Renji looked more contemptuously amused than anything else.

"Th-that..." Hanatarou whispered softly, stuttering badly, his voice trembling. He sounded terrified, like he wanted to crawl back into that hole in the sewers all of a sudden. Like Jidanbou had been with Ichimaru, Captain of the Third Division, I registered. Did all the Captains and Vice-Captains inspire this level of fear and awe? "That is the Vice-Captain of the Sixth Division. Abarai Renji."

Her brother's Vice-Captain. Byakuya was Captain of the Sixth Division. Which was why Rukia had been kept there instead of in her own Division, the Thirteenth. _Of course. _ Suddenly, all the pieces fell into place. (Or so I thought.) Renji must be fighting me on behalf of his Captain again; it made sense.

Meanwhile, Ganjyuu had suddenly freaked out and was hissing at me in panic that we had to get out of here (of course). I pushed away his tugging at my sleeve and took another careful, guarded step forward. If Abarai Renji had been assigned to guard Rukia, I was going to have to fight the asshole eventually anyway - an idea I was not exactly averse to, in spite of the trouble it may cause me. After all, I had nearly beat him last time, and I was a very different Shinigami than I had been back in Karakura.

_Utilize your full reiatsu. Utilize Zangetsu. Remember the combat training Urahara gave you. Don't hesitate. Use their code of honor. Hands on blade at all times. Be crafty as well as strong, but your strength is your best weapon. Don't broadcast information about yourself. Remember the new method of attacking you learned from Madarame Ikkaku. Some zanpakutoh have special abilities when released. Use temporary healing to your advantage if you ever have time to. It's dangerous not to keep all sides of you blocked in a zanpakutoh fight. When in doubt, just push your power past what you think its limits are; the laws of physics don't always apply to you. _

I was ready.

Abarai Renji was eyeing me analytically. "... I must admit, I was surprised when basic descriptions of you began coming in," he admitted after a moment. I narrowed my eyes in surprise, wondering where this was going. "I was certain Captain Kuchiki had killed you. I do not know how you survived an assault from him, but the deed is impressive enough that it is worth complimenting."

He drew his sword. "However," he added gravely, "it all ends here." It was nothing like last time. I could see from the hardness in his eyes that Abarai Renji was done fucking around now.

"I have said it before," he told me coldly, anger dancing in his brown eyes. "I will_ kill _the one who stole Rukia's power. If you're still alive, Rukia's powers have not been returned."

This wasn't exactly true, but I wasn't going to advertise the realities of my power to him. As he raised his sword, I went for mine. "What's the point in defending her fucking _powers_," I asked angrily, "if you're just going to kill her afterward?!" Renji didn't answer, but his face tightened further, his eyes growing sharp, furious. Rukia's coming execution was still a touchy subject for him, deep down. "I'm getting to Rukia," I told him forcefully, my voice ringing throughout the courtyard.

"You are," he finally pointed out quietly, "if you can get through _me_." There was a moment's pause. "So, come on. Don't you enjoy risking your life?" The words were mocking.

I snapped.

I sped forward on a wave of sharp, tight anger, reiatsu, and adrenaline. I let my zanpakutoh down toward his head and he put his unreleased sword up to meet mine with a sharp backlash that went all the way up and down our blades. I pushed down on him with angry force, he snarled and took a step back to widen his stance, but held strong. A strange, focused buzzing in my head, I leaped back again and began darting in and around him, dodging his parries, letting Zangetsu down on him with as much force and strength as I could, re-forgetting everything I'd learned and just doing. It was... easy. I was keeping up with him; my reiatsu made me faster than I had been last time. More than that, he was on the defense.

I was a challenge, I realized dimly, and then pushed the thought away as momentarily unimportant and threw myself into the fight once more.

"... Kurosaki Ichigo," Abarai Renji finally panted to me in between exchanged blows, his face grudging respectful. I wondered, slightly, in the small part of my mind that was still thinking, how much my giant, released zanpakutoh form had to do with that. "How exactly do you plan on saving Rukia?"

I lashed out toward his midsection while he was talking - he blocked it but was shoved up against one of the courtyard walls -

I stopped, finally realizing my breathing was coarser than it had been a few minutes ago. "... What do you mean?" I finally asked cautiously in return, my guard up and my body still a good distance away from him.

"Besides me, there are eleven other Vice-Captains, and thirteen Captains. And the only reason you're not dealing with _another_ extra warrior is because the Thirteenth is in between Vice Captains right now." Renji eyed me carefully. "What are you going to do, defeat all of us?" he asked, half curious, half disbelieving and challenging. "Do you really think you can do that?"

I stared at him for a moment, careful. Well, that hadn't exactly been my plan - sneak in, get Rukia, get the fuck out while meeting as few people as possible had kind of been my plan. But... I considered it. "If that's what it takes," I finally decided in a hard voice, "then that's what I'll do."

Abarai Renji just stood there, staring at me. His face was expressionless. "Look, fuck off!" I finally snapped, reiatsu pulsing through my sword - his grip on his blade tightened, barely noticeable. "What the hell are you giving me statistics for?! What use is that to me; I'm here, aren't I? I'll fight however many people I need to fight to _save Rukia_!"

I was sick of telling people I really was determined to do this. I glared at Abarai Renji in silence for a moment.

Finally, after another moment of interminable staring, I was about ready to just keep on with the fucking fight when he spoke, in a tone of open and frustrated confusion, "What _are _you?" he finally asked. "This confidence - where does it come from? You've fought how many life-or-death battles? One, _two_?"

... There was no reason for him to need to know that information. Or how incredibly, incredibly inaccurate that was. Not even if his whiny presumption pissed me off.

"Or is it your zanpakutoh?" he said more quietly, his tone almost sibilant and his eyes flashing dangerously. I paused, caught off guard. "It's true it feels... different. But can it be that with such _insignificant _improvement," he sneered, "you have become so... arrogant?"

Then he threw off my released blade with a burst of reiatsu that shoved me halfway across the courtyard. And _then_ he released his.

"Howl," he growled, "Zabimaru!"

* * *

Out came the long, weaving row of deadly metal spikes, chinking out one by one by one toward me with formidable speed. Caught off-guard - either I'd forgotten just how fast it could go in a couple of weeks' time, or Zabimaru was taking the fight more seriously this time - I put the flat end of my blade up in tight, slight alarm just in time to block the first zanpakutoh hit.

It wasn't as powerful as I remembered, but it still almost made me move back. Almost. I felt Zangetsu steady under the blow, bristling faintly.

Then the force kept coming.

Zabimaru kept lengthening and lengthening, its bulk contracting with a ton of reiatsu into my block... I had about enough time to think, _Oh, shit, _before my block gave out and I was flung backward into the air, having to throw out a wall of reiatsu behind me that I couldn't really afford to use so that I wouldn't land hard on my back or head. My reiatsu, of course, then ended up blasting me straight through the wall of the storage house in a corner of the courtyard with a shattering of wood that I could see, but strangely couldn't feel.

I heard Ganjyuu and Hanatarou crying out in alarm toward where I had fallen, which prompted me to get back on my feet quickly as Zabimaru retracted, almost smug. To top it all off, the cut above my eye had opened back up and widened, spewing blood into my eye again, from where my sword had been knocked back into me. I gritted my teeth and pushed out from the weapons and tools around me, emerging into the archway's hole.

"Do not think you understand my abilities completely after just one fight," Renji instructed mockingly. I still filed the advice in general away into the back of my mind for future reference. Zabimaru was winding around him like a weird sort of snake. "When Captains and Vice Captains enter the living world, a large portion of their power is suppressed, so that they don't cause a disturbance. My power is five _times_ stronger than when we last met," he boasted, the old grin slowly growing over his face. "You cannot best me!"

Done listening, I emerged from the archway's shadow, and Abarai Renji's eyes widened for a split second, his face unguardedly surprised that he hadn't actually managed to injure me. He'd irritated me, used up some of my reiatsu, and opened up an old wound - and that was it.

"So what_ you're _saying," I said with calm, mocking sarcasm that had an undercurrent of dark tension to it, coming into my element in these fights once more, "is that this is the height of your power, and it still can't actually wound me? Good to know. If I have to fight eleven more guys like you..." I shrugged, smirking. "I think I'll be able to handle them."

Renji gritted his teeth and swore at me, but despite himself... it almost looked like he was starting to look forward to this.

* * *

"Ichigo-san, it's amazing that you're even still standing after taking a direct hit from Zabimaru. Are you alright?" Hanatarou, the medic, whispered in concern, as I came up to stand near them protectively again. I knew what he meant. My head wound was actually dripping blood now. I didn't answer. My vision was blurry and I was starting to shake a little... or maybe the earth beneath me was shaking. I couldn't exactly tell. I panted, hot, warm blood starting to soak down my face and into my collar. I tried to keep steady - I could do this.

I just needed to stop losing so much goddamn blood...! On top of everything else, I could feel it funneling a small portion of my reiatsu away for emergency healing.

"You can't even stand!" I heard Abarai Renji call scoffingly. "It's over!" And then he lunged. I dodged, and he began chasing after me, me blocking and dodging desperately, trying to pull him away from Ganjyuu and Hanatarou and trying to keep myself relatively unharmed at the same time. Renji was a good hunter - I still got another slash to my shoulder that both hurt like a bitch and funneled away more blood and more reiatsu, everything blurring together... I couldn't really see too well anymore.

Abarai Renji seemed to be getting faster. That wasn't good.

We ran across rooftops, jumped dizzyingly down into alleys after one another, clumsily razing to the ground pieces of wall and the brickwork of the courtyard around us -

Finally, we paused. I could hear him breathing heavily over the ringing in my ears, but a ways away from him, I had to drop to my knees heavily, trying to breathe, trying to muster up energy for what I knew I fucking _had to do_, keeping myself aloft by leaning heavily on Zangetsu, who was strangely silent.

"You really are stupid," Renji finally muttered roughly, gazing at me out of the corner of his eye from where he was leaned over, panting. "Do you really want to save Rukia this badly?"

I swallowed back so many things I didn't even want to think about. "It's not a matter of wanting," I finally breathed out. "It's a matter of what I'm bound to do. By honor and all the rest of that shit." I wondered how I could even be dry and humorous at a time like this.

Apparently, Renji agreed, because he lashed out and caught me in the shoulder, blinding me with pain for a moment. I collapsed to the ground under the weight, still clutching Zangetsu desperately and pushing him upward to try to block Zabimaru, and it registered that what if my power-up simply hadn't been _enough_...? And I couldn't think like that, but I couldn't really stand either...

"Don't make me laugh!" Renji finally yelled, snapping himself, a strange anger underlaying everything now, bubbling beneath the surface. "_You,_ who is the reason for Rukia's execution_, you, _who stole her powers from her! What do you know of honor?! Don't you understand?!" he ranted. "Can you even comprehend - how much it's_ your damn fault she's going to die_?!"

A reacting emotion exploded outward from me - one that made me strong and pushed my reiatsu out in a wave that I could feel surprise even Zangetsu. Zabimaru froze in shock, and then snapped at half. "I know," I spat out, gathering the dizzying strength to stagger to me feet. "I fucking know it's my fault,_ that's why I have to save her!"_

Abarai Renji backtracked once more, defensive, swearing at me, Zabimaru's normal length retracting back inward quickly. Wait. Retracting...? And that was when it registered: ridiculously late, all things considered. Something Urahara had told me when teaching me about how to fight zanpakutoh.

_"All attacks have a beginning, a middle, and an end," he'd said cheerfully, in typical cryptic Urahara speak. "Like a story. There is always a limit to the number of consecutive attacks a zanpakutoh can do before it must retreat - temporarily if it's fully formed, out of the fight if its release is not yet fully formed. Look, there are six shots in a pistol and a rocket only launches once, right? Well, it's the same with the attack of a zanpakutoh release. It has a limit. Everything has a limit, Kurosaki-san."_

Which meant Zabimaru... all of its attacks were etched painfully into my hazy mind. How many times had Zabimaru just attacked me? One, two, three. Same with the others. One, two. One, two, three... I couldn't remember any more consecutive attacks than three.

..._ That was it._

_"And once you find that limit... in the moment they retreat... their zanpakutoh can't attack. They are _**_vulnerable_**_, Kurosaki-san. Do you understand the significance of what I'm telling you? _**_Every_**_ opponent you will ever face has a limit. You just have to find it, and use it against them."_

I had to make sure. I made a quick movement, and Abarai Renji started a preemptive attack on me with Zabimaru, who had grown an extra length like the one I had just severed once more... One. I dodged. Two. I parried. Three.

Three.

Zabimaru retracted.

I shot forward with speed I didn't know I still had, borne more out of excitement and desperation than anything (though I'd never admit it). "It's over!" I bellowed, almost incoherent, a wish, a plea, and I slashed in toward his exposed torso.

And, faster than I could process, he tensed and _dodged around it_.

"I told you," he whispered. "Two thousand years too early."

And Zabimaru ripped straight across my chest.

* * *

I came to, dimly, collapsed to the ground, thinking a basic litany of, _Shit... how... how... shit..._

I was in agony. Reiatsu dimming. Warm blood and cold. Blue skies above me.

Dimly, as if from a long way off, I heard Renji. "Good idea," he admitted calmly, almost coaching - easiest when standing above a kill. "Your timing was perfect. Attacking during an opening is exactly what a good Shinigami is supposed to do. But the reason why it didn't work is simple... you're too slow. You and I are on completely different levels.

"That really is just all it is." His voice was matter-of-fact, reserved, and serious.

A dim glinting above me. He was raising his zanpakutoh. "You can't save Rukia," he told me icily, heat creeping under his tone.

_Rukia. _The name registered. _Rukia. _

... This, I sensed, this story could go one of two ways. It could end here and be a tragedy. Or it could be an action story - and this could just be the climax of the conflict.

I'd never fucking liked tragedies.

"Because I am going to kill you here!" Metal slashing downward. My friends being shaken out of their shock, crying out, running forward. They wouldn't get here in time. Wouldn't want them to - just more people I'd owe.

I hated owing people.

Once, Urahara had told me that the difference between another Shinigami and someone like a Captain or a Vice-Captain, was warrior's instinct. It was about more than just having a strong release, or good technique. Fighting had to be as easy and natural as breathing. When you could reproduce an attack at any point, anywhere, automatically... then you were a top-notch warrior. That was why he kept attacking me, he said, persistently, all throughout our training, pushing me into submission through careful increases in power and then chasing me down until I had nowhere else to run.

So that I could remember how to block with an attack when I had nowhere else to run.

The difference between a high-class and a good Shinigami was necessity.

_"In your sword right now..." He raised his sword from where he was standing above me, where he'd had me cornered. "In your sword right now, all I see is fear." It was a calm, coldly analyzing assessment. "You're afraid of everything, Kurosaki-san. You're afraid of losing. You're afraid of winning and accidentally killing me. You're afraid of dying. You're afraid of not being able to save your friend. You're afraid of everything. Fear," he said, "_**_holds you back_**_._

_"What is fear?! Fear is pathetic!" he yelled suddenly, his eyes still cold. "What use is being scared in a fight?! It slows you down! When you dodge, you should be thinking, 'I'm not going to let you hit me', not 'what if you hit me'! Do you see the difference?! I will not let you injure me, I will not let you kill me, I will not kill you unless I willfully choose to! I have the power, I have the control, and _**_you will not hold me back from my friend! I will destroy you first!_**_"_

_And, dimly, Benihime had begun to glow blue. A cold feeling crept up my spine... Cold and heavy, like a physical force emanating from the blade in waves. "This, Kurosaki-san," Urahara finally said, calm again, "is called ki - killing intent. It is borne from pure determination in a fight." _

_I stood up - and I thought of my own motivation to fight. Of strength, and of origins, but also of a future, a goal, a purpose, a necessity. All the things that made me who I was, what I had decided to do._

_And then, there before my teacher, I thought for the first time, 'He is not going to hit me. _**_I refuse to be weaker than he is_**_.'_

_And then I raised my blade in response, my jaw clenched, determination flooding through me in calm, steady waves. My sword glowing blue in response._

_And, inexplicably all things considered, for the first time in my life I felt like a good warrior. Not just strong, or dark, or lucky, or attempting to be heroic. But actually, physically calm and strong._

_"... Good," Urahara finally assessed in satisfaction. "It is within you, after all."_

_And then we attacked each other._

If will decided the spirit, the ki that flooded through me in that single moment of memory might almost be enough to make up for my injuries. In fact, I decided, fuck physics.

It_ would_ be.

* * *

It was kind of funny, really, what that "automatic defense" Urahara had talked about was for me. Funny, but expected, I suppose.

Not my blade, but my hand was the thing that came up to defend me. I caught the blade in my fist. My hand was bleeding, but suddenly I could see clearer and there was that familiar, odd sort of whirring in my brain. So, really, who cared? It was time for round two.

... I might have to collapse for a little while after this, though.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Renji," I said, staring up at him where he looked suddenly unnerved. I was still giving off ki, I realized. "I think it's time I started putting my all into this fight. Don't you?"

He started out of his reverie and pulled himself away, suddenly hesitant, as I picked up Zangetsu and got to my feet. My bleeding had stopped, I registered. I still felt a little weak physically, but spiritually I felt strong, and that was already starting to make up the difference. _Note to self: use ki. All the time._

I slid into a stance, Zangetsu ready before me, my own ki flowing outward in response to his. His. That was why I'd been panicking, I realized, resisting a grin. Part of it had been the ki he'd been giving off.

Well, I could match that. I pushed away all inhibitions and trusted in my instincts. It was surprisingly easy, with a new buoy of solid determination that made it all the stronger.

Twitching, as if he realized what I was up to, Renji suddenly moved to attack. And seemed slower. Huh.

I shot forward, steeling all of my determination and urging it forward into my blade - I cut straight through his sword with a forceful swing I didn't even think about. Through sword, slicing skin, and I cleaved a huge slash down and across his abdomen in a great arc. Blood spattered my sword, splattered across his chest and his hair as it came undone around him and he collapsed, choking, to the ground.

I stood there for a moment, stunned by what I had done. Zabimaru clattered to the ground, I came down from my high, and there was a sudden silence. Abarai Renji lay there feebly, blood going everywhere, breathing with a wet noise.

Then, suddenly, he whispered, "... Damnit. Shit..." He trailed off, sounding angry with himself and pathetic. After a moment, he wheezed out, "Kurosaki..." His voice was distant, hazy.

Desperately, he muttered out blindly, "Rukia... she wasn't born a noble." My eyes widened in surprise and I opened my mouth. "Shut up," Abarai Renji bit out, angry to the last. His brown eyes burned. "She just... wasn't... We were both orphaned kids... living with a bunch of other kids in the seventy-eight Southern Rukongai district... Kids... lived in a pit... didn't have anyone but each other... or even really a home... awful place... dirty, ramshackle, crime everywhere... And Rukia and I were the only ones with reiatsu... Always went hungry. Stole food when we could. _Friends._ We were friends... We had a big group... But Rukia was the tough one who provided the distraction... used to kick guys in the shins while we were stealing food or water... then urge us to run away... Spiritual leader. Always preferred to fight with the guys. But... she could be gentle, too. I dunno. Rukia's... Rukia's always been weird like that. One day," he forced out after taking a deep breath, "we just... I dunno, we woke up... and realized we were the only two who were left. All the other kids had died. The later districts... were a nasty place. I think we just lived... 'cause our reiatsu boosted us. But if we became Shinigami... we could live in the Seireitei. Heard stuff was better there.

"But at the Academy, we were..." He swallowed, his eyes distant. "We were divided up. I made friends with some people in the upper class section... Rukia was in the class for people with less reiatsu. Kind of a loner. We saw less of each other. Still friends. Then... I don't even know what happened. One day the Kuchiki family came and took Rukia away. I still... still don't know why... why they adopted someone from the districts... I told her it was a good thing, but she seemed sad. Later, I realized... it was because they separated her from me. And everyone else. Quietly took her from the Academy... quietly placed her in the Thirteenth, the quietest division, diseased Captain... and kept her in the Noble Districts otherwise. Never saw her much after that. She started talking like them... and following the head of the family... and calling him Nii-sama. Kept quiet. Reserved. Sad. I was made VP to her brother's division... but we've never been as close. I still dunno what the fuck happened.

"Then she was assigned on a mission to the living world... And she met _you_." He spat out the word, and it seemed to give him courage. I stepped back instinctively, stunned and something close to amazed, as he managed to stagger to his feet, the broken remnants of his sword held loosely in his hand.

"Looking back," he admitted, chuckling hysterically, gritting his teeth and grinning viciously, as though this pained him, "I was probably just scared. She was becoming a noble... and I'll always be a tramp! I mean, I graduated to Vice-Captain from the _Eleventh Division_! I'm vicious and uncouth and it's how I'll always be... I hate myself. Bark at the star... but never have the courage to reach up and grab it."

Suddenly, he pushed himself forward and staggered into me, smelling of blood and sweat. I tensed as he grabbed me by the collar, bleeding and dull-eyed, half-slumped against me. "But you... have," he panted. "I've trained my ass off... ever since Rukia left... to try to win a fight against her head of family, Captain Kuchiki... have _never _been able to! Never... But you've improved... in two weeks..." He swallowed, his face open and desperate. "I don't know what to do. Haven't since this whole _goddamn_ thing started. I know I could never save Rukia, so I do my duty." He was speaking automatically now. "I must be shameless for asking this," he muttered. "Kurosaki... please... _you have to save Rukia_!" He clenched his eyes closed, his voice breaking.

He collapsed to the ground, unconscious. And it was over.

I swayed, realizing my own ki was gone. The pain and haziness was coming again in its wake. "... I will," I promised him dimly.

I barely felt myself hit my knees, barely felt my friends shout and run over to me, lift me up and hurry away with me, hiding back into the sewers, shouting about how they had to get underground because they could feel people approaching fast for Abarai Renji... _Too late,_ I thought, with less triumph than I'd have expected.

But one thing was certain, before I let complete unconsciousness overtake me down there in the sewers, with Hanatarou trying to heal me with his zanpakutoh, kidou, strange herbs... One thing was certain in my mind. And it was uncertainty.

Was the totalitarian, negative moral feeling within the Seireitei as clear-cut as I had once thought? Or were there wrinkles... roiling underneath the surface? I remembered, then, that Kon's project was destroyed quietly at the last minute because too many people had thought it was distasteful... even if the way they had chosen to get rid of it was wrong. I thought of Hanatarou helping us, of his and Jidanbou's gratefulness for given respect, and of Rukia's guilt when she began to get to know me. I thought of Renji, and his plea to me - once he'd done his duty and lost. His plea to me to save his old friend.

I thought of all these people: Renji and Hanatarou hoping I could save Rukia, Shiba Ganjyuu hoping I could show him the kind of Shinigami he hoped his brother had been, Madarame Ikkaku just wondering if I could make it, and Jidanbou warning me to be careful in there... Even Captain Ichimaru, the weapon, and his strange distraction, the fact that he'd merely pushed me back instead of killing me. I thought of the fact that the Shinigami, some of them, seemed to secretly be _hoping_ for something better. Something that, this one time, could override the system and win. And they hoped in _me_. Even Urahara and Yoruichi and Kuukaku... even they, the exiles, must have had this motivation. They weren't all bad. Privately, some of them hoped. And this time, they hoped in me.

Which meant, for more reasons than just those that lay between me and Rukia, I had to win this.

Not had to. _ Would. _


	6. Out of Reach

_"In like the rose_

_That grows on your soul:_

_Out of time,_

_Now you're out for more._

_In like the stone_

_That forms in your heart:_

_Out of reach._

_But you can't give up_

_This time._

_(I'm on a wire_

_To see your star shine, _

_I'm on a wire _

_To see your star shine)_

_In like the sun_

_That falls on us all:_

_Out of time, _

_But you can't let go._

_Into the dark, _

_You've stumbled alone._

_Out of sight, _

_Now you can't return_

_This time._

_(I'm on a wire _

_To see your star shine,_

_I'm on a wire_

_To see your star shine)_

_I've been blind, _

_I've torn out my eyes,_

_But I fear no more._

_I've been blind,_

_You've turned from my side._

_(But I felt your voice.)"_

_- "In Like the Rose" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club_

* * *

_Chapter Five: Out of Reach _

_I was falling, falling, falling... Then something grabbed me, saving me from hitting the ground. I looked up to thank it - and looked right into a mouthful of sharp, hungry teeth._

_I jolted awake._

* * *

I lay there for a few minutes, my eyes closed, a dull pain throughout a majority of my body.

... The air smelled. Home sweet home.

I sighed and opened my eyes, realizing I was right back where I'd started before my fight with Renji, plus a lot of determination and understanding. Sure enough, there was the distant, dark, vaulted sewer ceiling swimming into view above me.

"Ichigo-san," Hanatarou said in relief, looking absolutely drained, but pleased. "Good, you're awake."

"Hey..." I sighed, coming back to myself and sitting up.

"Ichigo-san, wait, your wounds still aren't -!"

"Don't worry about it," I muttered, hauling myself painfully to my feet and ignoring the cloth bandages wrapped around my abdomen. "We have to keep goi -"

I suddenly felt a hand much bigger than Hanatarou's come up and hit me sharply in the head from behind. I collapsed to the cold, damp ground.

"Night night, Ichi. Not until your wounds are better," Ganjyuu sang mockingly above me.

"... Hate you," I muttered into the stone against my cheek. The last thing I heard was him chortling before I blacked out again.

* * *

The next time I awoke, I felt... amazingly well. I was warm and loose, at peace with the world. Hanatarou was kneeling above me, panting. "That's it, I think you're done," he breathed and, before I could even open my mouth to say a stunned 'thank you', he was off to heal Ganjyuu, who had fallen asleep against the wall off to the side, of his wounds from Yumichika.

"You know, you should rest. You don't have to do that," I pointed out to him with slight worry, sitting up slowly and fingering my smooth chest and forehead in amazement. I reached over to my neatly folded dark robes, which were lying off to the side of the single emergency blanket I seemed to have been lying on.

"It's alright," Hanatarou breathed, pushing his stringy hair away from his face, his expression almost as determined for a moment as a warrior's in battle. "I need to finish healing before I can rest." And I watched in silent impressment, sitting off to the side, the quiet trickle of Seireitei's trash flowing along below us, as he really did heal all of Ganjyuu's wounds before crawling over to the corner and falling into an exhausted sleep.

As I was beginning to realize they had done for me, I now watched over the two of them.

* * *

It didn't take very long for Ganjyuu to start awake. The big lug had slept right through his healing. He blinked groggily, started down at Hanatarou, who had fallen asleep collapsed near him and was drooling on his trousers... and then leaped up, freaking out. "Geez, don't drool on me, you little -!" he hissed to the unconscious Hanatarou, seeming more uncomfortable than anything else.

"Relax," I muttered, raising my eyebrow in amusement from where I'd been waiting off to the side. "He's just tired. You're a fighter and you're afraid of a little drool?" My sisters drooled on me in their sleep all the time.

Ganjyuu looked up quickly. "Ichigo. Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, with surprising concern, looking me over.

"Uh... yeah, I'm fine," I assured him, a bit bemused by this. "And thanks to Hanatarou, you should be too. He healed you after he was done with me."

Ganjyuu paused and put his hand instinctively where his wounds had been, his face surprised. Then he glanced sideways at the exhausted Hanatarou.

"As soon as he wakes up." Ganjyuu looked up at the low, determined timbre to my voice. My face hardened evenly. "We're leaving. We need to get to the Senzaikyuu."

* * *

Hanatarou woke up to the sounds of our voices - probably sooner than he should have, because he still looked like he recently hadn't slept for about three days. We told him he should rest, but he insisted that he had come prepared and knew a quick way to re-boost his energy really fast.

Then, almost proudly, he reached into the seemingly endless pockets that lined the inside of his robes and showed us a little pill with the common mark for poison written on it.

We were not comforted.

"What the hell? Either whoever made this had my teacher's sense of humor or that is totally not for keeping you healthy," I said, pointing at it, freaked out, from where I had snatched it safely away from the innocent and surprised-looking Hanatarou.

Ganjyuu was nodding along with me, poking it in morbid curiosity. "It's... I hope it's a joke. That's definitely a skull and cross bones."

"Oh, don't be silly," Hanatarou waved us off. "It's just a special energy spill that helps Fourth Division members keep working, even when they're really tired. Look, I swallow it and my reiatsu is miraculously restored! Watch."

Eager to show us, he popped it into his mouth, swallowed, and waited. Absolutely nothing happened. "See?" Hanatarou said weakly after a moment, smiling as if he'd just had a particularly dangerous kind of placebo effect put on him. "I feel great!"

We stared at him in growingly protective alarm. "... I hate to break it to you, kid," Ganjyuu finally sighed, speaking for both of us. "But I think they may have ripped you off and given you the fake one as a joke."

Yet Hanatarou insisted with passive-aggressive stubbornness that he was fine, and we had to go. Already, a full day had passed since I had fought Renji. So we kept on down the sewer and toward the tunnel's exit, though I muttered to Ganjyuu to keep an eye on him behind me.

When we emerged out into bright sunlight, the courtyard seemed like it had been mended in a basic sort of way - the ground had been sloppily patched up and a plank of wood fitted over the storehouse temporarily. The walls were still crumbling and tiles were still missing from the roofs of some buildings nearby. At least all the blood was gone. Damn, we had really fucked the place up, hadn't we?

More importantly, though, no one was around. No guards, not even Renji. I couldn't feel any reiatsu in the courtyard at all. The ancient archway of the steps leading up to the Senzaikyuu sat innocuously in the summer sunlight.

Confused but carefully relieved, I climbed up the ladder and out onto the ground, letting Hanatarou and Ganjyuu climb out after me. "Good," Ganjyuu sighed in relief, sounding weary. "For once, there are no crazy powerful people waiting for us."

"Good, but weird," I noted, frowning slightly. I felt like this was one of those times when I was entitled to some paranoia. "There was a vicious fight here just yesterday where an unknown force defeated one of their higher-ups. But they didn't assign anyone to guard the area."

Ganjyuu and Hanatarou glanced at each other at this, realizing I had a point. "Maybe they don't think we'd show up to the same place twice?" Ganjyuu finally guessed.

"Yeah," I muttered doubtfully. "Maybe."

"Hey, by the way," Ganjyuu said louder, sounding thoughtful and pulling me out of my reverie. "How do you think the others doing? The glasses guy in white and that brown haired cutie?"

I gave him an odd look, both at his surprising concern and about how he referred to them. "Are you talking about Ishida and Inoue?" I asked in mild surprise. I felt out my three friends - the first two were hiding at the moment, having retreated from a fight they had just won with some of the search people who now seemed to be combing the outward structure of the city (but still not here, for some strange reason). Chad was moving, toward a strong reiatsu signature lying in wait. I forced away my worry. Chad could handle himself. "They'll be fine," I said aloud, my tone firm, and Hanatarou and Ganjyuu glanced at me in surprise. "Ishida and Inoue are both a lot smarter about when to jump in and when not to than I am."

"What about the other guy... Chad?" Ganjyuu asked, glancing at me sideways, seeming almost probing.

"I'm not worried about Chad." I forced myself to remain neutral as I felt him be sidetracked from the big nearby power source by another group of Shinigami. Of course, they all began fading out into unconsciousness as soon as they engaged him in battle.

"But you don't even know whether or not he's alive!" Ganjyuu finally burst out heatedly. I turned to look him in the eye, irritated. I knew my friend.

"I know exactly where he is. I've been keeping an eye on all three of their reiatsus ever since we landed in here. Besides..." I looked forward and murmured, "If Chad starts losing to people, then even I may need to start worrying."

There was a moment of silence as Ganjyuu and Hanatarou stared at me. Getting irrationally annoyed with this, I straightened myself up and said briskly, "Come on. Let's continue."

* * *

We went under the archway and began climbing the huge, steep white staircase toward the set of buildings surrounding the tall, thin tower of the Senzaikyuu. On our way up, as we got to see more and more of the neat structure of the Seireitei laid out below us, Hanatarou pointed out certain things: the communal Seireitei training grounds to our left. Beyond that, the sets of division offices: the barracks, brig, training grounds, and offices done all up in a set of low-walled, neat wooden buildings with pointed roofs and rice paper screens for each division. The multi-division meeting offices nearby. The blocks that were mostly for holding storage and supplies, which was where me and Ganjyuu had started out (holy shit, we actually had gotten somewhere). Near that, on the other side of the outer structure of Seireitei, were the buildings like restaurants and theaters, the "for fun" section of the miniature city. The main government buildings, the huge Shinigami Academy building and grounds, and the more longterm prisons were closer to us, farther into the maze. But Hanatarou said the meeting place for the Central 46 Council was even beyond us, and the noble residential sections were near that, both in the very center of the Seireitei.

He also pointed out which barracks belonged to which division. There was the Eleventh, the most combat-oriented and fierce, competitive division (well, that explained the assholes from earlier; all I had fought so far were people from the Eleventh Division and Renji, who used to be a member of them). There was the Fourth, the medical division. There was the First, the head command division. There was the Second, which specialized in Black Ops, stealth, and info-gathering. There was the Twelfth, which headed both inter-dimensional sensing and scientific research, and the prisons and inter-corps punishment (it was lovely that they paired those two things together).

It was all very interesting. But soon Hanatarou ran out of breath and we just kept and kept climbing upward. It was like the steep stairs never ended, I thought, breathing steadily to keep from getting tired. That would be just like us, to come upon the only set of stairs in the Soul Society that had some sort of kidou illusion spell on them, making them impossible to climb. I was also trying to keep track of Chad, who was now heading directly into the big reiatsu source lying in wait, all of it emanating from a single Shinigami - they were beginning to pull out the big guns now - and that kept distracting me, which was irritating.

Finally, I forced out, "Goddamnit, these stairs are way too long! How high is this thing anyway?!" _I _was breathing hard by now, though still at the forefront behind the other two.

"Stop whining," Ganjyuu panted grumblingly from behind me. "We're almost there!" I could hear Hanatarou puffing along behind him.

Finally, we came out onto a paved concrete landing surrounded by the tall, square, neat, white outer buildings. "Yes, we made it!" Ganjyuu breathed as they both paused on the landing behind me, Hanatarou bending over to put his hands on his knees.

"No guards here either," I noted, regulating my breathing quickly like I would in training as I moved forward to stand in front of them. It was weird, but... Finally, I shrugged to myself. We'd be stupid not to take advantage of the opportunity, I guessed. "Good," I said decisively. I turned to the others and nodded in front of us, and we began moving quickly forward down the concrete walkway. "Come on. We'll be able to charge right in there if we leave now!"

I had spoken too soon. We were only running for a few minutes before, all of a sudden, actually choking, I stopped dead in my tracks. Ganjyuu and Hanatarou had a split second to pause in confusion - before it hit them too, and they stopped directly behind me, losing their breath. There was an incredible, vicious, bloodthirsty killing intent somewhere right nearby. It pressed down on me from all sides, as if trying to force my brains out through my ears and my chugging blood out of my veins, and it filled me with an instinctive desire to run away. I paused, clenching my fists, my eyes widening as I tried to keep breathing.

The most frightening thing for me was that it all seemed to be coming from one source. One person.

Abruptly, I realized how stupid I'd been to think they wouldn't guard this place after what had happened here. _The Shinigami was just muffling their presence. Wrong time to get distracted by everything around you, _said an infuriating, mocking little voice in the back of my mind.

"Wha - what the hell is that?" I forced out harshly, my voice sounding more dark and tense and frightened than I wanted it to.

Hanatarou didn't answer, too busy trembling, his mouth opening and closing in mute horror. "Where is it coming from?" Ganjyuu breathed, his eyes spinning around himself in a kind of panic...

They couldn't do this, I realized. Couldn't handle it. More than me, even, _they_ couldn't be here. "Damnit," I hissed. Then I finally gave up all pretense and said in a hard voice, "Guys - **_run!_** I don't know what the hell this is, but we need to run _now!"_

I reached out and shoved them forward back toward the stairs, because they_ weren't fucking moving_, and stumblingly, they broke into a run. Falling back on old instincts, where survival came first and honor wasn't much of a thing, letting nervous tension fill me for the first time in a while, I broke ahead of them, running forward, leading the way. The reiatsu was getting closer and closer, I ran faster and they tried to follow me, I realized we weren't going to make it to the staircase, and then again, and again, and again - It was like flinching every two seconds for a gunshot that never came. No one was here, and we kept running, yet it felt like the source was _right_ over me, grabbing me by the neck and squeezing the life out with slowly tightening fingers. Images began flashing in front of my vision, pushing my mind further into haywire, hazy images of dark skeletons mixed with blood and someone standing over me with a gun and then it was a Shinigami with a sword and then a Hollow with its jaw wide open, its eyes glinting - I realized I was running crooked, starting to let out sharp, pathetically fearful little breaths as I sprinted, and I felt like I was eleven and wondering if I'd pushed myself too far, farther than I could handle, by fighting out here in the streets...

... My friends weren't following me.

Feeling a leap of wild fear, I swore and whirled around, noticing only hazily and heavily, panting, that Hanatarou had collapsed, shaking and pale, and Ganjyuu was trying frantically to pull him back up and get him to start running again... It felt like I was underwater, sluggish and slow to notice everything, dreaming and surreal, but not in the good sense - too many drugs and time's about up. That sort of feeling. Shit. Even _my_ recently found strength was panicking.

"Come on!" I shouted, as Ganjyuu picked up a surprised Hanatarou and just started running with him on his shoulders - because fuck no we weren't just leaving the kid behind. But for a moment, as I watched Ganjyuu run under this with someone else's weight as well as his own, especially when I knew he wasn't as intrinsic a fighter as I was, especially when the ki was effecting him more, I couldn't help but admire Ganjyuu. His eyes blazed with determination, he nodded to me heavily, and we began running frantically back toward the exit again - mostly because it was all we could think of to do, because it was instinctive and we had to get _out_ of here, had to get _far away._..

"Are you the one I'm after?" a gravelly voice suddenly spoke _right fucking next to my ear._ I whirled around, lashing out with a fist, my head spinning frantically - and there was no one there. But there was, I noticed, squinting, a distant figure standing on the ledge of the building high above us. I felt his killing intent, his incredible reiatsu, become smug, cruelly closing in on me.

Then he leaped down to a closer ledge so he was visible, and I saw him up close for the first time. And even as I steadied myself slightly from being able to see the source of my fear, I stood there, staring stupidly for a moment, wide-eyed. Because... he wasn't any less terrifying close up. Terrifying...? Yes. Wow, I hadn't thought of anything as that in a while. Well, fuck.

He was huge and broad-shouldered, with his Shinigami uniform open enough at the collar to show that it was pretty much all muscle. He wore a white Captain's cloak, tattered and frayed through carelessness, and he had a rugged, heavily scarred face with an eyepatch over one eye. His face was somehow broad, flat, _and_ sharp - it looked vaguely European, though not in the 'traditional' western sense of the word - and his dark hair was done up in spikes that had strange little pieces of metal attached to their ends. He was gazing straight at me with crazed eyes, a wide, bloodlust-filled grin over his face. The killing intent increased and I drew in a sharp breath with effort. I knew what that expression meant: that was the face of a predator eyeing its prey.

"What's wrong with you?" he finally asked in that same rough, gravelly voice, the words echoing out between us. Then, abruptly, he was gone.

I tensed up and reached my senses out just in time for him to reappear right behind me. "Don't just stand there and stare," he said quietly, grinning, and then I felt the hot thrust, heard the sharp _shhick_ of steel in skin, as he pierced his sword right through my heart. Gasping in shock, I looked down - and there was nothing there. I put my hand up to my chest on instinct, clutching at it, expecting to feel blood pouring out... But I was fine.

I whirled around, but he hadn't been standing behind me.

... His killing intent was so strong he could control the illusions it gave my senses? The dread I felt this time, despite myself, had absolutely nothing to do with killing intent. _Great. Mind games. Shit, again._

"Are you Kurosaki Ichigo?" the voice came from behind me again, just as sudden.

I tensed and then peeked carefully behind me, hating the fact that I had to check, but knowing that I did... His tall form really was standing behind me this time, one hand resting with deceptive ease on the hilt of the sword at his belt. The killing intent he could give off at close distance was incredible, even now that I was slowly accustoming to it.

"How do you know my name?" My voice came out angry, harsh, defiant, and trembling. I glared backward at him, over my shoulder, not quite looking him in the eye - I knew that would be suicidal, with what he could give off. "Who are you?!"

"Oh?" The deep-voiced man sounded vaguely surprised, almost amused, but not quite. "Ikkaku didn't tell you about me?"

And suddenly I flashed back to my first fight, Eleventh Division third seat Madarame Ikkaku, and the last thing he had told me - warned me of - before I'd left him to be picked up.

_Ikkaku eyed me for a moment, as if wrestling with himself. "Watch out for my captain," he finally warned me. "He has no interest in the weak, and he loves a fight. If what you say is true, you'll probably be the one he seeks out. Trust me," Ikkaku said gravely, "when I say you _**_don't_**_ want that." _

_"Is he that strong?" I asked, raising my eyebrows._

_Ikkaku laughed humorlessly. "If you survive meeting him," he said pessimistically, like he doubted it, "you'll know exactly who I'm talking about." _

_"... What's his name?" I frowned, deciding to try to actually commit this one to memory._

_"The guy you definitely don't want to meet: ..."_

"I am Captain of the Eleventh Division, Zaraki Kenpachi." He gave a slow, vicious smile and said with calm, complete honesty, "And I'm here to kill you."

* * *

I had leaped away, probably seeming slow to him, but he let me put some distance between us. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. On one hand, there was some distance between us. On the other, he didn't seem too goddamn worried about that. He just stood there, smirking at me, his eyes flashing in anticipation of the coming fight. My friends were standing off to the side, very small and terrified and quiet, watching us fearfully, but I tried not to focus on them. Ikkaku had said Kenpachi wasn't interested in the weak - maybe, just maybe, he'd leave them alone.

... I hoped so, because I could admit to myself, even as I took deep breaths and tried to keep calm, tense and focused, that this guy felt different from anyone I'd met yet. We each took a stance, one tenser than the other, eyeing each other across the chasm between us that wasn't wide enough.

"... So?" Kenpachi finally spoke questioningly, raising his eyebrows. Never before had a single movement managed to look so intimidating. _Pull it together. You have to do what you have to do, _I told myself harshly."I told you that I'm here to kill you. You haven't said anything in response." He smirked wider and the killing intent upped. "Does that mean you're ready to start now?" His voice echoed strangely, more powerful than it actually was.

Despite myself, jumpy, I went for my zanpakutoh's hilt on reflexive, comforting instinct. But suddenly, just as I was about to pull Zangetsu out of his sheath, an abrupt sound of a thump and a gasp from behind made me look around in fear. Hanatarou - who Ganjyuu'd had to put down, taking a knee and breathing hard - had just collapsed. He was shaking, trembling, his mouth open and foaming, his eyes wide and blind in fear... I felt myself go cold, cold with a fear I'd never have felt years ago. I'm not sure why the thought came to me just then.

"Hanatarou?!" I called out instinctively, my eyes wide and my face drawn in morbid curiosity and something like horror. What was the feeling coming from Captain Zaraki doing to him?

"Ichigo, don't be an idiot!" I turned to him at Ganjyuu's sudden, strained voice. He was on his knees, panting and sweating, but he looked up at me with firm eyes. "Hanatarou and I just find the pressure heavy. We'll be okay." He sounded like he was getting used to this. I glanced sideways at the oblivious Hanatarou, who did not look anything remotely close to okay, in spite of myself. "Ichigo, the only way to get rid of this is to beat this guy! Don't worry about us; look at what's in front of you, because that's more dangerous!"

I opened my mouth to argue with him that wasn't the point, but all of a sudden the weirdest sound came from behind me.

... A _little girl's_ voice.

"Whoa, he's drooling!" the girl observed in disturbingly eager enthusiasm, and I whirled around to find that a toddler-looking girl with short, straight, bright pink hair had climbed up onto Zaraki Kenpachi's shoulder and was giggling and pointing at the unconscious Hanatarou, completely unfazed by the ki in the air around her. To my disbelief, she had a Vice-Captain's badge wrapped around her upper arm. I mean... I wasn't kidding myself, I knew she was probably still about as old as my Dad... but _Jesus._ That didn't mean she'd _aged_ any faster than a three or four year old.

Kenpachi looked deadpan and exasperated, but disarmingly tolerant, as she pulled at his hair and pointed excitedly at my friend... who was almost having a seizure from the amount of ki he was_ still _giving off.

I was constantly proven right: Fucking. Weird.

Not that I was exactly normal. Which was why I just decided to come right out and say it to them, "... What the _hell_?"

Then the girl disappeared, and I tensed up, angry and freaked the hell out once more, as a tiny foot landed neatly on my shoulder. Yeah. She was a Vice Captain, alright. "That poor thing," she cooed, crouching down fearlessly on my shoulder and looking over at Hanatarou's trembling, fallen form in a matter-of-fact sort of way. "Ken-chan really scared him!"

I wasn't an idiot, though, that was a high-ranking Shinigami's voice shrilling right next to my ear, and I threw her off with a spurt of reiatsu and a harsh movement before she could do anything, swearing, my eyes still wide. She was tossed across to an unfazed Kenpachi, but landed neatly on her feet beside him, looking suddenly thoughtful. "He got angry with me," she observed, pouting at me slightly. It was frighteningly adorable - I really hoped I wouldn't have to fight her.

Kenpachi sighed. "That's because you surprised him and he's my enemy," he said flatly, still eyeing me curiously. "Don't be so reckless."

Wondering if this was just a game to them, I unsheathed Zangetsu quickly, somehow even more frightened than I had been before. They were so... blasé about it. Like I was the bug and they were the windshield. "Ganjyuu," I barked, telling myself to stop fucking around and make a decision. "Get Hanatarou out of here! You go for Rukia; I'll try to stop this guy!" I wanted to do it myself, but I was the strongest one of the group - it just made sense for me to stay.

"But Ichigo, you'll be by yoursel -" Ganjyuu began in heated protest. And as touched as I was that he seemed to have come to care about me more and all that, that couldn't really afford to matter right now.

"Ganjyuu,_ just go._"

There was a moment's pause at the steel in my voice. Then he said quietly, "Alright." I heard him pick up Hanatarou's weight and felt him run away, growing faster as he got farther away from Zaraki Kenpachi and his mini-sidekick. The two did not attempt to waylay him, still standing there watching me calmly.

"Neither of you are chasing after them," I finally observed cautiously, testing them, in my stance with my released form out before me. "Isn't your objective to stop us from achieving ours?"

Kenpachi blinked, and then snorted. "For the last time, kid. I'm here to fight you. I don't give a damn about your friends or Kuchiki. They can go die in a ditch for all I care." He smirked at the sudden flare of my own ki that filled the air, pushing back at his slightly. His eyes lit up.

He'd said just the right thing in just the right casual tone to piss me off. "Well, good for you," I spat, slowly getting angry, despite the fact that my ki struggled almost visibly not to die under his own. "_Asshole." _

He eyed me for a moment, the way I was trying not to shake or show how much effort I was giving off, the determined firmness in my stance and the do-or-die in my eyes mingled with paradoxical anxiousness. "Not bad," he finally admitted, eyeing me up and down, the sweat beading on my arms, hands, and face. "Your stance looks good. Solid, though it does have its openings. High in reiatsu. Possessing of ki. Released form zanpakutoh." It was like he was at auction. "A Vice Captain should be no match for you. No wonder Ikkaku was defeated," he finally pronounced.

I eyed him suspiciously. No matter what he said, it couldn't exactly lead anywhere good. "Thanks," I finally offered tersely.

"Though you are still far below me," he added, his scars stretching as he grinned slightly. He sounded almost musing. "Hm. How about this? I'll give you one good shot, to even things out." He reached down and pulled the front of his robes aside, revealing an almost ridiculously ripped chest - hard and muscled. "You get one slash with that zanpakutoh. Attack me anywhere you want, and don't hold back," he offered easily. He was still grinning slightly, confident, almost anticipating.

I stared at him like he'd just lost it. _"What?"_ No matter how superior you felt over your opponent, you didn't just let them _attack_ you. Not where I was from. Besides... "What the hell?! I'm not going to attack someone unarmed!" I insisted stubbornly. Another bit of fighter's honor I'd always tried hard to hold onto, like not attacking someone while their back was turned. "Besides, who says _you_ aren't going to attack_ me_? What do you think I am, stupid?" My eyes flashed.

"No," Kenpachi said easily. "I don't think you're stupid." He shrugged. "And I won't attack. This is just a charity. I'm handicapping myself briefly for your benefit." He managed to sound both smug and simply matter-of-fact at the same time. "It's good of you, not wanting to attack an unarmed person, but trust me. Save your sympathy for someone else. I really don't need it." His eyes narrowed as I still paused, debating with myself, wondering whether I should play into his hands and risk it. This was just so... unusual. Unusual as in, it had never happened to me before, and I wasn't sure whether to be insulted, on my guard, or suspicious of him. "Come on, don't be so stuck up," he sighed in exasperation, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Just _enjoy _it. You know you want to," he added then, and as he said so, I realized I was tensed in anticipation, despite myself, a weird kind of rush pulsing through me. I clamped down on it and held myself back again, my head swimming for another reason now. He sounded freakishly like the little voice in the back of my head that had always urged me to just punch the shit out of Ooshima - to just _enjoy_ it again, soak it in.

Kenpachi's eyes sharpened. "_Hit me._ Killing and being killed..." His face was hard, scarred, and mask-like, his eyes blanking over with bloodlust for a moment, revealing what lay underneath the sanity. "They're just ways to pass the time, you know." I swallowed, stepping back even further - both because that look was disturbing and because I recognized it. The face that meant you enjoyed losing yourself, going completely off the rail...

... Since when had I started backing away from this fight?

Kenpachi spread his arms out, his chest still bared, obviously not intending to move. "Come on, attack me! I'm asking you!" he called out in a ringing tone, never taking his eyes off of me. They were observant, but I didn't know exactly what he was observing, I couldn't tell his reaction to whatever it was, and I didn't know how to stop him from seeing it. Maybe he was just watching me freak the hell out. How the fuck would I know? This was ridiculous. Why was I abruptly so... frightened? "Across the neck, in the stomach, through the eyeball - anywhere! Ask me for suggestions, fuck, I don't know, attack me!" The Captain was starting to sound frustrated, anticipant. "It'll be a hell of a lot better for you if you manage to kill me in one blow, you know!"

A huge part of me wanted to just go for it. Just speed in and attack viciously. Wanted it a _lot,_ suddenly. But... "COME ON!" Kenpachi finally roared, his accent slackening and becoming broad and coarse, his eyes eager and his ki sharpening. "What are you afraid of?!"

And the scene was so familiar that for a moment, I couldn't really remember as much why I was hesitating. And even though I knew it was stupid, I finally gave in and shouted, "Fine, you asked for it!" I ran forward, toward his vicious grin, took a great slash right across his abdomen - and my sword stopped against his chest.

I stopped short, stunned. Then I pushed slightly... It was like I was pushing against stone instead of skin. Up close, I could feel the reiatsu rolling from him in waves... so strong that it had stopped my attack. My hands were bleeding from the force with which I was trying to push - and it was doing absolutely nothing.

As my own reiatsu suddenly seemed weak in comparison to his, the first time I'd ever felt that way, I felt the first stirrings of actual dread amid my steely knowledge that I had to fight this man.

"Is that it?" Kenpachi finally asked mockingly, sounding only vaguely irritated, his eyes becoming intense and dangerous. I realized, backing up a few steps very quickly, that this was normal for him. Shit. "How disappointing," Kenpachi sighed, and then he went slowly, leisurely, for his own sword. "Well," he said, "now it's my turn. Please don't die too quickly."

It sounded like an honest request. I stared at him, cautious bordering on frozen, as he unsheathed his own zanpakutoh.

He glanced up at me, saw my expression, and smirked again, reflexively. "You seem... surprised. Is it so hard to believe, that your sword couldn't scratch me?" He made a slight move forward - and, my jaw tightening, I moved backward once more, not sure what it would do, but eyeing him carefully.

"It's useless, Ichi!" I tensed and looked over. Somehow, his tiny pink-haired VP had made her way closer to me while I was focused on her Captain. She still didn't look like she was going to fight along with her Captain, though; I suspected they normally took their philosophy of one-on-one fights so seriously that she, as young as she was, didn't see anything weird about coming closer to me as I was fighting her superior.

The tiny girl looked up at me sternly in her little uniform. "Your sword won't do anything against Ken-chan," she instructed me, as though this should be obvious. "Because that blade is exactly the same as no blade to him."

I stared at her. "... What?" Frustrated, I felt like I'd been saying that a lot in the past five or ten minutes.

"Let me tell you what she means, kid." I glanced up tensely at Kenpachi. "Here, I'll be brief, because you look confused: this is why your sword can't scratch me. It's pretty simple, actually. When two reiatsus collide, the person with less power gets hurt. That's all there is to it. In other words, the pressure that you emit consciously trying to kill me is less than the pressure I emit subconsciously without unsheathing my blade." He was quite serious. "See?" he said. "It's simple, isn't it?"

I wondered vaguely if he was consciously trying to _make _me feel outclassed, if he was trying to figure out how to get me to fight him willingly, or some sick combination of both.

Finally, Kenpachi sighed, staring at me. "Well," he admitted. "I can't believe I camped out all night here for this. This is so sad it's not even funny."

I really wanted to react to that. Really knew it wouldn't be a good idea. At all. So I held myself back.

Finally, he raised his sword, apparently deciding to just fuck it and go for it. "Alright. Please put up at least a little bit of a fight in this, ryoka," he sighed. "Just, for me, okay?"

Firming my stance and deciding to fight my hardest, I felt Kenpachi's mini Vice Captain retreat, and I knew that the fight had finally begun in earnest. It said something that I didn't know if I'd survive, right out. I just knew - whatever he_ said_ about my courage or willingness - that I'd die fighting.

I just... I couldn't enjoy it. Not like I used to. Not without... going too far.

(And far out into the city, I could feel that Chad had finally collided with that giant reiatsu signature. I wondered if that one was a Captain, too. I wondered with worry if his was as strong as mine.)

* * *

One thing became very clear to me, and that was that Zangetsu could barely hold up under Captain Zaraki's unreleased zanpakutoh's blows. He was slightly slower than me, but it wasn't like he was actually trying to keep up as I danced around him, trying to attack, being literally beaten back, and then running away from him again; his posture was too casual for that. He chased me, but not very fast, pushed me back, but didn't attempt to do anything more than that. He was _toying_ with me. The entire time, his expression was calm and assessing, attentive in a way that it hadn't been before.

I told myself he wasn't invincible. Told myself he couldn't be_ that _far above me. Didn't really believe me. He absolutely could be that far above me; I'd only begun serious Shinigami training a goddamn week and a half ago. No matter how much "natural aptitude" I had, even I had my limits. Had I just... hit them? Sure, I was distracting him so my friends could get to Rukia. Sure, I was trying; sure, I had all the basic elements I needed for a serious Shinigami fight. But could I survive? Could I _win_? I had to - yet still the uncertainty remained. And as I ran across the nearest courtyard behind a set of pillars again, I paused briefly, my breathing harsh and my reiatsu on edge just like the rest of me, and told myself to _stop fucking shaking, damnit_. It wasn't doing anything!

Suddenly, there was a crack in the wall before me, and I had just enough time to jump out of the way before Kenpachi with his insane reiatsu presence came straight through, sword slashing. "Stop running around," he growled, beginning to sound annoyed. "I don't like playing hide and seek with weaklings!"

But on instinct, as always, I ran away again. I dodged behind a wall, and then paused, my sword ready, panting silently. If he felt me stand steady here, would he follow me?

... No. He stayed where he was. Curious, maybe, that I'd stopped moving, that I was trying to gather myself. The most important thing to Kenpachi, I registered, was a _good _fight.

I needed to calm down - not for him, but for me, and the people I cared about, and everything else. I needed to calm down for Rukia, and I needed to calm down because his sheer power had psyched me out. Sheer power, I _knew_, wasn't necessarily everything. As always, it was just my strange inexperience in this territory that kept throwing me off. If I calmed down - calmed down despite the reiatsu pressure I could feel pressing against me and my own much more keenly when I was still, just _calmed down _- and if I focused, there was no reason I couldn't find a way to hurt him. Willpower played a factor in reiatsu, and confidence, and all-out attacks were never the only option. I just had to figure out what to do.

Not that I could necessarily think of anything right now. But hey, why did that matter? Nine times out of ten I just winged it. Kinesthetic learning was painful, but I'd been through worse opponents. Maybe. Whatever; it sounded good, anyway.

Zangetsu had given me the advice right when this whole thing had started: in a fight, fear just holds you back. Fear had held me back forever, and I had promised myself it wasn't going to anymore. I had to throw away my fear, walk forward. Stepping back meant failure and cowardice meant death; I _knew_ that. I _could_ beat him. I had to say it to myself, or I never would anyway!

I had taken up my sword and, taking a deep breath, was about to step back out from behind the wall, my face steeled - when all of a sudden, in the back of my mind, I felt something that made my heart stop.

Chad's reiatsu had just disappeared. The most powerful reiatsu force was walking away from where, only a moment ago, his soul had been.

With sickening irony, I realized I had mastered unconscious reiatsu sensing.

I simply stood there for a moment, blank, my mind disbelieving. I was sensing frantically, searching and searching... Nothing. Nothing. Gone. Dead. The strongest person I knew - my fellow fighter and friend - Chad, the man of steel - _dead? _

It was impossible. So I searched harder, even though I knew, was starting to know, that -

No, there he was! I checked, making sure I wasn't just hoping, hallucinating... There it was, fragile and precious, a tiny spark of reiatsu left, wavering strongly like a candle flame. He was unconscious, near death, but he was alive. Someone was walking away leaving him alive; knowingly or not, someone very strong had just spared him. I clutched onto that for a moment, almost childishly, telling myself that he was alive...

And then I let out a slow breath, trying not to feel shaken again. One of my friends had been taken out. For me - for my own goal.

And here I was, cowering behind a wall from a man I needed to distract so that goal could be reached. Here I was, threatening to give up, when _they_ hadn't. I had never felt responsible for others like this before, and it filled me with a surprising sort of weight. Surprising... and very strong. Almost fierce.

There was no time to be scared. These people, I had just been reminded forcefully, _needed _me to be strong.

I stepped out from behind the wall.

* * *

Kenpachi had been sitting on his ass, staring boredly at the wall I was cowering behind. Trying not to be embarrassed or disgusted with myself, I glared at him forcefully, his unconscious reiatsu somehow feeling... lighter. "So, you've finally come out," he observed, getting to his feet. "Surrendering, or have we prepared for death?"

My lip curled. "Neither of them," I sneered, and charged forward, taking the offense for the first time. I wasn't much stronger than I had been, on the surface. He was still stronger than me, still calm and almost casual. But I stayed in the fight, I parried and blocked, I held strong against his blows, I dodged instead of running - and I fought.

Because I was a Shinigami, and people needed me. That changed things.

As I fought, I had a specific goal in mind. I had decided to fight this in steps, manageable chunks. Step one: ... Finally, I dodged around a blow that was just that little bit too casual, slashed in, and swung fearlessly across the surface skin of his chest, determinedly fearless. It was still hard, like rock; but _fuck rock, I could cut that!_ And I felt myself slash in, through skin, and across, I saw blood on my blade, and I finished and jumped back before I could jinx myself, all in one quick movement.

Kenpachi stood there - not seriously wounded, he had too much reiatsu for that - but genuinely stunned for a moment. Something intense passed across his face as he finally looked down, and then looked up to stare at me. And damnit I'd probably pissed him off, and in the context of a fight it wasn't really that great a victory.

But shit I felt good for a minute, I clenched my jaw, something stable and confident and entirely energizing filling me. And underneath all that was the comforting confirmation that it _was_ possible: I could hurt him. I could fight this.

"Sorry," I said, my voice ringing suddenly around the courtyard, "but I can't afford to die here." I slid into a stance, more secure this time, focused. "If I do, everything I care about will have been for nothing." Which was something I had never been able to accept.

Kenpachi's face was completely blank, but something was still glinting in his eyes. Finally, he opened his mouth, and spoke. "So... you can put up a good fight... after all?" And as he realized it slowly, a terrifyingly unhinged grin spread over his face. I swallowed despite myself, making my stance a bit stronger, realizing I hadn't pissed him off. But I might just have done worse.

"Don't relax. Keep up that sharpened reiatsu pressure," Kenpachi said quickly, raising his sword with a wide grin. "The fun's just beginning - isn't it, Kurosaki Ichigo?" Then he swung quickly, and I just managed to get my zanpakutoh up in time before they met with a huge crash and a vibration that I pushed back against with effort.

Then he began in earnest, hailing down a rain of lightning-fast powerful blows that I was scrambling to block, concentrating on just keeping up... Suddenly he grabbed my blade, twisted it with strength that surprised even me, and I was thrown up into the air, trying to find purchase. I slid myself to a stop upside down with reiatsu, he slashed his sword upward and I dodged, watching as the sword cut through the front of my robes instead and feeling a fragment of my reiatsu drain. I put the reiatsu in my feet toward him instead, swinging myself sideways and pushing off with a blow against the hand that was gripping my blade. He let it go and I slid away, flipping back over and landing on my feet.

I looked up and he was gone; had just enough time to tense and reach out my senses before I heard a faint chime - _of the little bells attached to his hair spikes, _I thought suddenly - realized he'd sped behind me, swung around and put my sword up to block his blow. He was laughing madly and I was still struggling to keep up, but I was keeping up, and I had just enough time to register that before I broke our struggle and slid away again to gain room.

He was grinning at me in increased interest and entertainment, but he still didn't release his zanpakutoh. "Very good! Your concentration is improving!" he called out raucously. Well, that was humblingly patronizing. "You're finally able to hear the chiming of my bells through my reiatsu! The bells, the eyepatch covering one side of my vision; they all serve to make my battles more interesting. Good job taking advantage of them."

I frowned, my eyes narrowing. "You still don't see me as much, do you? Is that why you haven't released your zanpakutoh?" I demanded tersely.

Kenpachi raised his eyebrows slightly, his expression turning less serious and more vaguely curious.

"Well, I mean..." I raised an eyebrow myself, feeling the weird need to explain. "My released zanpakutoh has already proven it can wound you. If you don't release yours in turn, I'll definitely defeat you eventually. It doesn't make any sense." It wasn't like I wanted him to release his zanpakutoh or anything - frankly, it would probably be terrifying - but for someone like a Captain, it just seemed like such a_ weird_ thing not to think of that...

Kenpachi eyed me for a moment. "My zanpakutoh has no name," he said finally after a while, his tone neutral but his eyes slightly challenging. "It's never been released. This is its only form. A katana_ is_ my true form." He put the sword up before him, calm and aggressive.

But really, that was good news to me. "Good to know," I replied, raising my eyebrows and smirking slightly. "If your zanpakutoh won't get any stronger, then -"

I stopped short, tensing and getting my sword up just in time before he struck the flat of my blade rather harder and faster than usual. I kept myself steady, but only barely. My eyes had widened slightly. _Okay, _I thought, eyeing his expression, which had become tight and displeased once more. _... Touchy subject._

"Then if you try a little harder, you'll win?" His voice was low and warning, suddenly threatening. Funny, how irritated he got at the implication he wouldn't win at the end of his "interesting fight", no matter what he said about the transience of violent life and death. "_You're_ the one underestimating _me_. My zanpakutoh has no seal because even unreleased, the strongest seal couldn't contain it. So I've just learned to hold back when I swing. Even without a form, it's that much stronger than everyone else's. You see what I mean, right? If I didn't hold back - my fight with you would stop being fun at _all_."

Then he made a sudden, huge jump in reiatsu pressure and pushed his sword straight through my blade and into my chest. I just felt everything crumbling, Zangetsu brittle underneath him, and the warm, sharp pain and slice right near the suddenly mad pulsating of my heart, before my vision started darkening and narrowing. As I stared down at his blade in something like horror, I heard him grumble distantly, "The minute you think you've won, you relax your spiritual pressure. I told you not to do that. Hm. What a boring end to the fight." Then I felt him pull his zanpakutoh back out, and everything collapsed - me included.

I was hazy, staring crookedly across the pavement, bleeding out around me, coughing up wetly, my insides writhing with pain as my reiatsu jumped forward and began draining trying to heal me. Fuck. I couldn't give in now. I couldn't die now!

I told myself fiercely to _move_. To stop the bleeding and deal with the rest later, to stand back up and _fight_! I had to save Rukia, which meant I had to deal with all the people who got in my way to her! I struggled toward my feet, in pain, my reiatsu draining, my zanpakutoh strangely weak...

Then I looked up, half off the ground, and standing by Kenpachi was Zangetsu.

There he was, the steely-faced, middle-aged, rough-looking man, his jaw clenched and his bottomless black eyes steely, cloaked in indistinct shadows. He stood by Kenpachi, who was walking away, his back dismissively to me - Zangetsu watched the oblivious man walk by, mildly distasteful, and then he turned to me as Kenpachi passed him. Zangetsu's lips were tightened in disapproval. Abruptly, I realized it had been a while since he'd said anything to me.

But why did he look angry? I'd been getting stronger! Hadn't I?

He walked forward until he was standing above me. There was a moment's pause. I stared up at him, waiting in confusion. "The fight," Zangetsu finally whispered, "or your life? Choose."

Clenching my fist around his handle, I realized that was easy. Both. "... Want to _win_..." I muttered through a mouthful of blood, spitting it out onto the ground.

"I can't hear you," Zangetsu said in a stoic, steely voice, his arms crossed above me.

"To fight and die is pointless. To live and just go along with everything is pointless," I hissed, clenching my jaw, again falling back on instinct - that happened a lot around Zangetsu. "I want to win," I articulated for the first time. I looked up at him and shouted, _"I want to win!"_

He gazed quietly into my blazing eyes for a moment - and in that moment, he looked surprisingly subservient and understanding, almost sad, a reminder that I was the wielder. He was the sword. "Very well," he finally judged. "I will take you there."

He knelt down and put a hand on my back, and abruptly the word dissolved.

* * *

I was falling, falling, falling through nothingness... I landed on my feet on something hard and when the blinding light faded, I realized I was back - in my soul room.

I blinked around me in surprise for a moment. There I was, standing on that skyscraper window in the clean, silent sideways city, grey skies above me... _Oh shit I was sideways again. _

Hissing, I snarled and grabbed the window ledge, flattening myself against the glass and hanging onto the sides with all my might. Damnit, this was getting irritating.

"What are you doing?" I looked up. Zangetsu was staring down at me. He sounded unreadable and rough, demanding, but slightly bemused underneath it all.

"Trying not to fall down!" I muttered, strangely embarrassed but indignant. That should be obvious! Shouldn't it?

Zangetsu stood straight, sideways on the building. "You don't need to worry about that," he informed me, looking away, still strangely unreadable. "When you were turning into a Hollow, your soul world was breaking down. Normally, you will be able to stand wherever you want to." Looking out into the city around us, he added ambiguously, "With _you_ here, even under the weight of a fierce battle your city remains strangely steady."

"Wait, wait. Back up. You mean for me, sideways is _normal_?" I... wasn't sure what to think of that. I glared at him sideways, a little suspicious.

Zangetsu paused... then ignored me and continued talking about something else. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You have really become strong, Ichigo," he commended me, the first time he had ever done so. "I am not prone to statements like this, but even by my standards, you have... come far." He sounded distantly thoughtful for a moment, his dark figure straight and staring down at the streets. I watched him, lying on the window.

Then he took a deep breath, and the lines in his expression hardened. "Stand up, Ichigo," he demanded brusquely, his tone ringing, turning away in a burst of movement. As I stood up, my eyebrows rising, he turned around and threw an ordinary katana at me, the blade coming toward me.

Swearing, I reached up and caught it carefully, trying not to hurt my hands. (Belatedly, I realized I wasn't wounded in here.) "Shit, man, that was dangerous!" I yelled incredulously. Had he been there during my classes with Tatsuki at _all?_ "You don't throw swords like that!"

"Take it. It's yours," Zangetsu shrugged, turning and walking away from me, as if he were giving me a gift.

"Uh? But... Zangetsu... this is..." I spoke up awkwardly. I wasn't sure what to say. Obviously he knew this wasn't - well - _him_. And honestly, after all the fights I'd spent with my own blade, it felt kind of weird in my hands. So why give me this crappy one?

"That's an asauchi, the name for the unreleased zanpakutoh all low-level Shinigami carry," Zangetsu replied, pausing and looking back over his shoulder at me with raised eyebrows. I had a feeling they were partly mocking, and it made me even more uncomfortable and discomfited. Zangetsu was my power foundation. Why was he being so... well... off? From what I knew of him anyway.

"No, I meant this isn't my zanpakutoh," I emphasized urgently. I held up the standard katana-looking asauchi. "This isn't Zangetsu." The difference in feeling was palpable, all appearances aside. It was different from holding what I thought of as a "sword" - just a cold lump of metal now. No connection to me, no natural flow of movement, nothing. Not even giant, like my first unreleased zanpakutoh had been. It had none of my modifications, nothing. And it was fucking _weird._

"Zangetsu," the spirit form of it stated dryly. Then he reached into a sleeve of his robes and slowly pulled out, like in one of those cheap magic tricks, my own giant blade. His physical manifestation. "You mean this one? The one your enemy just broke? _That_ Zangetsu?" He held it up glintingly before me, standing blade-side down, eerily straight as always, and too late, I saw the anger hidden in his eyes. "I can't give this to you," he declared forcefully, and he tossed it away toward the ground below.

I panicked as I saw my sword fall. "No, wait, what are you doing?!" I yelled angrily, beginning to run after it, but I heard him yell to me darkly to stop and then he sped in front of me obstinately, his jaw clenched and anger thrumming through him. Meanwhile, I was starting to lose my own temper in frustration.

Then suddenly, he flew at me; I blocked and saw just a flash of confusing white - _white? _- before I felt him leave again. I lowered my hand in confusion... and my eyes widened. Standing across the building in front of me was no longer Zangetsu.

He looked eerily, freakishly, like me. Except he wasn't. He was all white, in outfit, skin, and hair - even eye color - with black in the "whites" of his eyes and the edges of his Shinigami uniform where I had black - my color opposite. _He _was holding Zangetsu instead of me. And there was something not quite human about his cold, empty smile, the assessment in his eyes, the blankness behind them. Something not quite human, and fearfully familiar, though why I couldn't place.

"What... what are you?" I forced out, standing back with my ordinary asauchi in hand, staring at him uncertainly.

"Well, that's a rather cruel thing to say." Unlike Zangetsu, he didn't sound irritated or searching. He sounded amused.

And then Zangetsu, the steely middle-aged man cloaked in endless black, appeared to stand quietly behind him - him, instead of me. My opposites, though in different ways, my power stared back at me, side by side. The... other me?... was still coldly amused and assessing. Zangetsu was expressionless and steely.

"This is your test," he finally said, his eyes flashing slightly. The other me's grin widened slightly, predatorial. I tensed. "Your test to see if you are _truly _worthy of me. If you want to wield me again," which I _did_, "take me back. Your opponent is yourself."

I wondered if that was metaphorical... then I glanced back at my opponent and I realized, with a feeling of eerie shock, why he seemed so familiar. This cold, empty, silently predatorial, sarcastic person reminded me of myself.

Myself as a younger person.

I tensed up, instantly more worried. _Shit. _What the hell had Old Man Zangetsu done? It was so... it was so weird, recognizing the person I was back then, the person I _hated_. The person I'd promised never to be.

All the same... would it feel nice to beat the shit out of this asshole? Yes. I knew, all of a sudden, that he _couldn't_ win. My stance firmed.

The other's vicious grin widened into a wide smirk, his glowing eyes empty and angry. "Yeah," he said in a soft, hoarse, mocking voice, lifting Zangetsu up before me teasingly. "Come and get it." But I knew that tone - it was spoken in my own voice, throwing me further off balance, almost frightened. I knew that tone, because that used to be me, and I just couldn't get over that.

I knew that tone from the boy who had nearly killed someone, who had lived only for the fight. He was _baiting_ me. _ "If you can!"_ he suddenly shouted, eyes widening, going off the wire, and he leaped forward and swung at me, and I was me and I was him at the same time...

Our swords met with a clash. I tried to hold up against him, but he was smirking in that way he'd learned to after enough people had beaten_ him_ down, his eyes watching me carefully. Then the weight of Zangetsu was getting heavier and heavier, and_ fuck _my sword was strong, except it wasn't really mine anymore, and then suddenly he shoved me back with a huge gesture, showing his strength furiously. I slid backward on my feet, and when I looked up an aura of power had formed around him, of ki spilling from him, and a small part of me that thought it had won weeks ago but was still uncertain wondered, _Is it just that he's stronger than me? _

And then, remembering my battle between my two sides in Urahara's training shaft, I had a horrible, sneaking suspicion of what I was looking at (and a memory of jaws and darkness the last time I'd passed out flashed before my eyes). As I stared at him speechlessly, I hoped I was wrong.

Whichever of us was stronger, I knew Zangetsu was monstrous. In comparison, what I was holding might as well be a _stick_. I glanced down, and suddenly it_ was_ a stick, everything morphing and shifting before my eyes... _Hold it together._ I forced my mind back to the present with effort and practice.

"What are you doing?" I looked up. The other me was swinging Zangetsu effortlessly, eyeing me, not quite blank-faced because of the hazy, focused eagerness in his eyes. "If you just stand there, I'll kill you, you know."

He could kill me? Then he was swinging Zangetsu at me by its cloth with expert coordination, obviously showing off with a raised eyebrow. I dodged and it connected with the wall behind me instead with a crash. "Shit," he swore, his expression turning sour and tight, angry-eyed, experienced and merciless, "I missed."

He retracted Zangetsu by the cloth, a move I'd never even tried, let alone been able to do... never even_ thought_ of. He looked up, saw my expression, and scoffed sighingly. Abruptly I realized_ he _could read _me_, too. "You're ridiculous," he spat, looking at me up and down, grinning reluctantly and stepping back lazily. "You had the most powerful zanpakutoh around. How the hell did you end up half-dead on the ground, bleeding like crazy? What did you think, that a complete stranger would suddenly be your best friend and closest ally just because you knew his name?!" He gave me a look like I was an idiot. Then again, he was also a dick.

"... What?" I asked cautiously, my eyes narrowing as I frowned slightly.

"I'm talking about you and Zangetsu!" he said intently, raising his eyebrows mockingly and leaning forward. I was thrown off-balance further, and at the same time I couldn't seem to look away. He was just so..._ me_. The worst parts of who I used to be, all caught up in one character. "What, you thought you had him mastered?! That you could use him to his best effect just by knowing his name, that communication with his spirit wasn't_ important_?!"

I paused - and my eyes widened. _... Oh. _Suddenly, I felt a little bit dumb.

"Nope,_ only_ thought of yourself. _Never _thought about Zangetsu's potential for growth." Other Ichigo's mouth twisted cruelly. "That's why you lost! Because your own power and a giant sword only get you so far! When you actually bond with your sword, it will lend you its power and then you _become stronger_!" he ranted. He sounded very, very pissed off at me. (Of course he was. To him, power was the most important thing.) "But you won't do that. In the end, you won't rely on anyone but yourself. Not even for more power."

I opened my mouth... and closed it again. We glared at each other, uncomfortable and angry, two sides warring. Did he, of all people, have a point there? Was I afraid to rely on others too much in this fight - even, or especially, a manifestation of myself? Was I trying to control too much?

And as Zangetsu stood back, watching us both carefully, we began fighting each other, he with his expert blending with Zangetsu, the two of them almost becoming one, he losing himself, and I carefully trying to keep up with my feeble strip of a sword, not being able to help staring at him. Was there really such a difference between him and me? Was I no better than Kenpachi in how well I knew my sword? How much did I really know about him?

Nothing, I realized, as I backpedaled, my jaw clenching. Nothing. He was a mystery. And it shouldn't be that way. _That _was what they'd been trying to tell me. That my power was a part of me. I knew the angry boy in front of me better than I knew my zanpakutoh, and I spent most of my time wishing he wasn't there.

So I had to stop this. I paused. The Other Ichigo did as well, eyeing me across from him. I clenched my fists, I kept my senses open but closed my eyes, and I thought, hard, at Zangetsu nearby. _I want, _I thought fiercely, _to get to know you. I understand now. Please - I want to know you._

The words echoed out between us, and for a moment there was stark silence, and I was disappointed. Other Ichigo grinned and spoke, and I opened my eyes. "It's time to end this. I'm going to show you the right way to use Zangetsu, okay? Because you probably won't be able to figure it out yourself, you know." He shrugged. Then he shifted Zangetsu -_ my_ sword - so he was holding it by the handle, and charged. His glee, his expression, with my sword.

He was right. It _was_ time to end this. It was time to stop being so afraid of loss of control. It was time to stop being afraid to rely on and trust myself.

_Please tell me how to borrow your power. And then once more, we'll fight together. _**_Really _**_fight this time. _It was kind of cheesy. But it was also honest.

Then he was charging, I firmed my stance and trusted in my power, and fearlessly and instinctively, I swung.

* * *

At the last clash, there was a moment's pause, as we stared at each other up close in confusion and I wondered distantly why it felt so inexplicably easy and natural, holding him back. As one, we slowly looked down...

And there it was.

He was holding the asauchi, and Zangetsu was back in my hands, thrumming with quiet power, tentatively reconnecting with me.

"What the hell?" Other Ichigo muttered, sounding dreading, cautious, and irritated.

But I knew what had just happened, and I glanced over at Zangetsu's dark, watching, stoic form, unusually uncertain. _Does this mean I get another chance?_

He eyed me up and down, and then nodded once, his expression cautious. Determined not to let him down, my expression steeled. _Thank you, _I thought firmly, and my spirit world dissolved.

My lesson was over.

* * *

_He's strong, you know, Zangetsu. I'll give him that. So train him well. Because one day that power will be _**_mine._**A half-Hollow hiss from my other self. The feel of that power fading away into obscurity within me once more. Ominous.

A sigh from Zangetsu in my ears, as I was falling through blackness. _Ichigo... I hate the rain. It rains in your soul world. When you're moody, the sky becomes dark and cloudy; when you're sad, the rain comes down. At its best these days, your soul world is usually a quiet silvery grey. Rain is a strong metaphor here. I think we both know why._

_It rains a lot in your soul world, and I happen to hate the rain. Can you understand? How horrible it is to be all alone in an empty, raining city? One with no people in it to watch or take care of? To be all alone in such a dreary place - the least we can do is make it not dreary. Isn't that right? _

_So if you can be strong and happy - if you can trust me and fully connect to this place - I will lend you whatever power you ever need. If you can trust me and I can trust you, together we will fight to stop the rain from intruding. _

_That is my promise to you. That you do not have to fight alone. You never _**_were_**_ alone._

Falling through darkness, and then I woke up, and the damp bitter smell of blood and the pavement told me I was in the Seireitei again. But within me was a warm weight, an echo of power, not intrusive enough to be a person and exactly fitted to me.

And I think that was when I really understood what it was to have a zanpakutoh.

* * *

When I woke, I was in pain, but reiatsu was thrumming through me at high speeds. I could feel Zangetsu's spirit and power, right next to my heart, building up my sword's strength and steel once more, bolstering it... _Okay. Okay. Let's try this again_.

I thought of my motivation, of steady willpower and bravery and determination, of ki and challenge, and of what I'd learned about this kind of fighting. I was getting good at this. I forced myself to my hands and knees, then stood slowly up, ignoring the pain in my chest, the blood coming from it. Reiatsu from Zangetsu rushed into my chest to aid me. Maybe this whole "fighting as two in one" thing really _could_ work.

_Remarkable deduction._

_Yeah, yeah. _At least he wasn't patronizing. In the back of my mind, Zangetsu snorted.

I straightened, put my zanpakutoh up over my shoulder, and looked up. Kenpachi had paused where he'd been walking away from me - had it really only been a few seconds in the real world? - and was looking over his shoulder to stare at me with a piercing kind of disbelief, eyes roving over the ki that was now visibly making a movement in the pavement around me, a far cry from a few moments ago. I grinned slightly, the movement falling into a smirk at the last moment. I wasn't sure how much stronger I felt than I had a minute ago, but apparently the general answer was "a lot."

I wondered vaguely how many power-ups I had left in me. I could actually_ feel _ Zangetsu's smirk at this thought.

I decided to file that reaction away in the box in the back of my mind labeled  
"useful information."

Then, channeling some speed, I leaped forward, swung out my zanpakutoh, and watched Kenpachi's eyes widen in actual surprise and alarm as he managed to dodge out of the way of a deadly slash... but not the attack itself. As usual, my opponent seemed suddenly slower now, and I managed to cut him deep across the shoulder. Zangetsu, with my backing, pushing right through his ki, through his reiatsu, and through his shoulder joint. His arm slackened in a show of blood, weakening, as I jumped away again, out of reach. Disappointingly, it hadn't been his sword arm, but that was alright. It wasn't like I - we? - had expected to win in one attack anyway. Not against Captain Zaraki.

A testament to him, he hadn't even hissed at my attack, let alone cried out. His face was a lot tighter though, his eyes suddenly more careful and shiftier as he raised his katana when I attacked him again. Our swords met with a clash, he tried to push me away as he did before but Zangetsu held a lot steadier this time. I widened my stance, gritted my teeth, and pushed back at him with straining effort... finally pushing his sword right into his other shoulder, injuring it.

He did make a sound this time, and slid backward along the ground away from me, panting heavily.

"Sorry," I said, eyeing him, "but I don't really have any time to waste here, and you need to be defeated. So can we wrap this up?" I wasn't arrogant this time, but I did raise an eyebrow challengingly and tilt my chin up ever so slightly.

But a wide, unhinged, manic grin was spreading over his face once more. I was starting to suspect Kenpachi may in fact be a sadomasochist. It would explain an awful lot. "Finish it quickly?!" he yelled. "But it's just starting to get interesting! Let's drag it out!"

Slightly perturbed that I was fighting someone who seemed completely unfazed by the fact that he was bleeding heavily from several places, but reluctantly admiring at the same time - because, Jesus - I nonetheless refused to be distracted and met my sword up to him as he attacked me. I ducked around his block and slashed him across the cheek; he _pushed through it_ and got right up in my personal space while my guard was open. I had just enough time to catch in surprise, caught off-guard, that he was, wow, really fucking close - I mean, I could smell sweat and blood coming from him, see his cheek flayed open and his gleeful eye above it, the whole fifty yards - before his ki hit me like a wave now that it was up close and I didn't dodge quite fast enough to avoid a slice to my own cheek. I shoved him away and slid back along the ground, finding distance and purchase with a controlled kind of panic.

He was chasing after me, yelling. I ducked and dodged, tried to attack and was blocked, we circling around each other, attacking and parrying. "I don't get it!" Kenpachi yelled ecstatically, laughing in impressment, blood still leaking carelessly from him. "How did you revive yourself?! How did you suddenly become so strong?! But that doesn't matter! Right now..." He paused, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. His grin widened, and his eyes opened. "We should just enjoy the moment," he said in a deadly quiet voice.

Then he swung again.

* * *

Five minutes later, I was not scared or panicking, but I was frustrated and incredulous. I just kept blocking or cutting him... and he _just kept attacking me_. He loved this shit. By all accounts, he should be near dead by now.

And he wasn't.

"You're ridiculous!" I finally shouted to him, staring, the next time we slid apart. "You - you're crazy!" I was beyond even swearing. "Do you really like fighting this much?! Do you have no fear of death at all?!" I wasn't even horrified. I was actually confused and trying not to be impressed or intimidated.

"You're the one who's crazy," Kenpachi spat crimson, grinning and panting, his huge form still hulking, hunch-shouldered. The scars on his face were twisting with their temporary additions. "You're so strong! _How_ do _you_ not like fighting?!"

And there it was again. The challenge. I stepped back, my brows furrowing, caught off guard as I still stared at him sideways, disturbed. Held back (because I had to be; my zanpakutoh and I both did). "Enjoy the carnage!" Kenpachi encouraged me eagerly. "And enjoy your own pain! Live a little; they're a small price to pay for getting lost in the thrill of battle!"

But I backed up a little, unsure. No limits - I didn't want that. The enjoyment wasn't worth it to me. Zangetsu stirred a little within his blade. _Just hold on, _I told him. _We'll finish this. _After a moment, he seemed to nod in obedience, understanding. That was nice.

Kenpachi had shaken his head at me, looking up waveringly to stare at the sky, breathing heavily. I heard him muttering to himself and wondered if he was finally losing it. "This is great!" I heard. "An equal match-up! No... you're definitely stronger... but only by a little..." Yet he was grinning. "How long has it been," I heard him murmur, "since I've had this noble feeling...?"

Then I saw him reach up and start to remove his eye-patch.

Wondering what that would do except give him better depth perception and eyesight to follow my movements, I nonetheless firmed my stance, watching cautiously. Somehow, going in to attack when this guy was in the middle of some great reveal didn't seem like such a great idea. "The noble feeling..." Kenpachi finished louder, growling, as his eyepatch dropped, "of a worthy opponent! One I can use my full power on."

And then he looked at me, confident, anticipating - and I was hit by a giant, high-pressure wave of reiatsu. It rippled off of him, up into the air, across the tiles, almost visible in its aura. I put up Zangetsu to block the main part of the blast from hitting me; his bells ringing like crazy in my ears. He was watching me eagerly, hawk-like, a vicious and more serious grin over his face now. He seemed... calmer.

How the hell had his spiritual pressure suddenly increased this much?

Staring at him cautiously, keeping myself on my feet with my own strength, I watched as his wounds, too, started to heal themselves, as he got his own power-up and watched my reaction with interest. Lowering my sword, knowing now was not the time to start staring or freaking out, I dared a slightly provocative approach instead.

"Well," I smirked casually, it not quite reaching my eyes, "that's a cheap trick to save until the last minute. What's so special about your right eye?"

"My right eye?" He raised his eyebrows, snorting. "Why would I do something that idiotic?" _Cheesy,_ I translated mentally. Well, at least some of them had a sense of those sorts of things. "This thing isn't made of cloth. It was developed by the freaks at the Research Institute."

He held up his twelfth division-made eyepatch, which I suddenly realized with a jolt had five little sets of eyes and sharp teeth in a circle on its underside. "It's constantly sucking out energy from me." I stared up at his humorless smirk. That would really suck to have to wear, actually. Why the hell would they...?

"I have too much reiatsu, see. So with the reiatsu that monster would usually siphon off..." He dropped it where he stood and raised his sword, his chin tilting. "I'm going to kill you. It's as simple as that." One of his favorite sayings. He swiped his sword through the air in an aggressive gesture - and that was when I suddenly realized what it was.

Something had been bothering me ever since he had released his eyepatch, a high, keening sound accompanying the almost invisible wave of reiatsu in the air. It was faint, but it was there. Now, when his unreleased zanpakutoh swiped through the air... now, suddenly, I could hear it. The high keening sound.

Zangetsu was nudging me, so I kept my senses open, but dared to close my eyes. Kenpachi had a very particular sense of honor in fighting, a more intense version of what seemed in many ways to be a Soul Society credo. And he would be able to sense that I was planning on fighting once more in the steadiness to my reiatsu. I could afford to close my eyes for a moment, and listen to the spirit.

_Do you hear it, Ichigo? _The wind in the air suddenly seemed to slice through my wounds more sharply as I felt a transparent, tingling hand made of reiatsu place its long pale fingers guidingly on my shoulder. _Do you hear his blade mourning?_

The keening sound. It sounded painful, sympathy-inducing. _... Yes, _I answered after a moment, wondering in the back of my mind why this was so important.

_Patience. He has never listened to his inner voice. They do not trust each other. They fight separately, not as one. And so each diminishes the other's potential strength. Simple... as he said. Just not in the way he meant it._

_Ichigo, you are not the only type of person who, in the end, trusts only his own strength. I can sense it inside that man. And for someone who believes only in his own strength, when it comes down to the wire... it is impossible for him to fully understand what I am explaining to you. That is how we will win. Do you trust me?_

_Of course. _I was surprised by how immediate, and honest, my own response was. _I give you... all of my power... to use however you like. And then... you give me yours. _There was a tentative questioning probe at the end, of me connecting back toward him for the first time. This was right, wasn't it?

I swear I felt him smile, just a little. Zangetsu, of all people, smiling genuinely. _Yes, _he sighed in satisfaction. _That's how it works._

I felt his spirit place his hands over mine on the hilt of the blade, and we became one. I felt his spirit inside me, the line between the two of us so very thin, and was suddenly possessed with a sense of boundlessness. A transcendental, fearless, intense determination and strength.

I opened my eyes, and realized my ki had spurted outward to meet his on the rippling tiles between us. Almost visible.

The sight didn't surprise me as much as it might have.

"You can increase in reiatsu even now?" He grinned prospectively, eyeing me up and down. "Interesting..."

And abruptly, he seemed like such a typical villain. Strong in nature, yet so very dark and weak at the same time. A road block - if a formidable one.

"That," I said sharply, my tone ringing, and he paused, his head shooting up to stare at me with sharp uncertainty, "is because I am borrowing Zangetsu's power! Of course I can increase in power! Because we fight as one," I added matter-of-factly, raising my eyebrows quietly. Under normal circumstances, I'd have felt like an overdramatic know-it-all. But it was impossible to feel self-conscious right now. "I would never lose to someone who fights only with himself!" The idea somehow made me indignant in that moment, a mix swirling within me.

"Zangetsu? Is that the name of your zanpakutoh?" He sounded carelessly curious, eyeing me up and down, but I could tell he was filing it away in the back of his mind. I was momentarily irritated with myself, but then realized that it didn't frankly matter anyway. "Fighting side by side with your zanpakutoh and borrowing its power, huh?"

He wrinkled his nose in disgust, becoming very personal, and not a Captain at all. "That's bullshit," he sneered. "Zanpakutoh are tools! They're weapons of war! Pretending to fight with them is for weaklings too spineless to realize that we all fight on our own in this world! It's not something that strong people like you and I should be saying, Ichigo!" His accent was broadening even more now, unrefined.

... He hadn't grown up in a very nice district, had he?

I decided not to say that out loud when I already seemed to be pissing him off. It would be more trouble than it was worth anyway.

Underneath everything, and all his words, I could hear his zanpakutoh's keening getting sharper. I wondered if that irritated or bothered the other, released Captains when his power wasn't being muffled. If that was part of their motivation for doing it, because they couldn't force Kenpachi to be strong in a certain way, and they could hear the crying of his blade. I felt sorry for the sword for a moment, sad and weighty.

_It chose him. Don't be._

The words startled me, but Zangetsu retreated stubbornly and stoically and would say nothing more. So... did that mean he had chosen me...?

_Focus, he's coming, and my ability to block your injuries is close to its limit! _I shot my head up for Kenpachi, coming toward me, yelling crazily. I steadied my stance, gritting my teeth_. Take him down with one blow!_

Almost before I had decided to do it, we sped forward accordingly. I was in control now, Zangetsu's power in my hand. I focused away from Kenpachi's face and onto his body movements underneath his tattered cloak. Wait for it, wait for it... There! I swung; win or lose, this was it -!

There was a huge jolt, an explosion of reiatsu that blinded me, blinded both of us... and when it cleared, Zangetsu had smashed deep into his shoulder blade. He had me right in the stomach. The pain hit me all at once, and I murmured hazily, "I'm sorry, everyone," right before I hit my knees on the pavement, knowing I'd done my best, knowing I had -

"What are you apologizing for, you moron?" I heard Kenpachi snort above me, disbelieving and desperate, swaying. "You... you just won."

And I saw the front half of his blade fall to the ground. He'd snapped it in half trying to pierce it right through me. It was destroyed, and only its end had grazed my stomach.

Then Kenpachi collapsed beside me into unconsciousness, at last giving in to his wounds, blood going everywhere.

* * *

I was on my back, wounds gushing, my breathing painful, clutching a silent Zangetsu desperately - he had left to conserve me reiatsu - and trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do now. I had to find someone to heal me. Like Hanatarou. Who was off getting Rukia, even now that Kenpachi's reiatsu signature had mostly disappeared.

There was a little patter of footsteps and I saw Kenpachi's little pink-haired VP standing over me, blocking out the sun. She eyed me consideringly for a moment. Then, of all things, she bowed. "Thank you!" she said in her child's voice. "It's because of Ichi that Ken-chan had a good time! It's been a long time since he had that much fun! I would like to thank you on his behalf!"

She turned away, obviously not planning to attack me. Then again, she was pretty young. She had a hell of a lot of reiatsu and knew how to use it, but I didn't know if she had any actual Shinigami powers yet. Like zanpakutohs or konsoh or... that spell shit. I resisted the urge to snort. What was wrong with me? Adrenaline?

I watched out of the corner of my eye as she used reiatsu enhancement to lift up Captain Zaraki Kenpachi's frontside and drag him away behind her on the ground. "By the way, Ichi," she puffed casually over her shoulder, "don't go dying now, 'kay? Hopefully you and Ken-chan can have another play-date in the future!"

She walked away, whistling cheerfully and trailing blood behind her.

... That was one scary little girl.


	7. Frozen People and Sacrifices for Others

_"I can't feel my senses._

_I just feel the cold. _

_All colors seem to fade away._

_I can't reach my soul._

_I would stop running_

_If I knew there was a chance._

_It tears me apart to sacrifice it all._

_But I'm forced to let go._

_Tell me, I'm frozen, but what can I do?_

_Can't tell the reasons, I did it for you._

_When lies turned into truth, I sacrificed for you._

_You say that I'm frozen, but what can I do?"_

_- "Frozen" by Within Temptation_

* * *

_Chapter Six: Frozen People and Sacrifices for Others_

I couldn't remember when I'd passed out, but I knew right away that it had happened when I woke up to find an unfamiliar wooden ceiling above me, shadowed and lit by some nearby lamplight. I was still in my Shinigami uniform, but mostly healed and bandaged underneath it. At least I wasn't dead.

At first I was worried that I had been taken by the Shinigami, but then I heard a soft padding sound beside me and I looked over to find a small black cat - _Yoruichi,_ I realized in relief - walking up beside the cot where I'd been lain. How he'd gotten me here, I didn't know, but then Yoruichi might be more powerful than all of us put together. And he was a freaking cat.

"Looks like you're finally awake," he commented evenly, coming to sit beside me and eyeing me carefully. We seemed to be in a small wooden room that smelled so much of earth, we might actually be underground.

"Yoruichi. You're still okay. That's a relief," I commented, shifting uncomfortably. Yoruichi was the only one unfamiliar and well-hidden enough for me to have lost track of his reiatsu signature. But looking him over now, he seemed unharmed.

"Yes. Better than you, at any rate," he sighed.

"Thanks for saving me. If you did, I mean," I added. He had to have gotten there and taken me away before even other Shinigami officers could have, which was impressive enough in and of itself. Then again, he seemed as dedicated to this mission as we were, if for his own reasons.

Yoruichi snorted in dry amusement. "You should thank your own stubbornness," he pointed out, deadpan. "How you managed to make it so long with the kind of injuries you had, I have no idea." It was half an admonishment for recklessness, I could tell, but there was genuine respect behind it. Which actually made me feel kind of good, almost despite myself.

"Yeah, I got hit quite a few times, didn't I?" I dared to joke with cheerful sarcasm, and Yoruichi rolled his eyes. But the word "hit" had suddenly registered something in the back of my mind... like a bell going off...

Suddenly, I realized what it was, and I sat up so fast I cried out and doubled over in pain as the half-healed wound on my stomach opened up again. "What the hell are doing?!" Yoruichi barked worriedly, coming over to stand in my lap. "You should not be moving around right now!"

But there was too much going on and too little time for me to spend a day laying around and recovering. "Chad..." I gasped out, gritting my teeth, angry with myself for not remembering until now. "He's in danger; he's -"

Yoruichi loaded his paw with reiatsu and shoved it, lightning-fast, at my forehead. My whole head fell back onto the pillows, tingling. "Calm down," he said with steel. "Sado is fine. He is currently imprisoned, injured, and unconscious, but being kept alive and healed until the rest of us are rounded up. Inoue and Ishida have avoided confrontations rather nicely, only picking those they knew they could win. Therefore, they are barely injured at all. They are currently still hiding together somewhere out in the Seireitei; I could sense their reiatsu signatures when I went out to check a few minutes ago, but only because I have them memorized. They will be_ fine._" He gave me a mild glare, as if to say 'and that's that.'

I contemplated for a brief moment the idea that he was lying to me for the sake of the mission, but then decided that didn't sound like Yoruichi. For all his sternness, he seemed genuinely concerned for us all and had an innate sense of respect for others.

Yoruichi turned his tail and began traipsing away into the shadows once more. "We are currently hidden in an underground barrier on the same side of the city as the Senzaikyuu. I doubt anyone will find us here." This just made another jump come into my stomach, because I remembered that Hanatarou and Ganjyuu were still trying to get into there (unless they had succeeded), but I tried to clamp down on it when Yoruichi added over his shoulder, "You need to rest for a while. A half-dead man won't be able to save anyone."

I thought he was leaving, but then he carried something out of the corner back to me. "By the way, half of your... possession, got smashed. It was under your clothes, and it saved your torso from being riven in half. Although, I have to admit, it is a rather _unusual_ shield." His tone was tight and unreadable. In the flickering light, he was holding up a Hollow mask, one that fit the contours of my own face: broad forehead, tapering down to a narrower but strong chin, the cheekbones flaring out slightly at the edges. It had skeletally grinning, omnivoric teeth, and red painted plumes flaring out along one white side of its empty eye sockets.

Remembering the Hollow side I thought I'd defeated in Urahara's chamber, then the teeth about to eat me in my last dreams, then the mysterious spirit who wanted to control my body that I'd detected in my soul room... I went cold. Because it couldn't be. It just couldn't.

Even if it was, I didn't have time to deal with it right now.

"I was... wearing that?" I asked cautiously, staring at it. "Under my clothes as a shield?"

"You don't carry it with you?" Yoruichi sounded confused now.

"No... But, actually, Hanatarou mentioned something last time when I woke up from my healing in the sewers. Something about a mask being hidden under my clothes, even though I was sure I hadn't put one there. And its presence had saved me from Renji's most lethal attacks, too, he said," I remembered vaguely, frowning up at the ceiling in thought. "I wanted to keep it... You know, take a closer look at it in sunlight, maybe keep it as some sort of charm. I don't know what I was thinking. It just seemed like a cool idea. But Hanatarou - I don't know what it was, but that thing scared the shit out of him. He insisted I had to throw it away before we left the sewers again."

Looking sideways at the weirdly Hollow-like mask in the light, maybe I could see what he meant. It was still strange and curious, though. What...?

"... What did you do with it?" Yoruichi's voice was still tense and unreadable, but he was staring at me now.

"Well, I watched it suck away into the sewers, and figured it was gone," I told him, shrugging. Then I frowned. "Or at least, I thought I had... I was so sure I had thrown it away... Huh..." I muttered to myself. Even I wasn't usually that distracted or forgetful of the details.

I reached over to pick it up - it felt like thin stone in my hand - before Yoruichi snatched it away from me again. "On second thought," he said quickly, "I'll take it for safekeeping this time."

"Huh? Why?" I gazed at him, nonplussed and a little irritated. "I kind of wanted to keep it." And figure out what it was on my own later. Where would he put it, anyway?

Ki suddenly fluctuated throughout the room and Yoruichi gave me a deadly grave look.  
_"I'm keeping it. End of discussion."_

"... Okay..." I said in a quiet, soothing sort of voice, my eyebrows in danger of disappearing into my hairline. "I have an idea. Why don't _you_ keep it? Jesus," I muttered to myself as he whisked it away, my eyes rolling and a slight shiver going down my spine. "All you had to do was say you wanted it instead.

"Hey, come to think of it," I added curiously to the ceiling, as I thought about this and he came back toward me stoically. "You really are pretty strong, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" Yoruichi raised an eyebrow idly, like he hadn't just spontaneously scared the shit out of me with a bunch of ki as a foot-tall cat.

"Well... you've hidden from everyone all this time without getting into any fights at all. You could blast off Kuukaku's cannon. You could sense when I truly needed your help and find me. You could carry me all the way here with your form the size it is, and then heal me pretty well. I mean, I was just thinking..." I trailed off, shrugging and eyeing him inquisitively.

"Oh, that last one was no problem once I returned to my true form," Yoruichi dismissed.

"Oh, I se - Hey, wait, wait a minute, what?!" I shot my head over to stare at him, eyeing him up and down narrowly. "Your... true form?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah." Yoruichi suddenly, surprisingly, gave a very cat-like grin. "Come to think of it, I've never shown you that before, have I? Well, I guess there's no point in hiding it anymore; you'd have gotten to know me sooner or later. Behold..." There was a sharp spark of reiatsu, and then his form was changing and morphing, getting taller before my widened eyes, "... my true form!"

And standing there before me was... Holy shit, _I'd been calling her a he. _

Yoruichi wasn't a cat. He wasn't even male.

_She _was a woman, a very human woman, tall and lithe-formed and mocha-skinned, with a healthy amount of slim musculature, perfectly formed and moderately sized breasts and hips, dark rose colored nipples, curled dark pubic hair, a long glossy head of berry black hair, and fine pointed features and serious golden eyes just like her cat form's. Her neck was long and her head was elegant and angular. She seemed perfectly matter of fact and confident in her own skin, as evidenced by the fact that she looked utterly unembarrassed to be stark naked in front of me. Me, who had never..._ ever_... seen a girl I wasn't related to naked before in my life.

I realized I was staring. Completely and utterly gaping. And that I was getting uncomfortably tight and warm down there... and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was like the part of my brain that thought was completely disconnected from the part that did... other stuff.

I really wanted to tell her to put some clothes on before my inherent need to jerk off reared its head. Now if only I could remember how to speak.

* * *

Yoruichi - whose voice was still deep, but very much female, in her human form - snickered over my hot-faced, slackened speechlessness for a while, muttering that she loved turning back into a human in front of new people, it was great. Then she informed me that I wasn't breathing. Then she chatted idly about how, before her exile with Urahara and Tessai, she used to be a Shinigami Captain, Shihouin Yoruichi. She even crossed her arms over her chest a couple of times, making her boobs... oh wow. Pulsating.

_ShutuppenisIhateyou, ShutuppenisIhateyou, ShutuppenisIhateyou..._

When Yoruichi finally sat down next to me like a cat (damn, were boobs always that... bouncy?) and said casually that she was going to explain to me how she got me down here now, I finally remembered how to speak out of sheer necessity. "Holy shit, Yoruichi, put some clothes on!" I finally gasped out, staring, in a voice that couldn't decide whether it was really high or really low.

_ShutuppenisIhateyou, ShutuppenisIhateyou, ShutuppenisIhateyou..._

Yoruichi blinked, and looked down. "Oh, yeah," she said. "Sorry about that. It's been so long, I forgot."

... Oh. My. God.

* * *

A few minutes later, I was fully dressed and standing with my back to her and my arms crossed, blushing like a maniac and embarrassed beyond belief to be doing it. I was such a fucking virgin. Goddamnit. Yoruichi had gone to a bag I hadn't noticed in the corner and was dressing in a turtleneck and a pair of tight pants, with her hair up in a scrunchy. She at least knew modern dress, it seemed. I tried to focus on that, and not... well, that didn't work...

"You know," Yoruichi suddenly piped up thoughtfully, still sounding like she was smirking quietly, "you're acting surprisingly innocent about this. Was that your first time seeing a woman naked?"

My shoulders tensed and my face got, impossibly, even darker. _Damnit. _I scowled. "... Shut up," I muttered in a mumble, and I sounded like I was about eight, but it was the best I could manage at the moment.

Yoruichi gasped. "Ooh, really? You want to see it again?!" she said gleefully, grinning, but in a way that meant she knew she was drawing blood. "I mean, who knows, Ichigo, you may never see another woman so fine and delicate as I am!"

I choked and made a strangled sort of noise at the offer. My face felt like it was on fire. "Ju - p - c - Stop worrying about my future and keep dressing!" I yelled out, but too late, I'd looked around, and shit she hadn't put her pants on yet and her legs were really nice too and she was actually very pretty and_ damnit I was never going to be able to look at Yoruichi the same way again!_

Yoruichi laughed. "Has anyone ever told me that you have no sense of humor? That you're really a rather _boring_ man?" she drawled mischievously, eyeing me in reserved amusement.

"N-no! No, they haven't!" I snapped indignantly on reflex, and then when Yoruichi started laughing teasingly again, I added exasperatedly, beyond even embarrassment now, "Anyway, put some pants on! Why aren't you wearing anything on your lower half anyway?!"

_My_ lower half said it was because she was nice. My upper half told my lower half to shut the hell up.

Once she had finished dressing - including a light colored karate wrap-around jacket I hadn't been expecting - and my explosive, embarrassed shouts had stopped erupting spontaneously around the room, she finished easily, smirking, "Anyway, I used this to transport you here." She held up some piece of rope, tossed it into a corner of the room, and that was it. End of story.

I was _really_ tempted to yell at her, but I was pretty sure Yoruichi was actually a lot stronger than me.

"By the way, normally screaming that loud would cause your wound to open up. So try to be careful in the future." She smirked.

I was very proud of myself for managing to look... relatively... calm.

* * *

In all seriousness, Yoruichi ended up showing me a gold-inlaid fan-like device with a clawed foot on one end. She said she'd tied me to her and then used it to fly us over here. "So," I summarized curiously at the end, "when you put reiatsu into this thing, it'll fly you wherever as long as you aim it where you want to go?"

"That's right." She looked elegant and mildly proud, much more expressive than she had been as a cat. "It's a very unique Soul Society artifact; you should feel honored that you'll be able to use it later."

"If it's so unique, that means you were special enough to get it, right?" She paused, stilling, her expression suddenly blank. It was clear she hadn't expected me to suddenly connect the dots. "I mean, it makes sense. You have all this reiatsu power, you can shapeshift into a cat, you can cure wounds, the Shibas liked and had a personal relationship with you, and you have something like this..." I looked up from my thinking out loud, my eyes searching. Yoruichi looked almost - nervous. "Yoruichi," I asked urgently, "who _are_ you?"

Surely even an ordinary (ex) Captain wasn't this... well... privileged? And it had struck me, then: that I knew more about my enemies or the Shibas than I did about the people who were funding this little trip in the first place.

Yoruichi opened her mouth uncertainly to speak, but just then a huge reiatsu and a quietly deadly ki hit us from nearby. As we both froze and sensed on instinct, I realized it wasn't even directly above us - it was just that big.

And only a second later, I realized why it seemed so familiar.

"It's _him_!" I gasped, hissing, my eyes narrowing. It was that asshole Byakuya - Rukia's brother.

"It's coming from the direction of the Senzaikyuu," Yoruichi realized in grave, fiery dread, but I had already known that - and realized what must be happening. He must have sensed Ganjyuu and Hanatarou trying to break in and save Rukia.

Which meant I had to get there _right now._

I shot to my feet, grabbing Zangetsu, jumping into my sandals next to the bed, and holding the fan-device (somewhat awkwardly) before me. "Ichigo, wait, where do you think you're going?!" Yoruichi barked worriedly, looking over at me in alarm.

"Hanatarou and Ganjyuu were going to the Senzaikyuu!" I shot back, whirling around to her. "If I don't go, who the hell would save them?!"

Yoruichi opened her mouth and then paused, staring at me in concern, but I was already moving. I shot my reiatsu into the fan and it whirled its parchment-like wing outward, lengthening and strengthening before my eyes. "Fly!" I commanded urgently, not knowing what else to do, and it wrapped around my arm with its end and shot me forward. The wooden door flew open before me, revealing us to be underneath the cliff of some sort of hill on the country-like outskirts of the Seiretei, and I forced myself to let my feet leave the ground. We shot forward, out like a cannon, and up into the air. As I flew straight toward cloudy blue skies above, the wind whipping my face, I heard Yoruichi run to the doorway and call after me angrily, jolted from her shock. But it was too late.

I straightened out once I was high above the Seireitei with little difficulty, learning quickly to cruise along with the device on the wind, everything quiet and everything below me surreally small. I liked this, but the thought barely registered with me; there were more important things to worry about right now. The white tower of the Senzaikyuu was easy to pick out. I flew down toward it, toward distant black figures I could see standing across from each other on the long walkway that connected the main tower of the Senzaikyuu to other buildings. One had long black hair held back in a white sort of head piece, with black robes and a white cloak. Two were standing tensely across from him. Behind them, in front of an open doorway, was - I realized with a jump in the pit of my stomach - a smaller figure, dressed in white with a dark head of hair.

_... Rukia._

I picked up speed and flew faster and faster down toward the walkway below.

* * *

As I dropped, dropped, dropped, one form - Ganjyuu, I realized - ran forward and was attacked with swift ease by Byakuya. He was pushed back and then Byakuya was moving, with all of his reiatsu presence, in front of a shaking Hanatarou and a suddenly gasping and crouched Rukia. I could see them clearer now. I had to get there in time. My speed picked up as much as I thought it could. Ganjyuu had yelled something to distract Byakuya, the man turned back to look at him and then there was a sharp charge of reiatsu from him - as if from a zanpakutoh release. I saw Byakuya's blade disappear into a thousand razor-sharp pink sakura petals, saw them speed lightning-fast toward Ganjyuu, Ganjyuu collapsed bloodily as they cut through and past him, Byakuya turned back toward Rukia and Hanatarou, and then another Captain - a male with long white hair - appeared abruptly in a spurt of speed behind Byakuya to stop him from attacking and started holding him back, talking with him urgently. Byakuya's reiatsu was still furious. All this in a moment.

So many thoughts ran through my mind. _Shit, how badly hurt is Ganjyuu? Why did the other Captain stop Kuchiki Byakuya? Is he not supposed to be here?_ _What the hell is his problem? Why is he such a dick?_

But suddenly, they all froze abruptly and started looking around wildly, staring skyward. I realized my angry reiatsu had hit them before I had. I got in close enough to see them in detail. The thin wan Captain with long white hair looked shocked, Byakuya looked intense and for once openly surprised, Hanatarou was staring at me in shock and awe, and beside him was...

Rukia.

Her eyes turned emotional and glistening, openly soft in a way they hadn't been a few months ago, huge and sorrowful and deeply dark in a too-thin face - with her long dark hair flying around her expression, ridiculously surprised at the fact that I'd come to save her, she was beautiful. She caught my eye, and then I flew down fiercely beside her tiny, white-robed form. I looked up and stood straight from my kneel. She just stared and stared. "... Ichigo...?" she whispered, holding her tiny hands clasped wringingly before her. She seemed fragile and fragmented, and she'd lost a lot of weight she really couldn't afford to.

Which totally figured considering she came from the crazy kind of place where _food _wasn't a normality, but that was beside the point.

I remembered, then, that she felt guilty for getting me into this in the first place. That she'd been locked up in solitary for at least a little while. That she probably was full of guilt and self-loathing and swiftly shifting perceptions. And for a moment, I was irrationally angry at her for even daring to think like that and unsure what to do with this all at once.

So I took a deep breath, swallowed, and walked right by her for a moment, forcing myself to ignore my own guilt and uncertainty, and the way she just turned around, her big eyes following me. This wasn't the Rukia I knew at all. "Hanatarou," I said down to him, dealing with this first. He was staring up at me with tears in his eyes, a mix of gratefulness and overwhelmed terror within them. "Are you guys alright? I'm sorry, I didn't even think about this when telling you two to go on ahead. What happened to Ganjyuu?" I was murmuring, carefully stoic, ignoring the three pairs of eyes on me: two blank and cautious far down the walkway, standing back.

"Ichigo," he swallowed shakenly, "w-we got past the guards and made it to this door. I used a key to get in; I-I snuck out and stole it last time we were in the sewers while you two were asleep because I felt so guilty about the fact that I'd been so little use in this. Ganjyuu started telling me that wasn't true and trying to cheer me up - he was the one who really kept us going after you left, talking about how you'd have wanted us to keep on going - but when the door opened and he saw Rukia, he..." Hanatarou swallowed and whispered, "Ichigo, he freaked out. He started talking about how Rukia was the one who showed up with the dead, stabbed body of his brother after he was no longer any use to the corps, he said Rukia had admitted to killing his brother all those years ago. I had to hold him back from_ attacking _her. And Rukia... she just looked away sorrowfully and said that if she deserved to die by anyone, it was him. She wouldn't do anything; she couldn't even look him in the eye."

I froze. Avoiding glances and self-guilt maybe weren't surprising reactions in her current state. Yet while that story didn't sound like Rukia, at the same time it so painfully did. And the thought that she could ever have actually done something like that made me go cold and angry all at once. What on earth...? But there was no time right now, no time.

I forced myself to nod slightly and focus on the moment at hand and Hanatarou continued shakenly, "Then her brother showed up. The greatest master of the four main noble families, Kuchiki Byakuya. Ganjyuu only rose up to defend Rukia after I had said I was going to if he wouldn't - because Rukia had been in the Senzaikyuu so long, she couldn't even stand under the strain of her brother's ordinary reiatsu pressure; she just buckled weakly. I was worried about her. Ganjyuu swore at me and then rushed in recklessly in front of me. He insulted Byakuya's family when the man attacked him and then tried to get beyond him, saying only a coward wouldn't finish what he'd started, saying a Shiba would never have done such a thing. Captain Kuchiki got really angry and turned back. He said 'scatter, senbonzakura', and then all the sakura petals went faster than I could see them. They... they cut all over Ganjyuu's body and he collapsed... But Rukia's Captain, Captain Ukitake, appeared and stopped Byakuya from attacking us." The sickly one. That explained why his hair was prematurely white, and why he looked so wan and pale. "But Byakuya told him that's within his jurisdiction now. He said the Captain Commander has given the order that all Captains are now allowed to use their zanpakutoh anywhere in the face of the ryoka. And Captain Ukitake hadn't known yet... I don't know what they'll do now."

Hanatarou stammered to a halt, becoming too fearful to speak again, seeming like he was too scared even to glance at the Captains across from him after it became clear whose side he was on. He was shaking and he swallowed once, hard, but he stayed steady. "I see," I finally said.

I chanced one glance over at them. They were staring at me piercingly. They were doing nothing, it seemed, for the moment.

I licked my lips and decided to try something. "Rukia," I murmured, and she at least turned to look at me quickly, almost anxiously. "I came to save you." I continued to look away, deciding to see cautiously if I got a reaction.

There was none. I glanced sideways at her, to see that she looked almost desperately sad, her teeth gritted and her eyes swimming with angry tears. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit... They'd really done a number on her, hadn't they?

"Hey!" I said louder, challenging, faking indignation. That always got some sort of tough comeback, if not a temper. "What are you looking at me like that for?! I came here to rescue you; the least you could do is look happy about it!"

"... You _idiot..._" It was normal, but not said in its usual tone. "I told you not to come!" she whispered, half-sobbing, glaring at me angrily. "I - I forbade you to come; I told you your life is too important to lose it here!" Her fists were clenched by her sides and her body was trembling. "Now you're covered in bandages and you're wounded everywhere...!" She bowed her head, her voice breaking and her shoulders trembling fragilely.

And for once, I couldn't even be angry. I literally had no idea what to do.

"Uh... look," I finally sighed, trying to be unusually gentle. I looked over more seriously at Ganjyuu's distant, bloody form. We had to get to him and help him; his reiatsu was growing fainter. But those two Captains were standing in front of his body, watching us, looking with narrowed eyes from one to the other. And Ganjyuu may have a lot of reiatsu, but even he could only make it for so long. "You can get mad at me however you want later," I promised to her, and she looked up, confused and terribly uncertain. "After I beat him!" I said louder, stepping forward, the genuine anger of memories making my will to protect even stronger as I glared at Kuchiki Byakuya. (Rukia gasped softly behind me, but for the moment I tried to block her out. We had to get to Ganjyuu, and I was stronger than she knew.)

Byakuya stared back at me coolly, assessing. His supposed temper tantrum was nowhere to be found now. Ukitake had stepped back from him slightly, looking neutral and almost torn. It made sense - I was trying to save his subordinate. Maybe he, at least, had a heart.

"Ichigo..." came a sudden, still-uncertain murmur from behind me once more.

I sighed. "Rukia. Don't tell me to run away," I ordered her simply, steadily. "I'd never do that, especially not now, so don't be ridiculous. I came a long way to get this far, you know. It wasn't fucking easy." Keeping an eye on the two across from me, I chanced half a glance back at her wide-eyed surprise, as if she genuinely hadn't considered that. "I'm going to drag you out of here if that's what it takes to save your ass. Nothing you say will make any difference, so don't bother!" I snarked, starting to get a little peeved and snappish myself.

My "get it in gear" mode was a lot more well-developed than my "quiet, pleasant sympathy" mode. In fact, I wasn't even sure I had one of those. Besides, tact never really had been my strong point.

But, finally, something worked. A muffled but indignant light snapped back into Rukia's eyes and unconsciously, she straightened up slightly. "Hey! You're ignoring the rescuee's opinions? Well, what kind of strange rescue attempt is this?" she demanded, eyeing me up and down.

"The rescuee's not supposed to have opinions!" I snapped back sarcastically, inwardly enormously relieved but afraid that if I'd look happy I'd ruin it. "They're supposed to crouch in the corner and scream 'Oh my God, help me! Help meee!'"

_"Why, you - !"_

Then, suddenly, Rukia paused and her eyes widened in light surprise, as if she'd just realized what I'd done. She slackened and smiled up at me in fond exasperation, her eyes searching, as if for a moment she wasn't quite sure what to do with me. I looked away and toughened my face, clearing my throat, wondering when relief had started feeling quite so warm.

"You never change, do you?" she finally murmured. "Still all closed off, still don't listen to a single thing I say and try to recklessly save the day anyway..."

"Hm. And you haven't changed either," I murmured in return quickly out of the corner of my mouth. "Still nag at me and try to straighten me up all time. You know, a little worry about yourself wouldn't hurt right now." It was true, after all.

She lightened even further, but was still staring at me in what seemed to be a permanent sort of thoughtful startled state.

"Don't worry about me," I added suddenly over my shoulder, not quite sure why I was saying it, but attempting to smile slightly anyway. And maybe it looked a little awkward, but - well, it was warm, too, and genuine, trying to be reassuring. I gazed at her, and she stared back at me wordlessly, with huge, frightened eyes. "I'm not planning on dying just yet. And don't look at me like that. I've gotten a lot stronger while you were away, okay?" And for a moment, it felt just like old times.

Then I looked up, really looked up and took another step forward, planning on just busting my way through this because I had to, as always - but suddenly, there was a stifled gasp from the Captain behind Byakuya. "Byakuya... who_ is_ that?" Everyone turned to look at Ukitake Jyuushirou's involuntary, haunted expression. He had started and was peering closely at me, blinking hard, looking strangely like he had just seen a ghost.

And that was when I realized: he'd known him, too. The person I looked like. For a moment, I was tempted angrily to just burst out and ask somebody who the hell he had been, because this was getting kind of irritating, but before I could do something stupid -

"He is worthless. A nobody." The Lovely Asshole spoke up, staring at me emotionlessly, with that same freaky intensity he always had. "Even compared to the figure lying behind us, he is nothing. A drifter, a ryoka. And now I will destroy him. This is the end of this meaningless skirmish."

And it had meaning: namely, to save his own goddam sister. I smiled tightly through my fury and stepped forward, putting my hand on and connecting briefly with Zangetsu, who was swirling with unusual anger and anticipation within his confines. I realized after a moment why he, too, felt strangely protective of Rukia: the first reiatsu my true power had ever come into contact with was probably hers. "Well, look at you," I said with wide-eyed mocking as we took a few steps toward each other, clearing space for our fight, "so at ease. All that time talking to Rukia, and you just... let me?"

"Why would I need you to be distracted to be able to defeat you?" Byakuya asked crisply, his expression completely flat. "You may do whatever you wish. At the end of it all, you are still going to die. Don't think too highly of yourself, insignificant, ordinary human _scum_ that you are."

Ooh - inflection. Fancy. But before I could open my mouth for a heated comeback, because goddamn I was really beginning to personally dislike this asshole on every possible level I could, it hit me. Suddenly, he visibly tensed slightly and then upped his ki as much as he possibly could in a furious barrage. I heard Hanatarou and Rukia gasp and buckle slightly, struggling not to give under the weight, but I kept my body and mind steady and focused. I knew cautiously that it was the best thing I could do for all involved right now. I drew Zangetsu, took a stance, and held his large scythe-like length at the ready in the thick air.

"Oh," Byakuya said softly after a moment, in almost mocking surprise, raising his eyebrows. "Not even a budge in front of so much reiatsu. Well, you weren't lying; you _have _gotten stronger." Then his expression darkened slightly. "I don't know how you re-obtained a Shinigami's powers again, but the illegal effort was wasted. You should have simply returned to your normal human life if you were lucky enough to live."

And felt like a shithole for the rest of my life. Sure. Great. I thought it was odd that he still considered my power's someone else's when I obviously had a released zanpakutoh of my own that I was using. Severe case of denial, maybe? Either way, it wasn't like I really_ cared_. Funny, how getting stronger could do that to you.

When I realized he was still staring at me intently, as if waiting for and measuring my response, I tightened my lips and spoke. "... I'm not throwing away my life," I informed him quietly after a moment, my brows furrowing. "I'm going to defeat you. Take Rukia back. And return to my own home." My voice was hard. It was as simple as that.

Byakuya still kept calm and silent, completely still, but I could suddenly see what Hanatarou meant. His head tilted upward slightly, his nostrils flaring, and an icy kind of fire leaped into his eyes. "I said," he whispered, "don't think too highly of yourself! Insignificant, ordinary human _scum_ that you are!"

Though he was whispering, it was so tense around us that I heard everything. Then he disappeared.

But I'd experienced this before, I knew what he was about to do, so I strained my senses outward and tensed, felt him speed behind me, then came sight, saw the blur of him follow his planned reiatsu path. And then, abruptly, I knew exactly where he'd be. I whirled around with Zangetsu and -

_Clash. _Our swords - my release and his asauchi - met as that was where, sure as day, he appeared.

Byakuya's black eyes widened in slight, but deep, surprise in his strangely lovely face, and he paused in what seemed like surprise instead of his usual reserve for the first time. I realized we'd never actually looked at each other face to face before, especially not at any sort of close distance. I relished the caught-off-guard look, the fallen arrogance, and then I grinned, the vicious curl forming over my face despite myself as I felt a brief spark of triumph. Saying I could "keep up with him" wasn't much... but goddamn, it was a hell of a start.

"You said I think too highly of myself? I just watched you move right behind me, Kuchiki Byakuya!" My grin formed into a smirk, my lips pressed firmly and fiercely together, and my jaw clenched. Whatever came, I could handle this. I could handle this.

And I would.

It was so different from before. Zangetsu thrummed a little and then firmed against his sword.

He sucked in a sharp breath and pushed off against me with a sharp blow of reiatsu. We separated again, sliding away from one another. I wasn't sure which part of that had triggered a realization, but a subtle shift in his expression told me he was taking the fight more seriously now. I firmed my stance in waiting, keeping half a sense on the still, watching reiatsu signatures around me.

"I see," Byakuya said after a moment, his expression carefully neutral once more as he eyed me up and down, distasteful but serious. "You... have improved. More than I had anticipated." His tone was short, but his eyes were considering. "In that case, lest you become too full of yourself, I must show you. I will show you that someone such as you could never compensate for the determination of a true warrior. You are a thousand years too early to defeat me." (Renji's words, or perhaps Renji had copied them from him, because Byakuya was a lot calmer and more natural throwing them around.)

Byakuya lifted his sword and opened his mouth, reiatsu readying. I realized what he was about to do... and strangely, willpower flooded me, fiery and strong.

Because he was wrong, I suddenly knew. I didn't have to be an officially trained Shinigami to know what true determination was. Determination, like checking myself into that institution for drug addiction when I knew I had no other options, like naming Ochi-sensei as my contact and telling myself desperately that if this didn't work none of it had ever mattered anyway. Determination, as I'd first learned it when I'd come back home from that place and started trying to fix everything: my grades, my working out, my care of my sisters, my health, my art, my confidence in_ myself_... And in the process, unbidden, I'd discovered not only an appreciation of life and the lack of it, but a wealth of sheer stubbornness and drive to succeed within me, an ability to power through something that I'd never quite known I possessed before. It had been so long since I'd thought of that, and for the first time I really saw where it had gotten me, what it meant to me.

Determination, which I'd learned as a mere human. That sudden rush of strength and hard light in my eyes that I was learning over and over again, in stronger, steadier amounts. Determination that said I'd just have to dodge and block and beat him, that was all.

So I readied myself steelily as he opened his mouth and whispered, "Scatter, Senb -"

But Rukia had quite a different idea on the matter.

_"No, Ichigo! Ichigo, run!" _ And she sounded perfectly present and fearfully strong this time, for a moment like her old self again, her eyes widened behind her brother in horror, and I had just enough time to tense and wonder if I was being too hasty, when -

A blur of yellow and black flashed past Byakuya, impossibly quick. By the time we both had finished stilling in surprise, Yoruichi was crouched beside Byakuya, her face made of cool stone and she holding the end of a long ribbon that had wrapped itself firmly around his blade, trapping it in place.

... _Fuck, _she was fast.

Everyone's eyes had widened, even Byakuya's. But my curiosity about her spiked even further when, as she stood, Byakuya finally straightened and had the presence of mind to exclaim in frowning surprise, "Yoruichi...!" It was clear he recognized her.

There was a moment of pregnant silence as they eyed each other, unreadable but piercing across the distance. No one else seemed to know quite what to say. What was with the atmosphere...?

At last, Yoruichi came to walk slowly in front of me, standing by me guardingly. She was, I realized, slightly honored in a way I didn't understand, broadcasting where her loyalties lay. For a moment, I felt guilty for pulling her into this when she'd been doing such a good job of hiding herself. Then again, she didn't seem to be best friends with the Soul Society anymore anyway.

Behind Byakuya, Hanatarou and Rukia dared to murmur to each other on the wind.

"Yoruichi..." Rukia murmured, frowning, torn. She sounded surprised and almost aweful, but there was a touch of fear there too.

"Who is that?" Hanatarou asked tentatively. "Do you know her?"

"No... but I've heard of her... She's the ex-Commander of Second Division Special Ops, and the ex-General of the Keigun Brigade of the First Division. And a noblewoman, on top of everything else. But... she disappeared... ages before either of us..."

I shot the impressively stoic Yoruichi a sharp glance. Well, that explained a lot. But she'd said that Urahara and Tessai had been exiled, and she with them. She hadn't said anything about simply following them. Vanishing off the map and disappearing. Was there something to this story I wasn't getting...?

Byakuya finally opened his mouth and spoke, seeming more guarded than he had been a moment ago. "Shihouin Yoruichi." His tone was quiet, respectful. Also questioning. "It's been over a hundred years... Everyone thought you were dead."

The statement was pointed. If I didn't know better, almost accusatory. Clearly, she hadn't kept in nearly as good contact with the people she'd known who had remained within the Seireitei.

Still, Yoruichi made no reply. If I didn't know better, I'd say she'd been frozen into a particularly cautious and frowning statue. Her eyes were dark and solemn.

"Yoruichi," I finally murmured to her. I did get a reaction: she shifted her weight ever so slightly. "Did you come to save me? Thank you." And I meant that. Twice in one day. I wasn't used to feeling on the other end of the process, hadn't been for quite a while, and it was strangely humbling. But... "But please, you need to move aside," I said urgently. "I need to defeat him. You know I do." There was no way I was getting his adopted relative out of this place otherwise, on top of everything else.

But when Yoruichi turned to me slightly, her gaze was almost contemptuous, and much emptier than before. "Defeat him now? On your own? _Not yet, idiot_," she suddenly hissed, still angry with me, and before I could react I got a huge, lightning-fast punch to my stomach wound that reached right into the blood and flesh, into blinding pain.

I heard some distant gasps, hissed to her with what air I had left what the hell she thought she was doing, but deep down I knew.

Even as I blacked out, I knew she didn't think I was ready to face Byakuya yet. And she was going to make sure we both got away until I was.


	8. Awake

_"Want to feel what I touch, _

_Want to find what I lost, _

_Want to be kind._

_As you see every curse, _

_(And in a dream it'll work) _

_Now you'll feel tied. _

_Want to praise with this life, _

_And conceal without lies. _

_I just need time. _

_Want to fight every need, _

_Every push, every sting._

_Will you stand by? _

_I've been awake through the wrong decisions._

_I've held my ground, now I'm gaining soul. _

_I bit my tongue through the cold realizations._

_I've been accused, but I've only begun._

_Want to speak what I've seen, _

_Want to reach what I've dreamed, _

_Want to be kind. _

_Want to seal what I've cut,_

_Want to hear without rush, _

_Want to ease time. _

_With your hand on your loss,_

_Our scene truly cost. _

_No one told you. _

_And we grew from the day_

_Into night; I'm ashamed,_

_I will join you. _

_I've been awake through the wrong decisions._

_I've held my ground, now I'm gaining soul. _

_I bit my tongue through the cold realizations. _

_I've been accused, but I've only begun._

_Take me on, take me on..._

_In the end, only once. _

_All you need is a touch. _

_Want to see love. _

_Every thought you'll be shown. _

_Every act will be known. _

_I'll defend you. _

_We'll awake every sound._

_Every chance, I'll be found, _

_I'll be with you _

_To the end, now you come. _

_Show your hands to the ones _

_To behold you. _

_I've been awake through the wrong decisions. _

_I've held my ground, now I'm gaining soul. _

_I bit my tongue through the cold realizations. _

_I've been accused, but I've only begun. _

_Take me on, take me on..."_

_- "Awake" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club_

* * *

_Chapter Seven: Awake_

The next time I woke up, I was healed. The ceiling above me was a blank blue shade, and I realized I was in a synthetic training chamber much like the ones Urahara made. I heard a shift of movement, and then Yoruichi was standing above me.

"... You're awake, then?" she asked neutrally, her face blank and cautious. It took me a moment to remember why.

When I did, I shot to my feet. "Shit! Rukia, Ganjyuu, Hanatarou -"

"Ganjyuu is imprisoned with Chad. Hanatarou is being punished under his division for infraction. Rukia is back in her Tower awaiting execution." Her voice was toneless. But her face did shift carefully, ever so slightly, as rage and fear and frustrated incomprehension welled up within me. I had been _so close_ - so close to fixing _everything._ "Ichigo, I had to -"

And just like that, something inside me snapped. I snatched my hand out and grabbed her by the collar, snarling into her face; she stayed boneless, letting me emotionlessly, her expression steady and unashamed of her actions. My snarl echoed throughout the cavern, and then there was a pause full of silence.

My breaths were deep and my shoulders were shaking with suppressed anger and helplessness. "... Why?" I finally hissed in a low tone. "Why am I the only one you saved?! And if you had to save someone, why the hell would you save _me_?!" My voice was growing louder every second, but I couldn't find it in me to care right now. I shook her once. "_I _was the one with the highest chance of survival back there! You _know _that!" She was the one who had just told me my stubbornness was one of my greatest assets! "Rukia, Ganjyuu, Hanatarou, they could all have been killed because you and I -!"

"Don't flatter yourself." Her voice finally cut coolly and firmly through my yelling. She straightened up slightly in my grasp and looked me dead in the eye. "You had no chance of survival in that fight. No one on that walkway would have been able to hold their own in a fight against Byakuya. Not even Ukitake, in his state."

I opened my mouth furiously to respond that pessimistic excuses weren't good enough for what she'd just pulled, but in a moment she had flipped me over and thrown me onto my back whole feet away from her. I slammed hard onto my spine and coughed in pain as all the air rushed out of me.

Yoruichi's voice was still cool and even subservient as she said, "I... have not had to use my full speed in a long time. To be able to run faster than Byakuya, one person was as much as I could carry."

"That... that still doesn't explain why you didn't just take Rukia, then!" I protested stubbornly, sitting up with the help of a hand. "I thought _that _was the goal of this - to save her!"

Yoruichi glanced back at me unfathomably and stilled. "I said, that no one on that walkway could have defeated Byakuya. And he'd have fought for his sister." I stared at her admittance, caught off-guard and slightly confused. Was he... was he really that talented, really that strong?

Well, I may in fact dislike him even more now. Wow.

"And though no one on that walkway could have defeated Byakuya... In three days' time, _you_ may be able to." I stared even more at this, my eyes widening and my eyebrows rising a little. "That's why I brought you here, to a secret training chamber no one currently in the Seireitei except us should know about. And look, Ukitake was there with Byakuya, correct? He will not let anyone who was trying to save Rukia die. He is a good man. So sure am I of this, I am willing to give it to you as a certainty."

She looked me in the eye and nodded once. "Your friends are fine. You should be focusing less on them, and more on you. I promised Byakuya as we escaped that I'd have you ready to fight him in three days," she revealed. "And I intend to keep that promise. Once I release you from here... the time will have come for you to rescue everyone. Your friends - and Rukia. You will have to defeat anyone who stands in your way, including Byakuya, and I am about to give you the tools to do it. Do I make myself clear?!"

Her voice had become sharper and she straightened up - an instructor now. Ready and almost anticipating, I stood quickly and nodded, my expression firming.

I still wasn't exactly happy. But this compromise was... acceptable.

* * *

We stood in the middle of the flat desert ground, and prepared ourselves. We stood across from each other; me with my sword in a stance. Yoruichi stood straight and still, her head tilted easily and her hair shining down her back in its ponytail, across from me.

"Are you ready? You must do this in the time I've allotted for you," she warned.

I nodded. "Yeah," I confirmed, "ready."

She examined me for a moment. "First," she finally said, "are you aware that Zangetsu is always in his released state?"

I blinked. "Really?" I was slightly disbelieving. After the first couple of days and nights of sleep in Soul Society, when Zangetsu still hadn't formed back into an asauchi, I'd kind of just forgotten Kid One and Kid Two's comments and assumed he simply didn't have a lower form for some weird reason. No, apparently we really just had so much reiatsu that he was always in his released state. "... Well," I admitted dryly, "that does explain a lot."

Yoruichi smirked slightly, making it half a wry smile. "Then I take it you also don't know that zanpakutoh have a second, stronger level of release," she surmised.

Even after all this time, I was still extremely startled that I didn't know something so... well... important-seeming. Was I _ever_ going to have the most information again? I wondered in the back of my mind, a bit frustrated.

"All zanpakutoh releases are divided into two: shikai, the initial release you have achieved, and a much stronger version of the shikai called bankai. Now, while all zanpakutoh have at least these two forms, not all Shinigami have achieved bankai. Usually, it is only the Captain levels who achieve it. There is, of course, one exception: Zaraki Kenpachi. He is the only Shinigami who has ever become a Captain without even achieving shikai, because, of course, just his raw strength is amazing. Never to be taken lightly, certainly. You should know this clearly, since you fought him head on." She nodded to me here. I wondered, for a moment, if she'd been trying to give me a sense that a Shinigami could be strong even without a release, and despite the fact that I was still inwardly a bit annoyed with and distrustful of her, my respect for her increased.

"Now, a bankai's form is different from a shikai's form, but like with the initial release, what your bankai is depends on your zanpakutoh spirit and your shikai," she listed off matter of factly. "There is some variance, according to reiatsu strength, training, age, determination, and other factors, but in general a person's power grows anywhere from five to ten times greater in the bankai state."

My face twitched, I felt like I'd just been punched in the throat, and I completely couldn't help any of it. "... _Ten times_?" I finally forced out.

"Frightening, isn't it?" she asked in serious agreement, looking slightly amused. "In all fairness, the bankai is much, much harder for most to achieve than basically any other Shinigami technique. Even the strongest often need about ten years or so of hard training toward that end to be able to pull it off."

"Wait, wait, wait! But... ten _years_?!" I asked, slightly incredulously. "Yoruichi, I only have -"

"I know. Three days. That is why we will not be using the official method for bankai training. We will be using the much riskier alternative method. Because we have to," she announced seriously. I swallowed ominously, but my eyes quickly steeled.

* * *

Yoruichi completely ruined the moment by going off to the side and then bringing back a tall styrofoam dummy in the vague shape of a human being. She stood it in front of me.

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh... what the hell is that?" I asked finally, completely lost. I'd kind of been expecting a more intense version of my Hell Training with Urahara, if I were being honest with myself. This just looked like a less shitty version of Rukia's paper Hollows. I had to resist a fond snort at the thought.

"This is a tenshintai. It's a rare artifact that I first obtained in the Special Ops division," Yoruichi announced. "It can forcefully materialize the soul and spirit of a zanpakutoh."

"Okay," I said slowly. When she didn't elaborate, I finally asked in slight frustration, "Well, what does that have to do with bankai?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked in surprise. "You need first communication and synchronization with your zanpakutoh to achieve initial release. You need the materialization and voluntary submission of your zanpakutoh to achieve bankai. It doesn't force you to come to it, for once you want it to come to you; you prove your loyalty to it in turn. It usually takes years to achieve the actual materialization of your zanpakutoh in your own world. However, we are going to give you something of a shortcut, mostly because I don't believe you and your zanpakutoh will need much help. Even though it seems your fight with Zaraki ended in a draw, you did manage to fight him to the end. The reiatsu around the battle where you fought indicated that you seemed to, on a mental level, already be at the materialization level. Is that correct?"

"Uh, yeah," I remembered in surprise, the memory of Zangetsu's spirit standing by Kenpachi floating back to me - or even, more than a week before that, the memory of Zangetsu coming to me during my initial release against Sandal-Hat Urahara. I was tempted to ask Yoruichi if my zanpakutoh had _always_ been ready for bankai level, but that seemed somewhat weird to think about and she was already continuing anyway.

"It seems you _have_ experienced it before. Good. Now all you need to do is stab your zanpakutoh into this doll, and instead of ruining it, your zanpakutoh will forcefully materialize over it into a physical form. I will stand back and use my reiatsu to keep it materialized. But you will only have one chance at this," she warned me, her golden eyes flashing. "And the limit is three days. In three days you must win Zangetsu's loyalty to you. Beat him into submission. If you can't -"

Before she could speak, I took a leaf from Zangetsu's book and didn't let her instill anything that might be fearful. I had to do this, so there was no point in worrying about the alternative. I unsheathed Zangetsu and stabbed him right into the doll. As Yoruichi paused in surprise, staring at me, and I felt a wealth of reiatsu begin to pour out from me and into the doll, I looked at her quite seriously, surprised by how accepting I'd become of this.

"I don't want to know," I told her. "There's only one way to do this, and it's to take it all the way to the end."

Then there was a burst of dark reiatsu, and then the doll shaped, turned, morphed... and disappeared.

Zangetsu's voice, deep and real and not ethereal at all, echoed behind me and I stilled and tensed on instinct. "You have recovered quickly, Ichigo." There was mild, commenting approval in his voice, but something dark and steely was, as always, behind it.

I turned around, and he was solid, and strangely taller than normal. He looked exactly as usual, black eyes as deep as ever. "Old Man Zangetsu," I said in surprise, which was odd considering I'd expected this, but somehow I hadn't expected him to be quite so... whatever this was. _Real,_ I supposed.

"Did you hear everything?" We looked around to find Yoruichi eyeing us carefully, penetratingly, her body language calm and powerful but her eyes intense.

"Of course." He tilted his head at her.

"You may choose the method of battle. Can you begin immediately?" Yoruichi asked, genuinely subservient, stepping aside and looking away.

I watched Zangetsu carefully as he knelt to the ground. "Yes," he said simply, and then there was a gigantic flash of reiatsu.

* * *

I had expected bankai training to be physically exhausting. What I hadn't expected was the mental exhaustion.

Zangetsu's bankai test turned out to be two-pronged, though only one was visible to the outside world. A forest of swords, of all different shapes and sizes, had sprouted up in the land around us from the spot his hand had touched. Each one represented a different piece of my soul. We pulled out the swords that stuck up from the ground and fought each other with them, battling it out until our swords broke: then we took the next up and continued. My goal was simple. Only one of these swords was Zangetsu's bankai form, and only that sword would defeat him. It represented my will to fight. The others represented "weaker" parts of myself in the fighting arena, and so would break underneath his hands. I had to defeat him before the three days were up so that he did not defeat me - and, I recognized unspoken at the end of that sentence from the darkness in his eyes, if he did defeat me, my power would take me over, and kill me. I had to be worthy of what he was.

It was not always a good thing, I realized, to have such incredible natural abilities.

But it would help me protect the people I cared about, and so I began fighting; no point in complaining. Zangetsu was strong and lighting-fast, but our movements were strangely even. I could feel myself playing off of him, putting my new swordsmanship learned over the past couple of weeks to the test perfectly. We flowed into each other with a symmetry I realized I probably should have expected - even if he did insult me every time one broke and then tell me with suppressed anger which piece of myself that had been which wasn't strong enough for me to fight with. I had learned with a desperate kind of determination not to really expect any sympathy from Zangetsu - after all, I was merciless with myself.

For what seemed like countless hours, Zangetsu and I fought and Yoruichi sat back and watched over us. It never got dark in the training room, and there were no rest periods as there had been during my initial zanpakutoh training. It was long and brutal and exhausting, and I quickly fell into a zone where the fight was the only thing that mattered, because if it stopped mattering I would probably collapse and _I couldn't do that._

It wasn't the first time I had been in a zone like this, but it had been a while.

The weirdest times, though, were when I fell so far in that I was on the brink of unconsciousness... and then something strange would happen. I would blink out of real time for a moment, into my soul world. It made sense; I was probably more closely connected with it than I had ever been before, and perhaps ever would be again. But Zangetsu was there, too, in his spirit form. And I had known that time worked differently in the soul world, but it was really only brought home to me when so much time in the soul world happened for a split second in the real world, before we continued our fight.

But in the soul world, we weren't fighting. We just... talked. I was impatient and angry at first, still in my fight mode, wondering what the hell was going on, but Zangetsu just snapped right back at me coldly and then carried as though I was an idiot. It pissed me off - until I realized what was happening.

This was the other side to the coin. He'd said he wanted me to get to know him, and he did. Of course that would be the other, unspoken stipulation to bankai training. The one only we had to know about.

The mental exhaustion came from having to spend _so much time_ awake - and switch from one to the other. From talking to fighting. Over and over and over again. I tried to ignore the terrible headache I was beginning to develop toward the end of the process, because I had to be strong and steady and calm like I was learning to be, because I had to do this and that was just all there was to it.

But I learned a lot about Zangetsu besides his formidable, intense mercilessness and his symmetry to me in fighting.

He didn't like rain despite the fact that it rained a lot. He liked jazz. He liked smoking, though oddly nothing smelled in the soul world, and rolled his eyes whenever he asked me why I'd given it up. He was somewhat casual and sarcastic, lounging and cloaked in shadows, when he didn't feel like being immediate and urgent and abrupt today. He was dark with an odd sense of the world and an even stranger sense of humor. He was confusing, contradictory, and carelessly irreverent, he seemed to care about very little except me or him and what kept us fighting (though maybe that was just a zanpakutoh thing), and he bored easily. Most of the time, he seemed to enjoy arguing, trading barbs, or complaining bluntly about something, more than he seemed to actually want to talk. Then again, I was already learning that we didn't need much communication to get where the other was coming from. He had moments of surprising, deep, almost mournful depth.

And when I put that all together, despite the fact that he was nothing like me, he sounded strangely like me. I wondered for a split second how the universe had managed that, but it made my headache even worse, so I stopped.

Most importantly, I got a growing sense throughout our time of the kind of wielder _Zangetsu_ needed.

I realized, quickly, that Zangetsu was starting to seem rogue and powerful enough that he needed someone who, well, needed control. _Needed _to be in control to get by. I noticed that I didn't seem to interest him when I liked or respected him - it was when I showed I didn't like him or wasn't really comfortable with him that he seemed challenged or interested by me, once it was confirmed that we had a two-way relationship. He seemed to respect me when I showed I had serious goals, real determination, when I knew where to use and aim my own power - which was, by extension, _his_. It was a weird feeling. I was uncomfortable with the darkness to my power, but at the same time it was almost forcing me to have goals and be the better person. And at the same time, we had this unconscious understanding, this lack of need for a lot of conversation and this intrinsic need for action, that just... well, made it work.

It was - complicated.

* * *

When suddenly, in the middle of one of our endless battles, Zangetsu disappeared and the doll fell before me, white and styrofoam and unharmed, I paused in a stumble, staring. Yoruichi suddenly leaped before me, grinning and panting from reiatsu exertion, and told me day one was over.

I gaped at her. _... Day_**_ one_**_? _

But she told me to rest for the night and showed me to a "natural" hot spring hidden behind a wide interface in a shore of rock nearby. Then she went off by herself into a nearby cave laid with simple pallets, to rest I presumed. I wondered if she, Urahara, or Tessai had ever trained together in this place. It had to be one of the first Sandal-Hat had ever made.

Not questioning my good fortune for now, I sank deep into the warm water after undressing. I actually threw my head back and moaned a little in my throat at what it did to my wounds, my aches and pains, my exhaustion... everything. Slumping backward against the hard reddish-brown rock, I reflected hazily that I'd never actually been in one of these before. I could definitely get used to them, though. Damn.

Had it really only been a day? As usual, it felt so much longer in the training room. "Three days in here" wasn't exactly the same as three normal days, I had a feeling. Nice of Yoruichi not to mention that and all. Or maybe it was just the Soul Society itself. It felt like I was losing track of time here. It was strange. In the living world, there was such a defined sense of time; I myself had always been really picky about time before. But you didn't realize it until you came here, how fast paced everything was where I was from. Here, it felt like you could string everything out over weeks at a time, even dying, and everything went so slowly that no one would care...

I realized distantly after a while that I'd almost passed out. I was lying, dazed, against the rocks, my mind drifting and hazy heat and mist around me. I cleared my throat and tried to sit up, get a firm grip on my head again... and suddenly I realized I wasn't in any pain anymore. Gasping, I sat up and felt myself. All my wounds were gone! My mind cleared further as I realized the water had healed me...

I stared around myself in astonishment for a moment, a reluctant grin of admiration spreading across my features. I was really glad Sandal Hat Sensei wasn't here, because then he might get full of himself and all, but... I mean, damn. That was actually really cool. I wondered if it could heal the cut in my mouth. I'd accidentally bit my tongue earlier during one of the later fights with Zangetsu, one of the longer and more brutal ones without recourse to the soul world. (That was probably a pretty good indicator of what training was going to become by day three - which, goodie, you know?)

Looking around, and then shrugging and deciding to try it out, I cupped some water carefully, put it to my lips and swallowed, tilting my head back and accidentally spilling some over my chin. Swishing it around in my mouth for a moment, it was like magic - there was a warm, tingling sensation, and then I could feel the blood fading away, the cut sealing itself up painlessly.

"Ichigo."

I looked around. She had come out from her resting spot. "Yoruichi!" I said in surprise on instinct, my mouth still full.

"How's the water?"

"Eh." I put the water into that side of my mouth out of the way, then shrugged and nodded. "Good, you know."

"Oh, that's good. I'll take a bath, too." I spit the water out onto the ground beside me and started choking and gasping.

"Y-Y-You - you're taking your clothes off!?" I sputtered idiotically, my face burning red - and it was hot enough in here already. I quickly turned away with a splash of water and put my hand over my eyes, feeling like kind of a stupid dick. But what the hell else was I supposed to do?!

Yoruichi just snickered at me before turning into a cat, muttering about how my innocence may never get old.

I lowered my hand slowly, my teeth gritted and my cheeks blushing, and considered drowning her out of sheer humiliation. In the end, though, I reflected that it probably wasn't worth risking the wrath of an ex-Captain who was about a hundred times faster than I was.

* * *

Yoruichi and I actually ended up talking for a long time, she in her cat form beside me in the hot spring. (She almost seemed more comfortable in it, though she did still sound like a guy; it was fucking weird.) She talked about the past a lot, almost wistfully, like she hadn't thought about it in a while, and I just listened in interest beside her at what I could learn. She stared absently ahead of herself, saying that this was the first secret underground training room Urahara ever built, that the two of them had been friends ever since they were kids together here in the Seireitei, and he always used to take things over the top when stuff was a secret. Secrets excited him; that was why the training room was so big. After she joined the Special Ops and he joined the Gotei 13, they used to come in here in private and train together as young rookie Shinigami. She told me, who was minorly stunned even after all this, that Urahara had been not only the once-Captain of the Twelfth Division and its punishment brigade, but the founder of its research technology sector - showing his subordinates the light of curiosity and science, in his own... eccentric way.

Somehow, it seemed to impress upon me the sheer weight of who I'd had training me for this trip, and just how little I'd known about him. Really, didn't just the fact that he'd grown up here mean that Urahara had been a minor sort of noble himself?

But why had all three of them left? How did everyone, from Ikkaku to Rukia, automatically recognize their names? Was it that uncommon? But even I didn't feel brave enough to ask Yoruichi that. Not after yesterday.

But as we went to bed that "night," Zangetsu pointing straight upward, silent and lying in wait by my side... I wondered...

I wondered about the Shinigami. I wondered if any of them would ever make sense to me.

"Yoruichi," I said after a while, and she was so still beside me that I knew she wasn't able to sleep either, not with everything that was going on. "There are so many differences and controversies and secrets among the Shinigami. Every time I think I have them figured out, something or someone confuses me. So many people seem torn on so many things. Who exactly... in the Soul Society am I fighting right now?"

There was a pause, and she didn't roll over to look at me. After a moment, she responded quietly, "The Soul Society is... complicated. It is bound in duty and tradition, and right now the construct of that duty and tradition is... delicate. People's attachment to its particular set of ideals is fragile. And you seem to have a bit of a gift for provoking people." The last part was dry.

I snorted at this, still staring upward. "That's not an answer, you know," I finally reminded her.

She said nothing in reply. After a while, as I was finally drifting off to sleep, I heard her stand up and walk off anxiously to pace, and I knew she hadn't really been planning to sleep at all.

My last thought before I finally gave in to the darkness was a surprised realization: I was sixteen today.

* * *

The next morning after my warmup, Yoruichi was nowhere to be seen. I was faintly hungry, but of course, no breakfast - it was the first time things had really calmed down enough for me to notice it. Otherwise, I just wanted to get started, but for a long time I was impatient for Yoruichi to come. When she did, she was unusually reserved, but we got started as usual. I decided to say nothing: many things could be bothering her, but I couldn't do anything about any of them except train.

The training for that day was long and brutal, and there was less mind-bending and a hell of a lot more fighting. Zangetsu was angrier today, a reflection of my own impatience, and by the time we were both done we were panting and covered in blood.

I still hadn't found my bankai's form.

But toward the end of the day, something else happened. Zangetsu and I had just separated after another spar between swords, when suddenly there was an explosion of rock from above, and everyone in the cavern ducked to hear a voice call out from the fake sky. I felt a shot of angry panic as I heard, of all people,_ Abarai Renji's _voice.

"I thought I sensed you somewhere down here!" There was a grin in his tone. "I was wondering what you were doing! So that's the true form of your zanpakutoh, eh?" _Shit. _Even Yoruichi and Zangetsu were tensed, staring up at the voice. "And you're hiding down here, training for bankai? Well, that sounds interesting..."

He leaped down into the pit, looking the same as usual, holding himself straight and dignified, blood-red hair held up at the back of his head, wild tattooed eyebrows, pale skin, and broad striking serious features... But the vicious grin and hard, duty-bound eyes I expected to see weren't there. He was grinning, but it seemed strangely false, almost friendly and hesitant. It made him look like a vastly different person. Zabimaru's released form was held, slung, over his shoulder.

"Count me in," he said, of all things.

I backed away slightly, still tense but wondering what the hell was going on. "Renji -" I began slowly, eyeing him narrowly sideways, but he smirked self-deprecatingly.

"What am I doing here, right?" he guessed. "The reason is simple. We don't have much time left, and I was looking for a place to train." His tone was clipped and official now, but there was a quiet strength and almost apology in his eyes - one that had not been there before. I realized, bewildered but slowly seeing... that he hadn't actually broken out to go after me. Something about our fight, or his own revelations in it, had changed his mind. But then, what on earth was he training for...?

"What do you mean, we don't have much time?" I asked, frowning carefully.

Renji gazed at me for a long moment, his face turning grave and his eyes sharp. "I meant," he finally sighed, looking tired, "that if we're going to save Rukia, we don't have much time." Even the excited, impulsive tension to his shoulders faded slightly at this. "Her execution date has been changed again. No one knows why, but the orders came from the Central 46 council building itself. I... when I heard, I broke out of where I was being held to come help you." He looked away at this, his face tense with previous shame.

"We-well -" I was surprised, my eyebrows raised, trying to take all this in at once. He didn't seem to be lying... "Well, what has the date been changed to?" I finally asked, frowning in worry.

"The execution will take place at noon tomorrow."

The dead, matter-of-fact way he said it hit me in the stomach even harder than it might have if he'd screamed it. Zangetsu shifted slightly in surprise and a bit of alarm, and I heard Yoruichi suck in a sharp breath of air tightly. Renji tightened his lips. "I... do not want to admit it," he began, "but the fact is that even though I want to, I cannot save Rukia at my current level." He looked away and walked to a more distant part of the training chamber. "So I came here to train with you."

Did he think... that being around me... would do something again? It was a genuine idea, and it surprised and puzzled me. I supposed my powers _had_ instigated ghosts, and my living friends, to a certain extent. Maybe even what Urahara & Associates had said about me having an incredible growth rate, or about being good at provoking people, was true. But -

"Don't worry. I won't get in your way." He waved the cloth-like metallic pieces of Zabimaru once through the air and a hulking, ape-like, red and white form with an intimidating expression and sharp teeth appeared beside him. "I've already achieved materialization of my zanpakutoh's spirit. I'm close enough to bankai release that I can just start my own training over here." He looked over, half smirk and half grin, a hint of a challenge in his eyes. "Is that alright?"

I bristled slightly, but I was more amused than I should be. I nodded tightly.

"Ichigo..." Yoruichi suddenly muttered out of the corner of her mouth, breaking her silence and distracting me. "There is no way we can achieve bankai by noon tomorrow." Her eyes were wide and, for the first time, frantically worried.

Twisting my mouth, I threw down the broken sword in my hand and it shattered below me. She twitched a little. Geez. Shaken up, wasn't she? We would do this, because we had to. Nothing had changed for me, except that we needed to push harder and hasten the process.

Wiping the sweat from my brow, I looked over at her, my eyes hard. "You're the one who suggested this training method," I reminded her dryly, feeling Zangetsu and I become one in our mocking reminder and annoyance for a moment. "You shouldn't be the first to give up on it, you know."

"B-but Ichigo, what if you still can't get it by noon tomorrow?!" she asked me angrily, fearful.

"We can't waste time worrying about what ifs right now. I think I already said that," I told her firmly, pushing my mind away from them. "So the date has been changed to noon tomorrow. So what? That just means we'll have to finish by noon tomorrow."

I picked up a sword and looked over at Zangetsu. Our eyes met, and we understood that this would have to be a painful, exhausting all-or-nothing. No more time for connection. The moment was upon us.

We charged.

* * *

We trained hard into the night, Renji and I, Yoruichi still watching over us worriedly. And in the process, between the blood, sweat, and tears, I strangely felt closer to them than I ever had before. No talking, just training. There was probably some deep philosophical message behind that, but I was too busy killing myself to really take it in. Fighting through sword after sword after sword against an ever more furious Zangetsu.

Maybe my presence or his determination had done something after all, because Renji achieved his bankai somewhere in the evening, a magnetic call echoing off the walls of, "Bankai! Hihio Zabimaru!" and the biggest sudden surge of reiatsu I had ever felt, one that made even Zangetsu look over, followed by a gigantic version of his shikai, the vast segments twirling around him in snake-like formation, followed by a roaring, fierce red and white head. It was magnificent and even more amazing than I had thought it would be, actually seeing and feeling a bankai up close, though I hoped they weren't all that... big and bulky. Seemed like it would get in the way. I looked away from Renji's new motivation, his new sense of energy and purpose, and over to my own fight.

I still hadn't achieved what I'd been trying to yet, and now it was starting to piss me off. Not to mention I couldn't feel a few parts of my body anymore. It took hours more effort, it took the sun beginning to rise again, it took Renji and Yoruichi hanging back, beginning to murmur to each other about me in a forceful kind of calm... It took Renji leaving to go on ahead and try to save Rukia before her execution, and Yoruichi tensing in feeling and saying he'd just been met by half his squad and torn through them before being met by Captain Kuchiki. It took her telling me they were fighting, and the shock and the_ he means it_ and the _he's out there fighting that asshole instead of me_...

But the entire thing, all the exhaustion and pain and confusion, was completely worth it when I finally reached down to pick up yet another of the endless swords - and I suddenly knew, with an almost stunning thrill that was just as much power as my own excitement, that this was it. This was the blade. I saw my own reflection in it for a moment: tired-looking, skin turned porcelain by the gleam of the blade and soaked with sweat and blood, tall and lithe-muscled, heart-shaped face thin, pale, and firm-chinned, with sharp features, brown eyes like crescent moons, and short copper-colored hair sticking up in curls, going everywhere. My face was so hard and determined that for a moment, I didn't recognize myself. Yet somehow, it fit perfectly.

When I looked up to Zangetsu, exhausted but determined and wide-eyed anticipating... there was a subtle gleam in his own dark eyes.

We both knew we had just achieved something important.

And I swung.

* * *

Author's Note: Hey, guys. Sorry it's been so long between updates. School is kicking my ass. I have the whole story basically written at this point, but I've just been going through some stuff lately and fanfiction hasn't exactly been the first thing on my mind...

I was starting to feel guilty, so here's an update. Hope you enjoy.


	9. Darkness Rising

_"Now the dark begins to rise._

_Save your breath,_

_It's far from over."_

_- "I Will Not Bow" by Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Darkness Rising_

I could feel it beginning.

Yoruichi had healed me and released me to go on ahead of her, giving me a tan cloak, one of the many countless artifacts she seemed to have that made you able to fly. So now I was flying through the deceptively quiet wind over the rooftops and the streets of the Seireitei, which were strangely empty today. I could feel it all happening on that distant hill near the Senzaikyuu Tower, could feel the congregated Shinigami and see, with a jolt, the distant figure being suspended from the towering execution frame above them. Could see the metal blade being raised up like a guillotine. Knew Renji hadn't gotten there in time. Knew only I could stop this now. Couldn't focus on anything else.

It was time, too soon and too far away, for everything to come to a head. To see if my insurrection really could pull through - to ensure that it _would_. To save Rukia, and do whatever else had to be done.

I sped closer and closer, faster and harder than I had ever gone in my life. I watched as the execution spear, raised above the figure, suddenly charged with reiatsu and engulfed into flames, taking the shape of a phoenix. Damn, they really had gone all out, didn't they? I wondered if even dishonored normal Shinigami got this end.

Well, it wouldn't be hers.

We'd have to block it as it was coming at her. _Zangetsu?_

_Ready. _Easy now, content with his lot. Connected. Powerful.

It was enough. It would have to be.

I could see everything clearly now; the Captains and Vice Captains were in two silent lines below her, grave, her eyes were closed sadly in preparation, a tear slipped down her cheek, I was buoyed on a well of protective fury, this would have to be close enough, I leapt -

I sped in front of her and pushed Zangetsu behind me just as the phoenix of crimson reiatsu began its flight. There was a whoosh and a scream of power and heat and an incredible pressure behind me - but I was firm and so was my power and I held.

And there in front of me, her eyes having flown open in shock, still suspended by the execution frame, was Rukia. She still looked heavy and stunned.

Everything in that moment suddenly became more real.

I could hear the cries and gasps below me, the outrage, and I could see Rukia just staring, open-mouthed and thunderstruck, right there in front of me. I wasn't too late. Just in time, in fact.

I relaxed, for the first time in weeks, smirking and feeling more like myself as I relished her expression for a moment. "Hey," I greeted her, shrugging a little with one shoulder. It took some effort.

But it was completely worth it when her eyes sparked once more and she exploded in indignant anger.

"Why... why do you keep coming back, you idiot?!" She seemed genuinely upset and desperate. I made a scoffing, protesting noise, staring at her reaction to a rescue, but she was still ranting on in an increasingly higher voice, "I told you that you can't win against my brother! You'll be killed! I don't want you to die, I've made my decision, I will die willingly, I don't need your help, how else can I say this to you, but _go home!"_ She huffed, tears in her eyes, looking frayed at the edges.

I gazed at her quietly for a moment, unmoving. I was startled by a shove from the reiatsu-laden phoenix, which nearly unseated me, and then I pushed back and it coiled itself for another attack. "Hm," I said, turning around to meet his incredible glow. "Seems irritated. Kind of big and slow, though. Whatever; let him come, I guess." It amused me more than it should that I was fighting semi-sentient beings now.

Rukia had lost it completely and was yelling her head off at me to get out of the way; I was pretty sure something about "the power of a thousand ordinary zanpakutohs" made its way in there.

Frankly, that sounded like the same kind of bullshit plenty of Shinigami I knew said about having trained for a thousand years when they didn't even look five hundred. What was with these people and the number 1000? Geez.

The phoenix was heading my way once more. I channeled as much power between me and my shikai as I could; I aimed Zangetsu outward to meet the executioner amid the flames -

But suddenly a glowing chain of reiatsu burst into the bird and locked tight around it, holding it back. I paused in surprise. Running up the hill, with two subordinates behind him, was Captain Ukitake - he was carrying a shield bearing a clan marking, and in his other hand was the chain that was holding back the bird.

He was trying to save Rukia, too.

Suddenly, another Captain jumped forward and called out to meet him - _friendly_ - within the line. He ran to join Captain Ukitake. The remaining Captains didn't look like they knew quite what to do with themselves. Just as fighting looked like it was about to break out amid the lines, the chain tightened and, with a burst of air, the bird disappeared. Just... vanished. Reiatsu and all.

I had no idea what was going on, but damn I wasn't going to question it. I jumped backward up onto the execution frame. "What are you trying to do, Ichigo?" Rukia called up to me incredulously.

"Breaking you out," I answered firmly, raising Zangetsu. "Obviously."

"Ichigo - I-Ichigo, that's nonsense! This frame is hundreds of -!"

"Rukia. That was nothing." I sighed as she stared at me, but I might as well show off. I had to prove to her that I could handle this _some _way. "Just pipe down and watch this."

I pushed as much reiatsu as I could - as_ I _could, and I could do that now - into my next attack, and pierced my sword surely straight through the wood. I couldn't see anything for a moment, but I could feel the gigantic burst of reiatsu, sharp and clear, blast through the wood, down through the ground far below, and blow up a huge chunk of rock at the edge of the hill where we were standing with a distant explosion.

Rukia, suspended only by the bare stone filaments floating on either side of her now, was just gaping. Just... gaping. It was back to the disbelieving stare again, then. I was pretty sure we'd done this the first time we'd met too.

Fine, then. "_Don't help me. Go home. Don't make a fuss. Don't be so loud. Don't be so naive," _I repeated in a sarcastic, mocking tone of voice. In case it was hard to tell, I hated those words. Even when they were from the person I was trying to save. "I said before, I'm not listening! I'm saving you whether you want to be saved or not! And you can be as pissed off with me as you want later, but I'm _still _doing it. I'm going to make sure you're okay, and nothing you say will change that. I don't know how else I can say this to you. So I'll just say it again: _I came here to save you. Rukia."_ I spoke slowly and forcefully, staring down at her piercingly.

When she still seemed to be in a catatonic state of shock, I sighed and hoisted her up by the stomach, breaking her away from the magnetic force of the floating stones easily. We'd work on this later. At least she wasn't protesting anymore. Instead, she seemed quiet and almost touched. That was a start.

Then, abruptly, she closed her eyes in tears. "Well... just don't expect me to say thank you, you know," she hissed to me, her face tight, but there was no harshness to it. I smiled slightly, sadly. Yeah, I knew.

I looked up finally to the Shinigami assembled below me, staring around themselves at their own chaos in shock, my hand on Zangetsu, who I'd resheathed temporarily. I paused, for once waiting to see what would happen. Kuchiki Byakuya was down there, unharmed, I could see, but he was just as still and staring as the rest of them. Renji was nowhere to be found. Those two Captains were still separate from the rest. I could feel strong warriors fighting out beyond. I could feel others moving, fast and panicked, but not in our direction. All my friends were wandering out looking for me as one group, including Ganjyuu and Zaraki's little pink-haired VP. Renji was with Hanatarou somewhere else, and I could feel healing being done. Yoruichi, I could sense, was at least still headed to the hill, behind me in a reiatsu-infused sprint, where I'd expected _her _to be.

... But seriously, what the fuck was going on?

I thought I heard one Captain mutter to another incredulously, "What _is _he?!" while staring up once more at me, but I ignored this stoically and chose to take it as a compliment. Zangetsu felt briefly amused.

Then Byakuya stepped forward, ever so slightly, his eyes hard and his face icy, indignant. He wasn't going to just let me go, was he? Of course not. We eyed each other in silence for a moment.

"... Ichigo," Rukia finally murmured, her spirit fading once more and her eyes dull. "What are we supposed to do now? How on earth would we escape with so many Captains watching?"

_Somehow. With great skill and difficulty. _Any answer that wasn't hopeless, really. "We run," I muttered grimly, by now banking on sheer determination and power as I eyed the landscape around us.

"That's impossible!" she hissed, tensing up and sounding more herself and irritable for a moment. "Too many of our opponents are Captains!"

"Sure, it's possible. We'll just have to beat them up first and then run away." She opened her mouth, but I continued over her. "There's more of us, you know. Inoue, Ishida, and Chad came to get you too. Kon had to be physically restrained from coming to help save you. Shiba Ganjyuu is somewhere around here, and Hanatarou wanted to help you. Even your Captain, his subordinates, and his friend are trying to save you." I smiled slightly, confidently, and for once it felt comfortable. "I'm saving everyone who came to help us," I told her determinedly. "And then we're all running away together."

She watched me, wide-eyed, for a moment. Then slowly, she relaxed, as if I was finally starting to get through to her. She smiled slightly, uncertain... but it was there.

She was still there.

Suddenly, an uproar and a howling slice interrupted, and I looked forward as I felt someone familiar, panting, break through the guards and make it up to the crest of the hill. There he was, slightly late but Zabimaru ablaze: Renji. Looking determined.

He really had come through for her after all.

Rukia actually gasped aloud. "Renji!" she cried out in surprise. _Good timing, _I mentally congratulated him. _Considering what I was just trying to show her and all._

"Rukia?!" he called out to her questioningly, as if wondering if she was alright.

"Thank goodness! You're still alive! I felt you fighti-!" she began to call out joyfully - oh sure, _now_ she greeted _him_ - but the Captains were still watching me, I was still holding her, and Renji was conveniently placed. I knew an opening when I saw one.

"Hey, Renji!" I called out over her, and lifted the ridiculously light Rukia, making sure I had enough strength and aim...

"Wait, wait, you idiot! What are you going to -!?" Rukia was panicking. I saw Renji's eyes and mouth widen, I saw him start swearing at me furiously, and I grinned.

I was in a good enough mood that I could afford to be a little petty.

"CATCH!" I called, and I threw her all the way down, past the line of Shinigami, and right into him.

* * *

He fell over as she whammed into his stomach, but they both proved themselves fine a moment later when they stood up and started swearing at me at the top of their lungs (in front of an entire line of Captains and VPs, heh). "Take her away; don't just stand there!" I yelled to them, eyeing the tense line of Captains between us hesitantly. "That's your job, Renji!" I reached up to unsheath Zangetsu and then added to him darkly, "Protect her with your life." I looked him in the eye fully for a moment across the expanse, because by God, if he was responsible for actually losing her after we'd gotten this far -

Renji got the message. He steeled his face, grabbed her, ignored her protests, and sped away in a flash even I could barely see. All of a sudden, broken from their stunned reverie, one of the Captains started barking at the line of VPs to go after him! They did, but I suddenly realized there were only three of them who were not members of the opposing Captains' team, and so only three Vice Captains went after Renji: a woman and two men, one fat and young, one thin and older.

Why weren't the others here? There were thirteen squads, but I could see... what... five of them being represented? Was that standard?

But I didn't have any time to ponder it. I leaped and landed right in front of the VPs, hard, on the ground, blocking them from intercepting Renji's and Rukia's escape. "Get out of my way!" the big man spat. Instead, I unsheathed Zangetsu's shikai and put him in front of myself.

Vice Captains didn't seem as arrogant with their own power to me. _They_ immediately got the message. All three unsheathed their swords for release.

"Run, Itegumo!" yelled the short-haired woman.

"Float, Gonryoumaru!" called the older man.

"Splash, Gegetsuburi!" shouted the fat one.

None of them made enough of an impact to spit at. I held off to the side a disappointed and vaguely disgusted Zangetsu, because if he had to fight zanpakutoh like these after all our work he probably wouldn't play very nicely, and used the newfound speed I'd been experimenting with to make the reiatsu path before me, anchor myself with reiatsu, and speed in front of the fat one - might as well start with the one who had shouted at me. As I knocked him out with a reiatsu-infused punch, I saw the other two look around and gasp with that same sense of disorientation I used to feel when I realized I hadn't even been able to track an opponent's movements.

I used their shock to speed in front of the other man, knock him out, and then shove away the woman. All three of their zanpakutoh dissipated with unconsciousness, and as they did I felt something speed behind me. I put Zangetsu back before me, whirled around, and just met the sword of Kuchiki Byakuya.

"I can still see you, Kuchiki Byakuya," I grinned, even through the fighting I was doing to keep the struggling between our blades even. He seemed to be using more power now than he had been before. Maybe he was getting worried?

But I could feel even as I thought it that this wasn't it. As I sensed all around us Yoruichi come up behind me, and she and another Captain beginning to move away in a chasing pattern... as I felt the two traitorous Captains begin fighting what had to be the Captain Commander a distance away, as I felt others break away from their own fights far awar and rush toward what was going on here, and I felt what had to be the healing Captain retreat with the other subordinates and the injured... and as we were left alone there on the hill...

I knew it was just that even he sensed our fight had come at last. And they were giving us some room.

Kuchiki Byakuya looked pissed off.

* * *

There was a moment of silence. We glared at each other, hard-eyed, swords still locked stubbornly together.

"... Why?" Byakuya finally asked quietly, as if frustrated and irritated, glaring down at me in a frozen, suppressed kind of bewilderment. Somehow, he still managed to convey a lot of emotion, even though his face was nearly expressionless.

I raised an eyebrow slightly, tempted to say, _Why what?_ I kept silent instead; the word had seemed inadvertent. "_Why_ do you continuously try to save Rukia?!" he asked then, his voice echoing, as if he really couldn't figure it out. He seemed bizarrely angry.

Oh, so we were all asking questions now, were we? "You're her brother; why aren't you doing it?" I snapped back, and I was rewarded for my impudence by Byakuya's manner suddenly closing up completely. Frigid and expressionless. He stared down at me stoically, impossible to read, like I was a vague curiosity ready to be squished. The difference was weird.

I realized I'd never heard him mention why _he_ wasn't saving Rukia.

Nevertheless, the condescension was very reminiscent from our first meeting. Goodie. Slightly angry, but in control of myself, my stance widened and my grip on Zangetsu tightened ever so slightly.

"A trifling question," Byakuya finally hissed, soft and dangerous. "I could answer... but one such as yourself would _never_ understand."

_Good, _I thought mentally, his condescension backfiring completely. I had gotten used to it, at least at first, from the Shinigami. I glared at him, my eyes narrowed.

"At any rate, now is not the time for questions," Byakuya said then, matter-of-fact, businesslike, but full of icy anger and that typical startling concentration. His reiatsu on my blade increased. Zangetsu and I tightened up, starting to feel that controlled rush of energy that always preceded a fight. "Let's fight."

Our reiatsu increased to a heated, fever pitch and we burst apart, sliding back a safe distance and eyeing one another cautiously. Well, I was cautious. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. Never could. Bastard. I told myself to pull it together and straightened up a little, toughening and hardening like I'd learned during my time in the Soul Society, brief though it had been.

Then Byakuya opened his mouth almost hesitantly, still expressionless. He spoke. "There is only one way for me, you must understand," he explained, with ultimate precision. "I will kill you, Kurosaki Ichigo. And then, the next time I see Rukia, I will kill her myself." He brandished his sword. Despite his words, he was not threatening anymore, still strangely quiet.

"I won't allow that," I replied simply, not the first time I'd said the words, and as I reached up to unclasp the cloak and let it fall behind me, revealing my uniform, I let myself smirk a little. "That's why I came here in the first place," I explained in return.

And, in a seamless, single movement, we flew at each other in our first attack.

* * *

It wasn't what I'd expected.

Granted, it was... realer, somehow, more concrete... than I guess I'd expected it to be. But that wasn't the feeling I was getting at. We danced around each other with speed and threw our weight around in reiatsu a lot, our swords clashed time after time, but... it was easy. It was almost like he was playing with me. Which confused the hell out of me even more because Kuchiki Byakuya didn't really seem like the "playing" type. After a warning ping from Zangetsu to watch closer, and some observation of Byakuya as we sparred - because that was really all it was - I noticed the look in his eyes. Assessing.

I realized he did still have to assess my shikai, an ability I'd mostly figured out with Urahara, and my newfound speed and battle experience, something I'd already had at our last meeting. For someone who seemed like such an angry prick, for someone who had vowed to kill me and seemed to hate me so much... Byakuya actually wasn't all that vengeful. He didn't seem to have taken the time to figure out anything else about me or seek me out. Which, given the kind of confused chaos and discontent among his soldiers that my arrival in the Seireitei seemed to have produced, might actually have taken conscious effort. Surely people had heard about my fights by now?

And fuck all if that wasn't even weirder. What the hell was with this guy?

Finally, deciding I was done letting him assess, I pulled away from the fight and slid back so there was some distance between us again. I wanted to see what he would do. Sure enough, he let me, perfectly still and watching me with expressionless intensity.

"I see. You seem to have mastered the shunpo," he observed after a moment, still soft, precise, and unusually focused.

Shunpo. Flash step. So that was what we did when we used our reiatsu to move faster than ordinary people could see us. I'd been wondering about that. I filed the word away in the back of my mind under the label _Useful Information._

Then I straightened and grinned slightly, mockingly, energized. It was a purposeful move; I'd decided to give him a little push. "It seems like you're going easy on me," I pointed out, watching, watching. "Slowly analyzing my powers in the process. Isn't that right? There's something weird about that. Didn't you say you wanted to _kill _me?" I added an extra emphasis to the last bit, but still he just stood there. Watching.

And I still couldn't tell if he was being condescending or if he was... hesitant. Did he not actually want to kill me? Why not? The only explanation I could think of was that I was saving his sister.

Which didn't make any sense. Look at how angry with me he'd been the last time, me, the guy who had...

The guy who had taken her powers and gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Wait.

Wasn't that what Renji hadn't liked about me, after all?

But then... but then why the fuck wasn't he trying to save her? Why would he imprison her in his own barracks, where she had no friends from her own squad and her sense of self-worth had obviously started to unravel? Why keep away from her? Why not try to pull his weight with that Central Council thing to try to keep her alive? Had he? Most importantly, why oppose the insurrection in the first place? Why act so angry with me until everyone had left? There was only so far even someone else manipulating the scenes could hold down someone like Kuchiki Byakuya. Even I could figure that out.

So if it wasn't because I was saving his sister, and he really _did _hate me because I was an insolent little human, why wasn't he trying harder to kill me? Fuck. Now I was curious.

Not to mention, his reluctance to fight was starting to make all my tension antsy and it was pissing my zanpakutoh off. That was a tiny bit frustrating, too. Zangetsu snorted dryly in the back of my mind, clearly finding this to be an understatement.

I took a stance and opened my front to him - purposefully, and therefore falsely, but still. "I don't even have any wounds on me!" I challenged him, annoyed, deciding to take a more direct approach. "Is this all you've got? Release your bankai! Now!"

Yeah, maybe it was masochistic. But I wanted to _see_ - I wanted to see how far I'd gotten compared to the man who had decimated me.

I wanted to fight him on my level. And from the stirring in my blade, so did Zangetsu.

But no, I wasn't imagining it; in the pause that followed, his expression finally changed at my words. The mask flinched and fell for a split second to reveal a genuinely torn, frustrated look behind it. I was pretty sure it was the first genuine emotion I'd seen on him since that time he'd threatened to cut my arm off because I'd touched him.

... Huh. I guessed Yoruichi was right - maybe I _did _kind of have a way of getting to people.

I decided to try using it again now. He had to do _something_. I wasn't just going to stand around and play merry-go-round all afternoon; I had things to do still.

"What? Don't look at me like that," I said, lifting my chin stubbornly but feeling every bit the defiant teenager before a full-grown man for a moment at his assessing, blank stare. "You said this to me: that you would kill me and then execute Rukia with your own two hands. Well?" My zanpakutoh was slung over my shoulder with one hand, but I still managed to wave the other sarcastically at the boring (frankly) stillness around us. "Don't just leave me hanging out here waiting for that! If someone threatens to kill me, I kind of expect them to _actually take it seriously_! I've pledged myself to defeating you; I'll put all my power into it." I also felt weirdly like I was giving a pep talk to my opponent. Ignoring this, I pushed onward on instinct, "I'll beat the shit out of you until there's nothing left to fight with. That's how I do it, okay? It's how I expect it to be done. But you can't just say some shitty comment on murdering your own sister like a throw away and then _not do_ anything. I don't understand why you're doing this - for reason or ease or just the kicks of it - but let me make this clear to you: you are _never _going to have the chance to say that in front of Rukia."

I looked him dead in the eye, taking out my sword restlessly again to put in front of myself, my face twisting with genuine anger. "Release your bankai. So I can _kill it off_," I sneered. With the bond all, even this asshole, had with their zanpakutoh, it was the most guaranteed inciting comment I could think of. "And then bring your ruined body to beg for forgiveness in front of Rukia!"

I snapped the last word, and it hung in the air for a few moments. His jaw clenched, his eyes flashed briefly, his nostrils flared - there was the temper I remembered. But when he spoke, it was still precise and controlled.

"You are an insolent fool," he told me coldly. "And a troublemaking lowlife. But whatever you say cannot change either of your fates. My bankai? You haven't even seen me release my shikai yet, you arrogant ape. Don't get ahead of yourself."

He finally,_ finally_, placed his blade in front of his face, in a vertical-bladed position.

"Still a thousand years too early," he whispered. And then: "Scatter, Senbonzakura."

There was that surge of reiatsu, the sword formed into a group of pink petals and spread out in a magnificent arc, flying toward me, razor-sharp - Acting on instinctive command from Zangetsu, I formed reiatsu, building it up into the huge, knife-like, scythed blade of my shikai, and released it out toward the petals in a straight shot to destroy as many of them as I could, jumping away from the arc at the same time -

The reiatsu exploded out into his shikai, which shrieked and formed quickly back into a sword under the attack; my reiatsu shot down Byakuya's arm further, actually making it burst with blood in several places. His eyes widened briefly in pain, but he kept himself steady and didn't even cry out, tensing for a moment before relaxing, still holding onto his sword. It was impressive, honestly, though it would probably be a hell of a lot more impressive if he wasn't fighting me.

"That beam of reiatsu just now - is that your zanpakutoh's ability?" Byakuya murmured, watching me, careful, breathing harder but keeping still.

I gazed at him for a moment, gauging, but decided to humor him. "Yeah," I admitted. "That's it." Because I knew without having to ask Zangetsu that this was indeed another of his small abilities that he was choosing to reveal to me. Mostly because I trusted him enough to listen to what he wanted by now. "The moment I want to attack, my reiatsu goes into the blade, which gets bigger briefly and then explodes, releasing the ray with a super-high density." Which made it sharp and strong. That was the best way to explain what I'd just felt. It was a point-and-shoot kind of thing. "That's Zangetsu's ability. But honestly," I snorted and smirked, wryly amused with myself, "I've never done it before today. Didn't understand how to use what I had. My teacher, Urahara-san," I watched carefully for a reaction, but of course, unlike Madarame Ikkaku, Byakuya had none, "he told me once while we were training that he could only teach me preparation. I didn't understand quite what he meant by that. Then I fought Zangetsu. And it turned out the only person who could teach me about him, in the end... was him. Then he told me the attack's name," at the end of Bankai training, the newly respectful words echoing through my mind now, _the name of the attack you'll be able to use today is, _"Getsuga Tenshou."

Not my bankai name. Simply a new attack name. One of the things I'd learned from Zangetsu just a little while earlier, after our fight was over. Part of a point I was trying to drive home.

I held Zangetsu out before me. "I'll say it again: I've gotten stronger. Release your bankai and fight with me, Kuchiki Byakuya! I will win!" I glared at him, but evenly, because they were words that would only challenge a true warrior, and I was a lot more comfortable thinking that than I would have been only weeks ago.

Maybe they were rubbing off. I wasn't quite sure what to think of that.

"Getsuga Tenshou: to strike the sky. What an impressive-sounding name." Byakuya's words were more ready this time, paired with a cold, condescending simper of a noble's smile. "Fine, then." He raised his sword above himself, and I tensed, watching in anticipation. "If you're going to keep pushing me until I release my bankai, then... just be careful what you wish for." He raised his eyebrows matter-of-factly, and then -

He let go of his sword - and it began floating upward. I watched it, caught somewhat off guard, as I felt reiatsu build around him and the darkness in his eyes spark.

"Stay calm," he ordered me almost serenely. Almost. "I will not give you time for regret. Before you can, you will split into tiny little pieces, and thus disappear from my sight."

The sword split into many, many long ones in a flow of molten metal, forming on either side of us like a strange, silent procession of the guards...

"Bankai: Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Every single sword formed into a razor-sharp pink blade in a cloud around us.

Tensing, I leapt upward quickly out of the fray, treading air, but Byakuya sighed something almost in boredom and the wave of pink petals flew up after me, lightning-fast. Alarmed, I began to dodge, testing, testing, but then I felt, almost too late, some flying out behind me unseen - they could move in separate groups now? - and then I'd turned around to block those with the wide flat of my blade, and I realized that little bit too late that I was now about to be bombarded from all sides. _Shit._

And then I was in a world of pain and slammed back to the ground with a thud that shook even my reiatsu to ease.

It was unusual, being attacked by Senbonzakura. Not immediate and hot and piercing, like most attacks, but cold and so feather-light, that you realized too late there were a thousand blades slicing into your skin at once. And then it _was_ too late.

It took me a few moments to wake up on the ground afterward, my reiatsu rushing out toward me and Zangetsu vaguely concerned, because all I could feel on my body was blood, warmth oozing out, but I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think about that.

I still had a trump card that would let enough extra reiatsu rush through my body, in a moment this wouldn't matter.

_"Shit,"_ I panted, lying there, in blinding pain, damp. Tried not to think too much about that. Or think of the image of Ganjyuu's mutilated, sliced-up body after an attack like this. Tried instead to muster up the strength amid the haze to do something with the metallic blade in my hand.

Byakuya's voice reached my ears, soft and precise, like his zanpakutoh. He had decided to speak at last. "Senbonzakura essentially consists of over a million small, sharp blades in the shape of sakura petals. There are no blind spots in the weapon, and it can attack from any direction. Your zanpakutoh's ability is certainly great, Kurosaki Ichigo, however... with your amateur's experience, you will never be able to..." And then I started hearing _blah blah blah _and I tuned out. Asshole. Bastard. Hated him.

"Shit," I hissed again.

_You've waited too long. _Zangetsu. _Now some of your bankai's power will have to go toward healing. _He sounded unconcerned, but irritated.

"I thought I could go a little farther..."

_To defeat him without bankai at this rate would be absolutely impossible._

"Absolutely impossible... I guess you're right..." I was only vaguely aware that I was muttering to myself, bleeding all over the fucking place, and that Byakuya had stopped talking to watch me carefully. The Lovely Asshole probably thought I was talking to him, I realized.

The thought pissed me off, so I stood slowly, forcing myself to my feet and clutching Zangetsu, his end slackened on the ground before me. The dizzying, gushing feeling I'd anticipated didn't come - instead, I looked down and noticed vaguely that my reiatsu reserves were now stable again, but a lot lighter, and to signify such a part of the top of my Shinigami robes had actually gone missing. Part of a torso and a long arm, lean muscle, cream-colored skin doused in blood and bruises, revealed themselves to the quiet wind of the hilltop. Part of my spiritual essence was gone, so part of my physical essence temporarily disappeared with it. I guessed the clothes _would _go first, at least until I replenished. Weird.

Focus.

I looked up from the scabby scars temporarily littering my body to Kuchiki Byakuya's pale, sharp features, the typical head-dress holding back his long dark hair. He still looked completely composed. Asshole. The thought was petty, but I didn't care enough in that moment to help it. "Trying to beat your bankai with just my shikai was a stupid decision," I admitted to him lowly, spitting out the sour taste in my mouth and taking a breath for what I was about to do. I connected with Zangetsu, briefly, and his acceptance was almost impatient, anticipating of what was to come. I nearly smiled. Nearly.

Something in Byakuya's expressionless face had shifted. "Watch your mouth, human ape," he finally said slowly, and vaguely, I wondered if Yoruichi hadn't felt worse being sentenced to exile because all Soul Society nobility was like this - if I'd had to put up with arrogant, entitled shit like that all my life, I might have thrown myself off of something. "You speak as if you have already achieved your bankai."

Ah. That. "Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying." I grinned as his eyes widened. "Kuchiki Byakuya," I added mockingly, in what was fast becoming a familiar tone.

For a split second, his face was completely still, eyes widened in a way I found distinctly satisfying in how caught off guard it was. Then, finally, "... _What._" He ground out a single word.

Entertained, I grinned fully. "Oh, you heard. Or do you not believe me?" My face turned more serious, and my voice softened, dangerous. "Because I'm not repeating myself, you know. If you don't trust my word -" My face hardened and my eyes glinted. _"See for yourself."_

I raised my sword from the soil in front of me. I increased my connection to Zangetsu in a great surge of reiatsu, and in a haze of anticipating, pained triumph, I felt the soil around us flex with invisible power. _"Bankai,"_ I thundered. _"Tensa Zangetsu!"_

The world exploded.

* * *

_Defiance. As in eighth grade, when my past had caught up to me and Yokochini had me tied to that chair, refused to let me go, was heading toward my face with brass-knuckled fists -_

_"Wait!"_

_Yokochini had paused, smirking. And then had cried out, clutching his face, as a gob of bloody spit flew into his eye._

_I smirked painfully through my bloodied face. "I didn't want... to make you feel... left out," I panted, eyeing all of Yokochini's bloodied associates around me._

_Yokochini screamed in rage and reached in punch me. That was when Chad had come in. That was when we'd first met, when he'd saved me and brought me back to my friends, to my safe old life full of careful structure and routine to make up for the fact that I had once hurt everyone I'd cared about._

_But there was no Chad around to save me now._

_So I crushed and strained my power to its highest possible level, and this time, if still defiantly, I saved the day myself._

* * *

When I could see and feel again, was just me once more and my reiatsu had steadied, I opened my eyes to see that the area around us had become full of smoke and dirt. My reiatsu seemed to have leveled the land of the hill we were standing on in its resulting explosion of energy. I could feel it now - rippling through me, cool and electrifying, healing my wounds, forming like a shroud around me, rippling quietly. And finally, I could understand that feeling of strange, echoing calm.

I knew what Byakuya was seeing, as the smoke cleared and he - carefully steadying himself against the blast - took me in with widened eyes. For once, blankly shocked and openly staring, as if in disbelief.

My weapon wasn't an extension of myself anymore. Instead, _I_ had become an extension of my weapon. Zangetsu's black shroud of a cloak engulfed me, his slim dark pants and boots down below - but my coat was more real, more concrete and defined than his had been, tattered carelessly and colored inside blood-red, its interior a splash of strange color against the exterior of darkness. In my hand was a long, sharp, but completely ordinary-looking katana, jet black and shining.

As with before, my old form had perhaps looked more impressive. But I wasn't fooled. I could feel what kind of power this sword held, what kind of power _it_ had given_ me_. Zangetsu felt steady now, quiet and confident, assured of both his position and mine, watchful and deadly.

Despite his lack of temper or pushy nature, he seemed a lot more dangerous than before. I smirked slightly, briefly, because in this we matched, and then looked up to meet Byakuya directly, confidently, in the eyes. I was fine now, and that was an unbelievably freeing feeling. It seemed, for a moment, like nothing could touch me.

"... What is that?" Byakuya asked slowly, his shock fading as he looked down to stare at it piercingly. Zangetsu thrummed slightly, seeming cruelly, ironically amused. I was glad _he_ wasn't around to answer that. "That... that little thing..." I looked up at Byakuya, whose face was twisting in something that resembled panic but was too angry to actually be. I realized what he was finally processing - my bankai wasn't what I took to be typical. I was an extension of my weapon. It had gone inward, instead of outward as most did, as it grew.

I took it, from the look on his face, that despite the fact that he looked at least two hundred Byakuya didn't know what to do with that. And, apparently, he was freaking about it in his own Lovely Asshole kind of way. Zangetsu scoffed in the back of my mind, the only reaction he deigned to give this situation.

"That tiny thing is your bankai?" Byakuya finally spat out in an unnatural tone, his eyes still wide and his voice twisting indignantly. He hadn't raised his voice, but he was really close. "_That_ is an ordinary sword. The Bankai are a sacred tradition, only achieved by the best; only one in every several generations of even the nobility can achieve it! And you, Kurosaki Ichigo, with that pathetic facsimile, you trample on our pride!"

And now he_ was_ raising his voice. Holy shit. (Zangetsu was amused again, in an irritated sort of way.)

"Let me show you," Byakuya hissed, furious, his emotions showing through clearly now, "what it means to trample on the pride of Seireitei!" His ki managed to reach heights that made the air around him seem to fluctuate, in spite of how much he had already achieved.

As one, my power and I tensed. Because fucking finally, a challenge. I sped forward, waiting for it, waiting for it... but with my power now, _he _was too slow. Tensa Zangetsu had given me that extra boost I needed to get right up inside his guard before he could blink -

And pause, putting my blade up right next to his throat, near his adam's apple. He froze, completely and utterly, his eyes huge, dancing with disbelief, their jumping the only part of him that was frantic. He stared down at my sword, angry but helpless.

It was a nice expression, after all this. And I got a detailed, close-up view of it.

"That _Seireitei pride _you speak of," I said lowly, tightly, quietly angry, "almost led to the execution of Kuchiki Rukia! And _that _is a pride I am _perfectly willing _to trample." I realized I was clutching my sword so hard my palms were hurting, and made myself relax slightly.

Then I slid back, because I wanted a fight and I wanted to beat him, goddamnit, and raised my sword. "The power _you _mock was gained to save _her_!" I spat out, angry, and Byakuya narrowed his eyes at this. His expression closed up after a moment and he eyed me carefully.

I felt for a moment like I had said too much, for my own sake, but I couldn't quite understand why. After a moment, I realized it didn't matter anyway. Not now.

I watched him eye me carefully for a few moments - and then, channeling reiatsu, I tried using my speed again. His eyes widened, but so slowly and frustratedly I could tell he couldn't track me, but I was only moving backward, giving us room for what was to come. I stopped again after a moment, and he just _looked_ at me, silent.

I really was faster than him.

"Why?" he asked after a few moments, in complete bewilderment. The second time he'd tried to understand me so far. "You had your blade against my throat. _Why _didn't you kill me?"

_I want to beat you, not kill you, _I replied mentally, stubborn. I wasn't, couldn't handle the thought of being, a killer. Not like I had almost been. I was in control of myself, and that was one of the things I didn't trust myself to do, not even in a life or death battle. I wasn't a good person, I was hot headed, and I couldn't judge whether things like that were necessary or not.

Outwardly, I just looked at him, for once not sure what to say myself. I didn't want to kill, and I wanted to beat him in a fair fight, illogical though that might be; I wanted to prove to myself how far I'd gotten. I wanted them to see that too. Besides, fuck logic. But none of that would make any sense to him, and it didn't seem like the kind of thing you told your enemy anyway.

"... Are you taking your time so that you can show off?" Byakuya guessed coldly, somehow implying a sneer without sneering at all, his eyes narrowing in anger. I didn't say anything, watched him cautiously as he started to lose permanent control over some of his impenetrable reserve. I didn't see what good protesting to the contrary would do. "Your pride," he said quietly, icily, without any hint of irony, "that will be your downfall. Because I will say it once more. That thing you are holding: it is not a bankai. It cannot be." The words weren't even desperate anymore. Total, blank denial. (This was getting old fast.) "There is no way a bankai could be so diminutive in size. There is no way an outsider could achieve bankai."

Which didn't even make any sense because surely someone from the Rukongai had achieved bankai, and countless people from the Rukongai had once been living people too, but _fuck, whatever, man, _Zangetsu and I echoed, thought as one, in a moment of exasperated disgust. Maybe I'd been suspecting too much of Kuchiki Byakuya. Maybe privileged people around here just had issues.

I waited for him to finish his little hissy fit with growing temper, but I carefully controlled it, carefully controlled, and we hung back, tense, waiting for our moment.

"You will regret not slitting my throat in your last move, for you will never have that chance again," Kuchiki Byakuya finally said softly, and I perked up slightly, widening my stance and clenching my sword tighter in preparation as his ki upped back to its previous ante. "That was a fluke, you insolent pathetic!"

But I had no interest in his love for drama, and I was watching carefully, hawk-like, almost impatiently, for his next move.

He moved to release his bankai once more, and I charged.

* * *

The fight was better this time, high-intensity. He released Senbonzakura and sent the cloud of sharp blades out at me over and over again, but I was cloaked in my own reiatsu and my quickness and speed were unmatchable. Byakuya seemed, not thrown off, but wide-eyed and uncertain as I kept going at him, escaping the petals and coming into his guard so that they all had to reform quickly into a sword for him to hold me back with, leaping back out, ducking around, jumping every which way. It was a lot of moving around, but I was used to that from fighting in the streets and I had more energy now than I'd ever had before; he was increasingly searching, confused, as he realized he couldn't become fast enough to hurt me, and was constantly on his guard against my own attacks.

Confused? Interesting reaction. Maybe realization was starting to sink in that I actually did have a power advantage over him, but if there was one thing I was learning about Rukia's adoptive brother, it was that he was pretty goddamn stubborn.

Experimenting a little bit, getting bolder, I decided to push some more speed. I went around him in a complete circle in the time it took him to tense, twitch his sword, and move his eyes frantically around him in controlled panic as my dark blur surrounded him from all sides. I stopped and smirked, and he stared at me cautiously and - maybe, subtly - resentfully. "Can't keep up, can you?" I asked matter-of-factly, raising my eyebrows. "I can still go a little faster, you know."

But Byakuya's eyes narrowed, and his focus increased. "You should not talk big," he spat, and then he raised his hand in a sharp gesture and all of a sudden, shit, Senbonzakura's petals were speeding toward me _really fast._

He could also get quicker. Probably should have expected that one.

I moved back quickly and leapt up onto an air level above them, but I didn't expect their sudden speed and agility as they bent sharply up toward me, hissing through the air - Well, then, something else would have to do. Speed wasn't just confined to your feet, after all, not when it was decided by your reiatsu levels.

I pushed my best speed into my arms, and as I moved, everything slowed. I slashed my sword through the air as fast as I possibly could, and I blocked every single small-blade with Zangetsu's impenetrable metal as they came toward me, darting and hitting my sword with a thud before falling away, one after the other.

Finally, I stopped, sound and visuals returned to normal, and I heard a long whine stretch through the air after me, of the whistles of the flying blades being stopped by my even-faster arms.

I looked down. On the ground, Kuchiki Byakuya was staring after me, his expression stunned and disbelieving and frustrated, searching, searching... Resisting the urge to snort, I let a dry smirk stretch across me face. "A fluke?" My face tightened. "A fluke. Is that what you call this?" I challenged him. _Wake up. _

I flashed down, aimed at his midsection, and he wasn't fast enough to block the slash I made at his ribcage, but he was fast enough to move to the side and make it lighter. Just as I started to pull away, he grabbed the blade tightly, ignoring the fact that it hurt his hand. Zangetsu bristled; I remained steady, not because of Byakuya's iron grip, but because he did not seem about to attack. He was glaring at me, a _very_ reluctantly respectful and ugly look on his face, his openness increasing and his eyes intent.

"I understand." His voice still had not risen, was that same soft and precise, but there was an undercurrent of tension to it that made it seem loud. "This is, indeed... a bankai. All of its abilities have been compressed into this ordinary-looking shape. Superhuman speed. Gifting you with more power yourself. That is your bankai release's ability." I watched him quietly and carefully, because it was and that was obvious, but he was still unusually close. "Then..." he tensed and yelled, raising his voice, his eyes widening suddenly in emotional fury, "I will squeeze your ability _out _of you!"

I tensed and moved to pull away from him. _Shit._

Kuchiki Byakuya was having something of a meltdown.

* * *

He let me move away quickly, his hand bleeding from where he had been gripping my sword. Zangetsu pulsed briefly, as if shaking it off, irritated but beginning to echo a little of my confused uncertainty - so_ I _could influence _him_ now too? - and it struck me, then, that to touch someone's zanpakutoh must be a more intimate gesture than it was sword to sword.

"... Watch carefully, Kurosaki Ichigo," Byakuya ordered me after a moment, watching me intently, eyes calm and deadly, covered in blood. "This technique throws away my defense, sacrifices everything, to kill the enemy. Behold, Senbonzakura's true form."

He was quiet now. Simply matter-of-fact, down to the wire, his face strangely blank. Possibly in shock. There was no drama to the big words this time.

Then, suddenly, a hole echoed from the sky.

Kuchiki Byakuya made a hand movement, his reiatsu flexed, and lightning-fast, the sakura petals formed into glowing swords around us. Long, thin, and sharp, they surrounded us on all sides, rows upon rows of swords that could form back into sakura petals any second. And they had surrounded the spot where I stood and Kuchiki Byakuya before me, vulnerable and calm, glaring defiantly. And it should have been the last thing on my mind, and Zangetsu informed me of that, but the first thing that filled me was respect.

"Senbonzakura Kageyoshi," Byakuya said icily.

I was staring around myself uncertainly. The image was awing, but more importantly... could even_ I _get out of this completely unscathed? Zangetsu and I began calculated the damage because, new as we were, we didn't think so.

"Don't worry." I looked over at Byakuya's deceptively calm tone. He raised his eyebrows matter-of-factly. "They will not all attack you at once. This is the thousand swords funeral procession - and I only show it to those I have sworn to kill with my own hands." His face locked into a hard look, determined, and he reached out to take a sword. The nearest flew into his hand.

Well, that was probably a nasty shock to most. "You are the second person ever to have made it this far," he told me with narrowed eyes, in what was probably supposed to be a threat.

I grinned instead. "Well, I'm flattered," I smirked. Light-heartedness was hardly the proper reaction to Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, in all probability, but it was hard not to see Byakuya as more human when we were on an even keel, and that always made fights more interesting.

We watched each other, on tenterhooks, deadly, for a moment - and in that moment, it finally registered to me that beyond the fight, I could feel faint reiatsu signatures hiding in the trees nearby, watching. My friends, led by Zaraki Kenpachi's vice captain. They had made it here. Their reiatsus seemed smaller than they did a week ago, which just made me all the more determined to put my all into the fight, to distract Kuchiki Byakuya from them.

Perhaps he could feel something in my reiatsu sharpen, because his tone was soft and sharp, as in the first time he'd met me, when he spoke. "Let's fight, Kurosaki Ichigo."

We bolted.

His sword glowing white and mine absorbing black, we parried in and out; he was much stronger and faster personally than he had been a moment ago, like I with Zangetsu. It was almost like he was showing me he could do anything I could, but he couldn't. Not quite. This wasn't his zanpakutoh's main ability, and it showed, if infinitesimally. This was my specialty, and I still wasn't panicked yet - I still didn't have to use all my own speed to keep up with him.

Still, he was much closer to me than he had been. I had to keep my attention sharp and my swordsmanship sharper - because he'd obviously been training in close sword combat for a hell of a lot longer than I had. He was better than I was, more precise and certain, more easy and flexible in his movements. I used speed and innovation to keep up with him. It was strangely embarrassing, but I was winning and if there was one thing I'd learned over the past week, it was that feelings like embarrassment or anger weren't exactly your strongest priority in moments like these.

It was as I was leaping away after another round that it happened. One moment, he was across from me - the next, his zanpakutoh was right up to my nose, about to slice my face open, the sudden repositioning of him jarring when I'd lost my sense of being used to it. I ducked away at the last moment and the sword scratched my cheek instead, but it had been a worryingly close thing.

Then all of a sudden he was behind me again, and I whirled around to meet him. How was he going that _fast_...? I pushed more reiatsu into myself and increase my own speed, and it helped, but a little.

"What's wrong?" Byakuya asked, coldly mocking, eyes widening slightly. "You're suddenly slowing down."

I forced a grin onto my face, as effortlessly obnoxious toward people who thought they were The Shit as only I could be. "Really?" I said. "Huh. That's funny. Because it still looks to me like _your _sword's not even moving."

Wrong move. Byakuya's eyes narrowed and he clicked his fingers. Before I could even wonder what the hell he was doing, another sword from around us shot down and pierced into my foot with a blinding hot pain. I opened my mouth and let out an awful sound on instinct, ducked over in pain, reaching down to yank the heavy sword out -

Then his finger was prodding right into my shoulder, near my chest. "Bakudou Number Four: White Lightning."

So, that was how I learned what Bakudou was: really vicious kidou.

I learned this when a small jet of lightning pierced straight through my shoulder blade, causing an explosion of pain all up and down that side of me and the smell of charred skin to pervade the air. I yelled out, clutching Zangetsu on instinct, and then it faded, he let go, and I stood there, panting, reiatsu running to my shoulder and foot to heal them.

Byakuya smirked so wide it was almost a smile, calm. "You have reached your limit," he told me with vindictive victory, "Kurosaki Ichigo."

I glared up at him and spat out a very bad word, pissed off, Zangetsu bristling - I was ready to attack him and prove him very, very wrong - and then I suddenly realized I couldn't move.

There was a moment of complete silence inside me.

I was pushing, pushing myself to move... and then I and my sword realized in the same moment that we were running on a surprisingly small well of reiatsu... everything else had been sucked away in the effort of all this, in the healing. Bankai - bankai was _hard_ to keep up. Which, no shit, should have been completely obvious. As in, _before this_.

I began to feel a slight spark of panic. My body just felt so _heavy_.

He saw the emotions speed across me face, in a single instant, saw me try to move and just sort of sway, stumble a little. He did not look smug anymore, but merely thoughtful - almost understanding. This, strangely, made me feel weaker than a sneer would have. "You seem to have believed my speed significantly increased a few minutes ago," Kuchiki Byakuya said. "It did not." The white sword faded away into insignificance in his hand. "I was merely testing you before the final assault. The sword itself was more deadly, but I was not."

My eyes widened, my face disturbed and hard, re-assessing my chances in the fight significantly. "You mean my speed has fallen?" I asked before I could stop myself, and then swore at myself for revealing such a question to the enemy. What was wrong with me? Not that it seemed to have told him anything he didn't already know.

Byakuya eyed me silently again for a moment. And, as in the beginning, he seemed quieter and less sure of himself than he usually was. Just standing there, watching. "... You have fought well," he finally admitted, and he didn't even sound reluctant when he said it. As his black eyes eyed me up and down, unreadable, it was a frank assessment. "You have defeated many here - whole crowds of Shinigami, a seated officer, a fearsome Captain, and my own Vice Captain. You are even still standing after being attacked repeatedly by Senbonzakura. Your infiltration has been more of an upset than anyone could have expected.

"But you and I both know: your spirit is great, but your body is dying. This is the end. It is over, Kurosaki Ichigo."

His eyes hardened, his face became deadly, and another white sword flew into his hand. He raised it over me, the executioner again, planning to end everything - And I felt a moment, a brief flash, of uncertainty, of wondering whether he could be right. Just an instant.

But then I saw the end to this story if I died here. And I didn't like it.

I had to _move_. Force myself to! I couldn't just _die _after all this...

I told myself, over and over again. Glaring up at him with anger and helplessness. Screaming at myself to move. To move, to move, to MOVE! I ran over everything that had helped me overcome in every other fight. I ran through every piece of advice, everything I had learned, lightning-fast, everything about determination and conviction and respect for the enemy and trust of your own power and wanting to win, to get everything you want and live too -

And none of the rest of it got me anywhere, because even strong and honorable Shinigami could die in the end, but I clutched onto that last piece. I reached into the farthest depths of my power, into the angry determined desire to _win_ that was just as much a part of me as the former, was extraordinarily familiar and had been through circumstances just like this before - to the part of me that was simply determined to learn from every fight, not to die, not to die just because they wanted you to die.

The part of me that had no_ time_ for drama and games.

And just as I had the thought, I felt it, felt me touch something within myself, something within me shift. And for a moment I was reconnected to an old feel, something strange and old and new - and then, in all my reaching, I felt something reach back, and I grasped onto it eagerly. It grasped back in an iron grip, beneath all my power, beneath even Zangetsu, and I unthinkingly grabbed this part of my reiatsu and pulled it forward, preparing myself to fight again -

All this in a second, Kuchiki Byakuya's sword swinging down on me, his face hard above it -

And I moved, and then it wasn't me moving.

I think the willingness, the voluntary need of him and urge to push him forward, was what did it.

With almost ridiculous casualness, with instinctive ease, I felt my muscles move though I wasn't in control of them. Reiatsu was suddenly filling me again, but it was sharp and hungry, angry and incredibly _motivating_, heady, unstable and razor-edge and comfortable with it - it was my reiatsu, but there was something cold, something wrong with it, something inhuman...

All my senses were sharpened, and then I reached up and caught the blade. Only it wasn't me. I could feel it happening. But I couldn't control it. Or my own reiatsu. Or anything. I felt panic well up within me, I was suddenly, frantically trying to push for control again, but I felt like I was slipping on ice, like I was hitting some wall. I couldn't break through.

There was another soul. Right next to mine, almost connected, touching. Right in front of me inside our body. Half a soul, even, not even a real one, just another part of me. But I couldn't reach through the wall and push it away. It was me, and yet it wasn't.

And it was in control, and I wasn't.

And then I felt hard, suffocating plaster wash over my face in the mask, felt the angry eagerness to fight and nothing else fill my reiatsu, and a familiar voice filled my head. _Don't worry, _it said, grinning, slow and malicious, and then it whispered, _I never die._

It was mine.

The angry young teenager from my soul world, the white blank one who felt like a Hollow, the one who had tried to win over our body back in that shaft, the one that wanted to _fight_, the Hollow hybrid -

The one who had saved me twice by placing his mask in front of my chest underneath my robes.

_If you die, so do I. We're the same person, you know._

And then I experienced the explicitly terrifying sensation of feeling of my body rise to my feet, of feeling smugness fill me - and knowing I could not do a thing about any of it. My face and the mask grinned, one, empty and angry, and I was half back there again and half wasn't, and trying not to lose myself to him -

I could only struggle against the wall in my mind.

Because he was back. And in the middle of trying to win,_ I_ might be the one who had just lost.

I called for Zangetsu and he couldn't hear me. Because Zangetsu was connected to my soul form. He was fighting for the Hollow too.

Zangetsu wasn't a person. He had limits.

That was when I started to panic.

* * *

It was strange, pushing and pushing helplessly in your mind, feeling a voice issuing from your mouth and your body moving of its own accord, but watching it all from an objective viewpoint. The weirdest, most disturbing kind of out of body experience. Weirder when I _felt_ him feeling, and I understood _why_, and _he wasn't me_.

He - the Hollow me - he was hunched over still, one hand holding Zangetsu, the other having caught the blade. Kuchiki Byakuya had stilled in surprise. And the sudden vindictive, vicious, cloying, almost hysterical eagerness to rip him limb from limb that filled me surprised even me. Desperation pushed beyond the edge into actual enjoyment.

I felt him shift against me, trying to throw me off, as I got close enough to sense what lay beneath the surface feelings. I held on tightly. _No way, asshole._

He snorted mentally at my determination, sneering defensively. He could feel me too.

Outside, he tried to ignore me and spoke. I decided to watch him and search, looking for an opening where I could push past him and take back over. No, this had nothing to do with morbid, horrified fascination about him, by the way. None at all.

"What a dumbass," he muttered, smirking, a smugly amused, eager child in the guise of a man. A very, very bloodthirsty child. "If he died, I wouldn't get this body either, would I?"

I pushed, uncomfortable, uncertain, and (somewhere in the back of my mind) thoughtful. No give.

Byakuya had stilled, watching me in something like growing alarm, mixed with some sort of weird unconscious concern. I tried to push away the other's thoughts - he was mentally pointing out to himself how many different kinds of openings to kill that worry could leave him with - trying to concentrate.

And then I had to hand it to Kuchiki Byakuya. The first thing he said, in a deliberate, cold, very hard voice, his gaze piercing: "_What are you_?"

"What am I?" He/I laughed hysterically, hard, his stomach doubling inward with it. He gasped in a sharp breath. "I don't know," he admitted, and I couldn't tell if I was the one feeling his pain and frustration, and he had my apathy, or if it was the other way around. "I don't have a name."

And then he looked up, and I could almost see what Kuchiki Byakuya saw. The white mask perfectly fitting the contours of one side of my face, the red markings on it, the single golden light in the darkness of my eye sockets that was a reflection of careless desperation and lost humanity and not even knowing how bad you had gotten. (I felt him shove me away again. _Quit it with the fucking morals, you're bothering my thoughts! _And I hung back just far enough that he couldn't push me away immediately again.)

I knew, I knew, beyond all the things crowding my mind at once to make the monster hunched over and grinning emptily, skull-like, on the surface (all the memories, repressed somewhere back there and pointedly ignored by both parties)... Past all of it, I understood what Kuchiki Byakuya saw when he looked. I knew why his eyes widened, stunned. Mildly horrified.

And it was just more painful. _Angrier._

_Don't get yourself caught up with him. _Great. Now I was hearing voices.

Then he - the Hollow; focus - he reached up with a sharp explosion of reiatsu and he tore through Kuchiki Byakuya's shoulder, relishing pushing through the feeling of resistance. Letting himself enjoy it, just enjoy it. Byakuya jumped back, and the panicked, slow way he did it was funny, but I let him. (He let him. He let him.)

The Hollow took in a sharp, ragged breath. It's hard, feeling the suffocating presence of a Hollow mask, seeing everything through darkness and tightness, through barriers. Kind of makes you want to scream in frustration. Maybe that was why Hollows did it so much. But he, he couldn't even tell, was too far gone, felt too much emotion, to care. He'd never been the brightest bulb in the box, in that regard. It was easier to admit to that when I wasn't him. Not really. Could lie to myself and pretend that I wasn't.

And so he took that deep, ragged breath, laughing a little to himself, exhilarated, physical and feeling, seeing and smelling the blood on the ground, the reiatsu around us and inside us, energizing and dangerous. This was great. Perfect. Better than anything we'd been through before. He laughed, and he watched Byakuya stumble, slow, bleeding, and he thought, _Pathetic. Thousand openings there._

"You're such an amateur, Ichigo!" An amateur, for not taking advantage of his moment of weakness. "And then you sit around and whine about how you want to collapse underneath the power of your _bankai_!" He was mocking. I scowled and pushed back harder, inside our mind. "I will push past that weight -" and he did, relished the pain, enjoyed it, let his reiatsu feed it just so he could feel, crazy, "and _show you how to use your bankai!"_

I felt him speed forward, saw Byakuya reach out, saw another white blade come flying into his hand, saw his determination, saw it and nearly laughed at how little good it would probably do, pushed harder desperately, the Hollow laughed at the chaos and continued charging forward - all this in another second, and then the Hollow shot a black Getsuga Tenshou at him, the attack unafraid and darkly energizing in its power, smooth in a way mine had never been. Byakuya dodged and blocked, and we (they) began an intricate dance where he tried dodge and block the Hollow and the Hollow sped circles around him, just enjoying watching Byakuya stumble and sway in tight, furious alarm, laughing deliberately.

Then, all in one movement, he was behind him, grinning away in eager viciousness, anticipating muscle and blood - Byakuya whirled around, eyes wide, face pale and tight, and only then did I see his alarm, his anger, his fear - and then, even as I pushed, even as I shouted out in protest in my head, the Hollow all the more gleefully brought another Getsuga Tenshou at close range right down on Kuchiki Byakuya's head.

Influenced by his Hollow side, he was farther gone than even I had ever been.

I felt Byakuya block - impressive, admittedly - and push away, injured. Nevertheless, when the smoke cleared and we (they) stood, facing each other, he was bleeding heavily down one side of his face, across carved aristocratic features and white skin that looked wrong with so much blood. His eyes narrowed, his stance hunched and tight, he gazed at me with that same sharpness I was starting to think he would carry through with him even in death.

"You," he said, staring at me suspiciously, "you are a Hollow?"

And that, that would undo everything, all my proof that I was the moral one in this situation. And surprisingly, that was what gave me the strength to push him away. I felt myself rising up (_over_ the wall, not _through_ it) as he began to weaken.

He was still largely insensate, of course. "Maybe," he mocked, smirking coldly. "But you don't need to know who I am. Because soon, you'll be -"

**_Go. Away, _**I told him tightly, pushing him within our minds, angry, right behind him now. This was_ my _body. _Not _his.

I pushed through the energy trails attaching his soul to this form, started replacing them quickly with mine instead, started using my arms frantically to pull away his mask despite the pain. There was a moment of furious struggle, as he swore at me and I snapped at him to stop interfering and tugged harder, he yelled at me that he could win because that was all he cared about, but I refused to let him do our fighting because I knew what that could do, and finally with a yell I tore it off and there was a rush of power being sucked away...

And then, abruptly, I was fine. Normal. A little tired. Less so than I had been, with some leftover reiatsu.

I was fine.

I stood there, panting and swearing, for a moment. Byakuya was standing across the circle of swords, paused, staring at me. And for once, I could not tell what he was thinking at all, but it was not a bad expression, nor was it an understanding one. He seemed frozen.

"My bad," I admitted, shrugging, smiling slightly uncomfortably, amused despite myself. I wasn't entirely sure what to do with his new demeanor. "Sorry for the interruption." _Because that's all it was, _I told myself firmly. (I can be pretty stubbornly blind when I want to be. It had been that way with addictions, too.)

I reconnected with Zangetsu in his bankai "Tensa" form, felt him connect with me, the same as always, unchanged. Felt a surge of relief at that. Lifted his (and my) sword form in front of me. "Okay," I said more firmly. "Let's continue."

I refused to let myself stop moving again until I died.

But then Byakuya looked at me quiet for a while, sideways and thoughtful, and I felt like I was once more seeing that man who hesitated before genuinely trying to kill the person who had saved Rukia. And, of all things, he smiled slightly, with genuine respect, like he had just figured out something important.

And that was the moment I realized Kuchiki Byakuya would probably never make any fucking sense to me.

"Very well," Kuchiki Byakuya said. "I will not ask what that thing was." Well, that was... bizarrely understanding of him. "Neither of us have much energy left," he added, almost an admittance, looking us over. "So let's make our next strike our last. Shall we?"

There was almost a note of ritual to it.

I nodded after a moment, firming myself, hesitant and curious over what exactly this entailed. Ready to attack whenever with whatever I had left.

But then, at a thought, I took a deep breath, speaking up quickly. "Can I ask you one more time?" He paused and looked across to me, nodding in permission, and for a moment I felt strangely small and embarrassed. It was weird. "Why aren't you the one saving Rukia?"

If anything, I felt I understood that even less than I used to.

Kuchiki Byakuya looked at me for a moment. And then, almost smiling again, and almost looking like a rather tired man, he promised, "If you defeat me... I will tell you." He had a strange expression on his face, like he was unaccustomed to saying such things, or at least hadn't for a long time.

So he did have a reason that wasn't just, _I'm an asshole._

And I had to completely and utterly defeat him for him to tell me.

"Damnit," I muttered under my breath, scowling slightly despite everything, and he looked almost amused.

Fight beginnings in the Soul Society were strange, but so were fight endings.

So he gathered up his sword's bankai and said, "Senbonzakura Kageyoshi: Final Stage: Hakutei-ten." And, in a magnificent white arc of power, all the swords rushed down to form a great majestic bird, a wreath of reiatsu, around his form. He stood there, surrounded by dignified power, looking at me for a moment, his eyes glowing defiantly. As if subtly daring me to tell him that he wasn't impressive.

I grinned despite myself - which probably wasn't a normal reaction, but whatever. "That's amazing," I admitted agreeably, shrugging. "Sorry, I don't have anything as cool-looking as that. So.." Tired, and heaved up my increasingly heavy sword, and took what remained of my power and compressed it all into my blade, shaking with the effort, charging up for one last strike... "All I can do is put everything I have into my last Getsuga Tenshou."

I looked up, ready. "Let's go, Kuchiki Byakuya!"

Tense, we charged at each other, our attacks connected before us - and the blaze of light and power was, for a moment, glorious.

* * *

We had staggered away and were standing across, our backs to each other. I had been wounded, and it burned and there was a lot of blood, but I held myself up by my sword stuck into the ground, refusing to fall on principle just because he was still there. Lights still flashed before my eyes from the light of our last attack. I blinked them away, my jaw opening and closing, suddenly unerringly _tired_.

His sword was gone. He was standing there, bleeding heavily from his own wounds.

But his sword was gone. And mine wasn't.

Tensa Zangetsu was tired but smug, and I tried to hold onto that same feeling. After all, it was what I had started out for, wasn't it? But I was starting to think I didn't know myself as well as I thought I had, because now all I was really waiting for was to hear something in the still silence from him.

He was just standing there. Staring at his hands. I looked around with effort, glaring slightly, wondering somewhat uncharitably if he was going to do that all day.

Finally: "... You asked me... why I have tried to kill Rukia."

And that was a weird way of putting it, but he was talking, and my eyes widened and I looked over at him. I was waiting for this, and there was so little else left that I couldn't even really be surprised that I kind of had won, after all.

His back was still to me. "... Those who have broken the law must be punished. When that punishment is decided, it must be carried out." The words were mechanical, empty, not fitting the man I had just fought. I wondered if he was as dissatisfied by them as I was. "That is the way things are done."

"... So... so because _that is the way things are done_..." I spat out mockingly, panting heavily, staring at him, kind of pissed off. "You're going to go off and kill your own sister?"

"... Sympathy toward relatives is useless." Cold, blank, mechanic.

I gave him a deadpan sort of look. "... What." It wasn't even a question. Just... what. What the fuck.

"I follow the code of Seireitei. Feelings and emotions have no meaning to those who follow the code of Seireitei." He sounded like he was reciting memorized rote. _... Huh. So that's where Rukia got it from. _"I have never possessed such - _meaningless _emotions."

And there he was again, back in full form. The lovely asshole.

Wait... so which Byakuya was the real one? Which was the potential, and which was the actual man? Goddamnit, I was too tired to play mindgames with this cheating little...

I took a deep breath. I let it out. I did not call Kuchiki Byakuya a cheating little shit in my own head. Because that would be _wrong._

There was a pause as I just sort of leaned and bled and glared at him tiredly. Then, though I didn't expect him to... then Byakuya seemed to feel my gaze, and he took a deep breath and spoke again, almost carefully. "The Kuchiki Clan is one of the four Great Noble Families," he said, lowly, almost as if trying to explain himself. "It is our responsibility to set the standard all Shinigami are supposed to uphold."

Yeah... So, like, saving your sister. Seemed like a really good example to me. Was that just me? That couldn't just be me.

And then he looked backward at me, and his face was very cold but there were unshed tears in his eyes. "If we do not uphold the standard," he said intently, like he genuinely hated it, "who will uphold it?"

And he didn't even manage to sound overdramatic when he said it. Which I thought was impressive.

I thought about this for a moment, completely bewildered... And then:

_Oh._

And then, partially, sort of, in a confused kind of way... I kind of got it. (Damn, maybe I'd lost too much blood.)

But, but I didn't think that was it. He... his society. There were things about it that were fundamentally fucked up. Ideals. Principles. Ways you were supposed to behave. But those were the pillars of the society he'd grown up in. The society he'd been told he was supposed to be the freaking _emblem _of.

They were both the real Byakuya. Byakuya didn't want to kill his adopted sister. Obviously. He'd freaking adopted her. But - and here was the kicker - _he genuinely thought he was letting down something fundamental to his family and his society if he didn't._ Somewhere, somehow, in some fucked up way, he'd had to choose between the two and he'd gone with what he knew, what he'd always been told he was supposed to go with. Which is what almost anyone would do, because we are all a product, in part, of our societies.

And it was like some kind of explosion had gone off in my head, and I kind of swayed a little, and damnit life-changing revelations probably shouldn't be exploding in my brain right now. But... I knew I'd just hit on it. I _knew_, looking into his face, the conflict between the tears in his eyes and the cold in his expression and the intensity in his voice as he tried to explain himself to someone who didn't even know most of what Seireitei code was. That was important.

But that was where my understanding ended. Because, yeah, it sounded great when you put it into abstracts, but... I tried to imagine killing Enzeru because she'd done something wrong. And I could _never _even conceive of doing it. I could _never_ conceive of being in a situation where you had your feeling and then you had your proposed ideal... and choosing the ideal. That just... that wasn't how I worked. And we'd been through enough together that I was fairly certain it wasn't how Rukia worked anymore either - if it had ever been. Which, honestly, I had my doubts about.

So I understood in a way, but in another I was just as uncomprehending as I had been before.

"I'm sorry," I finally admitted, my voice hard but even. "But I can't understand. Even if I was in your position, and even if I had grown up here... I can't imagine myself not fighting a code like that."

I thought of my soft-hearted, weak, artistic child self. I thought of when I got older, fanatically determined to protect those I cared about. Even older, and I defied everything, especially duty and responsibility and people trying to impose things on me. I got older, and I became jaded and skeptical. I got even older... and here I was, today.

And I acknowledged it within myself to be true. I could not imagine ever being Kuchiki Byakuya.

He stared at me for a long moment, as if he had truly never thought of this before. Then his face shuttered over carefully, and he looked away. "Kurosaki Ichigo," he said softly, carefully, "my sword has been broken by your freedom of spirit." The admittance came easily, almost surprised by itself. Then, so softly I almost didn't hear it, he added, "You fight not me, but our code. In this, you are much like Him."

Him... The man I looked like, I registered.

Who the hell was he?

And I would have asked, but Byakuya was still speaking, and the next words made even my eyes widen, stunned. "You have defeated me. I will no longer chase Rukia."

And for a split second, disbelieving, confused triumph reigned. And then he looked back at me, his dark eyes quiet and intense, piercing but in a different way than they had been before, one I couldn't identify. They looked almost... assessing. "In this fight," he nodded, "you are the victor."

Because now he had an excuse, I registered. An excuse not to go any further.

And then he disappeared in a flash of Shunpo, wasn't that what he'd called it?, and I was alone on the executioner's hilltop that hadn't witnessed an execution, confused and elated and clutching onto my bankai for dear life.

* * *

I couldn't remember anything very well after that. I think I stood there, staring stupidly for a few moments, then I started hoarsely yelling my head off and I fell over clumsily with a rush of pain and blood like a muggy-headed idiot. My friends ran up from where they'd been hiding nearby, though - I remembered that, then - so I kind of fell on Inoue instead.

She'd tried to catch me, only she wasn't very good at it.

But she stood there above me where I was lying, staring at her, blushing prettily in her Shinigami uniform and apologizing sheepishly over and over again. Something about having a really hard head and then ducking out from under me because she thought she'd hurt me on impact. Then the others ran up, all in disguising Shinigami uniforms, along with Zaraki Kenpachi's little scarily cheerful pink-haired VP (apparently they had rebelled in anarchy and were on our side now so Zaraki made sure he had the chance to fight me again) and some other dude (he told us he was an unimportant member of the eleventh division so bluntly I felt sort of sorry for him). Ishida made fun of me with his arms crossed over his chest tightly and coldly, even as he stared down at me worriedly out of the corner of his eye with a slight frown, and Ganjyuu and Chad were both glad I was okay (by their standards). Hanatarou wasn't there, but then I remembered that somehow he'd gotten to Renji and Rukia, who... at the very least didn't seem to have been caught yet.

"I'm so glad you're all okay," I said in relief and admittance, smiling genuinely for once. Because fuck, I might actually have done something right. I felt Zangetsu connect with me for a moment in my triumph.

Ishida's eyes softened and he smiled slightly, half a smirk. "Well, we're not exactly okay," he corrected with something that probably wouldn't have seemed so openly fond and relieved if my head had been screwed on right. "But compared to you, yes, we're practically unscathed." I registered, then, that they were wearing bandages. Huh.

I felt all swimmy.

I looked over at Inoue, who was staring down at me worriedly. Inoue was nice. We'd become friends about a week ago. "Hey, Inoue," I said, blinking up at her, frowning as I tried to squint my eyes and focus, "y'okay?"

She blinked - and then spazzed out. Because only she could do that this situation. "M-me?! Oh no! No injuries whatsoever!" She waved her hands everywhere and beamed for my benefit and damn she still had a lot of energy. "I-I haven't really done too much, Ishida-san protected me and some other people protected me, and, and Zaraki-san even gave me a piggy back ride once while we were all running somewhere!" She beamed again, as if determined to show me just how great absolutely everyone was.

I snorted. Damn, that must have been a sight to see.

"So I'm fine," she finished, her smile getting smaller and smaller. And then she looked away, and all of a sudden she was trying not to cry, and I didn't know how that happened and wasn't sure what to do. "But... but... I was always worried about Kurosaki-kun..." She was blushing in embarrassment, and there were tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry... I couldn't protect you," she shrugged and explained, half-smiling painfully, sniffling and wiping at her cheeks. "So thank you... for being alive. I'm so thankful that you're safe." She looked up and looked down, put a hand to her mouth and looked away, tears on her lashes.

I was extremely touched, and not sure what to do. I hadn't exactly grown up with people were really good at emoting in softer ways, my first friend had been Tatsuki, and my background history hadn't gotten a whole lot better from there. I just... wasn't used to someone _showing_ they worried about me that much.

Somewhere deep down inside me, there was a little boy who had really needed that, without even realizing it.

I felt like I had to say something for that. Had never thought of it that way before, not consciously. I needed them... but they also needed me.

"... Thank you, Inoue." Careful. As if, kneeling there sobbing before me before she began the healing process, with our friends all watching us quietly... as if she would break.

* * *

I'd moved to being able to stand and start walking painfully with some help from Ganjyuu - Inoue was good, I had realized faintly as I watched her; her healing skill was unreal - when suddenly a voice echoed magically through my mind. Not Zangetsu's voice. It was looser, tinnier, more echoey, not a part of me. It felt like a foreign organ; I forced my mind not to rebel against it when I realized my friends could hear it too, from their pauses and startled, cautious looks... as I realized what it was saying.

I heard the female voice shout the end of a kidou spell, and then there was a pause. "... Binding successful," it said, and then continued determinedly, its tone grim, "Captains, Vice Captains, and temporary Vice Captains of the Gotei 13, and Ryoka. Everyone. This is Vice Captain Kotetsu Isane, of the Fourth Healing Division." I recognized her belatedly, as that woman I'd thrown away; the one who had left with the wounded and her healing captain when the fighting began. "Can everyone hear me? ... Good." I didn't know what she expected to happen if someone couldn't hear her, but whatever. "An emergency situation has occurred within the Seireitei." _No shit_. But to my surprise, she wasn't talking about any of us, or even the way important people were beating the shit out of each out of moral conflict. "This emergency transmission was allowed under the authority of my captain, Captain Unohana Retsu of the Fourth Division. Please listen carefully. Everything I am about to say is the truth. The Central 46 are dead. They were killed by the three traitors I am about to mention. Captain Hitsugaya and Vice Captain Hinamori are severely injured in the Central 46 chambers after being attacked by Captain Aizen and Captain Ichimaru, who escaped to the Senzaikyuu."

Which was... really fucking close to where we were. I shared alarmed glances with my friends. _Shit. _

Still... Why would we care? We were the enemy.

"Captain Aizen, Captain Ichimaru, and Captain Tousen have now turned traitor. It is unclear what they are after. They have been manipulating the Central 46's orders for an unspecified amount of time; perhaps for months. Repeat, three Captains, Aizen Sousuke, Ichimaru Gin, and Tousen Kaname are now traitors of the Soul Society. Aizen Sousuke's zanpakutoh, whose true ability is hypnosis, has had us all under its spell for many months, and he has orchestrated the betrayal."

The transmission fazed out. I could feel a strange zipping sound and then it just left my mind, the presence gone taciturnly without another word.

My friends stared at each other. "What did she say?" someone asked disbelievingly.

"Oh, you know. Random number, blah blah blah, hypnosis, blah. Incomprehensible stuff. Sounded really official. The usual." I snorted at the conversational tone to everything. I made friends with the weirdest people.

"How come I couldn't hear anything?" Inoue asked, sounding almost disappointed, like she'd missed out on something fun.

"It was from the Fourth Division. You're the only one who's never had contact with them through being caught at some point, so they probably didn't know your reiaitsu signature," Chad muttered. Damn. That actually made sense. We'd have to see what we could do about that if everyone had to hide from these guys at some point.

"But Captain betrayal is their problem, right?" I sighed, finally voicing my thoughts. God knew I had enough shit to deal with myself. "I mean, why tell us? We've spent the past I don't know how many days directly undermining their entire system."

"She thought we should know," Ishida said seriously. Everyone looked around at the sharp tone to his voice. He was frowning, staring off into space, his big brain obviously working at unusually high speeds. Finally, through calculating, he said slowly, "Yes, it's obvious. Don't you see? From the sound of it, the Central 46 chambers is probably a high standing Seireitei government institution." It was - the reigning body. Rukia had said so. Before I could mention that, Ishida continued, "The traitor, former Captain Aizen, murdered everyone within the Central 46 a good while ago, right? So they must have been issuing all the orders the council has come out with for months, his and his accomplices. Aizen's motives aren't unknown. What has the council been pushing with almost alarming severity for months?"

"... The execution," Ganjyuu realized slowly beside me. I could feel him stiffening in surprise.

I had grown cold. When I thought about it, it really didn't make any sense, even for a cold society full of stuffy buttheads. Why keep pushing the execution date forward? Why so thoroughly and severely emphasize the crimes of a minor lieutenant from a noble family, especially when the crimes caused no last damage? When I thought about it... why send a whole Captain and Vice Captain out after her at all? Why threaten her with death? Yes, that was the official sentence, but... But was it _normal_, that the sentence was actually carried through, especially so quickly and harshly?

It was like an explosion had gone off in my mind. I had spent so much time stewing over all of Seireitei's crimes, the idea that they might not have purposefully perpetuated this one had never even occurred to me.

_That_ was why they were so conflicted. Because this was wrong. And usually, in their own weird way, they were actually trying to do what was right.

The real question now was: Why was Aizen turning traitor? Why had he started all this? What did he want with Rukia?

Ishida was ahead of even me. "Kuchiki-san's date has been pushed forward several times since it was assigned. You all must have privately found it as strange as I did." Not really, I'd been a little busy focused on _Holy shit I have to save her from these people, _but there was no need to advertise that part. "Judging on what's happened..." Ishida's eyes narrowed. "Aizen Sousuke wants Kuchiki-san dead."

And then the realization and the panic set in all at once, and I reached my senses out frantically toward the Soukyoku Hill and Senzaikyuu, searching, searching... There they were. I didn't know how they'd done it, but they had managed to kidnap both Renji and Rukia, who were now alone with Ichimaru - that strange attack dog Shinigami I'd met at the very beginning, what seemed so long ago now; now a traitor to them - and two other huge chakra signatures, which had to be Aizen and... that other guy whose surname started with a T. They were alone on Soukyoku Hill. Renji was clutching Rukia to him, angry and fearful.

They were alone. The only two people I could possibly classify as friends I'd made in the Seireitei, people who were trying to rebel and make their society better, street orphans who had gotten here by pulling themselves up from horrible circumstances in the first place - and they were alone with a murdering traitor and his "friends." **_Shit._**

Just as I was looking up toward them in alarm, thinking especially of Rukia, I sensed Renji firm himself, stubborn and fearful. I felt something in the others shift, like they were about to attack...

"We have to get there," I suddenly said to my friends in a hard voice, eyes wide, face locking itself into a snarl. "_Now_."

I don't think I'd ever moved so fast injured in my life. I don't think they had, either.

* * *

In the time it took us to get there, far too long, I felt Renji become injured and angry. I felt Zabimaru release once more, the first time since its fight against Kuchiki Byakuya and Renji's subsequent healing. Impressively, Renji even managed it without letting go of Rukia.

I'd give this to the guy: damn did he stand by his word.

I needed to get there in time to help them or I'd never be able to live with myself. There was a cold, hard knowledge to that, to the released zanpakutoh at my side, a part of myself I wasn't entirely sure had even existed a few weeks ago. I didn't know what to think of that.

We leapt up rooftops, speeding, fast, fast, me in the lead, my friends panting to keep up with me. I felt pain in my abdomen, felt that this was harder for me than it should be, and then pushed that away because it didn't matter. Distantly, I registered that all the other bickering and infighting across the Seireitei was gone now. Everything was eerily quiet and still. It was like at this, at this inner betrayal, everyone was reeling back, stunned.

I was still moving. There was still protecting and fighting to do.

I came up over the top of the hill at last and I saw Renji collapsed to his knees before a handsome man with quiet glasses, wavy brown hair that fell into his eyes, and an understated kind of elegance. The man was smiling calmly, emotionlessly, which was the teensiest bit out of place with the scene before him and also, honestly, fucking creepy. Couldn't he, like, glare or something? It would just make things easier, not that that was the point. And there was Ichimaru Gin doing the same goddamn thing as usual behind him, so maybe it was just a Them Thing. The third guy was solemn and Black with dreadlocks and his eyes were all weird and white, but I didn't have time to process much more than that.

The man had his sword raised over Renji and a horrified, nervous Rukia. Renji was bleeding heavily, his zanpakutoh broken. The sword crashed down toward Renji -

And, smirking at the irony as I remembered our first meeting, I sped forward relatively easily and blocked Aizen's unreleased zanpakutoh with my own bankai. A ping, a faint sound like a bell and an echo of reiatsu, rippled out around the impact. I held steady, and it wasn't that hard, but there was power locked in there, weird elusive power. I could sense it. (_Hypnosis... _I heard from Zangetsu. _Interesting. Be careful._)

Tense, I dared to smirk sideways, my lips quirking, and mutter to Renji and Rukia behind me, "Hey. How you doin'? Is Rukia really that heavy? Well, it's a good thing I'm around to help, then." They stared at me. My friends were staying far back, well enough away, wisely perhaps.

And Aizen Sousuke - for that was who he had to be - Aizen Sousuke was smiling down at me. His eyes were still cold and blank, calculated, but I could tell he was genuinely satisfied. Some light in his eyes shifted. Great, another strange one.

Finally, after a moment, our swords shifted and we pulled away from each other, stepping backward. I watched him cautiously, and he seemed calmer than I did. Then again, I hadn't seen anything visibly affect him at all.

"Ichigo..." The whisper came from Renji behind me, serious and almost shamed.

I sighed, preparing myself for the inevitable. "... Yeah?" I muttered, not looking away from the fight.

"Look, I'm sorry you had to come help u -"

The inevitable where I risked embarrassing myself to distract him from his own shame because I'm a sap and I've had practice with Ishida Uryuu.

"Yeah, you look pretty exhausted considering how small Rukia is." I smirked backward at him childishly. "What's wrong, all the responsibility too much for you?" I asked flatly.

Sure enough, he stiffened, glaring, his brown eyes snapping indignantly. "Hey, hey, hey, you're not looking so great yourself," he growled back sarcastically. "Shouldn't you be at a healing somewhere, _ryoka_?"

"Is that what you have to say to the person who just saved your ass, you ungrateful little shit?!"

He spat out, heavily accented, just as ready and bluntly explosive, "I was going to thank you, dumbfuck, and then you had to go and ruin it!"

I decided that, despite everything, I liked this guy. He was cool.

Suddenly, we heard a muffled yelling sound and I felt something flailing against my chest. We looked down, bemused... and all at once, we realized we were squishing our rescuee between us. As one, our eyes widened and we flung ourselves backward.

Rukia gasped in a deep breath, panting, her eyes wide and incredulous, snapping at us angrily like we were idiots.

Well, at least it seemed like Rukia was still okay.

"Uh, Rukia..." Renji seemed sheepish.

I sighed and steeled myself for her inevitable yelling. "You alright?" I asked flatly, my face deadpan.

There was a whack as Rukia punched Renji in the face because he was closer. You'd think he'd have learned by now, but whatever. His close proximity might have something to do with his honor and his promise and all that other shit - I felt a mild ping from Zangetsu and corrected in annoyance, _Alright, alright, _**_important shit _**- so I didn't suppose I should say anything.

_"You idiots!" _she yelled frigidly. _"Especially you, Renji! I couldn't breathe, you know! You're so bizarre! You nearly killed me!"_

I was smirking. She looked over to glare at me, and my smirk widened. _"And you, stop looking so smug! Shut up!"_

"Wasn't saying anything."

"Well, now you have, so shut up!"

"Geez," I sighed in amusement, my face pretending to be angry, "you're pretty damn mouthy for someone whose life is in the process of being saved."

Rukia huffed and crossed her arms. "Obviously, the point would be lost if you two had been the ones to suffocate me." She tossed her hair dramatically, and I could still tell she was just kidding.

Renji was looking at me like I was crazy. Maybe he didn't enjoy being yelled at by a nutty girl.

Maybe that meant he was saner than me. Huh. That wasn't a prospect I liked to face.

Finally, Renji sighed and turned reluctantly to see the people who were still standing behind me, studying me with their blank, cold, strange smiles. I looked around too, and my face became more serious. There was something about Aizen's demeanor, or perhaps his reiatsu, that sucked all the warmth out around it and left only cold in its place. "He's Aizen, right?" I muttered, nodding to the leading man with the brown curls and the glasses, really just to confirm.

Renji sighed, seeming tired. "... Yeah," he admitted, lax, and I processed that this guy was his superior until just a few minutes ago.

I firmed myself. I had to fight him; I didn't want Renji to have to do that. "Renji, can you still run awa -"

"I can, but I'm not running." I paused, thrown off. I realized I was unused to people not doing what I said in a fight.

I stared backward at his hard eyes, determined face framed by his tattoos. "I have a plan. Zabimaru's broken form does have its uses," he stated grimly. "Just because Aizen destroyed my shikai doesn't mean I can't use it. Besides, he'd just catch me. You know that."

I felt the reiatsus across from me, all people on a level with Rukia's brother, and I realized I _did _know that. Even with Renji, fighting these men might be hard. The thought was annoyingly humbling. I didn't like it.

Besides, I could relate to Renji in the same strange way I could relate to Rukia and everyone else here. He was a fighter, on level with me. I knew what that meant.

"... Fine." If he was that determined, I had to let him. I couldn't expect him to listen to me like my living world friends did when I said to stay back. I smirked, somewhat eager to see what it was like fighting beside another Shinigami, despite myself. "Let's get this started then," I muttered, calm, crouching down viciously beside him, eager, Zangetsu's power rippling. My eyes lit, I tensed.

Aizen continued smiling, watching us. Just... waiting. His two subordinates watched from a distance behind him, frowning at us, half quizzical, half uncertain. Neither was smiling anymore. At the same time, neither seemed particularly worried.

I felt Renji make his zanpakutoh retreat into asauchi form beside me. "I can only use this attack once," he muttered tightly. "But if it hits, it will definitely create an opening. Maybe only for a second, in Captain Aizen's case." I didn't miss how he still called him Captain. "You'll have to move fast," he warned me quietly, preparing the reiatsu in his sword rather than looking at me.

Rukia was watching us from behind, dead quiet, tense.

I nodded, determined. "Got it," I muttered back under my breath.

Renji, muttering to his released, broken zanpakutoh, placed it firmly in the soil. I could feel a wave of reiatsu pass beneath my feet. "Let's go, Zabimaru," he muttered, short of breath. "Higa Zekkou!"

I kept my eyes on Aizen, trained carefully. Ready. Waiting.

All of a sudden, the littered pieces of Zabimaru raisec from the soil, determined even in death to strike a jagged blow, imbued with reiatsu. Aizen's subordinates tensed and he didn't as all the pieces of sword shot toward him at once, pretty fast, even by my standards. The explosion of reiatsu happened.

He had to be most vulnerable now. I shot in toward him, as fast as I could, my eyes hard, determined to slash right across him. Zangetsu slashed outward -

And was stopped, so completely even he went still in surprise, by a finger.

I stopped, staring. One finger. Just one. Held more power than my entire attack.

Aizen wasn't even _bleeding_.

I looked into his eyes, and he looked at me sideways. Deceptively calm and simple. Interested. His eyes empty. There was something human in them I hadn't been able to see from farther away - something almost regretful, but not for what he was doing.

That was the thing that was easy to miss. Not for what he was doing.

Then my world exploded in a shower of pain and blood, and I realized too late that he he had blocked and then attacked me so fast, I hadn't even seen him touch his sword.

* * *

Breathing hard. On the dirt, flat. Entrails coming out, mind blank and razed and frantic, trying in vain to keep all my organs inside my body with my hands. Renji was collapsed, unconscious. Aizen had Rukia; he was holding her up by the neck. He was dragging her... his tone was weirdly polite, despite the chaos he was wreaking and the smile on his face...

Then Aizen suddenly paused, and looked around at me. Lying there with my hand clutched to my ripped open abdomen, staring through a haze of pain and who knew what else, my head feeling like it was about to burst. I wanted so badly to stand up, needed to stand up, needed my friends not to feel what was happening and try to come help, needed to save Rukia like I had come here to do, needed so many things. And it felt like I might lose everything in a moment of idiocy at the last minute, because of a factor I didn't know, had never done anything to, and hadn't counted on.

Because of a man I hadn't even known existed, who wanted something from my friend who'd never had anything to do with him.

"How pathetic," I heard his blurry voice ring in my ears, deep and quiet. "You are still awake." I heard a gasp that sounded like Rukia's, choked and scared. Damnit. I shifted and felt like I was on fire. "Oh, I wouldn't do that, Kurosaki Ichigo." That empty voice again, now oddly determined beneath his smile. This man was insane. "Oh, you must hate how your strength can't match your vitality right now... Simply hate it..."

_Yeah, I do. Also, I hate you. _Curse words felt strangely impolite and insignificant in the face of Aizen Sousuke.

"Ah, anyway. Right now your spine is the only thing holding your body together. You've been almost cleaved in half and can't stand up; you would simply die." His tone was clipped and informative, matter of fact. I felt my reiatsu being sucked toward my center, exhausted, like there was a vacuum in my insides pulling me in to spit me in a maze of bloody mush back out backwards. It was one of the most awful things I'd ever experienced, and I'd been addicted to drugs, been beaten unconscious, been covered in my mother's blood, nearly turned into a Hollow, and had one possess my body.

"This, unlike most things, is not a matter of spirit, but physical impossibility. It is not normal impossible; it is _physically_ impossible for you to stand up, Kurosaki Ichigo. I hope you can understand that. I obviously can't tell you what to do as a person, but... well,_ I _wouldn't attempt it." Still polite and oddly soothing. I still don't know why I listened when I hated his guts. "On the bright side, think of all you have accomplished. And you have helped me! I don't know how much consolation that is. Anyway, you've done a great deal, and you should try to lie there quietly and pass on."

He was amused. _Yeah, _I thought vaguely. _Nuttier than an overcooked fruitcake. And probably also a genius. _Because wasn't that how it always worked?

Then Aizen looked at me, and his eyes grew darker and more grounded, his smile more of a smirk. He looked like all at once, he realized what I was thinking. "I _mean_," he said, with more volume, yet somehow not louder, "that your part in this is over." That almost anticipatory light shifted in his eyes again.

He clearly wanted me to ask even though I was dying and I could feel my organs against my hand, because obviously the man was a power-hungry sadist.

"... Part...?" I muttered out through a mouthful of blood, glaring up at him and feeling oddly like a defiant child. That pissed me off too. He was no better than me, whatever _he_ thought.

"Yes," Aizen said, more of a hiss, and his eyes lit up and I could see how this blank, smiling, polite, strange man could be a traitor when he actually found something worth caring over. "I knew, Kurosaki Ichigo. I knew all along that you would come." He almost genuinely smiled at me, as if I had done _well_. It was fucking weird, but I felt my fear keener than I might have. "I even knew where you would come from in the sky. So I privately had the walls lowered when you first arrived. Then I sent the people on patrol around that area away from there temporarily, also privately. I sent Gin to keep you out.

"I knew if you thought we knew we had intruders, if you thought Gin was patrolling there all the time, you'd have to enter via Shiba Kuukaku's cannon. The entrance would be dramatic. The ryoka, exploding through the barriers of Seireitei, strangers with an unknown purpose who had survived a fight against a Captain!" He had a secret flair for the dramatic, raising himself and straightening, eyes sharp and voice booming outward.

Now. Now he was dangerous. Not before, not long-term. But now, I could kind of see it.

"So all the Shinigami would focus on driving you back out, even before they learned you were trying to break out a prisoner that the Central 46 had supposedly sent out a search party for and then condemned." Here, he smirked. "Of course, I did that too, but we'll get there, won't we?" Voice pleasant. "Yes. Now, I must say, Ichigo, the invasion was truly phenomenal." He smiled at me fervently, at his most calm and insane. "_Well done. _You frightened everyone! I faked my death a few weeks ago to put all my efforts into the Central 46 charade! And that, even_ that_, didn't seem like such a big deal in comparison.

"Oh, yes. It was very convenient. You were all so focused on each other no one really saw what we were doing. And now, here we are!" He smiled.

"How... how did you know... where we'd come out...?" I forced out. I didn't understand that. The implications weren't good.

"What an odd question. That was the former Captain Urahara Kisuke's illegal gate reference point. What? Don't look at me like that. I have hidden contacts the same as him, you know." He stared at me in blank surprise, as if he'd obviously expected more and was rather impatient for me to catch on while I was lying there dying. Asshole. "You are Urahara's subordinate and here on his orders, correct? He ordered you here to stop me retrieving this thing from Rukia?"

"What... what the fu...?" I was slow, sluggish.

"... I see. So you don't know anything. Very well, I will explain." A vague noise of movement. Fading in and out. This guy seemed eager to brag to someone. Maybe he'd been holding it in for a while. "It is the end, anyway. In Shinigami combat, there is swordsmanship, hand to hand, reiatsu based speed, and spellwork. Each has a limit. It is impossible to improve in anything past a certain point. Even in our world, every body has its limits. Simple, right? There is a point where growth can stop. I began wondering, after I realized I had hit that point," what a terrifyingly matter-of-fact way to say something like that, "if there was anything more I could do to occupy my time. I still wanted to calculate, to_ improve. _Was there any way to break normal physical boundaries as a normal spirit, I wondered? Any way to grow and surpass what may be called 'reasonable innovation'? Any way at all? Well, I researched and found out there is. There is... one way."

He looked me dead in the eye. "You merge multiple forms of spirit fighters _together_. The most obvious example would be a Shinigami-Hollow, or a Hollow-Shinigami, hybrid." And, cold, it hit me all at once that for some reason, somehow, he knew. That was why he was interested in me. Why he was explaining, the iciness to him, the strange light to his eyes.

In a way, he was just like Ooshima. Weirdly like him.

Aizen Sousuke aspired to be this fucked up thing that I was. Just so he wouldn't have to be bored anymore.

And I knew, just from that, that him having such power was exactly what no one should want to happen. His subordinates were fucking retards, no matter how desperate they'd been to get away from this place.

"When lines are erased, new heights can be achieved." A basic byline of completely amoral science. "In theory, the concept has actually existed among the curious of our people for quite some time. What if Shinigami had the powers of Hollows? What new things could we do, how much more could we do? Hollows can do all sorts of interesting things, sometimes even have power over Shinigami themselves. Imagine the possibilities," he said quietly, gazing up at the sky. "Other researchers, they were bound by stupidity, and immorality, however. Nothing good enough to ever be called breakthroughs. No one had an idea of how to do it. No one, that is, until Urahara Kisuke, the former Captain of the Twelfth Research Division."

I went cold, as I remembered the Seireitei raised ex-Captains: Urahara. Yoruichi. And Tessai.

The ones who were on my side. Urahara, who was the reason I had this Hollow inside me in the first place - this Hollow, that had saved my life many times despite its hated presence, because _I_ could go beyond physical boundaries.

He _had_ sent me here for this after all, and he hadn't even told me.

I tried to freeze myself in my current state as much as I could with what I had left, tried to listen hard. Because Aizen might be the only one insane enough to be willing to talk about it. "Urahara created a substance beyond the boundaries of 'conventional physics' in his youth. It can dissolve the barrier between Shinigami and Hollow. It can dissolve barriers of physics. That is what it does."

Well, I hadn't known even Sandal Hat was that crazy. Wow.

"It's called Hougyoku. It's very dangerous. After he realized what he had created, even he tried to destroy it. He could not find a way to destroy his own creation, however, and so in his desperation, as he ran away from the authorities of the Soul Society with his closest allies for what he had done... In his desperation, he hid it inside something else instead. Inside a Gigai fake body he had created. A Gigai, which bonds to the soul. And then, eventually, a long time later, he tried to give that Gigai to a person who came to him one desperate night for help. A person he deemed worthy and naturally saddened and weak. He tried to dissolve the Hougyoku inside of them via the Gigai, turning them into an ordinary reiatsu-less human soul easily lost in the masses in the process, but thereby destroying the Hougyoku's accessibility forever. It remains in limbo inside of their spiritual body right now, not yet gone.

"Have you figured it out yet? The Hougyoku I desire, the Hougyoku I am going to run off with - it is inside Kuchiki Rukia."

My eyes widened impossibly. I heard a gasp from Rukia, and then there was stunned silence, inside and out.

"But what Urahara didn't know," and here, Aizen smiled, "was that _I_ had sent her. To a little place I knew Urahara was hiding in called Karakura-cho. Hoping she would need a Gigai after running into the living epitome of chaos that was an incredibly spiritually powerful boy named Kurosaki Ichigo who looked eerily like the superior officer she was guiltily forced to murder..." His voice raised to huge heights, and then he smiled, and inadvertently told me how I'd managed to attract two particular people in the Seireitei. "... Shiba Kaien."

l stared. From Aizen to Rukia. She was weak and limp from his spiritual pressure, pale and stunned, her eyes impossibly huge. She looked betrayed - but by Urahara. But what I was processing was something different.

When she'd saved me that night... she'd been saving the man she had been forced to kill.

I went back to it once more: _"I couldn't let you die... not like him..."_

"Well, I knew I had to act fast. The Hougyoku was temporarily available to me before it was hidden inside this one soul forever, useless to all. So I just went into the Central 46 chambers and, well -"

And he knew it might come to this, but he tried to have her executed legitimately first, the body put away with, and so hide his theft and stay longer. My mind suddenly jumped and got it, all at once, in its way.

That was what he meant by "it's the end." He was leaving his home. The device was just... more important to him.

Suddenly, a gigantic Shinigami Captain's form landed behind Aizen. It was... it had the body of a huge human, the head of a fox, a deep human man's voice. It was clutching a zanapkutoh. Then again, Soul Society, I guessed. Sort of like Jidanbou and Yachiru, that dude was definitely a new soul. He had to be.

Reinforcements had finally arrived. Weird, that they were technically, temporarily on my side.

The powerful-feeling Shinigami growled at Aizen and swung, furious and betrayed, hurting. He wouldn't win like that; Aizen was one of those people who was incapable of feeling things in the way most did. He tried to go Bankai, yelling at Aizen and the dark skinned man Tousen behind me, who at least had the good grace to look away and say nothing in shame. Aizen defeated this Captain, too, with incredible ease. It was terrifying to watch. It was like people's reaction times just magically slowed around him.

_Hypnosis. _His zanpakutoh's supposed true ability. But then, why would it effect me?

Maybe for me... it had just simply been that he was faster than me. A matter of experience and speed.

Aizen _had_ said he wanted this thing in Rukia because he physically couldn't find any other way to improve himself, after all.

Aizen, still smiling, had a casual conversation with equally smiling Ichimaru about the kidou spell he used to defeat the dying, unconscious Captain now lying there in the dirt. Tousen just stood there, looking away. Then Aizen suddenly looked around and said, eyes widening slightly in an eerily emotionless way, "Oh, I'm sorry. I was in the middle of talking, wasn't ?"

_... Damn, _I thought, weirded out. _Good job. _Because they had better be trying to purposefully freak me the fuck out.

"Well, anyway, I assassinated the entirety of Central 46." We stared at him. Me in bewilderment. Rukia in blank horror and disbelief. That_ was_ kind of their government. "You probably heard from dear Isane-kun, Unohana's subordinate, that I murdered all of Central 46. That is incorrect. I actually butchered them all while their backs were turned, then put an illusion over their chambers to make sure they all still looked happy and okay, just in case someone happened to walk in expectedly while they were in session. I mean, really, you have to give me _some_ credit. That's an important difference. Meanwhile, the three of us took turns letting each other into the conference room to sit there, watch over everything among the bodies, send out messages, make sure everything was going smoothly.

"All the orders given out were thus meant to achieve my goals. I destroyed your Gigai, Rukia, and placed you under the Sixth Division. I feigned my death so I could logistically be there to personally organize your execution via Soukyoku. It also gave me time to create another way of getting the Hougyoku if your little rescue plan happened to work. There are two ways to extract a foreign object implanted into a spiritual object: either with extreme heat, such as in the case of the Soukyoku, followed by spiritual breakdown. Or, if I had to declare myself openly so soon, there is this other way I thought of a while back. Breaking down a part of the spiritual body structure and thus creating an opening yourself. I accessed the great hall of records via my access to the Central 46, carefully researched the natural extraction process through Urahara Kisuke's forbidden records..." He reached into a pocket of his robes and pulled out what looked like a small tube, holding it up. "This is that procedure."

And then, before I could even try to shout out, staring in stunned horror, spears of reiatsu appeared all around them, his hand changed to meld with the tube, and he shoved it right inside Rukia, creating a hole in her stomach.

Rukia was briefly stunned, her face frozen in surprise at the grab. At this, the attack she didn't expect. The way she didn't expect to end. And then her eyes went blank, and she just hung there in his grasp as he fished around inside her like he'd lost his keys in there.

As a fundamental soul - as one power, one entity, one bundle of spiritual presence, feelings, thoughts, memories - as one single person... I realized two things in that moment. Twin thoughts, dancing around inside my brain.

I realized I cared about Rukia more than I should.

And I realized that, with all my strength, there was nothing I could do in that moment to save her or her zanpakutoh that had given me new life.

I suddenly saw Rukia's whole tragic life laid out before me, everything I'd learned of what was in the sadness and lack of self-worth behind her strong eyes. I saw her there as a young child in the desperate, dirty, criminal districts of the Rukongai, alone. I saw her befriend Renji and a gang of other children. I saw all the children die except her and Renji, one by one, just because they had reiatsu. Their desperation, poverty, sadness, and hunger. I saw them becoming Shinigami. I saw him drift off because he was born with strong reiatsu and she weak. I saw her alone in her classes at the Shinigami Academy, and I saw her adopted by a huge, intimidating family of wealth and a cold man she didn't know for reasons she didn't understand. I saw her graduated quietly and put into a quiet division under a Captain with an illness, forced to try to act the part of the cold snappish noble, and taught to recite very certain things about how the world worked. I saw her inner loneliness, the way her brother was too stilted in the customs he had grown up with to show he cared. I saw how she could interact with no one, and now no one could interact with her. I saw her forced to kill her admired superior officer, Ganjyuu's elder brother, who I reminded them of. I saw her bringing the body to their horrified doorstep - the Shiba, already disgraced and orphaned - her eyes dead out of trauma. I realized what was behind the nightmares, the way I threw her off a lot at first, her strange hesitancy in everything - even her job - and her inner despair.

And then I saw her sent to my home, by the manipulations of a bigger Shinigami. I saw her save me because I reminded her of someone, and she liked me, and at heart she was a nice person. I saw her transfer her zanpakutoh's abilities over to me, that night she'd saved my life. Changed my life forever. And I saw her run to the nearest illegal supplier for a Gigai, and I saw him give it to her knowing it would destroy what was left of her reiatsu and her life.

Then she'd had a few short months with me, and then they'd snatched her back blindly, manipulated by another - right into her death here - for something that was never her fault.

And Rukia, Rukia who I _knew_, who I _cared about more than almost anything_. Rukia the mischief, the tomboy, the one who yelled at me and pulled me away despite being the half my size, who had so much spirit, and surprising thoughtfulness and compassion, and was an even and hard fighter, down to earth and better about unspoken understanding and duty than I would ever be. Rukia. I wanted to be able to save her, to make her see that everything was going to be okay like I had at the Soukyoku a few minutes ago.

And I... I couldn't even _move_.

Aizen's malformed hand finally reached back out of the hole in her slumped abdomen and held up a little blue and white sphere. It glowed, jewel-like, pulsing colors. He let go of Rukia carelessly, and I realized the euphemism "heart-shattering" as I saw her limp, staring form fall blankly.

Aizen stared at the Hougyoku, wondering at how small it was, thoughtless as to the chaos around him.

* * *

Rukia's hole was healing. I stared at that, lying there, holding in my organs, my body strenuously on hold with the remnants of my reiatsu. I stared, and focused, and hoped. The hole was healing, disappearing.

She didn't have to be dead. She'd hate me for staring helplessly like this, and I couldn't even care. She didn't have to be dead.

Aizen looked up as he realized this as well, surprised, and even in my current state I tensed toward protection painfully. "What an incredible technique!" is the first thing he said. "She actually seems unharmed! Unfortunately -" and he grabs Rukia menacingly again, "you are no longer of any use to me." Still calm.

I told myself to move, I told myself to move, even pulled on my Hollow. Inner silence.

I didn't move.

Aizen held the limp, unconscious Rukia out to Ichimaru Gin. "Kill her, Gin," he smiled.

I stared at Gin, trying to move, couldn't move. _No, _I thought in blank horror. _No. No. God, please, no._ I prayed to every deity I could think of, things I wasn't even sure I believed in.

Gin reached for his sword, his smile carefully blanked. "Well," he said slowly, "it can't be helped, I suppose. Shoot, Shin -" He was aiming. _NO!_

" - sou!" Gin finished, the sword shot out superfast at her, Rukia was just beginning to look around, sluggishly returning to consciousness...

And then, abruptly, she wasn't in Aizen's grasp anymore. Aizen, I, Ichimaru, all looked around in surprise to see that she was standing a ways away, in the arms of Kuchiki Byakuya. Calmly, he had shielded her and taken the sword's piercing in his side himself.

* * *

Shinsou retracted. Rukia was staring up at her brother, openly surprised and vulnerably touched that he had protected her. He looked down at her, and his face softened tiredly for a moment, as if he'd wanted to do that, despite himself.

Rukia started screaming, and what little remaining blood left my face, when he then collapsed against her.

Aizen moved to step forward, but then Yoruichi and the Captain she had been fighting appeared around him. The two women seemed to have united at this mutual enemy.

The woman was as fast as Yoruichi. Her replacement, maybe. Short black hair, narrow dark Asian eyes of a nationality I couldn't see well enough to place, a similar knife held to his throat as Yoruichi's, the same hard expression. The two started hissing whispers to Aizen, who looked amused but remained completely still in their hold.

Then more started appearing, and all of a sudden I was lying there in quite the awe inspiring battlefield, as everyone finally united as one against the true traitors and a few lower rankers who they'd gotten to join them. I spotted Jidanbou and Kuukaku, among others. Had they been let in or had they pushed themselves in, and it was just that at this point no one had fucking noticed? There were Rukia's Captain and his friend, and an elderly dignified man with a long beard who had to be the Captain Commander. There were a couple of people I'd knocked out somewhere around too.

And lots of speed, backstabbing, swords, and explosions.

It was hard to process anything. I realized I was really coming undone now. I hoped they had this.

And then I realized they didn't, lying there on my back dying, when three twin explosions of light echoed out around me, and I saw Aizen and his two subordinates rising in the air. (A single image, of Aizen, his glasses gone, his hair blown back, his face cold and calmly arrogant. There was no smile now. Neither of his subordinates precisely looked as... unemotional... behind him.) To where they would go, I didn't know. I thought I could see the hazy form of Hollows up above them, as if they were running off to the place in between the worlds where only Hollows existed.

It made sense, with the experiments Aizen apparently wanted to do. I didn't fancy being the two with him with his lack of regard for human life forms, though.

"Goodbye, Shinigami. Goodbye, Young Ryoka," I heard him call down to me smilingly as he rose. And I glared up at him for a moment on principle, because after everything he'd done to me, fuck him. His lips twitched. "For a human," he said, "you really are very..." And he used Ichimaru Gin's word for me. "... _Interesting."_

Then they were truly out of reach, up into the skies.

But I realized, as they rose up, smug in their superiority, as if being pulled away toward alien ships... I realized, reaching out and clutching Zangetsu just on principle, that I was the only one who couldn't care too much that they were leaving, that Seireitei had lost them, in their blindness and indignation and half-corruption. Rukia was safe. Her brother had saved her. Renji would probably live. So would my friends.

And at the very least, these people knew that we had been right.

I had just accomplished everything I'd wanted to accomplish. Aizen had carelessly let me have it anyway.

I faded out of consciousness there on that battlefield, bleeding to death. I fully expected that with everything that needed doing, they wouldn't get to me in time.

I was not eager, but content, to die.

* * *

I didn't think they'd be so friendly that they let Inoue and my other friends through to heal me on that hill, while they healed theirs. That was unexpected.

... Nice unexpected, I would decide tentatively later. Nice unexpected.

I returned slowly to consciousness, a becoming-familiar glowing and warm - to see myself surrounded by golden light. Inoue's healing shield, from her little... fairy things. I resisted the urge to snort, smiling despite myself.

Then I was starting to feel better, healing, and I started to see people through the halo of gold. Ishida. Chad. Inoue. Ganjyuu and Kuukaku. They all looked worried for me.

I cleared my throat, and then again, and after a while I dared to speak hoarsely. "... Where are Yoruichi and Rukia?"

"Yoruichi-san is getting healed from her fight," Ishida answered seriously, still eyeing me in a way that was, for once, openly concerned.

"Everyone's just sort of supporting each other in the aftermath," Chad muttered at my slightly confused expression. He shrugged, his eyes a bit sad. Not even he seemed to think anyone had it in them to mean any harm right now.

"And Rukia-san is watching over her brother's healing over there," Inoue murmured, frowning in a general kind of worry. "They want to do something called a reiatsu check to try to measure how fast it will take her Shinigami powers to return, but she won't leave his side. She seems... pretty scared and touched for him." Inoue looked downward, sad.

"... Yeah," I muttered, my eyebrows rising frankly. "Yeah, he surprised the hell out of her, there at the end." And me, too, while he was at it. He'd literally just saved her by throwing himself in front of her as soon as he'd had the chance to without breaking his Code of Seireitei Shit You Don't Do.

Had there been that much guilt and care hidden underneath the dedication?

"... Renji?" I finally asked.

"He's getting healed, too," Ganjyuu shrugged.

"Yeah, but who cares about him? He's the enemy," Ishida said in mild indignation, looking at me oddly sideways. I gave him a Look.

Kuukaku snorted. "You do realize he was helping you there at the end, right?" she asked sarcastically.

"So? I bet he just -!" That was Ishida's stubborn tone. Chad was rolling his eyes slightly, light-hearted.

I interjected as Inoue's lips finally twitched. "No, she's right. Renji really turned at the end," I said.

Ishida gave me a look backward that said, _No, she's not, but I'm too scared of Kuukaku to say so out loud. _I would have glared back. Instead, I just smirked at the last part and gave him a sarcastic sort of look. He glared back at me flatly.

Just as we were about to get into it, Chad placed one of his big arms between our faces. "Hey -!" we both started at once, weirdly alike, and Chad just nodded to Inoue.

"Thanks, Chad," she smiled, sighing, and we suddenly realized she seemed tired and shut the hell up. Oops.

I connected tentatively with Zangetsu for a moment as I listened to shouted orders, healings, and conversations around me. He answered back vaguely. He seemed okay too. Okay enough to be vague and distracted and dismissive, anyway, which probably meant things would return basically back to normal.

My friends were just starting to ask each other somewhat suspiciously what we thought was going to happen to all of us among these people now, when suddenly a gentle healer's words cut through everyone's conversations like a sword with surprising alacrity and force. Abrupt silence on the hill. The words were:

"Kuchiki Rukia? Captain Kuchiki is calling for you."

I bent my head to listen. "Stop healing for a minute," I muttered to Inoue, who stared at me. "It's okay," I added determinedly. "I..." I battled with myself for a moment, and then frowned up at her. "I want to hear this."

Inoue looked into my eyes, and then something in her face shifted, and softly, she stopped the healing. I strained to listen to what Captain Kuchiki was murmuring, as I suddenly realized basically everyone was doing while pretending they were doing something. Even my reluctantly curious friends. Even other Shinigami. Was Captain Kuchiki usually that much of a mystery, even to his coworkers?

His whispered words were strained, strangely weak, to Rukia by his bedside.

The execution hill heard his confessions.

* * *

"There is something... I need to tell you, Rukia."

A pause. "... Once, on a spring morning fifty years ago, before the sakura bloomed... my wife passed away." His voice was as quiet and focused, matter of fact, as usual, as if determined to finish the story now that he had started. But there was suddenly something tired behind it, very tired, as if abruptly he felt like he'd aged thousands of years.

Strange. I had never pictured Byakuya being married.

"I know," Rukia murmured, strangely quiet and uncertain and obedient. "Hisana-sama. The servants leave offerings to her Monument in the Main House... I was told that you found favor in me because I look very much like her," Rukia added, in a distant, lower, more unreadable voice. Still very soft and proper. "And my resemblance to her was the main reason you took me into the Kuchiki House as your sister."

"... Yes," Byakuya said simply. "I told everyone in the mansion to tell you that lie." There was a heavy, surprised silence. "Rukia," Byakuya finally said, with unusual effort, "Hisana was... your older sister."

Not even I had expected that one. _Wait... what?_

"Hisana and you died in the real world. She as a teenager, you as her infant sister. It was... almost two hundred years ago, now. You and she died together of an illness, and were sent on to the Rukongai later districts together. But she could not take care of a hungry baby, one with reiatsu, and survive there at the same time. So with regret, she abandoned you, thereby saving herself. That is what she told me, many years later. She also told me that she never stopped regretting it."

There was a heavy silence. Finally, Byakuya forced himself to continue, quiet, even, deep undercurrents of emotion behind his words. "We were... an unconventional couple. We were married for five years. She searched for you always during that time, using our clan's resources. But she could never find word of you." Maybe they'd searched through the adults and Rukia had stuck to the children, I thought, but I kept this thought to myself. It wasn't of much use now anyway. "In the spring of the fifth year, she got very sick... she was not going to... live." His words were strangely stilted, as though even fifty years later he had trouble saying them aloud to himself and believing them. "She asked me as she lay dying to find you. But she did not want you to know that she had been your sister. She was ashamed, and felt she had no right to be called your family after what she had done. She -"

His voice was even more strained now. Was he...? "She asked me to protect you. She wanted me to be your older brother, as she had never been your older sister. She apologized... for ridiculous things... for having no reiatsu and no possessions, for not surviving. She thanked me for our life together. And she died. And a part of me died with her." There was nothing behind the words.

Maybe that was the part that was gone.

"I finally found you later, in the Academy. I adopted you at once, with all the usual rigors and rituals. But because you were from the Rukongai, your blood was considered dirty by the family elders. It was against clan rules." His tone was tense at this, but as always, I could not even tell whether or not the tension came from anger. "So, to save my honor and also appease them, I swore on my parents' graves the day I took you in that this - this second time, between you and your sister - this would be the last time I ever broke the rules. I would abide by every code of Seireitei they had cherished forevermore. This was my promise to their memory.

"And, then, of course, you were sentenced to execution. And I was caught, wasn't I?" There was something almost bitter there. "I... did not know what to do." He didn't sound used to admitting that. "Did I obey my promise to my parents or to Hisana? I did not know what to do - so, in the end, I am afraid I did nothing. Nothing of note."

He took a deep breath. "Kurosaki Ichigo," he called out, his tone hard, determined, strained. "I thank you."

For doing something, I knew. He didn't have to say it. I stared up at the sky solemnly, and there was silence on the hilltop.

Then, quieter: "Rukia... I am sorry."

I dared to glance over. Rukia was kneeling beside her older brother, eyes big and concerned and touched... and, for the first time, understanding.

I didn't know quite what to think. There was an emotion welling up inside me I wasn't sure how to define. Kuchiki Byakuya, that hated name, had taken in Rukia because she was all he had left of his wife after her death. It sort of reminded me, of how I'd tried to protect my little sisters after the death of my Mom. And, suddenly, with Byakuya's conflict between his protection of his sister and his dedication to his dead parents... suddenly I realized something, absurdly, impossibly:

I could _understand _Kuchiki Byakuya.

It was one of the only things I'd never believed myself capable of thinking.

But really, between his adoption of someone who wasn't from a noble clan and his seeming refusal to remarry even though everyone probably wanted him to as a powerful and prestigious Shinigami clan head... What else could that be, but incredible, for the Seireitei, dedication to your late wife?

* * *

Notes: So this is a long fucking chapter and it took me a long fucking time to write it. Tell me what you think.

One more to go.


	10. Unwritten

_"I am unwritten._

_Can't read my mind, _

_I'm undefined._

_I'm just beginning. _

_The pen's in my hand: _

_Ending unplanned."_

_- "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield_

* * *

_Chapter Nine: Unwritten_

After the Aizen betrayal, we spent a week recovering in the Fourth Division's healing barracks, full of long rows of hospital beds, quiet healers, and complaining Shinigami. (Not even the people who came to Dad's hospital were this bad. One of the qualifications for being a member of the Fourth Division must be: "Possess the patience of a saint.") They gave us our own little off-room in their hospital sector - we found out that Division grounds are divided into several main buildings for work, the soldiers' barracks for the Shinigami from Rukongai, the optional individual Division suites of rooms for the Seated Officers and Captains and Vice Captains, the mess, and the training grounds. The Fourth's hospital existed in one of their main buildings. Our room was small and made of wood, lined with pallets, privately access and rarely gone into. The Shinigami seemed understandably hesitant of us, tense but also strangely deferential once they'd realized that if it hadn't been for one of their own betraying them, we might not actually have done anything wrong. Maybe it came back to the honor principle. We mostly helped each other heal; Ishida even sewed our clothes back up with an amount of pride I found rather amusing. He made Rukia a dress, too, with fancy lining and everything. (I made no effort to disguise my amusement, in part to make up for Inoue's and Chad's impressment. The Shiba did not stay with us, obviously; and Yoruichi was reacquainting herself with her old home now that she was no longer considered as much of an enemy with them, something I was actually rather happy for her for. Out of all three of her comrades, she was definitely the least amoral or insane.)

I did a lot of things in that week. I met up with Hanatarou again and made sure he was doing alright; he smiled at me in a tired and sheepish but genuine sort of way, as all of his comrades gaped fearfully and incredulously at me talking to him from behind him. It was amusing, and also kind of surreal. I was glad I could do that for him, in a strange sort of way. I connected with my zanpakutoh some, now back in his shikai form, just tried to get a feel for how things were when we weren't about to die. (I hoped optimistically the whole "about to die" state would not exactly become a regular thing.)

And I met back up with Rukia. Her brother was still healing, but she was now living back in her own home, the Kuchiki House, which was fucking huge. (Seriously - whoa. She and Byakuya_ lived _in that?) We were weirdly shy and smiley around each other for a couple of minutes, and then I asked her staringly why she was wearing a kimono, she kicked me in the shins and said defensively that that's normal around here, and things were basically back to normal. So that was nice. Sort of.

She seemed happier - happier perhaps, even, more tentatively content, than she'd been when she first met me. She said she'd been welcomed back into her clan and the Thirteenth Division, all charges off, and her Captain was happy to have her back. Her Shinigami powers should slowly reappear over the next month, zanpakutoh and all. There was something fundamentally contenting about that idea: that we'd saved each other, I'd repaid my debt, and we were both still here. Renji had even dared to stop by her house once, she said - which, good for him. It seemed to surprise and bemuse her, but not in the bad sense. I tried to get a sense of how she felt about him now, but it's always hard to tell with Rukia and it's kind of weird to just ask someone that directly anyway.

Speaking of Renji, no one in the Eleventh Division or formerly Eleventh Division - not even a Vice Captain named Iba with a beard and dark shaded glasses who I'd never met before in my life - shared most people's qualms about interacting with me. They challenged me to fights, slapped me on the back, treated me like an old buddy, invited me over to their training grounds during the day, tried to beat the shit out of me, and generally treated me like one of their own. Basically, now that we'd nearly killed each other, we were all best friends. It was kind of funny. The Eleventh was a hard one. They were... quite a division. They were also all good fighters - Renji, Madarame, and his partner Yumichiki who was blatantly gay and smilingly called me ugly, also strangely treated me with especial friendliness - so I just sort of learned to accept. They were curious about my friends, too. Ishida and them kind of pissed each other off and Inoue's boobs were too big and she too cheerful and happy-go-lucky for them to really act like themselves around her - assholes - but they seemed to like Chad. Chad thought they were interesting. He told me that quietly once, his face thoughtful, and then that's all I ever got out of him. I got to see his giant red and black arm at work, punching holes in shit with gigantic explosions and sending people flying, so at least there was that.

I continued to refuse fights with the eager and razor-sharp, furious Zaraki Kenpachi, however. He challenged me a lot, but I always managed to make a dry, uneasy comment, refuse shruggingly, or laugh uneasily and somehow manage to get out of it. I could tell it confused the hell out of a lot of people, but I pretended not to notice the stares in that way I think only I can do, and I kept the reason why to myself. Secretly, I knew Kenpachi would just naturally take the fight too far - I knew it from the expression on his face, my memories of fighting him, and the strangely cheerful bloodthirsty cheers of his hyperactive little pink-haired VP Yachiru (who he apparently raised). Sometimes I caught Zaraki watching me intently, as I fought with others of his Division and held back, carefully controlled and smooth, sharp. He still seemed worried. He seemed almost like he was still trying to confront me, sometimes, push me to just let go and enjoy fighting, the way I used to. I knew I couldn't do that, couldn't trust myself that much, so we did these weird dances of avoidance. It was somewhat offputting, especially with the Eleventh Captain's natural intensity, and I wasn't always sure what to think of it.

But when I wasn't in the Fourth barracks, with my friends, or fighting with the Eleventh, Rukia curiously offered to show me around her home like I'd shown her around mine. Smiling slightly, half a smirk, at the thought, I'd accepted.

The Seireitei was interesting. Full of huge, magnificent buildings, quiet little paved white roadways and hanging charms, high walls, wide spaces of grass and trees, and smoothly moving robed forms with dignified faces. I got the impression of a suddenly humbled and shaken undertone, though. During that week of recovery, everything was rather quiet: almost second guessing and thoughtful. It was hard to describe, even to myself, or really get my hands around.

Rukia introduced me to all the main Captains and Vice Captains, and she and my friends filled me in on what they knew or had learned was happening in other parts of the Seireitei during the insurrection. I filled in a lot of blanks.

The First Division Captain was the Captain Commander Yamamoto, because the First was the commanding division. He was... uncomfortable to talk to. Both he and his Vice Captain Sasakibe had a sort of native dignity and suspicion about them, elderly and silver bearded and stiff. They'd been doing this for hundreds of years, seemed like sticklers for tradition, and wanted to uphold the way things were - it practically rolled off of them in waves, along with power. Because, you know, hello, they were still alive.

They were the only ones I had to kneel for, and the conversation was brief and clipped, the two groups eyeing each other somewhat resentfully. I had invaded them, no matter what the reason. They upheld a society I didn't necessarily often like, and I had issues with authority figures. They felt like the _ultimate _authority figures. I was restless and jumpy leaving, Rukia rather quiet and cowed, as if she wasn't sure that had been such a great idea.

She'd seemed surprised when I'd shown I could (reluctantly) do super-polite, though. That expression had been kind of funny.

The Second Division Captain was the small, fit woman with the short black hair, narrow eyes, and cold hard voice. She was Yoruichi's successor, sure enough - the Captain of the Second Division special ops and black ops core. The ninja, the ones with ultimate stealth and speed. Her name was Soi Fong, and she came from this huge clan that had supposedly been strictly dedicated to the Seireitei since before forever, which was why her name was different - according to Rukia anyway. She also said Soi Fong was Yoruichi's Vice Captain before Yoruichi's betrayal. It was hard to tell. Unlike Yoruichi, Soi Fong seemed to be in a perpetual state of never relaxing or smiling at all. They were like day and night. On the other hand, she didn't want to talk for long. She said hello to me brusquely, and then snapped at me to get out of her way. Her Vice Captain, Oomaeda, a huge overweight man with a stupid-looking smirk who didn't _look _like he belonged in the Second at all, smirked at me as they passed in a "for once it isn't me" sort of way.

Aaand that was my introduction to the Second.

I was fairly sure I preferred Yoruichi, in spite of her loyalty to Urahara, who I had realized I would probably never be able to figure out completely.

The Third Division Captain had been Ichimaru Gin. His Vice Captain Kira, who was supposedly a nervous and melancholy sort, had gone into seclusion in shame after he'd tried to help his Captain during the insurrection, mistakenly thinking Ichimaru had been supporting the Seireitei through much of it. People seemed kind of worried about him, but no one seemed to be doing anything, which I didn't understand at all. Was it one of those stupid "socially acceptable" things? Anyway, he wasn't around for me to meet.

The Fourth Division Captain I actually met during my time in healing. Her name was Unohana, and I decided thoughtfully that I liked her. She was a peaceful, motherly sort with braided black hair done up at the back of her head, lines around her eyes, and a striking sort of prettiness, but there was an earthy reserve to her and she seemed to intimidate even members of the Eleventh Division, who usually had nothing but contempt for the Fourth. She watched me sideways a lot, but she was one of the only people who didn't seem challenging or intimidating toward me. I once told her out of the blue that her bedside manner reminded me of my Dad's, and she stared at me in surprise. Then, almost reluctantly, she smiled and said she chose to take that as a compliment. She was one of those strange people who made me blurt out things I hadn't intended to say just because I was thinking them, though, so I tried not to spend too much time around her. Her Vice Captain Isane, the one who had sent the message, obviously had a lot of determination but she reminded me more of a teenage girl than a warrior. She had this bobbed silver hair with red highlights, and I walked in and saw her and Inoue chatting about hairstyles once. Then she saw me, blushed, looked down, nodded quickly, and hurried from the room.

I stood there, staring after her in bemusement. Was it just me that these people didn't like? Was it my demeanor? Inoue looked amused and uncertain.

The Fifth Captain had been Aizen himself. His Vice Captain, he had actually tried to murder just before leaving. Her name was Hinamori Momo, and the most she was to me was a tiny porcelain doll figure with wavy brown hair lying unconscious in a bed, on life support. Rukia had commented to me sadly that she and Aizen had been very close - well, she and the good, even tempered, smiling Captain that Aizen had pretended to be to most people.

I learned about Aizen himself as well. Aizen Sousuke had been an orphan from a minor noble family, his family dead at a young age. He seemed, on paper, completely unremarkable, which was eerie. He did his full six years at the Academy, never graduating early as many talented ones did, and he had a respectable history leading up to Captain of the Fifth. He had "showed people" a water based zanpakutoh many times, meanwhile putting them all underneath the spell of his illusion based zanpakutoh (the real one) Kyouka Suigetsu. People around here had taken to gossiping in private, speculating how long Aizen had been "plotting this." Even I heard the whispers. I never had the heart to tell anyone he'd left because he felt like it. Rukia and I did not speak about what we'd heard from Aizen, sharing a mutual unspoken solemnity over it.

The Sixth Division people were Renji and Byakuya, and the Seventh Division Captain was the fox guy, the huge Komamura. His Vice Captain was Iba, the fighter with the shades. Normally, Komamura wore a golden helmet to hide his head. I didn't suppose I could blame him. He'd been super serious, and I'd been really awkward because should I say anything about... you know... the fact that I'd seen his face when apparently he didn't want people to? Or about his upset over the betrayal of Tousen? I just wasn't good with ignoring big elephants. He had apologized for the trouble their society had caused us, which was nice. I had said hurriedly that it was fine... and then when I'd gotten outside with Rukia, I said awkwardly, "Umm..."

I actually blushed, and she gave me a weird look. I had realized with Jidanbou that a lot of things were possible in the Soul Society, but I had to ask... "How is that... what his head looks like..." Rukia's eyes went wide with alarm and she hurriedly motioned for me to speak even quieter, so I did. "Right, that. How is that... biologically... possible?" She gaped at me. "I mean, obviously it's not self-inflicted, because he wears his helmet most of the time! So doesn't that mean it has to be... natural?" I finished awkwardly. I already regretted saying anything.

Rukia stared at me for a moment. Then she turned dark red, too. "Idiot!" She kicked at me, and I had to duck, snorting in spite of myself. "_That's _the first thing that comes to your mind?!"

"It's _not _the first thing that comes to yours?! I mean, fuck, I don't care if he looks like a fox; whatever, man! But you've got to wonder how -" I defended myself before my mind could catch up with my mouth.

"Shut up! Just shut up! No more questions!" she despaired, her lips twitching, and she pulled me farther down the walkway.

The Eighth Division Captain was Rukia's Captain's friend, Kyouraku Shunsui, and his Vice Captain's name was Ise Nanao. And that did not do justice to the absolute barrel roll of chaos that was both their interaction and their office. Not physically - physically it was weirdly perfect. But Kyouraku wore flowery pink and somehow managed to not look feminine, he was never shaved, he drank a lot, and he was always flirting with his Vice Captain. Who was such a stickler for neatness and rules, bespectacled with her hair up in a tight bun, that she spent most of the meeting greeting me formally and then looking like she wanted to strangle someone when he grinned and blurted out something embarrassing from behind her, his eyes almost purposefully mischievous. Kyouraku didn't honestly interact with me that much, just sat back and watched. He seemed like he took life easy. He was one of the only people I'd met yet who didn't seem at all bothered by what had happened and looked entirely content by his "rebellious by convenience" part in it. I liked him, but I also wasn't sure what to do with him, because his energy was almost the polar opposite of my own.

The Ninth Division Captain had been Tousen, a blind man who had learned how to fight via reiatsu sensing. His betrayal seems to have surprised people because he was an ideologue. That didn't surprise me - ideologues were easy to manipulate with their own ideals, and Aizen had been a good speaker, but it was probably easier to say that when you hadn't actually known the person in question. His Vice Captain, Shuuhei Hisagi, was a tall, young man with messy dark hair, tattoos, and dark, serious, almost sad eyes. He, too, bowed and apologized tightly and formally for his Captain's actions. Almost uncomfortable, I ran a hand nervously through my hair and reassured him awkwardly that it was fine; he hadn't known. He stood right back up and told me intently that he should have, and I shrugged him off. I had learned over my life that it was useless to say things like that; but he didn't seem like someone who had gotten that yet.

I looked away carefully.

By the time we got to the last three divisions - I was already _extremely _well acquainted with the Eleventh - I was just exhausted and slightly irritable from meeting all these new people. Dealing with too many at once always made me uncomfortable, and I didn't precisely like it, but damned if I was showing that. Luckily, the last three divisions were interesting enough that I couldn't mind too much.

The Tenth Division Captain and Vice Captain were - it's hard to explain your first impression of what it's like seeing them stand next to each other with the quite serious expressions that mean, _Yes, we do work together on a daily basis. _Like Kyouraku and Ise, but at the same time completely different.

Well, first there was the Vice Captain, a woman named Matsumoto Rangiku. She was very western-looking, like her Captain, though it may be the only physical thing the two had in common. She was tall and glamorous and curvaceous with thick, strawberry blonde waves. I pictured America. Maybe Hollywood.

Also, the woman had the biggest boobs I had ever seen in my life and I wasn't sure how she stayed so thin or stood upright, but my God she managed it.

Seriously, my first thought was, _Whoa. I didn't even know they came in that size. _I'm not even usually like that, and I grew up with Inoue.

After that, though, she actually turned out to be really nice, in a very bubbly, extraverted sort of way. She seemed sort of tired when she was sitting at her desk as we walked into the office, but she stood up really quickly and greeted us with a smile and all that. Asked Rukia how she was, talked about what had happened for a few minutes, decided I seemed pretty friendly when I smiled and nodded with a polite sort of strained tiredness and tried my hardest to keep up - and she actually came off as pretty smart, too, in an "I change the subject every two minutes" sort of way. The whole twenty yards. No formality, which I appreciated. I dared to wonder for about half a second about her high rank, but then a bug crawled onto her desk and she slammed it so hard and fast I saw the wood bend, cleaned off her hand, and kept right on talking, without looking and while still smiling and chatting cheerfully. And I thought, _... Yup. Vice Captain. _And that was that. (I thought I saw her Captain roll his eyes slightly from off to the side.)

Which brought me to her Captain, Hitsugaya Toushirou, the person who had originally found out about Aizen's betrayal and was nearly killed for it. He was, apparently, a preternaturally fast healer, because he seemed fine sitting in his office now, if snappish. But according to Rukia, who actually warned me about it in an undertone before I walked in, yes that was his natural state. He was... hard to get close to. Reserved. Kind of irritable. I wasn't all that intimidated, but I was kind of curious.

Even more so when I found out he'd achieved Bankai when physically he was only about their version of twelve. Came from the Rukongai alone one day and graduated from the Academy in under a year. They called him "tensai" in hushed tones: prodigy.

So, yeah, knew all the rumors. But mostly, to me he just came off as stubborn and uninterested in socializing. I was fully ready to experience a kid who kind of freaked me out, but he seemed like a sharper and infinitely smarter version of Mizuiro. There was something about him that made me feel like I wasn't seeing much of him, that was all. He sat up purposefully straight, eyed us sharply sideways, greeted me with a nod, and went back to whatever he was working on at his desk unreadably, watching us out of the corner of his eye for most of the time. He watched, but he didn't interact. It was... different. I couldn't exactly tell what he thought of anything.

Physically, though, he definitely looked about twelve. A kid who had _just _hit preteen. So seeing a kid working at a huge desk, right next to a tall lady working at a desk that was just that little bit too small for her, was just physically something I'd only expected to see in surrealist art.

Otherwise, he looked a bit Irish, small and slim, muscled like a dancer, with daiquiri ice green eyes, a light dusting of freckles over the bridge of his nose, pale skin, and unusual platinum silvery-white hair. "Unusual" in the sense that it was naturally messy like mine, but mine just looked like a mess and his looked like an abstract art piece crafted out of one of those sugar shooters for cooking that you only see on TV. It was almost unfair realizing you were seeing someone who biologically had been gifted in pretty much every possible way.

Outside the office, I mentioned uncertainly (and awkwardly, _again_) to Rukia, "He's very..."

"... Pretty?" Rukia finished, smirking in wry humor. "I know. Ever year around his birthday, card stores make a fortune from looking adolescents."

I mentally translated _looking adolescents _into _squeeing preteen crushes _and figured I was probably right.

(It turned out I wasn't. I wouldn't learn until a long while later the little fact that sexuality was seen differently in Soul Society, including in the way that there was no differentiation made between the different phases of adolescence. So older people hitting on him was actually considered perfectly acceptable. And that just made it weird.)

"So together, the two of them are basically...?" I realized.

"Yumichika hates their Division out of envy," Rukia deadpanned. "They're too beautiful for him."

I snorted. "Yeah," I said. "That's... kind of what I meant."

The Twelfth Division was basically the polar opposite of the Tenth. Rukia insisted we meet the Captain and Vice Captain while they were out walking the next morning, because, "No way in hell are we getting within twenty feet of Urahara's successor's laboratory or his punishment facilities." In the end, I didn't actually meet them, just saw them on the walkway from a distance, because I took one look at the Captain and stopped and swore out loud _really_ loudly. They looked over at us, eyes flashing, and Rukia pulled me awayincredibly fast. "I didn't even know she could move that fast" fast.

"_Holy fucking shit...!"_

"_You are a jackass moronic dickhead! That man is unstable on a good day! Why would you _**_do that_**_?!"_

_"What the hell is wrong with his face?!"_

_"It's a mask, dumbass, and he uses it to psychologically terrify his opponents!"_

_"Well, it _**_fucking works_**_!"_

I learned that day that Rukia learned a lot of swear words from me.

We stood there, panting in subsiding fear, in the training area for a few minutes... Before we looked up at each other and burst into kind-of-dumb sort of snickers that neither of us would ever admit to later.

In the end, I guess it turned out okay.

Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri's mask - which totally wasn't just for terrifying the enemy, because he wore it everywhere, didn't he? - had been an eerie black painted on white, filled with nuts and bolts, and a golden head dress, and it just sounded stupid when you tried to describe it. A lot of things about Seireitei's higher-ups defied description. I was starting to realize that. But it was one of those things that was subtly crafted in exactly the right way to go on a person's face and then freak the living hell out of people.

His Vice Captain, his adult daughter Nemu behind him, had seemed from a distance paradoxically meek and normal looking, a pretty face with dark hair gazing downward. Rukia told me seriously that Mayuri wasn't old enough yet to have a child that old, and Nemu had been synthetically created to be a normal adult of one age on the outside. On the inside, like Urahara's "children", she had all sorts of abilities.

I felt bad for her too. Apparently Mayuri was once Urahara's highest learning subordinate, and that didn't surprise me at all. It was a rather abrupt reminder from the idyll of the week of exactly who these controversial people were, and how in a lot of ways I still didn't agree with them.

Still, even I could admit, I liked Rukia's Captain of the last Division, the Thirteenth. He had a fair, calm sort of presence about him. His name was Ukitake Jyuushirou, and he had been the man with the long white hair and the preternaturally thin, lined, worried face on the bridge. It made sense that he had stopped Byakuya attacking me, if I reminded him of a man he had once worked with. Rukia said admiringly - so he couldn't have wanted that attack to happen - that Ukitake had been a high ranking member of Soul Society for a very long time, and could fight very often even despite his slow, debilitating illness. He smiled at me almost assessingly, in a completely open way, and invited me to tea. His two highest-ranking officers were spazzy teenagers, he had one of those innocuous little candy dishes off to the side, and they all treated a strangely shy Rukia just like one of their own. We sat beside an open rice paper screen at a low sitting table in our robes and had lunch beside a porch that led out to a quiet lake with trees in it. I felt like I'd stepped into a period novel. It also felt bizarrely like I was home.

I wasn't sure what to think of that one. But I decided I liked this division. It was warm. If I'd become a Shinigami here, it was the one I'd have wanted to end up in.

But after that, I couldn't stop thinking about the mystery of Shiba Kaien.

I couldn't ask Rukia about it. I looked over sideways at her occasionally, and she would glance over at me, but in the end we would always end up looking away from each other. I just... wasn't sure how to broach the subject. How did you ask someone about something like that?

I could hardly ask the Shiba either. Ganjyuu would blow up at me. Kuukaku would probably kick me through a wall.

In the end, I mingled or lingered in public bars and other Seireitei meeting places one late evening just long enough to ask around and figure it out, listening and leaning back quietly in the shadows, thoughtful and ponderous. I wasn't like Rukia. I couldn't just sit there and not know and accept. I had to know about this man who supposedly reminded everyone of me. (Because I was the one who was here, damnit.)

I learned that Shiba Kaien had been the former Vice Captain of the Thirteenth Division. That was why they only had a Captain and seated officers right now; Ukitake still hadn't had the heart to replace him. He had entered the Academy prestigiously, as the Shiba had said, and graduated early to become a talented member of the Thirteenth - eventually the Vice Captain. Everyone liked Kaien: blunt, friendly, tough, and poetic, he had an openness and peacefulness about him, and a talent for bringing people together. He believed in the goodness in people and the Shinigami, and he stuck very firmly to the noble principle of honor and turned a blind eye to the Seireitei's many faults. No one could have expected anything better, around here.

He and Rukia had been close, when she'd entered the Division as a new, uncertain learning noble. He trained with her and made sure she felt at home. "She called him Kaien-dono..." I heard someone mutter in remembrance, almost wistfully. "Worshipful... It was hard for anyone else to get close to that one, you know... But he did."

He looked just like me. Everyone said so. But for a few facial differences, the fact that I was thinner and paler, and the fact that his hair had been black, we could have been twins.

Kaien had a wife. She was in the Gotei 13, too. She died on a Hollow-hunting mission on the Rukongai outskirts, and Kaien went back out with Captain Ukitake and Kuchiki Rukia in tow to "avenge her honor" and kill the Hollow. It sounded like something out of a storybook, something out of sync with anything that had happened just a couple of decades ago - nothing, here. The Hollow defeated and possessed Kaien, and her Captain had a sudden attack from his disease in the subsequent battle. Rukia had to kill Kaien to save him.

I realized all at once that she still blamed herself, and that was why she had told his siblings she was his murderer. Like me with my mother, she thought she was.

Rukia was taken off of leave for emotional reasons afterward. When she came back, she was a bit harder, quieter, and more distant, never quite the same. Not with most people. Apparently, anyway.

I couldn't relate. She wasn't like that with me.

Maybe that was why the next day, I headed out to the Shibas' house on the edge of the Rukongai. They invited me in with grins and we had breakfast, and then I smiled tightly and looked up at them and said with a deep breath, "Please don't ask any questions. But you should talk to Rukia about what really happened to your brother."

There was a moment of stunned silence as they stared at me.

Then they really _did_ try to kick me through a wall, and I knew they were going to be okay.

But they must have trusted me. Later that afternoon, a strangely shy and hesitant but determined Rukia walked out in a flower printed kimono, simple and summer like, in the direction of the Shibas' house. Kuukaku had invited her, seemingly of her own accord. That woman was actually pretty damn understanding, in her own weird way.

Inoue and I had spent half the day looking for Rukia after we realized she was nowhere to be found in the Seireitei. It was actually quite the adventure. We were almost pulled in by a slightly drunk and partying Matsumoto and Kira, chased after by various members of the Eleventh Division, and startled the shit out of Renji and Byakuya when we burst inside looking for her in Byakuya's hospital room. (Byakuya's startled, gaping expression in particular was hilarious; I would have remember that for future reference.)

I had hoped I was right in my secret suspicion of where Rukia really was, in the back of my mind. Sure enough, we finally went looking for her outside of Rukongai's walls, and there she was, walking toward the Shiba house hesitantly, quiet.

I smiled after Rukia from a distance, because I knew she was going to be okay too, and we never ever talked about Shiba Kaien.

Because, hey. I could meet her halfway at least a little bit.

Inoue and I approached her after it seemed like they'd been talking outside lowly for a while. We were carefully blank faced. Inoue stayed back, unsure of what was going on. Not that I was all that sure of whether or not we should approach them outside their home late in the afternoon either. "... So that's where you were," I dared to say quietly aloud, and Rukia gasped and looked around quickly, her eyes wide. She looked like she had when she first met me, for a moment, at finding me here of all places.

I glanced away stoically, pretending not to notice. "It looks like you're finished here," I commented carefully, and I knew I'd been right when no one said anything in response. "So... come on. Let's just go back, okay? Tomorrow they'll open the door to the living world so we can all go back to Karakura." She looked away. "You should rest for the trip home tomorrow," I added, concerned.

I had assumed, unconsciously, that she was coming back with me, you see. The idea that Rukia wouldn't be stationed there, wouldn't be in my life anymore, had stupidly never even occurred to me. Especially not after all this.

So I felt strangely like I'd been hit in the stomach when she took a deep breath and looked up at me firmly. "About that," she admitted, the two of us watching each other sideways. "I have decided to stay... here."

She waited, almost hesitantly. "It is my home," she added uncertainly, frowning in something like worry.

And of course it was. Of course. I could understand that, after all the times in the past few weeks I'd thought I'd never even see my home again. This place may be strange, but it was Rukia's. (So why did the idea if her not going with me feel so... wrong?)

I forced myself to smile, strangely, my brow furrowed in something like pained bewilderment at my own internal reaction. "... Good," I admitted, and despite everything, I meant it. She stared at me in surprise. "Well, you decided on your own, didn't you? That's your decision to make." I shrugged. "Isn't the fact that you want to stay... kind of a good thing?" I pointed out in dry humor, genuinely nudging.

Rukia looked at me assessingly for a long moment - and then her eyes widened, she tilted her head, and she smiled, a small, genuine glow. For a moment, we were on the exact same page and we understood each other completely.

And that was what was important. That was enough.

And, of course, I heard the story of what had been happening during the rest of the insurrection. It was a very strange one, that came out in bits and pieces, and it took me a long time to really understand it all. But the basic gist of the story went like this.

My friends didn't have much to say about the people they fought. Just that mostly they were arrogant, stupid lower officers. The most interesting observation they had to make was that the lower you are on the totem pole, the more you worship powerful people, seemingly. And even that was kind of expected. Mostly they just took out a lot of people and smashed shit up, trying to distract things for me. Ishida and Chad seemingly did most of the fighting (and Ishida had even defended Inoue with his arrows aside from himself) though Inoue used her weaker attack a couple of times, and apparently had one amusing incident where she shielded some Shinigami right off the edge of a building and then got freaked out because she thought she'd killed him on accident. Ishida smirked like he was resisting the urge to laugh maniacally as he reminisced, and Inoue still seemed sheepish and sad. I kind of wished I'd been around to see that.

Chad, of course, fought Kyouraku Shunsui. That was the powerful figure I'd felt him around, the one who had nearly killed him and gotten him thrown in detention. Chad admitted that Kyouraku wasn't the worst Captain he could gave fought, by any means, though he did seem kind of quietly resentful that he'd been beaten so badly anyway. He said Kyouraku was surprisingly respectful and tried to get him to walk away, but he was extremely quick and deadly when Chad made it clear that wasn't happening. His VP stood there off to the side, deadpan and sarcastic. "She is odd," Chad said simply, his brow furrowing in bewilderment, and I knew she had to be, or else he wouldn't actually say it out loud. Huh.

Kind of funny that it was Ise Nanao he'd thought was odd.

Kyouraku actually left Chad alive and had him imprisoned, even though his Vice Captain seemed reluctant to do it. I'd have to thank him sometime for that. Even if he had probably done it because he wasn't sure he disagreed with the invaders' goals in the first place.

Ganjyuu followed Chad into prison later after the bridge incident, and Hanatarou got a light punishment from his Captain before being allowed to return back to former obscurity. Ganjyuu and Chad were kept in a private room under reiatsu restraint, because the Shinigami were as wary of them as they seemed to be of us in general.

Ishida and Inoue were still out in the Seireitei at that point, but they'd also realized they might be the only ones left besides me (and who knew where the hell I was, unfortunately). So they decided they'd be better off hiding by wearing Shinigami uniforms and trying to lay low for a while under a minor looking search squad. It had been Inoue's idea; Ishida said in something like disbelief that she'd even managed to knock out a couple of nearby Shinigami security guards with stealth and karate and then hide them in a broom cupboard somewhere after stealing their clothes. I smirked because, that was right, he hadn't known Tatsuki had trained Inoue in hand to hand, had he?

Ishida apparently took some convincing to wear a Shinigami uniform at all, stubborn and indignant at the prospect, but he sniffed that in the end he "had" to defend the uniformed Inoue from the weird guys who were flirting with her. So he just played along. Inoue smiled gently and shook her head from beside him, and Chad raised his eyebrows dryly.

Ishida pretended not to notice.

They had by then interrogated someone into telling them Rukia was at the Senzaikyuu, so they eventually snuck off together from their squad and started heading through Seireiei's streets to there. (They had quite the adventure, didn't they?) They were accosted by a drunk eleventh division member along the way, and then saved by some twelfth division members with no questions asked. Ishida was suspicious of this, having started to see the strong competitiveness that definitely existed between the squads. He just managed to pull Inoue out of the way before the bombs attached to the twelfth division members underneath their clothes went off.

They had been bait to try to kill the ryoka. Ishida said lowly and angrily that they'd looked betrayed as they'd died, but I wouldn't figure out why he cared until the end of this little tale.

He'd learned to hate the twelfth division captain who had done it, Kurotsuchi.

Kurotsuchi and his forcefully obedient, meek synthetic "daughter" Nemu had come out then. Kurotsuchi had been grinning, not at all repentant; Inoue had seemed more upset for them than him. Kurotsuchi started intimidating her with threats of becoming a lab rat under awful conditions as he laughed, saying they were the best conditions he'd ever offered a test subject. Inoue got even more upset - even in reminiscence she looked disgusted and uncertain - and meanwhile the Eleventh Division member looked confused as to why Kurotsuchi hadn't killed him yet, but not confused as to why Nemu stood off to the side, looking downward, and did nothing.

"Lovely people, these Shinigami," Ishida added darkly. I winced, because I could say absolutely nothing to that. It was true; it was terrible. Ishida was still much more open around us than he was around a single Shinigami.

Ishida intimidated the Eleventh Division guy into pulling Inoue away, because she was too loyal to go by herself. He realized that emotionally, she couldn't handle this; Inoue wasn't built that way, not as Rukia, or even Tatsuki, might have been. Then he fought Kurotsuchi himself. It was a harrowing fight in which Kurotsuchi abused his daughter and revealed that he was the one who had dissected the remains of Ishida's grandfather for research, seemingly just to piss him off. It sounded nauseating. All of my friends looked vaguely ill, in different ways, at the end of it. Ishida was growling in fury.

"I used the Final Quincy technique to wound he and his subordinate into at least retreat," he spat out. "It... it is a last ditch effort," and now his tone was quiet and he refused with his jaw clenched to look at any of us, "that briefly gives you and your bow enormous power. But afterward it renders you incapable of using Quincy powers anymore," he muttered suddenly and resentfully, looking away, and we all realized in the sudden heavy, mournful silence throughout the room that Ishida would never be a fighter again.

It hit me like a dead weight. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't even feel guilty; Ishida made his own choices and he'd hate me for it if I felt like it was my fault he'd attacked Kurotsuchi so furiously. He hadn't done that for _me_, not really. He'd done it for Inoue, his grandfather, Nemu, the dead rookies even. And that was all there was to it. That was what happened sometimes in battle.

But suddenly I had no idea how to express what that must have been like for him, knowing what he was about to do, with all of his Quincy pride. And I'd never been very good with emotional words anyway.

So I ended up bickering with Ishida to pull him back out of his stupor, and a few minutes later we were arguing again. The two of us had been walking together along a wall, discussing what had happened, and I walked ahead of him as I smirked backward to end the fight. And after a long, companionable silence together, Ishida finally said, "Kurosaki."

I looked back curiously.

He took a deep breath. "The only reason I agreed to stay here as their allies," he revealed, "is because of something Kurotsuchi Nemu did after her father retreated, wounded, from the battlefield. She came back and, without saying anything, she offered me emergency first aid to make sure I didn't die. Then she just... left. So, I figured... Perhaps, not all of them are terrible." The admittance was begrudging.

I smiled, tired. "That's what I'm starting to wonder, too," I admitted, and it surprised a vulnerable look out of him for a moment.

Finally, he continued the story. Ishida got away, wounded, before finally being taken down by Tousen Kaname, of all people. He was still acting in his role as loyal Captain, so he had no choice when he came across Ishida. He apologized for having to kill Ishida "in the name of peace," then knocked him out and put him in the medical detention center with Chad and Ganjyuu instead.

I snorted at this part. That was about what kind of man I'd guessed Tousen was.

During their time in the medical detention center, Chad, Ganjyuu, and Chad heard a strange rumor while listening in to the guards outside their doors. They heard that a Captain had been assassinated - Aizen, faking his death in a bloody, dramatic fashion because he was weird - and the ryoka were conveniently the prime suspects.

Meanwhile, the Eleventh Division member had actually managed to manhandle Inoue all the way back to his Division headquarters... Where she was held there in an almost friendly manner and everyone in the Eleventh Division already wanted updates on me and how I was holding up, just because we'd beaten each other up in a fight.

Again. Eleventh Division.

"It was so sweet!" Inoue told me cheerfully, beaming, and I laughed somewhat uncertainly along with her. I realized Inoue wasn't intimidated by anyone. _Everyone _was "sweet" until proven otherwise.

The Eleventh Division seemed excited because they could feel me getting stronger somewhere in the Seireitei. Everyone could, apparently; it was actually leaving most of the society in jitters, because thanks to Urahara's underground training chamber and my retreat, they could no longer tell where it was coming from. (_How fucking big was my reiatsu?_ It blocked off all sensing in my house, it attracted Hollows like honey, it had attracted every ghost in Karakura, it was so big my shikai refused to go back into asauchi, and apparently it just fell like a blanket over any spiritual city I happened to be in, rooting itself firmly in the soil. Seriously, what the hell?) Zaraki, the little girl who was always with him Kusajishi Yachiru, Madarame, and Yumichika decided to help Inoue out and let her lead them through the Seireitei to me in secret in Shinigami uniform, rebelling because fuck it. If I died, they couldn't fight me again, and this whole thing was stupid anyway.

Eleventh Division.

So they broke Ganjyuu, Ishida, and Chad out of prison with... a lot of force, Inoue said carefully. (I actually laughed as I imagined the Eleventh breaking open a prison.) Then they all went looking for me again together, as a big group. (Renji, of course, who broke out of normal medical bay separately, actually found me and managed to train with me. Go figure. The guy was a hell of a hunter after all.) They got lost a lot because Yachiru gave shitty directions, finally being found and stopped by Komamura, his friend Tousen, and their Vice Captains Hisagi and Iba.

That was one fight that had been happening the day of Rukia's execution accounted for.

Zaraki, Madarame, and Yumichika had stayed behind to fight, letting Yachiru go on with my friends. That made their loyalties clear. Zaraki actually tried to fight alone at first, but the two other men insisted on "sharing in the fun."

That was how my friends had found me fighting Byakuya and hidden nearby to wait for my victory. Yachiru hid with them for a while before going to find her Captain again later. She was apparently both stubborn and sneaky. According to my friends.

I could believe it.

The other parts I had to get from Rukia, because they pertained strictly to the Shinigami and the Soul Society itself. She, in turn, had gotten them from people she knew, because she had been imprisoned in isolation at the time. So what I got was actually a thirdhand account, at least. The very, very basics. (I got more than that, but Rukia and I sifted through it and agreed most of the extra sounded like bullshit. Not worth repeating.)

The zanpakutoh ban was released against the ryoka as the Shinigami started to get worried: higher ups could now release within Seireitei precincts when faced with an intruder, as mandated by the Captain Commander during a private meeting. Then Captain Aizen of the Fifth was found dead, apparently assassinated, the next morning. People whispered that it was the eerie and blankly smiling Ichimaru Gin, an insanely talented boy from the Rukongai bad districts who no one had ever been able to get close to or understand, and was apparently so calmly smiling it was easy to at first ignore his wanton, showy violence. It was rumored that the two had been seen (acting, by) having some sort of words or altercation after the meeting the previous day.

Upon seeing the scene of the murder, and seeing Ichimaru nearby, Aizen's upset and enraged Vice Captain Hinamori attacked Ichimaru without authorization. His Vice Captain Kira stopped the attack. The two started fighting, though it was clear that neither - friends since the Academy - necessarily wanted to. The fight was stopped by Captain Hitsugaya Toushiro, who had Matsumoto send them to the brig to cool down.

Hitsugaya was then seen openly threatening Ichimaru icily, in front of the other gathered, hesitant Shinigami, that if he'd actually had anything to do with Aizen's death, Hitsugaya would kill Ichimaru himself. Ichimaru just smiled blankly, as he always did.

I wondered if they, like me, felt at this point like it was all a particularly vicious, wearying game of Twister. In my most poetic form: Man, my coming had fucked everything up, hadn't it?

Later that evening, Hitsugaya and Matsumoto were investigating the last scene were Aizen was seen - in his office the night before, by Hinamori. Hitsugaya came upon a "last letter" that Aizen had written and left on his desk, addressing it to Hinamori and hinting that he had suspected his own coming "murder." Hitsugaya, who grew up in Rukongai in the same house as Hinamori and therefore had a personal connection to her, sent Matsumoto to her cell with the letter, thinking she should be the first to read it. This was done without authorization or his superiors' knowledge. (I took it that wasn't a good thing.)

But Aizen's letter told Hinamori that her adoptive "brother" Hitsugaya was the traitor who was after his life, because apparently I was right and Aizen Sousuke is a sadistic douche. Hinamori broke out of jail to go after her old friend and avenge her Captain. Meanwhile, Ichimaru broke Kira out of his jail cell and went out to go where he knew the inevitable meeting would be later, perhaps for his own reasons.

Hitsugaya and Matsumoto were called out of their office the next afternoon by their seventh seat, who brought the news that Abarai, Kira, and Hinamori had all broken out. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto went to the prison and talked with the guards, noticing that Hinamori's breaking out seemed particularly forceful and desperate. Hitsugaya, worried about this, sent Matsumoto back to the tenth division headquarters and went after everyone himself. He went after Kira first because Kira's breakout hadn't been forced and he guessed Kira would be with Ichimaru, which he thought was where Hinamori would go because he thought Hinamori was still after Ichimaru. Hitsugaya was, somewhat rashly, planning to fight Ichimaru before Hinamori could get to him. All this did was make sure everything quite nicely hit the fan when Hinamori found the three together and drew her sword on Hitsugaya, telling him in upset what she had read. Hitsugaya tried to backtrack speedily and convince her it had been a forgery, Hinamori tried to attack him anyway, and after some dodging he finally knocked her out. He and Ichimaru began fighting because Hitsugaya thought Ichimaru had orchestrated the whole thing, and Matsumoto sensed her Captain releasing his zanpakutoh, the legendary ice dragon Hyourinmaru, an image of one of the four celestial guardians who can control the weather - (Rukia seemed admiring) - and then she sensed Gin releasing Shinsou. Having the somewhat dubious honor of being one of the only people to be friends with Gin, Matsumoto hurried back and stopped the fight just by stepping in because neither one wanted to hurt her.

The fight ended with minimal injury, and both parties left rather begrudgingly because no evidence could be found. The next morning, they woke up to find Rukia's execution date had been moved up and Hinamori had broken out of their holding cell for her again. Hitsugaya remembered something, with the two events in tandem, something she had mentioned before she was knocked out that she said Aizen had put in his letter. Something about the Soukyoku execution piece's power being released when it was about to kill someone, and someone wanting to use that for their own ends. Aizen was supposedly "investigating it at the time of his murder."

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya guessed that the Central 46 council was being manipulated by someone else into executing Kuchiki Rukia and headed over to their main building, currently in session during a time of emergency and accessible to almost no one.

So now I had pretty much everyone accounted for: Hanatarou had found Renji and his fallen subordinates after his fight with Byakuya and tried to heal them, my friends had found me, Zaraki and his subordinates were fighting some others, Ukitake and Kyouraku had gotten together and were planning a rebellion to save Rukia on their own just because they thought her execution was wrong, and Hitsugaya and Matsumoto were about to be embroiled in the main escape with Aizen and Ichimaru from the main Central 46 council building.

No one was sure what had happened after that, and apparently the people who did know weren't talking. All anyone knew was, Matsumoto had ended up fighting Kira outside the council building, each one trying to stall the other, and Hitsugaya and Hinamori had both found the massacred council before being slaughtered and left for dead at Aizen's hands within it. Unohana had figured out what was going on and came upon them then, but she thought healing everyone and getting the message out of what little Aizen had told her was more important, so she let Aizen and Ichimaru go to the Soukyoku Hill. Meanwhile, Tousen suddenly disappeared from his own fight, sensed out and found Renji and Rukia running away together, caught them, and brought them to the Soukyoku Hill with the other two traitors.

And I knew everything from there.

It sounded like hell. I couldn't blame people for being upset, even if I still wasn't entirely sure how I felt about most of them.

"And there's something else..." Rukia added hesitantly at the end, unsure. I gazed up at her in surprise. "Before my execution... I was being led out to the Soukyoku Hill that morning... and Captain Ichimaru came to visit me before going off to meet Aizen at the Central 46 chambers. He did it in a very cruel way, by offering me a chance to live and then snatching it away from me again, always with that blank smile like a snake... But he made me want to live again. I had accepted my fate - and he took that away from me. Did Aizen tell him to do that, do you think?" She looked thoughtful and heavy, puzzled, quiet. I was surprised at the admittance, in spite of how close we had become.

I thought over Ichimaru's strange hesitancy to injure me during our own fight. The way he had seemed distracted, the way he had merely pushed me away. The way his presence at Hitsugaya and Hinamori's fight seems to have distracted them from possibly hurting each other. The way he didn't actually hurt a single person as he left.

And I wondered...

"What is it?" Rukia asked quickly, intent.

"Oh, nothing," I muttered, shaking my head and looking away stoically, in spite of her frustration.

Nah. Couldn't be.

* * *

In a way, the world around me reflected my own sense of being thrown off balance, of having to consider a lot of things about... everything. There was a sudden loss of surety to the Shinigami about how their world was supposed to work, in the aftermath. The way they treated me was almost... humbled.

They had morale issues. They had been _wrong_. Wrong about something. A systems communication failure. Too many unspoken assumptions.

It couldn't be an easy pill to swallow, for them.

It also wasn't as satisfying to me as I'd thought it would be.

There was an indecisiveness in their future. But I could also see a growing sense, among them, that from his place in the world of Hollows with the Hougyoku... Aizen would probably be back. War would come. And when it did, changes would have to be made and they would have to come forward to meet it. Until then, I watched them go about their ordinary, everyday lives, the rigors of people walking around the Seirieitei, meeting up with each other, doing office paperwork and being sent out on missions... I watched them try to pull themselves back up quietly.

It's hard not to change your perspective on someone, after something like that.

There was one thing I thought of totally unrelated to Shinigami, whilst looking back over the insanity of the past several days. There was one thing I did, secretly, just me, just by myself. I snuck into their private records room one early morning, on a personal mission. It was not a particularly important room, just something I'd found that was full if public records of who was sent where in the Rukongai upon appearing in the Soul Society for the first time...

I searched though lots of file folders, chock full of boring bureaucratic files that were connected to the sensors temporarily stationed in one of those in-between pockets of the universe. And I kept searching, because what I wanted to find was important to me.

I found out where Enzeru had been sent.

I knew the Shinigami still didn't trust me quite enough to just let me out into the Rukongai to look around and do whatever. I wasn't sure I had that much time left anyway. They had already picked out a day for me at the end of the week to leave back to my own world and be gone - now. (Some things hadn't changed that much.) And I could have snuck out anyway and trusted my stealth abilities, but it would have ruined some carefully built trust and with my huge reiatsu signature, I kind of sucked at reiatsu stealth now anyway. But I had to know what had happened to her.

So I found her file and where she had been sent, painstakingly, looking for the exact place and time of disappearance, her name and exact description. I finally found her.

She was safe.

The Eastern Twelfth District of Rukongai. That was where she was. I stared at it for a while, trying hard to memorize it in my head, to make it stick. She had even been in a group with plenty of adults, families, and children in it. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Bittersweetly, I realized that it was probably the first break of good luck she'd ever had besides meeting me. I smiled slightly at that thought, and sent her a silent _thank you._ Just thinking of her. I realized that, a few months ago, I would never have been superstitious or honor-driven enough to think that could matter.

Strangely, though? I couldn't say I minded the change.

* * *

And then the morning of our departure came.

We cleared out of the room at the Fourth Division impressively quickly, considering Inoue insisted on fiddling with clothes for fifteen minutes, Ishida rushed around so tensely making sure we'd remembered everything that he looked like he was about to have a coronary, and Chad got ready so slowly he looked like a windup toy. "Let's go!" I called out, leaning against the doorframe, gazing upward and sighing. I had all I needed - my zanpakutoh, my Shinigami uniform, and Mom's lucky charm from Dad in one of my sleeve pockets.

"Don't be impatient, Kurosaki," Ishida dismissed, which he had some nerve telling me.

I gazed at him indignantly. "You guys are taking forever!"

"You didn't even brush your teeth this morning!"

I turned red and scowled as Chad started chuckling. "Shut up!"

Secretly, though, we were all pretty relieved to know we were heading back home. It didn't take us very long to reach the preassigned meeting place, Yoruichi in tow. (She was quiet and serious once more, back in her cat form. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe after all this time, she just liked it.)

We were meeting to leave on the edge of the Seireitei, near the great wall, a huge archway with reiatsu shimmering invisibly in it that was similar to the one Urahara had. Maybe he'd made them all.

It wouldn't surprise the hell out of me at this point, but then not much would.

The remaining Captains and Vice Captains were already assembled there to see us off. All of them, in a formal line - that surprised me. Rukia was there, too, still in one of those ordinary flower-print kimono it was kind of strange to see her in.

We all walked up slowly toward them, and the huge gate behind them, which seemed larger and gave off a faint ripple of actual power. My friends stared more than I did. Maybe my sense of what was intimidating in levels of power had changed just a little bit.

Ukitake stepped up in his white Captain's cloak, clearing his throat, and from his matter of fact impression I suddenly got the strange sensation he was representing his people to us. "This is the _official_ dimension gate. We've installed a spiritron converter especially for you three," he nodded to my healed friends behind me, back in their ordinary clothes, who were technically still in their physical bodies.

Then he stepped forward and raised his eyebrows, opening his mouth slowly. "Uh... Ichigo-kun?"

I gazed over at him in surprise. "... Ukitake-san?" I finally responded quizzically, with something that was only vaguely like sarcasm, when I realized I wasn't missing something here. I didn't think I was. What more interaction could they expect us to have with each other after this, if they had decided to leave me alone?

But then he held something out to me. "Take this," he said quietly, expression serious. I took it, and frowned down at it thoughtfully.

"What is it?" I asked. At Ukitake's expression, Rukia quickly drew my friends off to the side behind me to say goodbye to them.

It was a keychain of sorts. At the end of the small chain, instead of a key, was a small badge, worn and ancient looking. It was white; on its front in black was the face of a skull and crossbones symbol. White and black, like the Shinigami. I could feel strange reiatsu moving around in it, calmly, faintly.

"That is a seal of approval for acting Shinigami." My head shot up so fast in disbelief, Ukitake's smile actually seemed to be despite himself. I saw a few members in the line shift slightly, anxiously, behind me.

They'd all been waiting for this, I realized. Without telling me anything beforehand. _Assholes. _But there was no bite to the thought anymore. Just some strange brand of uncertain, uncomfortable exasperation.

"The badge means we have recognized a warrior's existence as beneficial to the Soul Society," Ukitake explained evenly, without seeming high-handed, which was impressive. But I knew the score. I needed this. It probably had a tracking device in it, too, knowing them. While there wouldn't be any point in using this thing to hurt me instead of just doing that outright, that reiatsu had to be in there for_ something._ And besides: there was everything that had happened recently, between us even. Not to mentioned, they probably weren't entirely comfortable knowing they had a living Shinigami among their ranks, one not entirely connected to them. So, although the idea of this made me uncomfortable, as long as they just kept an eye on me and nothing else I couldn't find it within myself to be angry.

Besides - I was bizarrely honored, in the sense that they were telling me I was allowed to continue to be a Shinigami back home anyway. I could still leave my body, after all. I had Kon. So was this an unofficial "yeah, you can help out around your home, just don't make a big deal out of it" kind of deal?

But they surprised even me.

"Under the tradition of this badge, you will be affiliated with us, as a fighter against Hollows and only as a fighter against Hollows, for as long as you carry it. Our ally in Hollow hunting and Plus Soul spiritual matters, if you will. This is what is known as a substitute Shinigami. You would be assigned jurisdiction over Karakura-cho, protecting it." I stared down at the badge, a strange feeling within me. Well... damn. "Do... you agree?"

I looked up to find Urahara eyeing me carefully, and I could feel the other assembled Captains and Vice Captains doing so as well from behind him.

It took me a surprisingly short amount of time to realize my answer.

I would be a Shinigami in addition to my daily life and school life, the exact thing I'd had to be forced into becoming. An older self, I reflected in dry amusement, would probably be staring in indignant horror at what I was about to do. But... I _enjoyed_ being a Shinigami, on the most basic level of what one was, anyway. I liked the power and freedom it gave me, my new connection with Zangetsu, my soul world, my reiatsu. I liked the idea of fighting for my home back home. I wanted to be able to keep in contact with people back here, too. I wanted to remain in contact with Rukia, and even other people I'd met here: Madarame Ikkaku, or Renji. The Shibas. Even others I hadn't gotten to know well enough yet. It was a tentative, more personally based alliance, surely. But I wanted to make sure they were okay, if only from a distance, in whatever they were facing up against Aizen. Because no matter how I felt about them, they didn't deserve whatever the hell he had planned for them. No one did.

And there was less of a sense of paranoia there now that I felt I'd gotten to know them - with all their strengths and flaws.

"... Yeah," I said, lifting my chin slightly. "I do." I saw him smile slightly, somewhere between exasperated and relieved.

I turned from him to face my friends and Rukia, before the entire line of Shinigami. Clearly, this goodbye would not precisely be private. Yeah - definitely not a lot of trust there. Still, I looked at Rukia, who was standing there looking at me. And, because I didn't know how long of a goodbye this would be, I reached for something to say to her anyway. How did you end an adventure like what we had just had together? Especially if you were as bad with emotional, spur of the moment sorts of things as I was.

"See you, Rukia," I began, because that was easiest.

To my surprise, she smiled slightly, warmly. She understood. "See you," she returned, raising her eyebrows. My lips twitched despite myself. Then, spur of the moment, she added sincerely, her eyes big, "... Thank you, Ichigo."

I blinked, surprised. Because what the hell did I say to that, when I didn't feel like I'd done anything worth being thanked for? I searched for an appropriate reaction...

... Finally, I felt a surprising, faint stir from Zangetsu. And I realized something.

I could feel it intrinsically, as strong and clear as day. For the first time in a very long time... it was beautiful in my soul world today.

There it was. Faint sunshine. No rain, no sorrow and weight, no uncertainty or guilt, no powerlessness. Nothing. Not even any silver clouds. I thought back over everything, over my life and everything since the day the Shinigami had walked into it... since the day that_ Rukia _had walked into it. And I couldn't find a single thing to regret. Which was just so fucking_ impossible_, right? It should have left me scrambling! But... I _liked _this feeling. I was content. I didn't want to let it go. I was okay, and as I looked at the slight smile on her face, the strength and peace in her eyes, I knew that after all this, Rukia was strong enough to turn out okay, too. I had saved her, and she had saved me. Because it was true.

I _wanted_ to be what I'd become. Who I'd become. I was okay, even, with working (indirectly and distantly) under the Shinigami. Because they weren't - they weren't awful, really. They were extremely flawed in many ways as a group... But they could be good people, when they wanted to be. They just... made a lot of mistakes. But then, so had I.

Maybe that was a stupid way of looking at it. But I couldn't think of any other way I _could_ look at it and... remain useful?

And all of this. Really, all of it. It was basically Rukia's fault.

She had given me this... this peaceful feeling. This bizarrely enlightened feeling. No more rainfall behind my eyes. No more sadness - I had done what I had achieved. And I had reached _her._

So I smiled, a small, crooked, shadowed, but incredibly and utterly happy smile. And I said the only thing I could think of to say.

"Thank _you_," I told her simply. "You made the rain stop."

* * *

I had learned a lot from the Shinigami, more than I had ever expected to, and I had learned how to fight the right way, and for the right reasons - if somewhat inadvertently. Now, I mostly just wanted to do something better than I'd ever thought I'd really be able to do: I wanted to go home.

My friends and I walked through the barrier together.

* * *

We had to run through the back entrance, screaming our heads off as that stupid sludgy thing came after us, again. I thought the Shinigami were just being passive aggressively vindictive. Yoruichi shouted sternly from up ahead (of course) that you have to use this entrance unless you are a full Shinigami and are assigned an official "hell moth" to help you move things from place to place. (So that was what those black butterfly things were.)

I wasn't sure I believed Yoruichi's explanation, though. It sounded kind of like bull.

Shouting, we made it through to the other side, stepping right out onto... open air.

Aaand we screamed and started falling over Karakura. But luckily the Urahara Shouten was waiting in the air to catch us. By catching us in a blanket, wrapping us up, throwing us to each other so fast Ishida shrieked into my knee that he was about to throw up, and then tossing us facedown onto something Urahara had made that looked kind of like a giant, flying, reiatsu laden surfboard.

I had such caring friends.

I looked up, startled, when I heard Urahara's voice, steering from up ahead as Tessai, Jinta, and Ururu landed behind us. "Welcome back, everyone!" he sang smirkingly, waving his fan as eccentrically as usual.

I stared at his back, at him, looking just like normal. "Urahara-san..." I finally said, unsure how to feel.

He relaxed, almost sad, and was suddenly unreadable. He sighed, a world-weary sigh, and stopped the flying craft. "Kurosaki-san," he said. "Congratulations on your victory... You heard about me, didn't you?" His tone was unusually blunt, and bittersweet. He gazed out at the blue sky ahead of us in silence.

I looked at him sideways, assessing. "Yeah," I finally said thoughtfully, reserved. "I did."

And he did the most incredible thing. He took off his stupid little bucket hat, turned right around, and _bowed_ to me on his knees. "I am very sorry," he said, so lowly I wondered how often he'd ever said it. He stared down at his surfboard, face subtly interminably old and sad.

And I realized he wasn't acting this time, and because of that I couldn't be angry with him. Not really.

"Don't... don't do that," I finally sighed, looking away uncomfortably. "I never said I was pissed off or anything, did I?" My tone was almost challenging. I continued firmly to look away.

There was a moment of silence between everyone, even Yoruichi and the Urahara Shouten, as they gazed between us quietly.

By the way, I was really sick of people watching my private moments. That was one thing I would try very hard to put behind me, at the end of all this.

When Urahara continued to bow lowly in silence, staring down at the surfboard mindlessly, I tried to find something else to say. "Look, what you did to me is all you should be apologizing to me for, and as for that... What you did wasn't such a bad thing," I forced out. "_Okay_? You made sure all of us were strong enough that we could handle it. I get that. And..." _And you don't tell people about your ideas and it's probably intrinsically a part of you, so there's no use getting angry at you for that._ "So, we're grateful for your help." I chanced a glance back at my friends; they didn't disagree. They looked sad, solemn, only a little confused because I hadn't exactly told them the 'I'm part Hollow' part yet. I hadn't told anyone. Not even Yoruichi seemed to have known. Stupidly, I was trying to ignore it, and was scared of what they'd think. Story of my life. I huffed out a frustrated sigh and turned away again. "Don't be sorry," I ordered Urahara, despite all of this. "And don't..." I stared at his silent, bowed form. It was eerie. "Just don't be like that, okay?" I finally finished helplessly, vaguely disturbed. This was Urahara Sandal Hat, for crying out loud.

"Actually, hey, can I ask you one question?" I finally requested, thinking back over our time training together. "... You thought I'd refuse if I knew what the training was truly going to entail... didn't you?" I stared at him, almost glaring, daring him to admit he thought I'd abandon Rukia.

And, in typical Sandal Hat form, he looked up and beamed sarcastically, eyes empty once more. "... Yup!"

... I swore at him, realizing my teacher was still the most infuriating person alive. I punched him in the face, good and hard, and then told him to apologize to Rukia while he was at it.

Quietly, he actually agreed.

* * *

A short collection of moments. Some interrogation from my friends about my new substitute Shinigami "job", some promises to help me out with their own spiritual powers now if I needed it (they were rather eager there; I was both amused and touched), a snipped reminder from Ishida as he got off Urahara's flying device at his apartment that we were still technically enemies, a scowl and a shouted curse from me after him. Because, after all that? Screw him. Inoue smiling and waving after us, her eyes tired and gentle, as we got off at her place. Chad getting off at his place, nodding quietly up at me, his eyes deep. Me smiling slightly in thanks, because that was all that was needed, and nodding with tired gratefulness back. A snapped reminder from Jinta that Kon was still hiding up in my room, and by the way he'd been really annoying toward them "all summer." An addition from Urahara that they put Kon in my body and had me "come back home" before coming to meet me.

Goodie. I hoped my family hadn't noticed anything weird.

... Yeah, fat chance of that.

And then we touched down in front of my bedroom window, obviously invisible to the people outside and down below in the quiet suburban city streets. I could hear Yuzu singing herself inside the kitchen window. I looked around at Urahara. "See you," I said quietly, smiling slightly. "Thanks."

He nodded, and I nodded back. Then I climbed up onto my bedroom windowsill, and I watched him fly off back to his storefront.

All was normal once more over Karakura, minus one Shinigami and plus a new one in disguise.

I took a deep breath, gazing out over my sunny city, and let it out slowly. It felt familiar, in every conceivable way, and at the same time utterly new.

I was home.

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter's a bit different, so let me know what you think of it. I'm not sure if I'll continue the story from here. I will, at the very least, be taking a break. In case I decide not to write any more, it's been a great journey and even though it's not my most popular story, I must admit it's been my favorite.

Thanks for reading.


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